Penpals
by Smenzer
Summary: Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader start writing letters to each other, unaware of who the other really is.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Penpals

Author: Smenzer

Rating: PG

Pairing: None

Archive: Yes, please. Let me know if you take it, OK?

Teaser: Luke and Vader are penpals

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd and Fox.

Darth Vader strolled through the long halls of Executor on the way to his quarters. It was the end of another long, busy day aboard the Star Destroyer. His path took him past one of the crew's lunchrooms, an area of the ship he normally ignored. It was the supper hour and today the men inside were especially high spirited. Earlier today the ship had gone into combat against a group of Rebel scum and they had won, the Rebels being wiped out. Vader paused momentarily outside the doorway and peered in, standing back in the shadows where the men couldn't see him. Not that he was hiding. The Dark Lord had no reason to hide on his own ship. No, he wanted to observe them unnoticed so as to not disturb their victory celebration. He noted how they laughed and cheered, slapping each other lightly in a playful mood, talking to each other.

When was the last time he had talked to someone? Really talked? 

Continuing on towards his quarters, Vader thought the matter over. It was a thing he normally didn't think about at all, hadn't thought about since when? Perhaps all those long years ago before he had started his new life? Obviously seeing the comradeship in the lunchroom had left him unusually melancholy. Such minor annoyances shouldn't bother a Sith Lord, but what to do when they did? He certainly couldn't fraternize with the crew or even the command staff. And as for Palpatine, his Master just gave him orders and expected them to obey. He had thought all such feelings had been driven from him long ago and yet now he craved to have a conversation with someone.

But who?

Reaching his quarters, Vader went inside and secured the door. Perhaps if he drowned himself in work the weird feeling would pass and things would go back to the way they should be. But first he should make himself comfortable. He removed the heavy armor and hooked himself up to the exterior respirator he kept in his quarters. After he was as comfortable as to be expected with his numerous health problems, he turned to his computer. Flipping the machine on, he brought up some of the tedious paperwork that was required for him to read and sign. He normally found this part of his job extremely boring, as his temperament just wasn't suited for this type of office work, yet his job required it of him. But today, he just couldn't get past the second page.

Darn that feeling! What must he do to rid himself of it for once and all?

Perhaps his mail held something of interest that would take his mind off his current problem. Bringing up the other program onto his screen, Vader entered his password and found himself on the galaticweb. But to his disappointment, his mailbox held the usual boring announcements and inter-Empire memos. Then one of those annoying pop-ups jumped onto his screen from nowhere. They all advertised junk no one really wanted, hoping the ad would attract some sucker to spend his credits unwisely. He was about to close it when he noticed it was advertising a free site where one could find a penpal.

A penpal. Was it possible HE could find a penpal? 

Darth Vader allowed the thought to circulate around his mind for a moment. He was about to dismiss it as a foolish notion, for who in their right mind would be penpals with Darth Vader? Everyone in the galaxy was frightened of him and that's just how he liked it. If they were frightened, they respected him. No annoying salespeople knocked on his doors, foolish children didn't try to sell him cookies and religious ones didn't pester him about their groups. No, it was nice and quite and he had his time to himself, when he wasn't busy working, of course. 

Still, he didn't close the blinking ad. There it sat on his monitor claiming in bright cheerful letters that there was a penpal out there for everyone.

/But not for me."/

Still he didn't close the ad. 

/Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to try./ 

He just wouldn't use him real name. Most people on the galaticweb used nicknames they created for themselves anyway. Yes, that's what he would do. He would create some name and take it from there. He probably wouldn't even be interested in the person who replies anyway, that is, if anyone would reply. And if some tedious person started writing him, he just wouldn't reply. And that would be the end of that.

Darth Vader clicked the ad and went to the website. According to this, he could either create an ad of his own or he could reply to an already existing one. Skimming over the ads already there, he decided to create his own. But what should he write in the ad so to attract someone interesting? Most people seemed to put their hobbies and interests down. Vader rubbed his chin for a moment as he thought about it.

Podracer: high speed racing, fightercraft, fixing things, fencing… 

Well, it was obvious he couldn't mention the Force or being in command of the Executor. Nor could he say anything about his lightsaber; although mentioning fencing covered that in a way. Still, he didn't want to make it too obvious whom he really was. Deciding that was the best he could do for the moment, he added his email address and then posted the ad. 

 /There probably won't be any responses anyway./

Satisfied, Darth Vader signed off the galaticweb and started on his tedious paperwork.

Meanwhile across the galaxy, Luke Skywalker was also feeling lonely. Most of the Rebels were still feeling high about the destruction of the Death Star, but for some odd reason Luke's feeling of elation had passed rather quickly. Han Solo, whom he had grown close too in the last few weeks, was busy fixing the Falcon. Normally he would speak to Han but the Corellian was just too … sophisticated for him. Well, maybe that wasn't the right word to describe Han, but the smuggler was definitely ahead of him in many things. He would no doubt think he was silly and it was important to Luke that Han take him seriously. 

So, who did that leave? Leia? No, he couldn't talk to her. Although he had a slight crush on her, she was still a Princess and he just a farm boy. So what if he had gotten lucky and had blown up the Death Star? But then, maybe that was part of his problem. Everyone in the Alliance thought he was the big hero and they sort of worshipped him, but inside he didn't feel like a hero.

/Maybe anti-hero was the better word./

Feeling low, Luke retreated to his room on the Yavin base and turned on his private computer. Maybe a computer game would be a good distraction and would help him out of his funk. But after several minutes of playing Starfighter, he just couldn't get into it. Ships kept sneaking past him and blasting his shields. Before he knew what happened, his X-wing had been blown up and the game over message flashed on the screen. Logging onto the galaticweb with the intention of downloading a new, more interesting game; Luke found himself distracted by a pop-up. 

/A penpal? Maybe that's what I need! Someone I could talk to and still remain safely anomalous!/

Clicking the ad, Luke soon found himself at the penpal website. After reading the instructions, he decided it would be quicker and easier to just reply to an ad someone else had already created. There were numerous ads to choose from, but many he dismissed right away. A lot of the people were just too different and he had no common interest with them. That left a few ads and Luke wasn't too sure which one he should write to.

/Should I write to one? What would I say anyway?/

Thinking about it for a few moments, Luke decided to give it a try. It certainly couldn't hurt and maybe he could get a few feelings off his chest at the same time. It wasn't like he would have to use his real name. The people posting the ads certainly weren't. He was pretty sure it didn't break any Alliance laws. It certainly wasn't like he had any classified information anyway! Besides, maybe it would prove to be fun and educational. The other person could live anywhere in the whole galaxy, maybe on some exotic world that was totally different than the dry dustball he had grown up on. 

Luke studied the remaining ads and decided he'd try writing to the one called Podracer. He certainly had enjoyed racing his old speeder through Beggar's Canyon back home and he certainly enjoyed flying in his X-wing. Nor was he a total twerp when it came to fixing things, Force knew he had had enough practice on those evaporators to last an entire lifetime! He wasn't exactly sure what fencing was, but oh well. He was sure Podracer would be glad to explain it to him. So now all he had to do was write a letter.

But how much should he say about himself? Was it OK to mention the Alliance? Maybe not….

/This isn't as easy as I thought it'll be./

Dear Podracer,

I saw your ad at the website and thought I'd drop you a letter. I'm feeling a bit lonely at the moment and there really isn't anyone over here I can talk to about it. Well, maybe there's one guy but he's a lot older and more experienced than I am. I think we have a lot in common and that's why I'm writing to you. Back home I used to do some racing for fun in these twisting canyons. It was actually quite dangerous and if you didn't make the turns fast enough you'd end up bantha fodder all over the rocks, Luckily that never happened to me. Anyway, I guess it was my racing that got me into my current predicament. See, everyone thinks I'm a hero because I blew up this object with my fighter plane. At first I did feel like a hero. I guess I was caught up in the moment, if you know what I mean. But now I don't feel that way at all. I mean, there was lots of people on it and I guess I feel guilty for killing them. I never really killed anyone before. Well, maybe some rats back home, but people are a lot different than rats. I know they're supposed to be the 'enemy' but they were still people. A lot of them were probably just working there to support a family and I killed them. Do you have any advice?

Well, I really don't know what else to say at the moment. I'm not sure if you'll write back or not.

Hopefully your friend,

Farmboy

Luke reread his letter several times; unsure whether or not he should send it. Maybe he was just being childish about the whole thing. Shrugging his shoulders, Luke pressed the button to send the letter on its way. Hopefully he'd get a reply soon from Podracer, whoever he was. 

In fact, Luke decided he was feeling a bit better already. Shutting his computer down, he decided to go see if Han needed any help with the Falcon.


	2. Darth Vader

Wow! I can't believe I received so many reviews on this story! Thank you for all the great reviews! 

Chapter 2: Darth Vader

It was the next day aboard the Star Destroyer Executor and everyone aboard her was walking around on proverbial tiptoes. Word had spread quickly that Lord Vader for some unknown reason was in a fowl mood. Little things seem to set him off and everyone hoped he wouldn't visit their department that day. Little did they imagine that his disposition had nothing to do with how they performed their duties. In fact, their duties were the last thing on his mind. 

/When is this day going to end?/

Never had a day seemed so long to Darth Vader. He excelled at command and enjoyed supervising the men under him, but today it just annoyed him. He had to constantly fight the urge to go check his mail for a reply to the penpal ad he had posted last night. Upon waking in the morning, checking his mail had been the first thing on his mind. And that strange feeling, a mix of both excitement and dread, annoyed him. No matter what, he was determined to do his duty and push the ridiculous notion from his mind.

But it wasn't that easy.

/It's not important. I don't care if anyone replies or not. It's insane to expect a reply this early./

Darth Vader stood on the bridge, arms crossed over the blinking lights on his chest. He pretended to watch the viewscreen. The stars zipping past used to interest him, but even their beauty couldn't stop the war within his mind.

/But mail on the galaticweb travels at the speed of light. There could be a reply in the mailbox right now!/

It was becoming clear that he wouldn't be able to concentrate on his work until he checked the darn mail. Turning, he headed for the lift. "If anything arises, I will be in my quarters."

Anticipation bubbled up inside him, something he normally only felt these days when pursuing Rebels and the kill was closing in. It was the same thrill he used to feel when driving at reckless speeds in his younger days. 

/How can the possibility of a letter make me feel like this? It's ridiculous!/ 

After what seemed like forever, Lord Vader reached his quarters. Normally he would take advantage of the opportunity to rid himself of his body armor and mask, but checking his mail was all that mattered. Going to his computer, he turned it on. He tapped his fingers impatiently on the desk as he waited for the various systems to load so he could operate it. Finally it was ready and he called the appropriate program up. Within seconds he was on the galaticweb and into his mail program. Nervously he scrolled down the items in his mailbox, dismissing most of them as work-related. But an unfamiliar address caught his eye.

/Could it be?/

Without pause, he clicked it and it opened.

/YES! It's a letter! Someone sent me a letter!/

Eagerly he read the letter, quickly reaching the end. Then he read it again.

/What had Farmboy blown up?/

Surely it couldn't have been the Death Star? Some hotshot Rebel had blown it up not too long ago. The Force had been strong with him, which was unusual. Could this be the very same Rebel? But what were the odds of that? It was astronomical. 

/But the Force has a way of playing tricks on us, arranging unlikely things to happen. Was this such a trick?/

Vader pondered the question for several long minutes. Did it really matter if it was the Rebel? 

/Yes, it should./

Conversing with the enemy could be considered treason. 

/But only if someone finds out and who would dare read his mail? Besides, it could be anyone. The object could have been anything, a ship or space station./

Besides, this was interesting. It would be an enticing puzzle trying to discover who his mystery penpal was. But more importantly, he finally had someone to talk to. 

/At least this person is interesting, not dull talk about the weather. But what should I say in reply?/

The old saying that honesty is the best policy popped into his mind. He would just tell Farmboy the truth, marring certain details, of course. His fingers poised over the keyboard, he began to type.

Dear Farmboy,

Thank you for answering my penpal ad. I was very excited to receive your letter. It has been a long time since I conversed with anyone like this due to my job and I find myself eagerly awaiting your next letter.

I too have blown up objects with people on board. The first time I did this I was only nine-years-old. Does that surprise you? I found myself in the middle of a great space battle, laser blasts all around me. I ended the battle by blowing up the enemy's main ship. I found the whole thing quite exciting. It was just like playing a video game. I don't think at the time I realized the danger I was in. I never really did feel guilty about that. The enemy had been unjustly attacking an innocent planet, the most beautiful and amazing place I had ever seen. It may be hard to believe, but I was in love with the Queen of that planet. She had been the most beautiful creature I had ever seen and I had been willing to do anything for her.

One time I did feel guilty was … you must understand it's difficult for me to think about it. It happened so long ago, yet when I think of it the pain still feels fresh. My mother … had been kidnapped … and tortured … by these beasts. I had been away at school and arrived too late to save her. She died in my arms. Then the anger took me and I slaughtered them all. At the time I had thought they all deserved to die for what they had done, but later I felt guilty. Perhaps I shouldn't have killed the woman and children… but I did. I couldn't go back and change it. But then, I guess the children would have grown up to be just like the parents, attacking and killing more innocents for no real reason. As for the guilt I felt, I guess I never really had time to process it. Things were happening very quickly and I got called away. Perhaps if I'd had someone to talk about it to, someone I could trust…

Time will dim your guilty conscious, I'm sure. But war is war. People die in wars. If you wish to be an effective warrior, you must learn this. Either you kill them or they'll kill you. There's no middle ground. 

Might I ask what it was you blew up?

Your penpal,

Podracer

Darth Vader paused, unsure about sharing such private information with a total stranger. Could he trust this Farmboy? The last person he had trusted, well, it hadn't turned out very well. Would this penpal be any different? Or would he be another disappointment? 

And what if he really was a Rebel?

/Well, I'll find out soon, I guess. Either that or Farmboy won't reply. Either way, my identity is safe./

Vader pressed the button to send the letter on its way. Signing off the galaticweb, he shut off his computer and headed out of his quarters. Enough goofing off, he had duties to attend to.

To be continued…

Sorry this is short, but I'll have Luke's reply up soon! Hope this chapter meets your expectations. I've been a bit busy this week but I'll have lots of time to write over the weekend. 


	3. Luke Skywalker

Penpals 3

Luke sat before his computer in his quarters and stared at the letter from Podracer he had just read. "Oh, this is just great! My penpal has homicidal tendencies and now he wants to know what it was I had blown up! How did I get myself into this mess? Me and my big mouth!"

The problem was, Luke had been looking forward to Podracer's reply. He had hoped the other would have some advice on how to deal with his guilt, but this…this was just scary! Scarier than the Empire, maybe; no, he was confidant it was far scarier. And to think the person was writing to him!

/What kind of person would kill women and children?/

Luke leaned back in his chair, suddenly feeling tired. Podracer had more problems than he had.

/Do I even want to be writing to such a person?/

Even if they had been some kind of beasts, surely they all didn't deserve to die? And what exactly had these beasts been? Had they been intelligent creatures? The letter seemed to suggest that, for animals generally didn't kidnap women. No, an animal might kill a person and eat them for food, but kidnapping belonged only to the so-called intelligent species. And unfortunately, the galaxy was filled with hostile intelligent species that would be all too happy to do just what had happened in Podracer's letter.

Luke rubbed his forehead with a hand, the palms massaging his tired eyes. 

/What am I going to do?/

Closing his eyes, Luke tried to bring an image of his mother to his mind. Nothing came. He didn't know if she had been thin or fat, what color her hair or eyes had been, what she had enjoyed doing or even her name. For all he knew, she could have been from any planet in the galaxy. All he knew for sure was that she had been a human like he was and that didn't even count really. Had she loved his father? He hoped so. Perhaps his Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen had known about her, but they had refused to tell him anything. Nor had they told him much about his father; just that he had been a pilot and he had died. 

/What would I have done in that situation if I had known my mother and had found her like that?/

He was reminded of the fateful day when he had come back from chasing the little R2 unit into the desert. Ben had saved him from the Sandpeople, but later he had found the only family he had ever known murdered in their home by the Empire. He had been filled with grief, shock, sorrow and anger. But in his case, the ones who had done it had already been gone. What if the Empire's stormtroopers had still been there? Would he have attacked them?

/Yes, I probably would have. And lost./

At the time, he had no real combat training and there was no way he could have fought armored troopers. He would have just attacked them in a blind rage, but that anger would have faded quickly as grief took over. Either he would have been killed or thrown in the brig somewhere to rot. 

/But I still don't know what to do./

Deciding to come back to that issue later, Luke reread another part of Podracer's letter. It was no doubt Podracer was an unusual person with amazing abilities. For what average nine-year-old could not only pilot a fighter plane during a dogfight and actually manages to blow up a big ship? 

/I never heard of such a thing!/

Luke thought back to when he was nine-years-old and got a vague image of living on the moisture farm. Like most boys his age, he had been fascinated with the other creatures that lived in the area, playing with the few friends he had, exploring the canyons if he could only sneak away from his guardian's watchful gaze and the weird mix of aliens in town. But blowing up a ship? Heck, he would have been scared witless! Podracer must have some really strong nerves and one cool head.

/But who exactly WAS Podracer?/

When he had written his first letter, Luke hadn't really given the matter much thought. He had just presumed it was some ordinary type citizen living somewhere on a planet. Sure, he realized the person probably lived in the Empire. Podracer would almost have to live in the Empire since the Empire controlled most of the systems. He had had some vague idea maybe he was writing to a racer, but now…

/Podracer can't be an ordinary citizen, not with a history like that./

Luke scanned the letter yet another time, his blue eyes focusing at the final question way near the bottom. 

May I ask what you had blown up?

/How am I supposed to answer THAT?!/

Running a hand through his blonde hair, Luke tried to figure out some answer. He certainly couldn't tell Podracer it had been the Death Star. No, if he did that than Podracer would know who he was. Not only his personal identity, but that he was a Rebel. What had started out as a simple hobby to ease his own guilty conscious was turning out to be a possible threat to the Rebel Alliance. 

/I could lie…/

No, he couldn't lie. If his Uncle had thought him one thing, it had been morals. Lying was wrong. He was also sure that Ben wouldn't approve of it, either. Now that he had discovered that his father, Anakin Skywalker, had been an honorable Jedi, he wanted to be a Jedi, too. And Jedi didn't lie. They had been the protectors of the peace; noble knights who had traveled around the galaxy righting wrongs. That all had ended with Palpatine's rise to power. No, he couldn't start lying now for that would lead to the Dark Side.

The Dark Side….

An image of Darth Vader formed in Luke's mind and he shuddered in fear. There was nothing more fearful than that expressionless black mask and helmet, those loud breathing sounds and the vile red lightsaber.

/The same lightsaber that had killed my father!/

The answer was clear. If Luke wished to stay on the path of the Light he needed to be honest and tell the truth. For if he did that, the foul darkness that had claimed Vader's soul couldn't claim his.

/But I still don't know what to do about Podracer./

Another line of the letter jumped out at him.

It has been a long time since I conversed with anyone like this due to my job and I find myself eagerly awaiting your reply.

/Maybe Podracer isn't as bad as he sounds. And he's lonely with no one to talk to. I just can't quit on him, can I?/

Luke moaned, knowing he was talking himself into deeper trouble. He knew Jedi were supposed to help people and go around fighting the Bad Guys. But did that include people that had problems like this, lonely people who maybe had a speckled past?

/Han has a speckled past./

Yes, his buddy Han certainly had a speckled past. He used to run weapons and illegal spice, all sorts of crooked things like that. Yet Han had decided to come back at exactly the right moment and had saved his life. But who exactly were the mysterious Bad Guys?

/To the Empire, we're the Bad Guys./

A headache started to pound in Luke's temples. Somehow he was beginning to think it might have been far easier just dealing with his guilt on his own! And was Podracer right? Was there no real middle ground? And did you always have to kill the enemy? Well, perhaps some enemies had to be dealt with that way. It was certainly true when he was in his X-wing and flying in combat against Ties. 

/Maybe I could just say it was a space station./

The Death Star had been a space station of sorts, although on a super scale. It certainly hadn't been a normal space ship! 

/But if I call it a space station, would it be too obvious? Does Podracer suspect it was the Death Star? Does he work for the Empire? Does he already suspect who I am? Or am I just getting paranoid from talking to Han?/

There just wasn't a simple answer.

/I could be blowing everything out of proportion. Podracer might just be some fat old guy sitting on some backwater planet pulling my leg, a racer-want-to-be having some second-hand excitement./

Luke rubbed his temples with his fingertips.

/But the details seem so real. It HAS to be true!/

Should he tell someone about his penpal? Maybe Han or Leia? But what would he say? After all, Podracer really hadn't done anything wrong. He had just asked a simple question. 

/I really AM getting paranoid!/

Luke smacked himself on the forehead with the palm of one hand. The answer was so obvious he hadn't even seen it! It's like that old saying of not seeing the forest for the trees. In his own letter, all he had talked to Podracer about was his guilt for blowing up some object. It was only natural that Podracer would be wondering what it was he had blown up!

/I'm such an idiot! If I'm not careful I'm going to see Imperial spies hiding behind every bush and tree!/

Here Podracer was trying his best to help him with his guilt and here he was thinking the worst of the poor guy. 

/He probably thinks I'M the homicidal maniac for blowing up that object!/

And as for killing all those beasts, well, maybe that hadn't really been Podracer's fault. Luke couldn't imagine how traumatic that must have been, to have his mother die in his arms like that. Surely everyone makes mistakes in their life. Podracer had said he felt guilty, had talked about not being able to go back and changing it. Surely that meant he felt remorse?

/I hope I don't regret this later./

Loosening up his fingers, Luke began to type a reply.

Dear Podracer,

I received your letter today. You must be an incredible person. I never heard of a nine-year-old that had the skill to not only fly a fighter but also blow up a large enemy vessel! I would have been scared witless in a situation like that. It sounds like you live a very exciting life. I'm afraid to say I grew up on a boring old farm. May I ask you where you live? I just recently left my home planet and so far I've only seen a few other planets. Being in space is a dream come true for me. When I was still home, I would stand outside and watch the suns set. Then I would stare up at the stars in the night sky and dream I was out there among them having fantastic adventures. I guess I didn't realize those adventures would lay guilt on my conscious. You never dream that part, you know?

I can kind of relate to how your mother died. Not too long ago I lost my guardians. I lived with my aunt and uncle on the farm. But one day while I was out someone came along and murdered them. I'm not sure what I would have done if I had come home while they had still been there, the murderers, I mean. I guess I would have attacked them and been killed. I must admit I really don't know how to fight very well. I take it you're very good at fighting? You must be, if you could kill all those beasts that had kidnapped your mother.

I thought about what you had written a long time and well, I don't think what happened was really your fault. You received an awful shock. I know, because I had felt the same way on coming home and finding all that awful black smoke poring out of the farmhouse. I wanted to go inside desperately, to see if my family was still alive … but I couldn't. The fire was just too hot. So all I could do was stand there uselessly and cry. But in your case the kidnappers were there and well, I guessed you surprised them. I don't think anyone could have stopped themselves in a situation like that. 

I never knew my parents. I don't even know my mother's name. I just wish I could have known them, even for a little while. And all I really know about my father was that he had served in the Clone Wars and had been killed. My Uncle never liked talking about him. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was too sad. I think they had been brothers, but I'm not sure. 

You asked what I had blown up. Well, it was a space station. I still feel a bit guilty about it, but I do feel a bit better, thanks to you. I guess you're right and time will make it go away. I guess I got accidentally mixed up in this whole thing. It had all started when my guardians had died. Then before I knew it I was up in space on a ship and mixed up in someone else's war. It's a bit hard to explain. But like you, there's a girl involved. I guess I have a bit of a crush on her. But she's sophisticated, talks elegantly and she's rich. Oh, and she has these fancy gowns she wears. I never met anyone like her before. But I'm just a Farmboy, even if she does think I'm this big hero. I don't think I have a chance.

What do you look like? I have blonde hair and blue eyes. And well, I guess I'm kind of short, too. That's the first thing the girl said when she saw me; that I was short. Besides, there's this other older guy and he's a bit of a roguish character, if you know what I mean. He acts cool and well, I think she likes him a lot better. So like I said, I don't stand a chance. I really never had a girlfriend, so I don't know anything about women.

How did it turn out with that Queen that you mentioned?

I wish I had known my father. You never mentioned your father. Did you ever know him?

Well, I hope you are doing well when this reaches you!

Write back soon!

Farmboy

Luke reread what he had just typed. Should he send it? 

/I might as well. I went through all the trouble of typing it. Besides, what harm could it do? It IS just a letter./

Pressing the button, Luke sent it on its way to Podracer's mailbox.

To be continued…

**Thanks for all the great reviews and interest in this story! I hope this chapter was interesting. I'll try to get Vader's reply up soon! ** 


	4. Darth Vader

Chapter 4: Darth Vader

All day the thought had lurked at the back of the Sith Lord's mind. 

/Am I writing to the Rebel that blew up the Death Star?/

Vader secretly grinned under his mask at the irony of the thought, of the possibilities that his penpal may offer. It was all within his grasp: the end of the Rebellion, the death of the pitiful Alliance, the deaths of loyal citizens revenged. He could almost imagine it; almost hear the sounds of the celebration that Palpatine would no doubt hold. And all brought about my one lonely soul who wrote to a stranger.

But it would only come to pass if Farmboy was the Rebel he sought, the foolish Rebel that was writing to the Dark Lord himself.

For long idle moments standing on the bridge of the Executor, Vader played through several different scenarios within his head. He imagined the shock and horror on Farmboy's face as he finally realized what he had done. Farmboy, as his nickname suggested, would have an innocent, naïve face. His fellow Rebels would stare at him, aghast at the betrayal from such an innocent, from their Hero. There would be mass confusion. Shouting, weapons discharging, fighting among themselves. Perhaps some of his angry friends would even try to kill Farmboy for his treason. Then the rumors would start quickly; that he had never been one of them at all but always had been an undercover spy for the Empire. His reputation would be forever ruined among his allies. He would be forced to flee for his life and he would only have one place left to go.

/To me./

But so much hung on a naïve boy's decision. Would he write back? And if he did, would he admit to blowing up the Death Star? Or would he just simply vanish into the deep fathoms of the galaticweb, never to be heard from again? 

/Write to me. Together we can end this war that has killed so many./

And what was to become of Farmboy if he survived the wrath of his friends? Vader's mind flew back in time and once again he was in the cockpit of his Tie Interceptor, flying down the trench after the X-wing. The pilot had been strong with the Force, unusually strong. Was Farmboy the secret spawn of some Jedi, some last desperate chance for the Order's survival? Or was he just the natural output of normal parents, one child that had received the Force through the spin of the dice? 

/I could take him for my apprentice. Together we could be strong./

Yes, the Sith Lord thought as he left the bridge and entered the lift. It could be done. He would make sure that Farmboy survived the coming battle, whenever that would be. It would take time, but he could gain the young man's trust.

/But I must also trust him. I have foolishly given him much information about myself, things no one knows./

A surge of anxiety surged through Vader's body, his mechanical aids having to adjust to the sudden rush of heat. 

/I am safe. The boy is naïve. He has no idea who I am./

But how could he be sure? 

/His next letter will prove it. If he suspected my identity he wouldn't dare write back./

Vader pondered the possibilities. What would a foolish boy do with the information at his fingertips? Technically, there was no way he could harm the Dark Lord with it. Both Smea and Padme were long dead. There would be no one to verify the facts. As far as anyone knew, Anakin Skywalker had died long ago on some violent world, another causality of the Clone Wars. The only one who still knew his true identity was Palpatine himself and the Emperor certainly wouldn't help the boy. No, Farmboy had no idea what he held in his mail file. And most likely, the information would continue to sit there until it grew old and vanished from the system. 

Then a new thought occurred to Vader.

/What if I had foolishly frightened him off?/

Although the boy's innocence would work in his favor, it could also easily work against him. His bloody tale of killing the village of Tuskan Raiders might have been more than the boy could stomach. What did Farmboy think when he read that? Vader had meant the story to help him, but what if it had done the opposite?

/He might think me a vicious monster now./

Vader reflected that the assessment wasn't that far from the truth. In some ways he was a monster, a cold, calculating monster with an amazingly fast brain and even faster reflexes. And he held the power of the Dark Side within his grasp. Only a true fool would oppose Darth Vader!

/Perhaps I should do some damage control. The situation could still be salvageable./

Vader entered his private quarters, intent on sending Farmboy another email to assure him he wasn't some homicidal maniac. When he had written the reply with the ghastly story, he hadn't been exactly himself. He had been too eager, too open, too trusting of a stranger. 

/It will not happen again. That odd feeling will not overcome my darkness, my intelligence./

Since it was the end of another day, he removed his black body armor, mask and helmet. It was refreshing to be free of the tight confinement, even if he did have to hook himself up to a respirator. Sitting down before his private computer, he turned it on and was looking through his mail a short time later. To his surprise, a letter from Farmboy was waiting for him.

/So, it is as I had expected. He has no inkling as to my identity./

Opening the letter, Vader was pleased to see that this one was much longer and no doubt contained more information about Farmboy. Eagerly he began to read the first paragraph. A grin spread across his face when he discovered Farmboy thought he was an incredible person.

/If only you knew how incredible, my innocent little Farmboy!/

But the smile quickly faded.

/Suns?/

Darth Vader stared at the line again. 

/I would stand outside and watch the suns set./

It could have been a line out of his old life, had been a line from his old life. How many times as a young child had he stood outside the hovel he shared with his mother in the slave quarters? He had stood out there on calm evenings staring skyward, looking at the distant stars and dreaming. And unlike most planets, Tatooine was a binary system with two suns. Had Farmboy grown up on his old home world or was it a simple typo?  

/No, he is from Tatooine! The Falcon…/

Yes, the Princess had smuggled information out with the two droids, droids that had crashed to Tatooine. They had been found by Jawas and sold to a moisture farmer. Eagerly Vader started to read the next paragraph. More sentences leaped off the computer at him. So, someone had murdered his guardians while he had been out. Could Farmboy be referring to his stormtroopers? 

/What are the odds that this is the same boy from Tatooine, the same Rebel that blew up the Death Star?/

Yet the more Vader read, the more it looked that way. Yes, there it was! Farmboy said the object had been a space station!

/It IS the Rebel! I have him now!/

Yet other parts of the letter nagged at him, stealing part of his elation from him. There was more to this puzzle of the boy than him being the Rebel that had blown up the Empire's super weapon, a lot more. 

/The Force, the boy has the Force./

Vader went back to the paragraphs where Farmboy talked of his family. So, he never knew his parents but his father had fought in the Clone Wars. Interesting. He was sure he was missing some vital clue and yet felt that it was right before his nose if only he could see it. But what was it? 

/Perhaps his father was a Jedi./

But what Jedi would dare defy the Council and reproduce? They all had been such scared little stooges, jumping at the slightest wave of a Council Member's hand. Only one among them had been dashing enough to get married and that had been the Chosen One himself. But even he had not reproduced.

/Or did I?/

Vader laughed at the crazy idea, the sound odd to his ears from long years of not laughing. 

/It's insane! This Rebel can't be my SON!/

But when Vader closed his eyes, he was on the Death Star once again. His red lightsaber was lit before him and he was facing Obi-Wan for a finale time. What more proof did he need of the boy's parentage? His old master might as well have been wearing a big sign around his neck shouting that Farmboy was his son!

/I have a son!/

Warmth that he hadn't felt in decades began flowing inside him. No longer was he alone in the cold and uncaring galaxy. After so many years he had a family, a finale gift from his beloved Padme. 

/Padme, I miss you so…/

He could almost see her as she had been all those years ago; her dark long hair in loose ringlets falling over her shoulders, her eyes happy at seeing him, her lush lips, how smooth her skin had been…

/But what am I to do? I just can't tell Farmboy I'm his father, can I?/

And what of the other questions in his letter? My son wants to know where I live and what I look like. How am I to answer those questions without revealing who I am? For once he finds out I'm Darth Vader, he'll…

/My son will hate me./

A part of Vader's mind chipped in:

/Hatred is good. It'll bring him to the Dark Side./

Yes, it could bring him to the Dark Side, but is that what he truly wanted? For if he did that, his son would end up being Palpatine's slave. 

/I have never been free. I have been a slave my whole life to one person or another./

But didn't his son deserve a better life, to be free?

/But I want my son in my life and it's obvious from his letter he wants his father in his. How can that happen when we are on opposite sides?/

Vader realized this wasn't something he could decide quickly. No, it needed deep thought and planning. For the moment writing a reply to his newly acquired son would be the best way to spend his time. He would need to figure out how to answer the questions about where he lived and his appearance. After some thought, Vader decided being truthful about both questions would be best. Since a Star Destroyer held thousands of men aboard, perhaps Farmboy wouldn't be too surprised that his penpal served on one. And as for his looks, well, he could describe his real appearance; how he looked under the mask. That way, his innocent boy still wouldn't know it was he. 

/Perhaps I could fish him out with clues, slowly lead him to the truth./

Yes, that could work and it could work quite well. And since he is so naïve, he will no doubt think he discovered it all on his own. 

/But what will happen when he discovers who you really are?/

Vader remembered the horrible scream that had echoed through the landing bay of the Death Star when he had killed Obi-Wan. His son had been so close to him that day and he hadn't even known. And it had been his son that had screamed in horror at the death of his … master? Had Obi-Wan took his son as another apprentice? And exactly how much had the boy learned? Recalling the contents of the new letter, Vader decided he must have been with Kenobi only a very short time. Darn that Obi-Wan! It was without a doubt the first murder the boy had witnessed and his old master had arranged it that way.

/To make me look like a monster to my own son./

He was just about to start writing his letter when he remembered another question his inquisitive and open son had asked.

/How am I going to explain about my father … or lack of one?/ 

The last thing Vader wanted was to remember he was the so-called Chosen One! The prophecy had brought him nothing but a troubled life. What had started out as a dream come true had turned out to be a nightmare. 

/Them and their stupid prophecies!/  

With a sigh that sounded more like a gasp, Darth Vader began another letter to his penpal that just happened to be his son.

Dear Farmboy,

I received your letter today. Thank you for the compliment of saying I am an incredible person. Coming from you, that means a lot to me. I am confident I could teach you many things if you only give me the opportunity to. Like you, I too, used to stand outside at dusk and watch the suns set and the stars come out. I grew up on Tatooine. Are you by any chance familiar with the planet? It's a dry, desolate world of sand, sand and more sand. My mother and I were slaves. A Toydarian owned us and I spent my earliest years working in his junk shop fixing machine parts. Luckily, I was quite good at this or we never would have lasted that long. Then one day I won my freedom in a podrace. I couldn't believe I was free. But my mother was still a slave and had to stay behind while I left to go to school on a distant planet. My schooling was thanks to a man that had entered the junk shop one day searching for parts for his broken ship. It was one of those chance meetings arranged by fate. In the past, one might have called it the Force.

It was Tusken Raiders that had killed my mother…

You asked what I looked like. Well, I'm afraid I am not pretty. Some might even call my appearance grotesque. I have been in many battles and survived the Clone Wars. My body was badly injured. In one of the earliest battles of the Clone War my arm was chopped off. I lost it saving another I deeply cared for, but what happened to that person is another story best left for another day. Needless to say, many of my parts are machines. Towards the end of the Wars, I was severely injured and almost died. A pit of bubbling magma was involved. The pain was like nothing you can imagine. I'm not sure how I survived, but I did. But I was badly scared. I still live with the very real physical pain of that day even now, for my machine parts have not bonded correctly to my body. In my youth I used to be handsome and dashing, but now I'm just ugly. It hurts to look in a mirror at myself, so I avoid it. But I have blue eyes and my hair used to be blondish-brown. 

I live, as you might have guessed, in the Empire. After my accident, they were the ones who took me in and cared for me. I now work and serve aboard a Star Destroyer. It is the only life I've known since the accident but I'm lonely.

The Queen I mentioned in my last letter: when her two terms ended she was elected Senator. We were married on her home planet in a secret ceremony. Why secret, you ask. Well, the school I was attending was responsible for that. They may have taken me in and given me an education but they were also very strict. They didn't want us to have any friends or to get married. Those things that you take for granted were forbidden to me. They had a code and everyone was expected to follow it, forever. But I fell in love and married my beautiful lady.

Her name was Padme.

We were separated during the Clone Wars and I was later told she had died. But I think we may have had a son, an infant that was lost during all the confusion. I'm not sure, as at the time I was serving out on the front lines and communications were guarded. Besides, our marriage was a secret. Sometimes I wonder what may have became of him…

My father? That is a bit hard to explain. I had no father. It's one of the reasons I was freed of being a slave and taken to that school. I don't mean my father ran away, I mean there was none at all. It has to do with some old prophecy that has brought me nothing but grief and loneliness. The people running the school themselves didn't even understand it. 

You said you got yourself mixed up in some other people's war. Are you sure you're on the right side? Don't let the fact that there's a cute, rich girl there decide for you. Like you said, she's interested in that older guy. You should learn all the facts before you choose sides. 

Just think about it.

Your penpal,

Podracer

Vader reread his letter and was satisfied. He had planted a few tantalizing clues within the text and hope his son was clever enough to actually see them. Then he clicked the button that sent the letter on its way to his son.

To be continued…


	5. Luke Skywalker

Author's Note: Sorry this is so late; I had trouble removing parasites (popup) from my computer but it's fixed now so I'll continue work on my stories. 

Chapter 5: Luke Skywalker

Luke headed to his quarters after a long, tiring day practicing with the fighter squadron. Being on the squadron was all he had dreamed of, yet today he had kept making the dumbest of mistakes. His firing at targets had been off or he found himself pulling up either too soon or too late. Yet the more he tried to concentrate on flying the X-wing the more he kept goofing up. The worst moment had been when he had almost collided with a fellow wing mate. Luckily the other pilot had managed to get out of his way just in time. Disgusted, the leader of the squadron had called practice to a halt until tomorrow, hoping that one certain pilot would clean up his act by then.

/This has got to be the worst day of my life!/

Running a hand through his hair, Luke let himself in and keyed the door locked. Of course, there was nothing really wrong with his piloting skills and his dead accuracy on target shooting was as perfect as the Force would allow. No, the real problem was inside his head and eating away at him. All the time he should have been concentrating on practicing with the squadron he had been really thinking … no, worrying … about his penpal and the possibility he was an Imperial. It had started almost the moment he had sent the email off. The doubt and second thoughts had kept him awake almost all night and no amount of meditation could help. Finally around the same time the sun was peeking up over the jungle-covered hills, he had passed out from sheer tiredness. Even then he hadn't really slept but twisted around in bed tormented by vague nightmares until he had crashed to the cold stone floor. 

/What am I going to do? I can't go on like this./

Sighing, Luke collapsed into the chair before his computer and rubbed at his weary eyes. This morning when he had slowly picked himself up off the floor, untangling his legs from the sweat-soaked sheets, he had been aghast at his appearance in the small mirror. He had looked utterly terrible! His clear blue eyes had been stabbed through with ugly red blood vessels that made him look like some horrible monster! And where had those lines under his eyes come from, those dark blotches of color? Surely just staying up one night couldn't make a person look that bad? 

/Didn't Han stay out drinking all night at cantinas sometimes?/

Luke was pretty sure sometimes the older man did and it didn't affect his appearance so much. Not that Luke was vain, but he didn't want anyone asking him questions he wasn't sure how to answer. Like the ones Han had asked him at dinner today after the squadron practice had been canceled.

/Hey Kid, having a tough day, huh? Anything bothering you?/

/I couldn't sleep last night./

/"Don't let this war get to you, Kid. You'll be fine. Anything you want to tell me, you know where to find me./

Han had patted him on the shoulder lightly, and then had followed Leia out of the room, calling to her.

/It figures. I finally meet a beautiful girl and she only has eyes for someone else!/

Luke groaned and slouched in the hard, wooden chair. If his aunt had seen him sitting like this, she would have yelled at him for sure, saying it was bad for his posture. But she was dead and long gone.

/I didn't even look this bad when my Aunt and Uncle died./

And that made Luke feel even guiltier than he already was.

He rubbed at his burning eyes, knowing he should really get some sleep. But he couldn't sleep last night and he doubted if he could sleep now. How did Han handle such things? He had seen Han shoot people with his blaster, casually flip a coin onto a table and just walk away. How could the Corellian take life so indifferently? Didn't he worry about it later or feel guilty? Somehow Luke got the impression that he didn't. It was probably just a matter of business to the smuggler. 

/If only I knew how to meditate properly I could dispel these emotions./

Well, maybe.

Truth is, Luke really hadn't learned very much from Ben before he had been killed. The only thing he really had was his father's old lightsaber and a few basic Jedi moves to practice. He also knew a Jedi was supposed to feel at peace, to be one with the Force. And how was he ever to become a true Jedi if he didn't have anyone to teach him?

/It's hopeless! I'll never be a Jedi now. Who am I trying to fool? Besides, I'll probably be hung for treason!/

And that, Luke knew, was his real problem. His mind had gone full circle yet again and brought himself right back to the same topic. 

/I never should have started this!/

Yet he eyed the computer before him. All he had to do was reach out and turn it on, a simple flick of a switch. Perhaps an answer would be waiting in his account from Podracer, an answer that would lay all his worries to rest. His penpal would say he lived on some peaceful planet somewhere. Or maybe it wouldn't be so peaceful, but he wouldn't be an Imperial. 

/Yeah, right./

Luke stared at the computer with his bloodshot eyes. The room grew cold around him and goose bumps broke out on his skin, causing him to shiver. He didn't know if it was the Force or not, but for whatever crazy reason he didn't want to read a reply from his penpal. Truth was, he was scared of what it may say. He felt like he were five-years-old again and afraid to admit to Aunt Beru that he had broken a plate. He was grown now and it was childish of him to act this way, yet that's how he felt. 

/It's stupid! Just go and read it!/

Luke shook his head, laughing a bit. He was beginning to get slaphappy now from lack of sleep. Then again, maybe he was building up enough courage to finally read his mail.

/Maybe I enjoy torturing myself./

Realizing that he'll never get to the bottom of his problem until he did read the next letter from Podracer, Luke signed onto the galaticweb. And there, sitting in his mailbox looking oh so innocent, was the next letter from his penpal. He stared at it for a few long minutes, the dread building in his body. So much depended on what was in that simple email. The whole thing sounded preposterous, but it was true. Of course, if Podracer was an Imperial Luke had no idea what he would do, so he just hoped that he wasn't. Maybe that was a copout, but he just didn't want to deal with the reality of it yet. It had preyed on his mind all too much lately.

/Is this friendship worth all the torment I'm going through?/

Things had been so much simpler when he had lived on his Uncle's farm. But he had never appreciated the simple life he had had back then. People rarely appreciate what they have until its gone. Feeling sad, he clicked open the letter and began to read. 

/Tatooine?/

Luke bolted out of his seat and almost collided with his computer. Suddenly he was wide-awake, his fatigue disappearing like a stray breeze. He gaped at the monitor in shock, excitement bubbling in his body. His penpal was from Tatooine, his home world? Why, that was amazing! It was more than amazing, it was … well, Luke didn't know what it was but it was great! His joy dimmed when he read how Podracer had been a slave and almost disappeared together when he learned of the Tusken Raiders. 

/This is incredible! I'm actually writing to someone from Tatooine! What are the odds of that?/

He started on the next paragraph, growing more miserable by each sentence. All those injuries…

/How could someone survive that?/

Luke grew depressed, imagining what a miserable life his penpal must lead.

/No wonder he's so lonely. No one probably won't friend with him because of how he looks./

The young Jedi-want-to-be shook his head sadly. People could be so cruel and thoughtless sometimes. Nor did it matter what species you were dealing with. In the end, mostly everyone ended up acting the same. The unattractive were shoved on the side in favor of the beautiful, even if the beautiful ones behaved ugly. It wasn't fair, but that's how it worked. He could imagine everyone avoiding Podracer, perhaps even whispering about him behind his back or making dirty remarks to his face. 

/How could I be worrying about myself when he has it so much worse?/

Luke's empathy was going full force now as he imagined what a miserable life his penpal was forced to live. It would be terrible to live a life in isolation while being surrounded by people that ignore you, or worse, laugh at you. And such a life would be doubly hard for someone who had once looked handsome and had been popular with the ladies. Luke knew what it was to be snubbed, for he had never been all that popular in school. He had had just a few close friends and that had been enough for him. One of those friends, Biggs, was now dead. As he read the last line, he began to realize how his penpal must have looked before his accident.

/Why, he must have looked a bit like me!/

Since he had left Tatooine and it's double suns, Luke had noticed his hair had started to darken just a wee bit. Perhaps it was just because he was growing up but the lack of sun constantly bleaching it was more likely. Luke shook his head again, the blonde strands flying into his eyes. He had hoped that the letter would calm his anxieties, but so far it had just raised more questions. And his emotions were flip-flopping so quickly that he didn't know what he was feeling. At the mention of the Clone Wars, Luke wanted to jump again but felt it wouldn't be appropriate. 

But the Clone Wars!

/Did Podracer know my father?/

Surely as a Jedi, his father had been fighting out on the front lines, too? Could they have known each other, possibly even had been friends? The possibility of knowing more about his father excited Luke to no end.

/But then I'd have to tell him my father's name and if I told him that, he'd know who I am./

What a predicament! To be so close to information on his father and yet so far at the same time, it was like a pratical joke the galaxy had played on him! It was so unfair!

Then Luke read the next line.

/THE EMPIRE??!! OH NOOOOO!/

Luke groaned loudly, his fingers tangled in his hair. Even though he had sensed this was coming, the news still shocked him. He leaned back in his chair with his eyes closed, just moaning his bad luck. 

/I am in such deep foo-doo./

Now that it was before him in black-and-white, he couldn't just ignore it or say it wasn't so. But what exactly was he to do about it? Podracer was just so fascinating and maybe could even tell him about his father. But he was an Imperial, too, and they were supposed to be the enemy! 

/But how can he be the enemy when he's my friend?/

Luke covered his eyes with a hand, moaning louder. This was growing more confusing by the second!

/And why would the Empire help Podracer after he was injured?/

That made no sense to Luke at all. Wasn't the Empire supposed to be evil? That's what Leia kept telling him anyway. And surely an evil Empire wouldn't help a badly injured person? The information just wasn't adding up right or something, for surely they both couldn't be right? Could they?

And to think that Podracer lived on a Star Destroyer! 

/But I have to fight Star Destroyers, shoot at them. What if I accidentally kill my penpal?/

Luke knew that would make him feel more wretched than he already was. Up until now, the enemy had just been the enemy. Well, he had felt guilty about blowing up the Death Star and he still did, but the Empire had pretty much been faceless. Just mindless Stormtroopers dressed in white-and-black armor. Leia claimed they didn't even have names but used numbers instead, just like droids. 

But droids were people, too. Why, 3PO even had a personality!

If the Princess ever found out he was conversing with an Imperial she'd have one of her fits. But no matter how Luke wished he could go back and change things, he couldn't. His enemy now had a face and a name, too, along with a long and colorful history. There was no way he could erase the knowledge from his own mind, even if he wanted to. But how was he supposed to do his job, now? 

/I can't shoot Podracer, can I?/

For sooner or later, it may come down to that. 

/But what am I to do? I just can't tell Mon Mothma, can I?/

Luke tried to imagine the leader's reaction to his sad tale. First she'd be shocked, than angry. Yes, that was easy to see. But what would happen next? Would she throw him in the brig for treason, even though he had never really told Podracer anything remotely important? Well, nothing that he deemed important, anyway. Would Mon Mothma see things in his letters that he didn't see? What if she thought it was all some secret code to look innocent? What if she actually thought he was a spy? It would all be some horrible misunderstanding and no one would believe him! Then everyone would treat him like they were treating Podracer, like some pariah. 

/It would be horrible!/

Or what if it went the other way? They might want him to exploit his friendship to gain information from his penpal. 

/I couldn't do that, either. Podracer has had enough misery in his life./

For the time being, Luke had stalled out and didn't know what he should do. So he read more of the letter.

/What kind of school forbids a person to get married or to have friends?/

The idea was shocking, to say the least. It seemed the only happy note in Podracer's whole life had been Padme and that obviously hadn't lasted very long. But his penpal was interesting and Luke wanted to learn more about him and all the things he had seen. What kind of school had he been attending and why in the galaxy had they been so strict? And although it made Luke feel dirty, he had questions about the Empire, too. 

/Maybe I'm starting to skate on the edge of treason now…but I want to know why the Empire helped Podracer./

Could his penpal be right? 

/Am I on the wrong side in this war?/

And what exactly is the war about? He had just fallen in with Han and Leia, but a short time ago didn't he dream about going away to the Academy, the Imperial Academy? The truth was, he had. Yet now he found himself a Rebel fighting against the Empire.

Exchanging letters with Podracer was muddling his head!

/I could just stop writing to him./

Yes, he could, but hadn't he already gone through that scenario last night? He knew he couldn't just abandon the poor lonely man; that would be too cruel. Besides, they had so much in common! They were both from Tatooine, were lonely, superb pilots, had blue eyes and fair hair, had lost people they cared for; the list of similarities was practically endless! The whole thing was so uncanny it was darn right spooky!

/I just couldn't disappoint him that way, not after the life he led./

So what did that leave him? Continue to exchange letters with an Imperial and not tell anyone? Luke rolled the idea around in his head, frowning. He didn't exactly like how that sounded. Somehow now that he knew for sure Podracer was an Imperial it was different; it was closer to real treason. 

But what exactly was treason?

Luke moaned, knowing he was trying to justify his letters now in his own mind. 

/I am in so much trouble!/

And what did Podracer mean he had no father? Luke just didn't understand how that was possible. And what was that about a prophecy? It was just so fascinating and he wanted to ask a gazillion questions to satisfy his own curiosity. Besides, it wasn't like he was saying where the Rebel base was…

Could it maybe be OK?

/He could know my father! And it's not like I have anyone here to talk to…/

Luke reread Podracer's entire letter a second time, paying more attention to detail. Catching the bit about the man loosing his infant son, Luke almost cried. It was all just so sad! 

/Maybe if I keep writing to him he won't me so lonely./

But Luke wondered if he'd be able to handle the stress and strain of having such a controversial secret relationship with an Imperial. If the guilt were just going to keep him up all night every night, he'd be forced to stop. And what about the constant worry about getting caught? How would he handle that? He'd never done such a thing in his whole life before.

/What would I say if Han asks me again what's wrong?/

Luke didn't want to lie to his friends and he certainly didn't want to put his friends in danger.

/Is writing to Podracer dangerous?/

Luke had just assumed that as long as he didn't say anything top-secret, it was OK. But what if it didn't work that way? Could his friend find out where he was just from the email itself? Luke admitted he had no idea. Sure, he knew some mechanics from fixing stuff on his uncle's farm, but this was a whole different level. Was it possible that Podracer already knew where he was? He knew he'd never be able to live with himself if something happened to Leia and Han because of him. 

/I guess it comes down to trust./

Can I trust an Imperial? 

No, Podracer was a man before he was an Imperial.

/So, can I trust my penpal?/

Luke hoped he could. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine Podracer living on the Star Destroyer. What job would his buddy have? Since he was skilled in flying, would he be a Tie pilot? Or would his massive injuries confine him to some low-level job, something like a janitor cleaning toilets? Would a janitor have access to a computer to send emails? Luke sighed, realizing he didn't have enough information about the Empire and life aboard a Star Destroyer to make such a guess. If he wanted to know, he'd just have to ask him.

/And pray that Podracer doesn't ask where I live!/

Yes, that would be …tricky to answer, to say the least!

/I hope no one finds out about this…/

Hoping he wouldn't be sorry later for this rash decision, Luke started to write a letter to Podracer.

Dear Podracer,

Thanks for your fascinating letter. I must admit I wasn't totally surprised that you live on board a Star Destroyer. I kind of guessed you lived in the Empire somewhere. What did surprise me was that you're from Tatooine. I'm from there, too! I was raised on a small moisture farm. What are the odds of that? That we're both from Tatooine, I mean. It's incredible, don't you think? This galaxy is just so big and the chance that we'd start writing to each other and both from the same planet, it's just incredible! 

I guess I really don't know much about the Empire. The things I hear, well, I guess they're not too nice. And the more I think about it; I guess I don't know what this war is really about. From the things I heard, I don't understand why the Empire helped you when you were injured. I've been trying to figure that out with the other stuff I heard, and well, it just doesn't match up. Could you maybe explain it? 

What Star Destroyer do you work on? What do you do all day? Today I had to practice flying with a squadron, but I didn't do very well. I was worrying again and it interfered with my practice. I wish I knew how to meditate, but I don't. I don't suppose you know how to meditate, do you? I just have so many questions I want to ask you but I don't want to come across as a pest. It's just you lived such a fascinating life I want to learn more about you. Come to think of it, you're the only really interesting person I know. Everyone else is just so … dull!

I can't imagine a school being so bossy like that! Geesh! I guess they weren't very social, were they? What kind of stuff did they teach, if you don't mind me asking? I had a teacher of sorts for a short while but he died. Well, I THINK he died. Truthfully, he just sort of vanished and I still didn't figure that out yet. I was hoping to follow in my father's footsteps but I just realized I don't know how to do certain things, so I'm at a lost. I guess that means I can't become what he was. Unless I can find a new teacher and that's very unlikely. 

I suppose you don't have a clue what I'm talking about, do you? That's OK. I don't understand about your lack of a father or the prophecy thing, either. So I guess that makes us even. I don't think it was right that the school forbid you to marry or to have friends. Everyone deserves to have friends. Friendship is what keeps us going. And a true friend is worth more than all the riches in the galaxy; they'll do anything for you. The only reason I'm even alive is because this friend of mine came back and saved me. At first I thought only the money was important to him and he thought that way, too, but he changed his mind and because of that I can write to you. Otherwise I would have had my atoms spread all across the galaxy.

You said you served in the Clone Wars? My father was supposed to be in that war. I don't suppose you knew him, did you? Well, I'm kind of hoping maybe you did so you could tell me a few things about him. I'm just not too sure if I should tell you his name yet…I mean, if I tell you his name than maybe you'd know who I am… and we are using aliases, right? The only thing I have of my father's is this, umm, weapon he had. I just wish I knew how to use it better. 

It's very sad all the things that happened to you. I can't express that enough. You've had more than your share of sadness and bad luck. If I could change the past, I would, just to make your life happier. But I can't. The only thing I can do is write letters and maybe they can make your day a bit brighter.

I'm sorry that you lost both your wife and son. But maybe you're son is out there somewhere and you'll find him someday. You have to stay positive and trust it'll come out all right in the end. I guess I should follow my own advice and stop worrying. But that's very hard to do! My teacher was always saying to "trust in the Force". Maybe that's what you should do. I know it's an old saying, but it seems to work sometimes.

Yes, I know about the Tusken Raiders. I was chasing some droids out into the desert and those Sandpeople almost got me! I was saved though by my teacher. That's how I met him. I miss him. 

Well, I should go and try to get some sleep. Last night I was up all night and when I finally did fall asleep I think I had a nightmare and fell out of bed! How embarrassing! I look terrible, with my eyes bloodshot and all. And as for how a person looks, I feel what's inside their heart is more important. So don't let those co-workers on the ship bother you because you had all those injuries from serving in the War. 

Your friend,

Farmboy

Luke reread his letter and sent it on its way, then went to his bed hoping to get some much-needed sleep.

To be continued…


	6. Darth Vader

Chapter 6: Darth Vader

The Sith Lord had been unusually quite that day as he contemplated the fact that he now had a son. Things were running smoothly on the Executor and Vader allowed the commanders and crew to do their jobs as he silently observed them, his mind far away. He couldn't help but wonder if his son would be clever enough to see the clues he had hidden in his letter. Would he realize that he was the infant Podracer had referred to or would it swoop right over his head?

And now that he was a father, what exactly did it mean? His son was a grown man and possibly didn't need a father anymore, although he seemed to crave one. What did fathers and sons do together? What sort of things could he and his boy do together, if they were to ever meet? Could they even have a relationship other than Imperial and Rebel, two sides always destined to destroy each other?

/I could just tell the boy I'm his father./

But there were problems with that route, too. For if he did and his son actually managed to believe it, then that meant revealing his real identity. And what would happen then was all too easy to guess. The boy would be horrified and any chance of getting to know him would be ruined. 

But what if he revealed it slowly, bit by bit like he was doing? Yet he feared the moment he mentioned his current name of Darth Vader he would loose him. The boy would panic and feel betrayed. He may even do something incredibly stupid and rash that may injure himself.

/I must take this slowly to ensure his safety./

Vader stood on the bridge and stared out at the dazzling starscape. Farmboy was out there some where in the vast reaches of the galaxy and the Sith Lord wondered what he was doing this very moment. Was his son also gazing at the stars and thinking of his lost father, wishing he could have him back? He would make a fine apprentice if only he could gain his trust. But how could he do that while stuck in this black armor?

/Curse this mask!/

Although it kept him alive, it was the mask, armor and cape that screamed DARTH VADER. If he could remove it, he would be just another human man. But of course, he couldn't remove it unless he was in his special chambers hooked to a respirator. He could hardly go meet his son that way, dragging a respirator behind him. No, it would never work. Nor would it be fair to the boy. If he was going to be anything, he might as well be honest and that meant telling his son someday that his father was Darth Vader. 

/I will need to be patient./

Unfortunately, that had never been one of his strong points. He wanted to run to his son and hold him, to tell him his father was alive and right here. How wonderful it would be! They would have the entire galaxy at their fingertips, the fleet at their disposal. They could even rule together, as father and son. 

/Yes, we could rule together as father and son./

Although Vader had enjoyed serving Palpatine in a way, there comes a time in an apprentice's life when he must rise up and slay his Master. It has always been so ever since the rise of the Sith millennia ago. Nor was Vader satisfied with how the Emperor was handling things lately. The man was growing older and prone to rash things. The total destruction of a planet had been unnecessary and a wanton waste of life. Even as a Dark Lord he had felt the pain of all those lives being snuffed out. The purpose of the Empire was to restore order, not kill innocent civilians. It was the criminals that were supposed to be jailed and executed, the low-life scum that flourished off the weaker souls. Too often Palpatine didn't care who got caught in the crossfire, but he did. Alas, the scum was practically everywhere and that required stationing stormtroopers in every city on every planet just to keep order. Without them, there would be rioting in the streets. Citizens would be robbed and beaten, stores looted, people killed in uncountable ways, drugs sold on every street corner, children forced into slavery, women raped, fake goods sold and on and on. The list of criminal activity was endless! 

One of the major faults of the Republic had been believing that people were basically good and honest. Since they believed this, they saw no use for a police force of any kind. Only the rich and well known, like senators, had private security forces and even those forces had been made up of volunteers. The common people were left to their own vices and if criminals killed a few, the rich didn't care. Nowhere was this more evident than on Coruscant. During his Padawan years, he had snuck out many times to visit the planet's seething underbelly. While the powerful lived above in their skyscrapers the poor would be murdered for a scrap of food or a busted tool. Kidnappers, assassins, drug dealers and other lowlives openly hung out in clubs and no one bothered to arrest them. Club owners even went as far as selling drinks spiked with motor coolant or drugs, hoping to create a new flavor and thus sell more drinks. If some customers died, well, there were always new ones. 

/There is so much more I could do if Palpatine was out of the way./

But disposing of Palpatine wouldn't be easy. The man was incredibly crafty and powerful. But perhaps if he had his son with him it would be possible. Together, they would be more powerful than either of them and with a proper bond they could work as one. The old man would die and then he would become the new Emperor. 

/Emperor Vader, hmmm, it had a nice ring to it./

If only his son would cooperate with him though!

/I must try to keep the boy a secret from my Master./

Plans forming in his head, Vader left the bridge and headed to his personal quarters. It was time to go check if his naïve son had sent him another message. It would be far easier to formulate plans if he had more information about the boy. Entering his room, he settled down in front of the computer and turned it on. Within moments he had connected with the galaticweb and was going through his packed mailbox.

/Darn spam! How do they keep getting my address?!/

After deleting all the junk mail, Vader found the latest message from Farmboy and began reading. He read the entire letter through, then sat back to digest what he had learned. 

/So, my Son, you are curious about the Empire. That is fortunate for me./

And not only was he curious about the Empire, but practically everything. His innocent Farmboy was like a sponge soaking up water and wanting every drop. Nor had he been too shocked about him being an Imperial. Vader felt a rush of fatherly pride surge through his body at his son's accomplishment. Perhaps he was still inexperienced in many ways, but he was learning and was showing some intellect. With time and practice, he would grow wiser and more sophisticated. He would be a formidable opponent for the Emperor. 

But what had kept him up all night? Vader contemplated the possibilities. Either he was having some trouble with his companions or it was the letters themselves that was affecting his sleep habits. Yes, it was his correspondence with an Imperial that was preying on his son's mind. 

/Little do you realize how easily I could track you down, my Son./

But it wasn't time for that yet and his son needed to grow as a Jedi, to gain experience in combat. He was still green, a jewel in the rough that needed to be polished and shaped. Then and only then could they take on his Master together.

/We shall be glorious together, my Son./

Vader shook his head sadly as he reread what Farmboy had written about friendship in the fifth paragraph. His poor son had a lot of hard lessons to learn about people and how they behaved. People, he had discovered, only cared about themselves. They were as fickle as the breeze, being your friend one day and trying to murder you the next. He had learned that the hard way and it had almost cost him his life. Being stuck within this metal can was the result of those lessons. 

/If only you could be spared those cruel lessons, but I fear it will not be so./

And immature and innocent as he was, Farmboy would be a perfect target. 

/You are too trusting, my Son. Someone would sell you a fake deed to the Imperial Palace if they thought you had any money./

Vader thought back, wondering if he had ever been that innocent and quickly decided not. Working in Watto's junk shop had thought him about life and people. But his stepbrother had not done Farmboy any favors by sheltering him like that, for when the fall would come it would be so much harder. For betrayal by a trusted friend always hurts the most and his son may never recover from it. The pain in his heart would linger on and he would waste days away wondering why. He might even dumbly think that it had been his fault, which he had unknowingly done some minor thing to his friend that had caused this tragedy, all the time unaware that it was just how people behaved. 

His son's compassion and empathy was amazing, especially considering the fact that he didn't even know who he was writing to. If he could channel that, he could use it to his purpose and bring Farmboy closer to him. It was touching to know his son cared for him that much and Vader felt his throat tighten. 

/If only his son could actually love him!/

The tightness in his throat increased and he blinked his eyes rapidly behind the black breath mask. It had been a long time since he had felt an emotion this strongly besides anger. He forced himself to swallow and closed his eyes tightly.

/He won't love me when he discovers who I really am. He'll be just like all the others./

A tear ran down his pasty cheek.

Hadn't he thought they had cared about him, too? They were preaching one thing and practiced another! Double-crossers! Kidnappers! Family breakers!

Anger surged through his body as he remembered all the things his so-called friends had done to him in the past. He would do the right thing and tell his son how the world really was. Then, when it happened, his son would be a bit better prepared. Pulling his chair closer to the computer, Vader began to type a reply.

Dear Farmboy,

I'm glad to hear that you found my letter fascinating and that you're interested in the Empire. I serve aboard the Star Destroyer Executor and am in a Command position. I hope that doesn't frighten you away, as you said you heard many bad things about the Empire. I assure you I mean you no harm and only wish to be your penpal. As I stated in my earlier letter, I'm lonely. When you're a commander you can't associate with anyone on the ship. If you do, then the crew will think you're soft and they'll try to get away with things. So everything must stay strictly professional. If you have had any experience with the military, even if just by watching holodramas, I'm sure you'll understand this.

You asked about the Empire. There are many people out there who are against the Empire. Why? Because they are law-breakers and they wish to continue doing so. The Empire's purpose is to catch criminal scum and put them in jail where they can't harm innocent civilians. I refer to drug dealers, kidnappers, thieves, smugglers, murderers and so forth. There is also a group of rebels who think its fun to fight the lawful government. They delight in blowing up various installations, running guns and doing all sorts of crimes. The Empire has also opened free schools where children and youths can get an education. Before this, no such schools existed in the Republic and only the wealthy received an education. This kept the rich in power and the poor scrambling for scraps. I suspect the leaders of the Rebellion is upset over this change in status and resent it. Before the Empire, there was no police force and criminals were allowed to flourish freely and prey on whatever unfortunate soul they encountered.

Does this surprise you?

As for why the Empire helped me, why shouldn't they? I am not a criminal so I have nothing to fear from them. 

Yes, I know how to meditate and I can teach you how. Would you like to learn? It was one of the things I learned at the school I attended. It was a school for people with special abilities. Before in the Republic, they used to test infants to see if they had a certain thing in their blood. Actually, everyone has it but most people only have a very small amount. This element is what is responsible for the 'sixth sense'. Perhaps you have had an experience with it? Your com beeps and you guess who it is before you answer it or you sense when danger is near? That is the medi-clorians. Infants who had a high concentration of them were taken from their families and raised by the school never to know their birth families. With training, they learned to do incredible things that seemed like magic to others. For example, they could lift objects without touching them.

Like I told you, they were very strict. When I married I was forced to keep it a secret but they found out. They were always preaching peace yet they tried to murder me just because I broke their rule and married. My very own teacher, a man I had viewed to be a father figure to me, attacked me. When he couldn't kill me with his weapon, he knocked me into a pit of magma. Remember, this is a man I had known and trusted for twelve years. A few years earlier I had even sacrificed my arm in a battle to save his life, yet apparently that meant nothing to him. All he saw was that I had broken their sacred rule. To make matters worse, they had also kidnapped my son and spirited him away. They never understood family or what it meant to me. I doubt if I will ever find him as so much time has passed.

That is how friends are. They're only your friends when they need you or want something from you. Once they get it, they don't need you anymore. I don't want to see you get hurt the way I did. I trusted him and he betrayed me. Please, make sure your friends don't do the same to you. And just because you knew them a long time doesn't mean anything. Remember, I knew him for twelve long years. He raised me since I was ten-years-old and then tossed me into lava. People are two-faced. 

The only one who ever really cared for me was my mother.

This is what you do to meditate. Go sit in a quite room by yourself. At school we used to sit on a mat on the floor, our legs folded. Rest your arms on your legs. Close your eyes. Empty your mind of everything. Do not allow any stray thoughts through. When you first start this will be very difficult but with practice it will become easier. After awhile, you will feel like your floating and you may see images. I never cared for meditating too much as I found it rather boring, but it can be useful. 

They also thought us self-defense and how to fight. A big portion of the school was very physical as we were training to be warriors.

Warriors to keep the peace; it even sounds ironic.

What has been keeping you up at night? Please, tell me. That near collision with the other fighter sounds very dangerous. You shouldn't fly when you're in such a state. I want our letters to continue so please be more careful.

Yes, your letters do make me feel better and I look forward to receiving more of them. They are the only bright spot in my solitary life here. 

Perhaps I did know your father. What was his name if I may ask? I will show that I trust you by telling you my name first. You must understand that it's extremely difficult for me to do that since I've been deeply hurt so many times by people close to me. I hope you can understand that. You seem an open and trustworthy person but I have been fooled before. Can I trust you?

My name is Anakin.

I will try to tell you about your father if I knew him

I sense you have a good heart, a rare thing in this galaxy. Please fly more carefully and get a good night's sleep. 

Will I ever hear from you again?

Hopefully your friend,

Anakin

Vader reread his letter and grinned under his breath mask. If anything would lure his son in, surely this would! Reaching out, he clicked the send button and the letter was on its way to his son's mailbox.

To be continued…

Opal: I guessed it was your browser acting up or you needed to clear your cache. It happens to us all. There is nothing to forgive. 


	7. Luke Skywalker

Chapter 7: Luke Skywalker

Luke sat in the dining room along with the other members of his squadron, poking at the bantha steak on his plate. Although he had finally gotten some sleep last night and his practice today had gone smoothly, the young Jedi still felt uneasy about his decision of writing to an Imperial. He just wished he knew he had made the right decision last night. 

/Surely it's not wrong to have a friend?/

"Hey, you going to eat that or poke it to death?" A voice asked as it interrupted his thoughts.

Luke glanced up to find Han sitting in the seat next to him that had been empty a moment before. He had been so busy thinking about his unusual problem that he hadn't even noticed his friend's approach. Luke glanced down at his plate to see about one hundred tiny holes in his steak from jabbing it over and over with his fork. "Oh, sure."

"I'm really worried about you, Kid." Han said as he leaned closer, a concerned expression on his face. "You act like you're a million parsecs away instead of here. What's eating at you?"

Luke cut a piece off the steak and chewed it slowly, the meat cold from sitting on his plate for too long. Chewing the meat gave him a moment to compose his thoughts and figure out exactly what he should tell Han. Innocently, he glanced around the dining room, surprised to see the room almost empty. Either everyone had gulped his or her food down at an incredible rate or time had slipped away without him noticing. Could he trust Han with his secret? Or would he immediately run to tell Leia or some other high-ranking Alliance member? Finally he swallowed, the meat sliding down his throat. "What do you know about the Empire?"

"You're not thinking of joining up with them, are you, Kid?" Han glanced suspiciously at him, surprised. "Because you're one of the best fighter pilots we have. Don't be thinking crazy thoughts, Luke."

"I'm just not sure I know what this war is about." Luke admitted truthfully as he cut another slice from his thick steak. "Not all that long ago I was living a peaceful but boring life on my Uncle's farm and suddenly I'm a hero for blowing up the Death Star. There were a lot of people aboard the Death Star, Han, and I killed them all. Surely they had families; wives and children."

"Oh, so that's why you've been so quite." Han relaxed slightly, relieved. He reached out and put a hand on Luke's shoulder, trying to comfort him. "It's a thing we all have to deal with. Different people handle it in different ways. Taking a life is never easy. But sometimes there's just no way out of it and you're forced to. Look, if you wouldn't have blown up that super weapon, every person on this Rebel base would have been killed. Heck, this base wouldn't even be here. The entire Yavin 4 would have been blown to bits, just as Alderaan was. You know that. It was self-defense."

"I know, but that doesn't make it any easier." Luke still was uncertain on exactly how much he wanted to tell the smuggler. Lately Han had been spending lots of time with Leia and she was practically one of the leaders of the Alliance. A part of him wanted to spill everything right now, to get it off his chest and out in the open. It would be a big weight off his shoulders that was for certain. But another part of him was frightened to tell Han. What if the man didn't understand why he was writing to his penpal and actually believed he was some sort of spy? "I just think of all those people dying. Of how the station must have melted around them, things growing hotter and hotter so fast as the explosion traveled outward. It must have been horrible."

"Don't think like that, Kid. You're just torturing yourself." Han frowned, wishing he knew what to say. "You have a good heart, Luke. That you worry about their deaths shows that you're a caring person. Just pray that you never stop feeling that way. Trust me that would be a much bigger problem. Because when people stop feeling, then you end up with a cold-blooded killer and that's far worst. That pain you're feeling is just letting you know you're human."

"Han, is everyone in the Empire evil?" Luke asked, hoping it sounded innocently enough. "I mean, surely lots of good people must work for the Empire, too."

"I suppose there's a few good ones among them." Han replied as he thought the matter through. "Truth is, I used to work for the Empire."

"You?!" Luke was so startled he dropped his fork. 

"Yep." Han admitted. "I went to the Imperial Academy but my grades were kind of low, yet I graduated. That's how I met Chewie. He was a slave and they were shipping him somewhere. A few old Wookies raised me so I couldn't stand seeing one being a slave so I rescued him. Just stole a ship and took Chewie with me. That's why he owes me a Life debt. That's one of the things this war is about. The Empire has it in for non-Human races and they treat them terrible, for no other reason than they're not human."

Luke picked up his fork and stuck another piece of the steak into his mouth, chewing. Han's confession of serving the Empire at one time gave him hope that maybe his penpal wasn't bad just because he was an Imperial. But did that mean he could trust him? It was unsettling to be always second-guessing himself over and over! Why couldn't he be carefree like Han was? Surely that would be a lot easier? The space pirate was so smooth and relaxed, he always seemed to know exactly what he wanted to do and he did it without worry what others would think about him. 

"Just hang in their, Luke." Han patted his friend on the back, standing up. "Oh, yeah. I almost forgot to say we'll be moving soon. The Alliance will be abandoning this place and moving to a new one pretty soon, so you better pack your stuff. Heard it's going to be some frozen place in the middle of nowhere. Sounds like fun, huh Kid?"

"I guess." Luke said noncommittally. His time for telling Han about Podracer's letters was quickly coming to an end and he still couldn't make up his mind! 

/Should I tell him or shouldn't I?/

"You better enjoy the warm air while you can." Han started to walk away, then turned to face Luke. "You want to talk more, I'll be working on the Falcon. Just drop by anytime you want."

Luke watched Han disappear through the lunchroom's door, and then finished his cold meal by himself. He really hoped he was doing the right thing by writing to Podracer. If only his emotions weren't in such a jumble! Sighing, he stood and dumped the dirty plates on the counter so the kitchen staff could wash them. Walking through the hallways, Luke headed for his quarters, wondering if another letter would be waiting for him. Oddly enough, he was beginning to consider this the best part of the day, even if writing to Podracer was turning his life upside-down. The man fascinated him and had lived such a colorful if sad life. 

/If only I could really help him somehow. So many things have gone wrong in his life./

Reaching his quarters, Luke entered and locked the door. The last thing he wanted was to get caught writing a letter to an Imperial!

/Am I changing? Would I have locked my door before?/

Luke pondered the question, and then shook his head. He had to stop this constant questioning or he'd drive himself crazy! There was nothing wrong with locking his own door; that's why the lock was there. Besides, the idea that Podracer's letters could really change him was silly! Mostly, there were just sad and well, maybe they made him ask a few questions. But so what? There was nothing wrong with asking questions, was there? If a person never asked anything how could they learn?

/I'm just writing him so he won't be lonely and all by himself. There's nothing wrong with that./

Booting his computer, Luke sat down and waited as it went through the warm up phrases. A short time later he logged onto the galaticweb and found a new letter waiting in his mailbox. Eagerly he clicked it open and began to read. 

/Executor?! That's Darth Vader's ship!!!/

Luke stared at Podracer's letter, shocked. His penpal actually served aboard Darth Vader's ship?

/And he's a Commander?!!/

Luke's entire body went cold as he continued to stare at his computer's monitor in shock, his hand frozen to the mouse.

/My penpal knows Darth Vader!/

How could this be happening to him? He had been so sure his penpal would be just another enlisted man, maybe a fighter pilot. But a Commander! 

/Oh, I really AM in deep foo-doo! I'm writing to a Commander in the Imperial Fleet!/

Relief at not having told Han swept through his body. He had been so close to telling his buddy, but if he had and then this letter had shown up…! 

/Han would have thought I was a real idiot! I AM an idiot!/

Luke sat frozen in his chair, his mind still whirling in shock. A part of him wanted to close the letter and not read any more of it. That probably would be the wisest and safest thing to do. It probably would be what Han would advise him to do, to just forget about the whole thing and let it die. But then Luke imagined Podracer checking his email every night and feeling depressed when no letters showed up in his box. The man was lonely the way it was. Why, he probably had no idea he was writing to a Rebel, right?

/If I were an Imperial Commander and writing to a Rebel, I wouldn't tell the Rebel I was a Commander, would I?/

The thing is, Luke had no idea. He could guess and second-guess, but nothing was for sure. And now that the shock was fading, he found himself wanting to read the rest of the letter. Relief swept through his body as he read that his penpal meant him no harm.

/Whoa! He just wants to be my penpal after all and has no idea I'm a Rebel./

The young Jedi continued to read Podracer's letter with interest, the part about the Republic having no police force surprising him. Could it all be true? Could the Rebellion just be a struggle over power, about the rich wanting to stay rich and not share with the poor? 

/Is the Empire really the legal government?/

And more important, did he want to be fighting the government?

/The Republic used to steal infants from their families?!/

Luke shook his head, amazed at the shocking things he was discovering. To think that the Republic had really been like that and he had never known! Why, the way others talked about it, he had thought it had been a virtual paradise! Leia certainly had never mentioned that they used to allow the kidnapping of infants or that they used to allow criminals to run around free just as long as they didn't bother the rich.

/Why should she mention it? She was a Princess!/

Luke shook his head. He didn't want to think bad things about Princess Leia. There was no way she could be power hungry. 

/She used to serve on the Senate./

Why else become a politician if not to gain power?

/To help people./

Luke decided he was going to try and check all these facts Podracer was giving him. It was the wisest thing to do and it should be simple enough. That way he could determine if his penpal was really telling him the truth. Yes, it made sense. Glad he had solved one problem for the moment, Luke went back to reading the letter. 

/A school for people with special abilities, could Podracer be actually talking about the Force and Jedi?/

Luke's heart sped up at the thought. Could he have actually found another Jedi, perhaps one that had snuck through and remained hidden? Is that why the Commander was so lonely? He couldn't talk to anyone too much lest the secret slip from his mouth by accident? Or did the Empire not consider every Jedi a threat? Maybe he had been extremely weak in the Force and a bad pupil, one that couldn't do anything right? Hadn't old Ben survived the purge undetected? Surely other Jedi had done the same? And what better place to hide than right out in the open, masquerading as one of the enemy? 

/If Podracer is a Jedi, he could teach me to be one!/

But how could it be done? Was it possible to learn Jedi skills through email? Luke's emotions again flip-flopped as he began to realize the problems location would bring. 

/Maybe he's not a Jedi anyway./

Luke read more and another sentence leaped out at him.

/Lift objects without touching them! He IS a Jedi!/

Excitement bubbled in his blood as the idea of finding another teacher rolled around in his head. And if he was a Jedi, the chances of him actually knowing his father had increased! He continued to read; his excitement sinking as he read about the betrayal that Podracer had went through. Had the Jedi really been so cruel? Had they really tried to kill him just because he had gotten married? It seemed so extreme! But then, if they had really just kidnapped infants from their rightful families… what did that type of behavior say of their moral character? Maybe the Jedi hadn't been the shining knights he had always thought them to be? 

/Friends really don't act like that./

Could Podracer truly been that unlucky in everything? Surely he must have been born under a bad star or cursed to have so much bad luck! Luke read more, feeling an odd mix of sadness and excitement. Then as he got near the end of the letter, a hot flash coursed through his body.

/Anakin?!/

His father's name had been Anakin. Surely it couldn't be?

/Could Podracer be my father?!/

But no, his father had died. His Uncle had told him the whole story…but wait! Hadn't his Uncle lied to him about his father being a pilot on some freighter? Yes! Ben had told him the truth and had given him his father's old lightsaber! So maybe his uncle had lied about him dying, too? Hope bloomed in Luke's heart for a few seconds, and then sunk. Ben had told him Darth Vader had murdered his father, so how could Podracer possibly be his father?

/Ben could have been wrong!/

Luke truly wanted to believe that it was true, that after all these years they had found themselves by some freak accident and that his father was alive! He leaped off the chair and danced around the room. He was just too excited to sit and be still. The moment, he suspected, wouldn't last long and reality would come crashing down upon him so he would enjoy the sensation while it was here. No doubt he had overlooked some major flaw in his thinking. Yes, that was it. Maybe his uncle had lied about everything, including his father's name. Maybe his father hadn't been named Anakin Skywalker at all. 

Yet, in his heart it felt right.

It was as if something had clicked into place, some thing he couldn't even describe with words.

/Podracer IS my father! The Force has brought us together!/

Then Luke stopped dancing and stood still, sweat drying on his forehead as another idea broke its way into his mind.

/What if it's all a trap?/

The room seemed to grow icier as the idea firmly planted itself within his mind. What if his penpal knew exactly who he was? And if he knew that, then perhaps he could be tailoring his letters to lure him in. Right? His name might not be Anakin at all. Everything he had said might be a devious lie created by the Empire!

/Does he know who I really am?/

But surely that made no sense! For if Podracer knew he was a Rebel, than why tell him he's a Commander on Executor? Why tell him he had gone to the Jedi School? Why bother telling any of it? 

/And wouldn't he be asking me for information?/

So far Podracer had asked him nothing very significant. No questions about what planet he was on, who his friends were, what type of fighter he flew, nothing! 

/He only seems concerned for my welfare./

Maybe he just doesn't care who I am, just as long as I care about him and write him letters. The possibility that I'm a Rebel may not be all that important to him.

/I really need to check his facts, see if he's telling me the truth!/

The idea of his father being alive and serving as a Commander aboard the Executor buzzed around in his head, making him slightly dizzy in the head. It was just so shocking! It was like a dream come true! 

/What should I do?/

Luke wanted to jump at the computer and send back a letter screaming that he was his son, but that was his gut reaction. 

/I really should think this through more carefully, just in case this is a trap of some sort./

Yet Luke hoped it was true and the man was his father, even if he was an Imperial. What he needed to do now was to check the facts before he did anything else. Closing the email and saving it, Luke stated to search the galaticweb for information that would tell him whether or not Podracer was being honest with him.

To be continued….

Author's note: I'll try to get the next chapter up tomorrow! Sorry its not all in one piece, but Luke's reply is getting to be quite long!


	8. Luke Skywalker

Chapter 8: Luke Skywalker

/What should I try looking up first?/

Luke had reread all of Podracer's letters, which he had saved on his computer. There were several things he could try researching but the young Jedi was doubtful. He had never tackled anything like this before and the job before him seemed vast and impossible. That and the galaticweb were just so huge! Also, how was he to know if the information posted there was accurate? If he understood it correctly, anyone could make a page and put almost anything he wanted on it. 

/Maybe I need some help on this./

Should he ask Han to help him? Or perhaps even Leia? After thinking about it for a moment, Luke decided he could trust Han more. Being a smuggler, Han was probably better at keeping secrets. No doubt he'd know just where to look to find the information that was required. It would be extremely hard researching the extinct Jedi Order and whether or not they took infants from their families. 

Or would it?

/Maybe I should start with something a lot simpler. Like the podrace./

Luke thought about it a moment, his slim fingers poised above his computer. It seemed plausible that even he could research something like that. He knew enough about podraces to know that humans didn't normally enter them. The sport was just too fast and too dangerous with human reflexes too slow. Anyone foolish enough to actually try ended up as a smear on a rock wall somewhere. So if his father had actually won a race years ago, it must have been newsworthy. Not to mention shocking! Luke smiled as he imagined the excitement his father must have felt at actually winning the race, the exaltation that had surely coursed through his young body. And the roar of the crowds!

/Even I could look that up, I bet!/

Luke typed 'Tatooine podraces' in the search box and waited for replies to appear on his page. His heart sunk at the sheer number of pages he would have to search through. Obviously, podracing had been very popular on his homeworld!

/I can't search through all those pages! It'll take me forever!/

The young Jedi thrummed his fingers on the desk, thinking. There must be some way he could limit the search, but how? Then he slapped himself on his forehead. He was so stupid! All he had to do was add his father's name to the search box and most of the pages would hopefully be eliminated! Luke did so and waited for the new result to display itself on his screen. Within moments is appeared and he studied them, and then just decided to click on the first one. He would go through them one at a time, hoping that at least one of the pages would contain what he needed. 

As the first galaticweb page downloaded onto his screen, Luke felt impatient. This research was taking up valuable time that he could be spending getting to know his father!

/I have to do this! I can't allow myself to jump to conclusions, no matter how tempting they seem./

Luke smiled, knowing his Uncle would be proud of him for holding back like this. His Uncle Owen had been a practical man and would have scoffed at the idea of his father being back from the dead like this. Luke could almost hear his rough voice saying it was sheer foolishness and that he should get his heads out of the clouds and back onto the farm where it belonged.

/But I have never truly belonged on the farm no more than my father did. We both belong out among the stars./

He shook his head. This was getting dangerous. He was already thinking of Podracer.. No, Anakin.. As his father whether he was or not. The page was fully loaded now and Luke studied it with interest. It was about the Boonta Eve Classic and how a nine-year-old human boy had won the famous race. One Kitster Banai of Tatooine, who had apparently been Anakin's best friend and had seen the race in person, owned the page.

/This is it!/

To Luke's amazement, he could even download a file and watch the race on his computer.

/This is so amazing! Why didn't I try researching my father before?!/

The simple answer was that before he hadn't known his father had accomplished so many amazing things. Also, living out on the farm he really never had access to this sort of thing. Besides, it had been more exciting to go racing like a daredevil through Beggar's Canyon than searching the galaticweb in the town's small library. Luke waited impatiently for the file to download, wondering exactly what he would see. Would he actually get to see his father as a young boy or just the race? Luke had never seen a podrace so he was quite uncertain what to expect. His nerves tingled and he bounced up and down on his chair like a small child.

/Come on, come on! Hurry up already!/

He watched as the narrow bar at the bottom of his screen slowly turned blue as the file transferred to his computer. It seemed to be taking forever but when he checked him chronometer only a few minutes had passed. Finally the video was ready to play and Luke eagerly told it to do so. To his delight, the race started with the parade as brightly colored flags were brought onto the track. The young Jedi's eyes narrowed as he focused on a golden figure carrying a white and blue flag.

/Is that…3PO?!/

No, it can't be! Luke shoved his face closer to his monitor but the tiny figure had already moved on and the image shifted. Pulling back, he settled down to watch the rest of the video footage. The racers were being introduced and Luke waited to hear his father's name called. Then it was and the view shifted to focus on a young boy waiving at the crowd from the cockpit of his podracer. He had shaggy sandy blonde hair and wore thick goggles over his eyes. Besides that, Luke really couldn't see him very well. Soon after that, the race itself started. Luke's stomach twisted when Anakin's podracer had stalled out, leaving him behind. Even though he knew Anakin was going to win the race, it was as if he were witnessing the competition firsthand. The camera followed the racers through the dizzy curves, drops and dangerous stretches of the racecourse. 

/That's Beggar's Canyon!/

Luke leaped out of his seat in excitement as he recognized the distinctive canyons he had raced his old speeder through. It was yet another connection he shared with his father. He held his breath as the third lap started and Anakin raced neck to neck with another racer. Then the other tumbled out of control and Anakin won!

/YES! We won!/

Luke danced around his small room in excitement until he started to feel foolish. Pushing a few strands of stray hair out of his eyes, he went back to his computer and settled himself down. How could he let a simple video of a race get him so out of control? Even if this young boy was his father, that didn't mean the man who was writing him was this boy, did it? So how could he determine if they were the one and the same?

/Maybe there's some clue in the video./

Pressing play again, Luke watched the tape from the beginning and once again saw the droid that looked so much like 3PO. And there, in another scene… was that a Jedi in the background near his father's podracer? He could only see part of the robes, but the coloring and style reminded him of Ben's clothing. 

/Maybe everything he told me is true…/

At any rate, the real Anakin Skywalker had won the Boonta Eve Classic podrace on Tatooine. Luke closed the video and examined the rest of the web page.  If only he could find out some information that only his real father would know! But how could he do that?

/If only I could email this Kitster and ask him about my father! Surely he could tell me things that an imposter wouldn't know!/

Luke smiled. His plan was brilliant! Then once he learned something, he could ask Podracer about it in a letter and see if the answers were the same. If they were, than Podracer really was his father, Anakin Skywalker! Searching the main page, he soon found an email address at the bottom and clicked on it. The only real flaw in his plan was that he didn't know if Kitster would bother replying to his message or not. The man might think he was some weirdo. How many people would email a complete stranger and ask for information about their father? 

/I have nothing to loose by trying./

Dear Kitster Banai,

Hi. You don't know me but I think you knew my father, Anakin Skywalker. I never knew my father and would appreciate any information you could give me about him. Not too long ago I just discovered that he used to podrace and won the Boonta Eve Classic. 

I grew up on Tatooine myself, out on the Lars Moisture Farm. I'm not sure if you ever heard of it? Anyway, my name is Luke Skywalker and I used to live with my Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. Sadly, they're both dead now. I really would appreciate it if you could help me, as my uncle really never told me much about my father. 

I know this must sound strange coming out of the blue like this, but I'm trying to learn about my family.

Thanks in advance for anything you can tell me.

Truly yours,

Luke Skywalker

He reread the letter a few times, and then sent it on its way. Determined he couldn't discover anything else from the web page, he book marked it for future reference and closed it. 

/What should I do now?/

Luke had two possibilities. He could try to look up the info about the Jedi or he could go ask 3PO some questions. Of course, lots of protocol droids looked alike and just because it had reminded him of 3PO didn't mean it had been. The young Jedi laughed. He was jumping to wild conclusions! There was no way that could have been 3PO! Why, the odds were astronomical!

/This stuff with Podracer is driving me crazy!/

Yes, it was making him see connections everywhere, connections where no connections existed. 

/I really need Han to help me research the Jedi stuff…/

That would be easy enough to explain. All he would have to tell his buddy was that he was trying to find any information on the old Order at all. Since Ben was dead, he had no one to instruct him, so the request shouldn't seem that odd to the smuggler. Of course, they probably wouldn't find anything at all. All the information had been destroyed with the Order years ago. But a few things may still exist, like if the Jedi had taken infants from families. If that had been the practice, it should have been common knowledge in the Republic and still should exist somewhere. 

/But what should I do about Podracer in the meantime while I wait for Kitster to reply?/

Luke considered the options. He could either write his penpal a short letter or he could leave him hanging for a while and go see Han. The problem is, he didn't know how long the research would take and they would be moving soon to that new base. 

/Maybe I should just send him a quick email./

He pondered that for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip. The problem was, Podracer had told him his name. Surely he was expected to tell his own name now, wasn't he? And if he didn't, how would that look? 

/Bantha fodder! I'm boxed in a trap now!/

Getting out of the chair, Luke paced the floor in his small room pensively walking around and around. His body just seemed to be packed with all sorts of nervous energy, as if he had drunk way too many caf drinks. It was making him jittery. 

/How the heck did I get myself into this mess? I just wanted a penpal!/

Leaving his computer on, Luke stormed out of his room and headed down to where the Falcon was parked. Hurrying up the open ramp, he called out for his friend. "Han! Hey Han, you here?"

"Luke?" Han said as he poked his head out from the cockpit. "What you doing up so late, Kid? Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"I was wondering if you could help me with a little project." Luke explained as he joined his friend in the tiny cockpit of the Corellian freighter. "I want to research the Jedi Order but don't know how to go about it."

"You still with that old man's mumbo-jumbo?" Han stared at him, concern in his brown eyes. "Luke, you know it's just some kooky old religion, right?"

"The Force is real, Han. I know it exists and I know it's hard for you to understand something you can't see." Luke stared into his friend's eyes, willing Han to help him. "Please, Han. It's important to me. My father was a Jedi and I want to be a Jedi, too. The problem is I don't have anyone to teach me, so I thought I could try researching the Order."

"I don't know, Kid," Han shook his head sadly. "I doubt if we'd find anything at all. As far as I know, all the stuff on that crazy group of wizards was wiped out years ago."

"But surely you must have heard things." Luke pleaded, passion burning in his eyes. "Tell me why you think it's a kooky old religion. Surely you must have a reason why you think that way."

"Well…" Han glanced down at his boots, and then peered back up at his friend. "I don't know if you want to hear these things, Kid. You seem to be really into what that old guy told you."

"Please, Han. Tell me. I want to hear the good and the bad." Luke told his friend.

"All right." Han settled himself in his pilot's chair. It was the place where he felt the most comfortable and secure. "I admit I think the whole thing is some scam. People just can't wave their hand and make stuff happen, you know? But that's what that old kooky religion use to teach. And well, Luke, I don't know how you're going to take this bit, but I even heard they used to kidnap babies and take them to live in that temple of theirs. I know that sounds terrible and you're convinced they were perfect and all… I just don't want to disappoint you right now. You have enough to deal with as it is."

Luke's blue eyes lit up. "Are you sure, Han? They really used to just take people's babies?"

"That's what I heard, Kid." Han stared down at his boots again. "I know that's not what you want to hear, but I ran into people before who were mad at them. You know? As a smuggler, I meet all sorts and there were a few who had bones to pick with that religion of yours. I guess from what I heard some people were happy and proud their kid was picked to go to that school, but other's felt differently, especially if the kid taken was their only child. Once they went into that temple, the family wasn't allowed any contact at all. If that was me now, I couldn't see giving up my child to be raised by some strangers. It's just not right…"

Luke smiled at Han and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Thanks Han, it means a lot to me."

Waving goodbye to the smuggler, Luke headed back to his quarters in the Rebel base. If Han's information was correct, it appeared that Podracer was telling the truth. But like his friend had said, it was pretty common knowledge. The real answer rested on far away Tatooine with Kitster. 

The young Jedi sighed. It appeared he would just have to wait a bit before he could write Podracer a reply. With any luck, Kitster would reply soon. In the meantime, he had packing to do for the move. Getting out a few containers, Luke got busy with packing his few belongings. 

To be continued…

Author's Note: Sorry to leave you hanging again, but I'll get the next chapter up tomorrow! I thought I could get it all into one chapter but I can't and I don't want to make any chapter too long less someone has problems loading it on their computer. So I promise Luke's letter to Vader will be in Chapter 9 tomorrow!


	9. Luke's Letter

Author's Note: I really wanted to get this posted yesterday as promised, but I was feeling lousy with a stuffy head. But here it is so enjoy!

Chapter 9: Luke Skywalker

Luke sighed as he thought about Podracer yet again. He had packed all his belongings the night before and was ready for the move, whenever that would be. But among all the confusion, a new thought had squeezed its way inside his head. Han had said the place was going to be cold. Well, freezing would be more accurate. The young Jedi couldn't help but wonder what cold and snow would be like. Living on Tatooine most of his life, Luke had never seen snow or experienced real cold before and he was curious. Excitement mixed with trepidation wove its way through his body. What if he couldn't handle the cold? He had, after all, come from a desert planet with two suns.

/I wish I could write Podracer and tell him./

At last he had gotten a good sleep the night before. Luke had been sure with all the excitement caused by Podracer's letter and the possibility of him being his father that he would lie awake in bed last night. Instead, he had passed out the moment his head had touched the pillow.

/All the excitement must have worn me out. That and the packing./

All the Rebels were slowly filing their way into a huge meeting room on the base and Luke went with them. It was common knowledge that Mon Mothma was going to announce their move at the meeting and give out instructions. He made his way through the doorway and found a seat next to Han and Leia. The Princess, as usual, looked just gorgeous with her hair piled on top of her head in braids. If only she'd notice him! She smiled at him in greeting and his heart leaped in joy. If only he could have a girlfriend as beautiful as she was one day…

/But I'm not dashing like Han is./

Compared to his older, more experienced friend, Luke felt awkward. Back home, he had never really dated anyone. He had never really fitted in, partly because he lived way out on the Lars' farm and partly because he was such a dreamer. Also, the Lars' hadn't had much money so he couldn't do all the things that his fellow classmates did, not that it bothered Luke much. Still, if he had had a girlfriend on Tatooine, maybe he would have some idea of how to handle the situation with Leia.

/Like I even have a chance!/

Still, it would be good to actually have the courage to ask her out, even if it was just to the lunchroom for a cup of caf. He couldn't be scared of the opposite sex his whole life. Even if he didn't end up with Leia, it would be nice to get his very first date over with and then he wouldn't be so green anymore. The whole idea sounded brilliant to him, if only he could implement it! Then his thoughts again shifted to his penpal, his father. He had started out a slave and actually married a queen!

/Maybe I should ask him for advice on women…/

"Hey, Kid." Han said as he slouched in his chair looking as rumpled as usual. "You get all your packing done?"

"Yeah." Luke smiled at his friend. He couldn't believe the things Anakin had said about friendship. He trusted Han with his life and knew the smuggler would always come through for him in a pinch. While he was glad he knew Han, it made him sad that his father had suffered such rotten luck is his miserable life. If only he could show the man that not everyone was that way, that real friends existed out there and all he had to do was find one? Sure, Han looked a bit rough on the outside and maybe he didn't have the most glamorous job, but his heart was in the right place.

/If I trust Han with my life, why don't I tell him about Anakin?/

Luke pondered the question a moment.

/Because I want to make sure he is my father first./

"Hey, you still worrying about that Jedi stuff?" Han asked as he shifted around on his chair to better look Luke in the face. "You're drifting off into space again without your X-wing. I'm worried about you, Kid."

"I'm sorry if I seem distant, Han. I just have a lot on my mind." Luke admitted. "For one, I never been anywhere cold before and I'm not too sure if I can handle it. Second, my dream is to become a Jedi and I'm not sure how I can accomplish that without a teacher. That's why I want to research it."

"Well, I'm sorry I couldn't help you much last night. The Emperor had them all killed, you know." Han replied.

"Why?" Luke asked, curious. This was something he hadn't asked Podracer about and if he was one of the last surviving Jedi, it would be interesting to hear his viewpoint on the issue. Of course, Luke realized that the Jedi had apparently treated the man unfairly and his view might be slightly skewered. But still, to kill all of them!

This time Leia answered the question. "Palpatine felt threatened by their mystical powers. He feared them, I think, so he had them wiped out. Poor Ben was the last one, I fear."

"But surely there must be others!" Luke insisted, thinking of his penpal living on board the Executor. "Ben apparently lived as a hermit for years out in the desert. Other Jedi could be doing the same! They could even be living among others, passing themselves off as regular people! All I have to do is just find one of them."

"Now don't get your hopes up, Kid." Han put a hand on his shoulder, urging him to calm down. "Even if there was one out there, the odds of finding him are impossible."

"Palpatine had his lapdog hunt them all down and murder them." Leia added, a sour expression on her face.

'His lapdog?" Luke asked.

"Darth Vader." Leia replied as she turned her eyes to the front of the room where Mon Mothma waited. The meeting was about to start.

....

After the meeting had ended, Luke stormed to his quarters. Anger at the Sith Lord burned inside him. Who was the horrible man inside the black armor that had stolen so many things from him? He had thought at one time that he had been responsible for his father's death but now there was a slim possibility that Anakin still lived. Yet, Luke knew for a fact Vader had killed Ben, his former teacher. And then Leia had dropped the bomb on him, that Vader had been the one to destroy all the Jedi!

/What right did he have to kill all the Jedi? I won't have a teacher now and its his fault!/

And who was this Emperor, this mystery man that was pulling all the strings? Leia had said his name was Palpatine, but the name meant nothing to Luke. Why had he declared himself Emperor? Was he just a power-hungry old man or was there more to it? And if he was just an old man, how could he control Vader?

/If I become a Jedi, Vader will try to kill me, too./

Yes, the Sith Lord would become his enemy, his real enemy. He wouldn't just be trying to kill another Rebel anymore but aiming just for him. Darth Vader would hunt him down like a carnivore hunts his prey. How could he possibly ever hope to survive such an encounter? He knew nothing of the Sith Lord except for exaggerated stories told by other Rebels, many of which Luke thought were just made up. Did Vader really have Jedi powers? He certainly had a Jedi's weapon, a lightsaber. He had used his red-bladed weapon to kill Ben.

/I will just have to kill Vader before he kills me./

Luke paused in the hallway, leaning against the cool stone wall. His heart thudded loudly in his chest as he imagined the encounter, goose bumps rising on his damp skin. Vader would meet him someplace dark and creepy, his red lightsaber glowing eerily. The room would be filled with that awful loud rhythmic breathing coming from the horrible black mask. The Sith Lord would taunt him as he came closer and closer. He would ignite his own lightsaber and try to defend himself, but his lame skills would be no match for the evil man. No, Vader would win, that was all too clear. There would be a moment of sharp pain and then it would be all over. His corpse would fall to the floor lifeless and the Jedi would be no more. The Emperor and his lapdog would have won.

/I could never defeat Darth Vader in a fight!/

The cold from the wall seeped into Luke's body and he shivered. He touched the wall with his hand and laughed. It wasn't really all that cold at all. He was just scaring himself by imagining such things, by thinking of Vader.

/But if I'm going to be a Jedi someday, I'll have to face Vader./

Yes, he would have to. At least, he should get revenge for Ben's death. Shouldn't he?

/No, I can't fall into that trap. That's the Dark Side. If I go down that path, I'll wind up just like Vader./

But wasn't killing itself evil?

Luke shook his head, confused. That's why he needed a teacher so desperately! And the only possible one he knew of was currently stuck aboard Vader's ship! How ironic indeed! He realized he needed to start planning what he would do if he ever crossed paths with Darth Vader again. His first reaction would be to probably just stand and gawk at him in surprise, perhaps in horror. Vader could cut him down that way all too easily. And since he couldn't outfight him, what did that leave? Luke rubbed his chin as he continued down the hallway deep in thought.

/I could ask Anakin what he knows of Vader! Surely he must see a lot of the man working as a commander on board Executor!/

But was that such a wise idea? He couldn't let Podracer know he was planning on killing Vader, could he? Of course not! But he could make the question seem innocent, just like he was curious. And truthfully, Luke was curious about Darth Vader. Who was he really? And what in the Force was a Sith and why did the Emperor have one working for him? Why didn't Vader just kill the old man with his powers and become Emperor himself? How hard could it be to kill an old man, anyway? Luke had only seen a photo of the Emperor once in school and the guy looked to be ancient.

By the time Luke reached his quarters, he had a smile on his face. He would slowly gather information on Darth Vader and use that information to make a defense plan for himself. Surely even Vader must have a weakness. It was probably a false hope, but it made him feel a bit better anyway.

/Maybe I have a reply from that letter I sent./

Thinking of Kitster and his page about podracing, Luke booted up his computer and checked his email. To his delight, a letter was waiting for him. Eagerly he clicked on it and started to read.

Dear Luke,

Hi and greetings from Tatooine! So you're Anakin's son, huh? Cool! Too bad you never knew Ani. He was great! He was my best friend until he left with that longhaired guy. He was a Jedi, you know, the longhaired guy, I mean. That always was Ani's dream, you know, to go off and be a Jedi. And then one day a real Jedi actually shows up and actually frees him! We were both slaves of Gardulla the Hutt. Gardulla used to own both Ani and his mother Shmi but she lost them in a bet to Watto. Watto was a Toydarian who owned a junkshop selling spaceship parts and stuff. Everything around here revolves around betting. It still does, but I guess you wouldn't know that living out on a moisture farm. Anyway, Ani used to work in Watto's shop fixing things. He was wizard at fixing things and could make even the most broken of things run. It was almost magic! And he was always helping people whenever he could. That's partly how he got freed, you know. A sandstorm was coming and he invited the Jedi to stay at his house. The Jedi's ship was broken and Ani agreed to race for them so they could win enough money to buy parts from Watto. Ani was just doing it to help the Jedi; he didn't know they were going to free him!

Shmi used to live out on the Lars' farm. I went out there several times to visit her after Ani left. She was your grandmother. I guess you don't know about her, though. A few years after Ani left with the Jedi she met Cliegg Lars and later married him. It was quite funny, really! That longhaired Jedi had sent Shmi this really valuable gem through the mail. It was worth a fortune! See, Watto had this rare ship and all he needed was this gem to make it go, but actually getting one was like impossible. So here Cliegg walks in one day and offers Watto the crystal if he can have Shmi. Well, Shmi was all for going with Cliegg but Watto didn't want to let her go. Finally he gave in and took the gem. Soon after that Cliegg freed Shmi and they got married. Owen was Cliegg's son from his first wife, who had died years before. And I guess you know that Owen married his girlfriend, Beru. The Tuskan Raiders killed Shmi.

Shmi missed Ani terribly after he left and thought about him every day. Watto would even watch the news, trying to keep track of where that longhaired Jedi had gone and what he was doing. One day, not long after Ani had left with him, Watto had heard on the news the Jedi had been killed! We were all so worried about Ani and feared he had been killed, too. Shmi had even written the Jedi Council a letter, asking for any information on her son. A long time passed and we thought he must surely be dead, but then a reply came and they said he was alive and training with a new master!

I really don't know what happened to Ani after he became a Jedi. But I can tell you Ani built his own podracer from spare parts he borrowed from Watto. He built it in the old boneyard behind the slave quarters. We all use to tease him that it would never go but it really did! Boy, were we ever shocked! And he was going to be in the Boonta Eve Classic! And the Jedi had a real astromech droid! I still remember it like it was yesterday…

Oh, I almost forgot to say that Ani even built his own protocol droid! You can see him at the beginning of the podrace video carrying the flag. He was really cool! It was neat how he could build things like that. He built the droid for his mom and after he left and Shmi got married, C3PO went to live on the Lars' moisture farm. I have no idea what happened to the droid after that, though.

Ani's a real hero around here for winning the Boonta Eve Classic! People still talk about it in Mos Espa. Sometimes I wonder what happened to him. He was always talking of how once he was a Jedi he would come back and free all the slaves. That was his real dream. We pretty much talked about it all the time.

Hey, if you ever find out where Ani is or what happened to him, let me know! And if there's anything else you want to ask, go ahead!

Kitster

Luke stared at the monitor, his mouth drooping open.

/Anakin built C3PO?! And my grandmother used to live on the farm?!/

He had been hoping for something he could ask Podracer, but this was just amazing! Why hadn't 3PO ever told him about his father? And why hadn't his uncle recognized the droid? True, all protocol droids pretty much looked alike and it had been a long time since Owen must have seen the droid, but that didn't explain why 3PO didn't recognize his last name. Unless his memory had been wiped? Unless the information was locked in his head somewhere…now there was a tantalizing idea!

But as far as he could tell, Podracer was apparently telling him the truth. The information that Kitster had told backed up his penpal's letter. Now all he had to do was to ask Podracer a simple question from Kitster's letter, something that was unlikely for anyone but the real Anakin to know…

But what?

After studying the letter, Luke decided on two questions. He would ask Podracer what his childhood dream was and how he had met the man that had freed him. If he answered both correctly, then surely he was his true father!

/If only you really were my father! I waited so long to find you!/

Saving a copy of Kitster's letter, Luke called up a clean page to write Podracer a letter.

Dear Anakin,

Thanks for your letter. Sorry this one is a day late but things are going on here and I'll be moving soon, so I had to pack my stuff last night. I'm going to be going on a trip to some cold, snowy place. Truthfully, I'm a little worried about it. I never saw snow before so I'm not sure what to expect. Oh, I saw holovisions of it before so I know it's white and really cold, but that's a lot different than the real thing. My buddy also tells me its supposed to be very, very cold there and I don't know if I can handle that. I mean, how cold is cold? I guess that just sounds stupid. Have you ever seen snow? If so, did you like it?

So you really work on board the Executor? Wow! Isn't that Darth Vader's ship? Do you ever see him? Well, I guess since you're a commander you must see lots of him, huh? Is it true he's a Sith Lord, whatever that is? I'm not really sure what a Sith is, do you?

I had no idea the Republic used to be like that. The way some people talk, I had the impression it had been perfect. But then, growing up on a farm I never really thought about either the Empire or the Republic. It was all just too far away, if you know what I mean. I had read about the Clone Wars in school and like any little boy I had thought it sounded very exciting. Now I'm not all that sure it was…

You have had very bad luck with people and friends. Not all friends are that way. Anyway, I hope they're not. I believe my friend is a true friend. He has always been there when I needed him. Yes, I admit I haven't really known him all that long but I can see he really cares about me. Just today he was asking me if everything was all right. See, he was concerned about my well-being. I realized in the past your friend probably did the same thing, but I will continue to trust him. He came back for me when he didn't have to and I think that says a lot. You can't judge a person by how they dress or look. For example, my friend is a bit scruffy looking. A lot of people who don't know him might mistake him for some … scoundrel … but he has a good heart. And just because a person dresses fancy and is well groomed all the time doesn't mean they would be honest or a true friend, either. But I presume you already know this.

Thanks for telling me how to meditate. I didn't have a chance to try it yet, but I assure you I will the first opportunity I get. It really means a lot to me. I really wish I had a teacher, someone to instruct me in the ways of the Force. That is what you were studying, wasn't it, to learn how to use the Force? So, did you complete your training? I suppose we are both skipping over a certain word that starts with a 'J', are we not? Are you concerned your superiors will find out? It's just that I want to learn but I don't have a teacher…

I don't suppose you could get off the Executor, could you?

Tell me, what was your childhood dream? Surely you had one, didn't you? My childhood dream was getting off Tatooine and getting into space, to see the galaxy. But you've accomplished such amazing things during your lifetime; surely your dream was grander than mine?

I was wondering how you went from being a slave to a commander on the Executor? I know you said your freedom involved a man that visited the junkshop and winning the podrace. What exactly did the man do? I'm curious, as I don't fully understand it and it sounds like it must be a fascinating story. Won't you tell it to me?

You asked what was keeping me awake at night. Well, truthfully, your letters were. A bit. I was just trying to figure out whom I was writing to. And well, I was wondering if you were in the Empire…that and well, like I told you there's this girl. Except I'm quite a klutz around them, well, not really but I've never really gone on a date before. I really don't know how to go about asking a girl out. How did you do it? I mean, you weren't even supposed to be going out yet you managed to do it and I on the other hand have a pretty princess I see every day and I can't seem to find enough courage to ask her to get a cup of caf with me in the cafeteria! So, what should I do? I really don't expect to end up with her or anything, but there are others girls and maybe if I had some idea on how to go about it…

Umm… I really don't know how you're going to take this, but my father's name was Anakin. So do you think that…?

OK, I know that sounds a little bit weird. What are the chances that ….? I've been trying to figure that out for the past day and it's against the odds, right? But yet, it would be really cool if it only were true! I really thought my father was dead all these years! That's what my Uncle told me. I don't suppose you had a brother, did you? Oh, wait. Didn't you say your son was kidnapped when he was a baby?

This whole thing is getting very confusing and making my head spin! I don't suppose you could explain it? But then, you're probably as shocked and confused as I am!

Well, I should go now.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Farmboy

Luke reread his letter several times, pausing as he considered if he should ask anything else. Deciding he had said enough for the time being, the young Jedi sent it on its way. Closing his computer down and unplugging it from the wall, he carefully stored it in a special carrying case. When he flew his X-wing to the new base, he would take it with him. Good thing it was light and would easily fit into his fighter plane. It even had a battery pack that he could use during an emergency. Picking up his other bags, Luke left for the hanger bay. Moving day had arrived and it was time to go.

To be continued…


	10. Darth Vader

Chapter 10: Darth Vader

Darth Vader unexpectedly strode into the Primary Power Generator Room, the gray uniformed men stationed there snapping to attention as his presence. The Sith Lord enjoyed doing snap inspections. The Executor was his first real command and he was determined to know her as intimately as he knew the Force. Since she had been built and commissioned from the Ship Yards of Fondor, he had been taking the time to get to know her deck by deck, department by department. Executor was the Empire's flagship and thus was crewed with the best the Empire had to offer. Still, these surprising inspections served a very real purpose. No longer was he catching crewmembers dozing at their posts or letting their duties slide. He let them know that even the dullest duty station aboard Executor was important and one never knew when the ship's survival would depend on that one crewmember at that dull post. In return, his crew did their jobs with more efficiency and thus served the Empire to their full extent.

After examining the control panels and being satisfied all was as it should be, he exited the Generator Room and headed down the white hallway. The Backup Engine Reactor Room was nearby and he would inspect that next. As he walked down the hall, his mind contemplated what had happened to his son. He had expected another letter last night when he got off duty and headed to his quarters, yet no letter had been in his email box. Had something happened to the boy?

/Perhaps telling him I was a commander in the Imperial Fleet has scared him away./

The long hall curved and Vader followed it, his black cape billowing out behind him. A mouse droid skittered out of his path and Vader didn't even spare it a glance. His mind was far too occupied with thoughts of his son.

/I hope nothing has happened to him. The boy can be too reckless./

He remembered the account Farmboy had told him of almost crashing into his wingmate, of flying when he had been groggy from lack of sleep. Vader shook his helmet slightly in disapproval, as no one was around to witness his behavior. His plan for luring his son to him had been going so well and now he hadn't a clue as to what has happened. If anything had happened. The Sith Lord knew he shouldn't jump to conclusions, yet he felt restless and on edge. Walking the long, seemingly endless corridors of Executor was a perfect way to burn off his nervousness. The ship had an infinite number of departments to inspect, crew to catch off guard doing inappropriate things while on duty.

/How can a boy affect me so?/

He pondered the question for a moment, turning it over in his mind. He had never even met the boy, yet here he was worrying about him. Is this what a parent did, constantly worry about their offspring? He finally reached the doors to the Backup Engine Reactor Room and they swooshed open at his approach. Stepping inside, he was dismayed to find a crewmember reading some sort of publication at his post, his feet propped up on the console he was supposed to be watching. Marching up to the man, who still hadn't noticed his presence, he snatched the offending object out of his startled hands. He peered at it with his mask, disgusted to find images of women very improperly dressed.

"L…Lord Vader!" the man gasped in fright.

"This is a reactor!" Vader hissed at him, anger clear in his voice. "It needs to be minded. The safety of the ship depends on it functioning properly! And here you sit looking at filth!"

"I…I.." the man panicked, not knowing what to say.

"You will not fail me again!" Vader closed his hand as he focused the Force around the frightened man's throat. The crewmember gasped, his eyes bulging out as he struggled to breath. But the angry Sith Lord had him in his grasp and he couldn't let such disrespect to women as well as duty slide. No, a person like this put everyone on the ship at risk. The man gurgled one last time and then fell to the floor unmoving. Vader hit the com switch and quickly ordered a replacement for the dead offender, as well as troopers to remove the body. Moving over to the wall, he opened a garbage chute and hurled the hated publication down it. How could some men look at stuff like that? It was disgusting!

Strolling around the small room, Vader made a mental note to inspect this post more often and on different shifts. Word would get around about the crewmember's death and everyone would be on his toes, alert and ready for anything. Still, no matter what the crew thought, he didn't enjoy killing them and he only did it when necessary. His anger fading, his thoughts drifted back to Farmboy.

/Does he know I am his father?/

Could that be causing the delay in a response? Had he shocked his poor, naïve son? Perhaps the boy had no idea of how to respond to such a situation. Or didn't he even know his father's name?

/No, I am sure he knows I am his father now…/

He had half expected a fast, jubilant reply from Farmboy, one shouting 'I am your son!'. But then, perhaps something was going on with the Rebels. Yes, that could be. His son might have been sent on some mission with his fighter squadron to take pot shots at some Imperial installation. Then a new thought occurred to the Sith Lord, one that caused his blood to turn cold in his veins and his badly damaged heart to lurch. No! It wasn't possible!

/What if some stupid Imperial doing his duty kills my son?/

But Vader knew it could happen. He stood frozen in the Backup Engine Reactor Room, alone except for the dead crewmember. No one was there to witness his temporary paralysis as unaccustomed fright gripped his body. The dreaded event could happen today, tomorrow or next month. Then again, it might never happen at all. The boy had the Force as his ally and had apparently inherited his superb flying skills. Still, those things alone didn't guarantee survival in this galaxy. The Jedi had once been considered near undefeatable and they had all perished.  Yes, the galaxy was cold, cruel and uncaring. If he wanted the boy to live, he would have to start looking after him. But how could he do that when he wasn't answering his letters?

/I hope you are well, my Son./

The doors opened as stormtroopers filed in and Vader directed them to remove the corpse. Moments later a replacement crewmember arrived and hurriedly took the vacant duty station. Satisfied, Vader left. The Sith Lord knew he should go inspect the Main Engine Turbine since he was in the area, but no, word would have spread by now and the inspection would be useless. Better to wait a week or two to better catch crewmembers off guard as this one had been.

/Perhaps I shall plan a third shift inspection of the Auxiliary Reactor…/

Yes, third shift wouldn't expect it at all. Which, of course, was the point! Grinning under his mask, Vader headed to his quarters. But the smile quickly faded as Farmboy's safety once again rushed to the front of his mind. He had earned a few free moments to check his email. Perhaps his son had contacted him by now and he could stop agonizing over the boy's silence. Stepping into a lift, he waited for it to deposit him on the proper deck. From there, making his way to his quarters was simple. Inputting his code, the doors slid apart and he entered. Immediately he went to his computer and was soon searching through his mailbox. To his utter relief, a new letter was waiting.

/I guess you were just busy after all./

Vader chided himself for all the heedless worrying he had done.

/Perhaps Obi-Wan had been right, I concentrate too much on the negative./

He would need to form a proper bond with the boy. Then he could feel through the Force if he were all right or in need of assistance. But to do that, he would need to catch him first. That should be a simple enough task, for he knew exactly where his son was: on Yavin 4 with all the other pesky Rebels. Since they had destroyed the Death Star they had not vacated their base yet. Their over confidence was amazing, as was their stupidity. All he would have to do it send in a fleet of six star destroyers, although in this case a single star destroyer should be enough. Still, they had blown up the Death Star. Of course, he son may get killed in such an attack. Better to lure him out with letters.

Clicking on the email, Vader opened it and begun to read.

/What! They are moving?!/

So, the Rebels weren't as stupid as he had thought and the leaders have chosen to wisely relocate. So they were moving to a snowy world, hmm? He would have to look up possible locations on the star charts. It would no doubt be some isolated place and not populated. Vader grinned. His son was becoming a useful source of information.

The next paragraph caused Vader to laugh, something he rarely did these days. The sound vibrating around inside his mask and helmet sounded bizarre to his ears.

/Do I know Darth Vader? My dear Son, I AM Darth Vader!/

Still, he knew the boy wasn't exactly ready to know that fact yet so it would have to remain a secret for a bit longer. It probably would be better to divulge such information in person. Yes, that would be best.

/Someday, my Son, we shall meet and then you shall know the truth./

Vader couldn't help but wonder why the boy was asking about him. Was he just curious or was there more to his innocent questions? Did lingering negative emotions lurk within his heart from seeing Obi-Wan slaughtered? Did he fear the masked man all in black? Or was it a boy's simple curiosity about the biggest mystery in the galaxy? And his identity truly was a mystery, a fact that Vader savored like a fine wine. As to his reply, he would truthfully say he saw Darth Vader everyday.

He continued to read his son's letter with interest, worrying when he read that his son would continue to trust his friend. Just who was this mystery friend that was a scoundrel? Vader thought back and pictured the Falcon sitting in the hangar bay of the Death Star. Solo! Surely his son couldn't be associating with that smuggler? Why, the man was a real space pirate! Who knew what horrible things the man would teach his son?

/I must rescue him from those Rebels before it's too late!/

Yes, his poor son would get involved with shady schemes, gun running and who knew what else? It would be utterly terrible! And if he wasn't mistaken, Solo gambled! The Sith Lord groaned as a headache began to form in his temples. The smuggler had better not corrupt his son or he would pay the price. Of course, if Solo attempted such a thing his son would no doubt tell him in a letter. The boy certainly was free with words, spilling out the slightest things that were bothering him.

/I wonder if he has told anyone about me?/

Logic told Vader that in this case the boy was smart enough to keep his big blabbermouth shut.

/Ah, so you have figured out I am a Jedi. Good. Very good./

Better yet, the boy was anxious to have a new teacher; someone to pick up his training where Obi-Wan had left off.

/And that someone would be me./

Yes, he would instruct him in the ways of the Force and be his new teacher. But he couldn't teach him through email. No, they needed to be together. That part would be tricky, but Vader was confident he could handle it.

He stopped reading and stared at the screen.

/You expect ME to leave Executor and go to you?/

Of course, that wasn't a real invitation. Not really. The invitation was to Anakin and he wasn't Anakin anymore. No, he was Vader now and the boy didn't know that. If only it could be that simple! In a perfect world, his son would invite him with open arms…

/But one look at this mask and he will hate me…/

Vader knew it was true. How could his son not hate him after killing Obi-Wan? Perhaps if the boy had not witnessed that one event he could still learn to love him…but no, it was hopeless. He was just fooling himself with these idle dreams. Wasting his time and building up false hopes. No one had truly cared for him. What had caring for others gotten him except a broken body with a cracked skull and a life trapped within a metal suit? So many things he would never experience again, such simple things everyone takes for granted but denied to him now. The sunlight on his face, the wind in his hair, the scent of flowers in the air, raindrops, the damp, cool caress of fog, the unfiltered crash of a surf, the soft kiss of a woman's lips, even the cursed sand between his toes…forever denied.

/Why couldn't Obi-Wan love me?/

Hadn't he done everything his master desired? Hadn't he sacrificed his arm for him in that battle with Count Dooku? Hadn't he saved his master countless times on countless worlds? Why hadn't any of it been good enough for Obi-Wan? Nothing he had ever done been good enough! Yet his master had always expected more; you could have been faster, could have done that better…

And that had been when he had possessed a perfect body. If no one could find it within his or her heart to love him then, how could his son love him trapped in this crippled shell?

/Perhaps I was never worthy of their love…/

His emotions sunk into depression as he realized that his son could never love him. How could he when no one else had? All he would see is the mask and armor, a Sith Lord.

/He may not even believe me when I tell him I am his father, even after all the letters…/

No, he most likely wouldn't. He'd be forced to catch his son and hold him captive when he was informed of his parentage. Vader didn't like the idea, but what other choice did he have? He would open his heart to the boy and would get kicked in the face, rejected.

/He will be like all the others./

Yes, his son cares for him now as long as he doesn't know the truth. The thought was truly miserable. Even if he were still Anakin in his heart, he would forever more be Vader in body. There was no changing that.

He skimmed over the rest of the letter, some of his interest in it lost. He could never be the kind of father that the boy desired and he knew it. Yet no matter how it hurt, he knew he couldn't turn away from this unruly son of his. Like it or not, he was the only family he had left. And he was determined to catch him somehow…

/But how could I possibly tell him the truth?/

Vader didn't want to see the hate in his son's eyes aimed at him. He had witnessed that too many times in the past. The fake smiles from people that had pretended they had cared about him. In the end, they had been just like Palpatine, only interested in his powers. He had thought many times that had been the case, but he hadn't wanted to believe it. And when it all had come crashing down around him it had been too much, too painful. To think that his own master had tried to kill him…

He had thought the pain would go away on Obi-Wan's death, but it hadn't. His revenge couldn't erase the pain of betrayal. It still lurked within his damaged heart and he wondered why his master had hated him so much.

/And my son will probably do the same…/

Wishing things could be different; Vader began to write a letter to the boy.

Dear Farmboy,

I am glad to hear from you again. I must admit I was worried when I hadn't received a letter yesterday from you and feared the worst. In many ways I feel that I already am your father even though we never met. In all likelihood's, I am your father. I had a stepbrother named Owen that lived on a moisture farm. No doubt that is where your Jedi kidnapper left you after he snatched you away. I met my stepbrother only once, many years ago when my mother had died. I never dreamed he would have taken you to Tatooine or I would have gone and rescued you many years ago. But they knew I hated the planet and all the bad memories it brought. Was your uncle's name Owen Lars?

Yes, I work on board the Executor. Today I was doing surprise inspections of various departments. I heard Lord Vader was also doing inspections. He caught a crewmember looking at filthy pictures and force-choked him. Women should be treated with respect. Don't you agree? I see Lord Vader everyday. Yes, he is a Sith Lord. A Sith is a group that studies the more powerful side of the Force or so I have been taught. Normal Jedi won't trifle with it because they fear it. Some believe it is evil, but I think it depends on what a person does with it. Think of it like a blaster. In the hand of a madman, a gun can be evil as he shoots and kills innocents inside a restaurant. But a gun can also be good, stopping a dangerous person before they harm others. The Force is like this, too. Don't you agree? It is what some call the Unifying Force. Most Jedi study the Living Force. I learned about both at the Academy, although we only practiced the Living Force.

Would you like to be my apprentice?

Yes, I have seen snow and ice. I've visited cold, frozen worlds many times when I was an apprentice attending the Academy. It's painful to think about those times as they involve my former master, the one that betrayed me in the end. I only wanted him to love me and he couldn't find it within his heart to do that. It's very sad. I was thinking about it earlier today and all it did was depress me.

I don't think I could leave Executor. She is all I really have, that and my rank. I doubt if others could accept me the way I am, of how I look. I seriously doubt if your friends would. If my master couldn't love me, how could they? I don't want to give up everything I worked so hard for and then end up being rejected. I don't think I could take that. I would still like to teach you though, if we could figure out a way on how to do it.

What was my childhood dream? Well, I always dreamed to become a Jedi and then go back to Tatooine and free all the slaves. I hated being a slave. Well, not really hate but I didn't think it was right. Watto treated us well enough, I guess, but I still didn't like being someone else's property.

How I got freed? Well, this Jedi came to Watto's junkshop. His name was Qui-Gon Jinn. Padme was with him. They talked to Watto about buying the parts they needed, but they didn't have any money. Watto had said I could go home for the day and I met them outside. A sandstorm was coming and it was a long way to their ship, so I took them home to my house. We had lunch together. I offered to help them the only way I could: by driving my podracer in the Boonta Eve Classic. I had secretly built my own podracer from parts I had borrowed from Watto. My owner didn't even know about the racer! And it was the fastest ever! I used radical fuel atomizers and multiple igniters to get maximum burn from every atom of fuel. That combined with a set of triple air scoops around each turbine helped me win against much bigger, powerful racers. Anyway, I wanted to win so I could give the money to Qui-Gon and Padme so they could buy the parts they needed. I had no idea that Qui-Gon had made a bet with Watto for my freedom! I didn't find out until after the race…

About girls: You have to be yourself but yet you have to take chances. You have to let her know how you feel. I let Padme know several times how I felt. She knew just by the way I looked at her. Later I stared into her eyes and kissed her. Some girls won't know you like them unless you do something that will let them know.

But if you want to be a Jedi, you probably won't have much time for a girlfriend. It involves a lot of training and you'll need to concentrate on it. I'm not saying you can't get married some day, but right now you need to decide what you want more: to train with me or to go after the girl. Remember, I was practically a Jedi when I married Padme, your mother. You have almost no training and it will take a lot of hard work. You won't have time for girls for quite awhile.

Yes, if I'm your father than Padme was your mother.

So, do you want to train with me, Son? I would love to have you with me…yet I worry about us meeting. I don't know if you'll be able to accept me the way I am. I've just been rejected so many times in the past…

I'm afraid I can't teach you through the mail…

We need to figure something out if you really want me to teach you.

What is your name?

Your Father,

Anakin Skywalker

Vader reread his letter. Signing his old last name was truly clever and he grinned. He hoped it was enough to lure the boy to him. Pressing the button, he sent the letter on its way.


	11. Luke Skywalker

Chapter 11: Luke Skywalker

Luke's mind drifted as his X-wing flew through hyperspace. The young Jedi was on his way to Hoth, the new inhospitable artic base for the Rebel Alliance. Bored, he glanced out of the transparent cockpit but only saw the shooting stars of hyperspace around him. The rest of his squadron was out there; he just couldn't see them. They had been given the choice to travel on one of the bigger ships the Rebels owned, but for safety they had decided to fly escort to the fleet. So far nothing had happened and Luke didn't expect anything to, either. No, it was just an opportunity to be utterly alone with his thoughts where no one could see him.

/Maybe it's better this way./

Yes, it probably was better. Who knew what expressions were running across his face as he thought of finally having a father again after so long. Of course, there was the little matter of him being a Commander aboard the Executor…

/If he's my father./

Luke shook his head in annoyance. Why did this have to happen now? Why couldn't the Alliance have waited just two or three days until moving? He was expecting another letter from Anakin, the most important one yet! He would finally find out if the man was really his father and here he was stuck inside his X-wing in hyperspace! And when they finally reached Hoth, it would be mass confusion on the ground. It would take hours to get everyone sorted out, rooms assigned, equipment hooked up…. in other words, he'd have to wait even longer before he would have an opportunity to read Anakin's letter! Impatience bubbled up inside him and Luke slammed his gloved fist onto the control panel.

/And I might have actually found a new teacher!/

Would Anakin leave the Executor to teach him the Jedi arts or would he refuse? The thought preyed on Luke's mind. He was so close to his new dream becoming reality, yet so much depended on what the other would do. Would his penpal trust him enough to be willing to leave the Empire? Yet how could Anakin trust him when everyone else had betrayed him in the past? Was he expecting too much from the man that might be his father, asking too much too soon?

Then a more sobering thought entered Luke's head.

If he really wanted Anakin to teach him, he'd have to meet him somewhere, in person.

/I'd have to be practically insane to do that!/

No matter how much Luke wanted to concentrate on the fact the man was his father; he was still an Imperial Commander. Where did Podracer's loyalties lie? Yes, so far everything he had told him had been true, but what of the things he hadn't told him? The things he had left out of the letters may prove to be equally dangerous, if not outright disasters. Hadn't he kept secrets from Podracer, things he had left out on purpose?

/I didn't tell him I was a Rebel…/

Luke tried to imagine what things Podracer might have left out, but he couldn't think of any big things. Had his penpal told anyone about the letters? He rolled the idea around a few times and couldn't see why his penpal would. His letters had made it clear he didn't have any friends, so why would he tell anyone? Besides, there was the possibility that they would get him in trouble, so it was highly unlikely he'd share them with anyone. But still…

/I could go to meet him and end up surrounded by stormtroopers./

It was a scary thought, but he'd have to face that possibility sooner or later. Actually, that could happen at any time. He was traveling with Rebels, after all. Most of them were wanted, with rewards posted for their capture. So far that hadn't happened to him yet, but Luke knew it was just a matter of time. How long would it take the Empire to get hold of his name and other information, to discover that he was the one that had blown up the Death Star?   How would that affect him, to see his name and face on a WANTED poster? Then, he would officially be a criminal, a type of terrorist even.

/I have no idea how that would really affect me, but it'll be troubling to say the least./

Would the awards be big enough to attract bounty hunters? Would he have to watch his back every minute or chance getting a blaster stuck into his ribs? If so, what kind of life would that be?

More importantly, did he really want to live that kind of life?

/What happens when Podracer finds out I'm a Rebel?/

For Podracer would find out sooner or later, wouldn't he? How long could he really keep it a secret, especially if the man agreed to teach him? Would he being a Rebel affect Podracer's decision to teach him? Could he turn him down because of it?

/Would my father be disappointed that I'm a Rebel?/

The Empire seemed to mean a lot to Anakin and Luke didn't want to disappoint him, but who was right? The young Jedi couldn't help remembering Podracer's question, asking him if he were on the right side of the war. Things were just getting so confusing…all he wanted was to be a Jedi! Why must all these politics and wars get involved?

/I just wish it would all go away!/

If it would, then he could spend all the time he wanted with Anakin without all these other things interfering! Once again, Luke slammed his fist onto the control console, this time hard enough to make his fist hurt. Grimacing at the sudden pain, he massaged the fleshy part of his hand through his flight gloves.

/I shouldn't let my emotions get the better of me like that./

Still, it wasn't easy controlling them, either. He was beginning to feel out of control, like a flying missile on course for the Death Star with a guaranteed explosion ahead. Still, waiting was so hard!

/Stupid Mon Mothma! Why'd she have to move us NOW?! Uggh!/

His console beeped, alerting him that they were coming out of hyperspace. Luke gripped the controls and within a short time he landed his X-wing on Hoth. Almost from the moment he had entered the atmosphere, he had started shivering. The cold was unbelievable! He maneuvered his fighter into the already made hangar and pressed the button to pop the canopy. Nothing happened. Confused, Luke reached up with both arms and pressed up at the transparent covering. After a few moments, he heard a loud CRACK and the cockpit cover popped open, hunks of ice at the edges.

/Great! It was actually frozen shut! I'm really going to like this place./

Jumping out, Luke's boots hit the cavern floor and instantly slid out from underneath him. Arms twirling madly, he crashed to the floor and slid several feet before coming to a stop.

"Hey, Kid! You got to be more careful! This is ice we're walking on, you know. Ice is slippery. Best take it slow until you get used to it." Han stared down at him, a concerned look on the smuggler's face. He held out a hand. "You've been stuck in that cramped little plane a long time, why not come onto the Falcon and have something to eat?"

Luke reached for his friend's hand and allowed Han to help pull him to his feet. Still clinging to the older man, he tested his footing cautiously. His boots slid easily on the surface. The sensation was something totally new. Never in his young life had he encountered anything so slick and smooth, so slippery. "I suppose this stuff could be a lot of fun once you learn how to walk on it."

"Yeah, it can be." Han grinned. "Just don't get brash and try running on it!"

Luke laughed, dispelling some of the tension that had built up inside during his long flight. It was great to have a friend like Han, someone he could always depend on. Sliding his boots along the slick surface, he made it to the Falcon's ramp without falling. His stomach rumbling at the thought of food, he dashed up the ramp and closed the door behind him. The warmth hit him all at once, like a blast from distant Tatooine. It was wonderful! But the heat made him realize just how cold it really was out there. "I didn't think it would be this cold."

"Ha! It'll get even colder once the sun sets." Han grumbled as he set about getting a hot meal ready. "Trust me, when that sun goes down you don't want to be out there. Nothing and I mean nothing can survive out there in that cold."

"Han, can I tell you something?" Luke settled himself in a chair as he watched Han make a meal. Nervousness bubbled up within him as he thought of telling Han about his penpal. He so much wanted Han to understand! But would he? There was just no sure way of knowing…

"Of course, Luke! You can tell me anything. You know that." Han pulled two bowls of stew out of the cooking unit and set them on the table, then added a long loaf of bread. He shoved one bowl towards Luke, giving his friend a spoon. He parked himself on the other side of the table and spooned hot stew into his mouth. "So, what's on your mind?"

Luke tasted the stew and swallowed, it was delicious. Better yet, he could feel the warmth sliding all the way down to his stomach. "Han, I don't know how to tell you this…"

"Tell me what?" Han lowered his spoon into the bowl and stared at him, a puzzled look on his face. "Blowing up the Death Star still eating at you?"

"No, it has nothing to do with that, not really." Luke stirred the thick stew, the hot steam blowing up into his face. He lowered his expressive blue eyes, the lashes hiding them. Now that the time has come to tell Han, he didn't know if he could go through with it. He couldn't help think of how Anakin's friends had turned on him just because he had gotten married. How would Han react once he found out he had been corresponding with an Imperial? Would he react the same way Anakin's friends had? Would Han turn on him, report him to the Rebel Alliance leaders? Would they all whisper about him behind his back and give him odd looks in the hallway? He didn't want thing to change, he liked having friends he could count on in a pinch. But he wanted his father, too!

/I hope Han won't make me choose between him and my father, because I don't know what I'll do then./

"Come on, Kid. Tell me what's bugging you." Han leaned forward, concern in his dark eyes. "Something's been bugging you for days."

"Can I trust you, Han? I mean, really trust you?" Luke lifted his head to stare into Han's eyes with his hypnotic blue ones.

"Trust me?" The smuggler pulled back, surprised. He made an odd sound, halfway between a laugh and a cough. "What kind of question is that?"

"Please, Han. I have to know." Luke pleaded.

"Of course you can trust me!" Han answered, and then swallowed another spoonful of stew. "You know that."

"Promise me you won't tell Leia?" Luke added. The last thing he wanted was for the beautiful Princess to find out. She would be shocked and would probably jump to the wrong conclusion.

"Kid, if this about your crush on her…" Han blurted out, a sly grin on his face. "Trust me, there's no reason to blow it all out of proportion. Everybody knows."

/Everybody knows I have a crush on Leia?/

Luke felt his face heating up in embarrassment. How the heck had Han known? "But I never told anyone!"

Han laughed. "Kid, it was written all over your face!"

Luke gulped down several more spoonfuls of stew in an effort to hide his embarrassment.

"Now was that it or was there something else?" Han asked as he tore off a big hunk of bread.

"I think I found my father…" Luke stated calmly as he carefully set the spoon down next to his bowl. He was expecting Han to start acting up soon, once he told him the entire story. Just how Han would react, he wasn't sure. But just in case, it would be a good idea not to have anything in his hands when he told him.

"Your father?" Han stared at him blankly. "I thought he was dead."

"I thought he was dead, too." Luke admitted. The young Jedi leaned forward, excitement in his blue eyes. "This isn't going to be easy for you to hear, but just listen. I think I found him and he's alive, in the Empire."

Understanding dawned in Han's brown eyes and the smuggler relaxed a bit. "And you want me to go help rescue him, huh, Kid? Where's he being held?"

"No, Han. It's not like that." Luke sighed loudly.

"Then where is he?" Han asked, confused. "You're beginning to make me nervous, Kid."

"He's a commander onboard a Star Destroyer, on Executor." Luke blurted the words out, and then slumped in his chair. His eyes never left Han's face and he carefully watched every move the smuggler made.

/Please, Han. Show me I made the right choice in telling you./

"WHAT?!" Han leaped out of his chair, his mouth gaping open in shock. "Luke, you got to be crazy! I mean, there's no way that can be true! How the heck did you come up with such a crazy idea, anyway?"

"You see, Han. I've been writing to an Imperial." The young Jedi admitted.

"Are you crazy?" Han repeated as he stood there staring at Luke. "You can't write to an Imperial! You're a Rebel! What in the galaxy was going through your head to do something like that?"

"It's not like you think, Han." Luke remained calm as he watched the emotions play across his friend's face. He had expected this reaction. It was what Han would do later that he was concerned about. "He lived a very bad life, Han. And he's lonely. And I really believe he's my father."

"Oh, sure! Like out of a billion people what are the odds your own father would end up writing to you?" Han grimaced. He hurried around the table and knelt down by Luke, one hand on his knee. "Look, Kid. I know you always wanted to find your father, that it was important to you. But these are Imperials! They'll say anything to get you to do what they want. If I were you, I wouldn't believe any of it. It's just some trap to lure you into their clutches. They probably know you're the one that blew up the Death Star!"

"It could be the will of the Force," Luke replied, growing excited again. "The same thing happened to Podracer, to my Father! He was a slave on Tatooine and one day a Jedi came there and freed him somehow! And he won his freedom by winning a podrace, the Boonta Eve Classic! I wrote to this other person who had a website about the race and he verified it!"

"Luke! You can't believe what some stranger said!" Han shook his head sadly. "I'm deeply worried about you, Kid. You don't even know this person from the website, do you?"

"Well, no…" Luke admitted. "But I'm sure he wouldn't lie! Why would he?"

"Luke, the whole thing could be made up!" Han blurted out.

"W…What do you mean?" Luke asked, confused.

"Look, Kid. I did a few cons in my day, OK? You know that, right?" Han gazed up into his friend's blue eyes. "Look, it pains me a lot to be doing this to you, but I don't want to see you get scammed by the Imperials!"

Luke nodded his head. He knew Han had held many jobs in the past, most of them being the shady sort you didn't advertise in polite company. His heart thumped quickly within his chest, yet he was afraid of what Han was going to say. He could already feel his throat tightening.

/Please, Han! Don't say it's all a lie! I don't want to loose my father when I just found him!/

"Well, this whole thing sounds like a con to me." Han continued to kneel next to Luke's chair. "Besides, no human can podrace! It's impossible!"

"But I saw the video! On the web page!" Luke desperately clung to that fact as if his life depended on it being true. "It was my father when he was nine-years-old!"

"Nine-years-old?" Han snorted. "Now I know it's fake! You've been had. There's no way a boy that young could win a race like that! That person running the web page is in on it, another Imperial. They set it up all ahead of time, knowing you'd go try to check the info. Trust me, Luke. Just forget about this guy pretending he's your father."

"But he knew stuff!" Luke insisted as he jumped out of his chair and started storming around the room. Han meant well, but he was breaking it all down, all his dreams of getting to know his father and becoming a Jedi. "He knew stuff about my family! And he verified my father's story of my grandmother! She was killed by Tuskan Raiders!"

"And did your Aunt or Uncle ever mention this grandmother to you?" Han asked gently.

"Well, no. But they hated talking about my father!" Luke shouted. He knew his emotions were getting out of control again, but this time he almost welcomed it. "My Uncle hated my father!"

"Luke, calm down!" Han motioned with his hands, hoping it would help. "This is exactly what the Empire wants you to do!"

"He said this would happen!" Luke cried, tears in his eyes. "He told me how all his friends betrayed him, even his teacher that he had known for twelve years! His own teacher tried to kill him and pushed him into a lava pit! I thought you were different, I thought I could trust you!"

"You can trust me!" Han ran a hand through his hair, trying desperately to think of something, anything. "I just don't want you to get scammed! Can't you understand that? Listen to what you just told me, it's straight from a children's fairytale! You got your slave and suddenly a Jedi comes from nowhere and rescues him? Come on, do you really expect me to believe that? And I suppose he married a princess, too?"

"A queen…" Luke chocked out.

"See? It's straight from some fairytale and you fell for it!" Han moved closer to Luke and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "Look, you want to really check out this guy's story, I'll help you. But it sounds like a big pile of poodoo to me."

"But I really thought it was true…" Luke wiped at his wet face. Could Han be right? Or did his friend have his own motives, like not wanting him to write to an Imperial.

"What we need is to find an information source that the Imperials didn't tamper with, one we know we can trust." Han hugged Luke, a worried expression on his face.

"And what is he's telling the truth and he is my father?" Luke asked.

"I don't know, Kid, I really don't know…"

To be continued…


	12. Luke Skywalker

Author's Note: I'm planning on making this story canon (non AU) but at the same time 'push the envelope' a bit. Since I have no idea how long the Rebels were on Hoth, I'll be 'getting away' with a few things for the storyline. So please be patient.

Chapter 12: Luke

Luke rested inside the Millennium Falcon by the little game table and he didn't know what to think anymore. Was Han right and the whole thing was just some trick by the Imperials? He had to admit what Han had said made sense but his heart just didn't want to believe it. He really had wanted Anakin to be his real father and know he just wasn't sure. Why couldn't Han have just agreed with him and have been happy?

/I hate this stupid war!/

It was the war that was messing up his life. It had caused the deaths of his only family and now it was going to tear his new father away, too, just because he was on the other side of the conflict!

"You OK, Luke?" Han asked, a worried expression on his face. "I know it hurts, but you really have to be careful. If Mon Mothma ever found out you were writing to Imperials, do you know what she'd do?"

"Be angry?" Luke replied in a flat, emotionless voice. The whole thing was making him depressed.

"She'd court martial you!" Han replied. The smuggler moved to sit down next to Luke at the little table. "Look, Luke. This is serious. I mean it. You may see it as just writing to your dad, but they won't see it that way. If they even get a slight whiff of this, I bet you'd find yourself in the slammer. Then they'd start a big investigation into your life and background…your reputation would be ruined. Trust me, you don't want to go through that."

"But I didn't really tell him anything important, not Rebel stuff anyway." Luke sighed, running a hand through his blonde hair. "I was just mainly talking about myself and my feelings, talking about his life. I doubt if he even knows I'm a Rebel. Besides, he never asked where I lived."

"Don't you think that's a little odd? That's one of the first things I would ask." Han stated as he stared at Luke. "Face it, Kid, your penpal knows you're a Rebel. That's why he didn't ask. He wanted you to keep writing so he avoided that question on purpose, knowing if he asked you couldn't tell him and that made him worry you wouldn't reply so he didn't ask it."

"Yeah, I get it." Luke leaned forward onto the game table, resting his head on the smooth surface. He covered his head with both arms.

"Are you going to write this guy again?" Han asked.

"I want to…" Luke muttered.

"Even knowing you could be court-martialed?"

"Maybe I don't care anymore." Luke mumbled, his emotions at their all time low. Right now he didn't feel like doing anything at all. The war didn't seem all that important anymore but something far away. Just a short time ago he had been so happy and excited but it all had fallen apart when he had told Han. It was because of the war that he was here on this miserable planet freezing his butt off. Heck, he didn't even have quarters yet. "Nothing seems important."

"Luke, don't talk that way!" Han cried. The smuggler was starting to panic. It was clear his friend was slipping into a deep depression and he was partly to blame for it. "Look, I said I was going to help you research this guy and I will, I promise! But don't talk like that. OK?"

"I can't help how I feel, Han. All my life I wanted my father and then you say it's not real!" Luke lifted his head up and stared at Han with red-rimmed eyes.

The sight of his friend in so much distress broke Han's heart. "Where's your computer?"

"I left it in my X-wing."

"Well, go get it before someone else gets their hands on it!" Han shouted as he leaped out of his seat and dashed towards the door that would lead outside. "You just can't leave such a thing lying around, for galaxy sake! What if someone flips it on and finds those letters?"

Luke shrugged. He knew what Han was saying, but he just couldn't get excited about it anymore.

/What's wrong with me? Why don't I seem to care anymore?/

He leaned back against the padded seat and sighed. He really hadn't been with the Rebellion all that long so maybe that's why he felt like this. Sure, they'd given him a cool fighter to fly and stuff, but…

/Even the idea of flying doesn't excite me anymore./

He watched Han as the man pulled on his warm winter parka with the fur-lined hood and pressed the control for the ramp to lower. A moment later the smuggler slipped outside and Luke shivered as icy air blew into the ship. He knew he should get up and go close the ramp, but the idea seemed to require too much effort. It was so much easier just to sit here and shiver. He wrapped his arms around his body, his teeth chattering. Maybe the extreme cold was a good thing. Perhaps if it were cold enough, it would numb his feelings and then the pain wouldn't hurt so much.

A few moments later Han reappeared and hurried inside, carrying Luke's computer case. Once he was within the ship, he closed the door again and set the thermostat control to High. Hot air began to blow from vents hidden throughout the ship as Han removed his parka and tossed it onto a chair. Going over to the table where Luke sat, Han placed the computer case onto the game table.

Han stared at Luke.

Luke just sat there and didn't say anything.

"Look, Kid. I'm going to figure this out for you, OK? We'll start at the beginning. You say he won the Boonta Eve Classic on Tatooine, right? Well, we'll go there then and look at the actual race records. We'll see if we can find any paperwork or files from when he was a slave." Han grinned, hoping the news would cheer his buddy up.

"It's hopeless, Han." Luke sighed as he slumped lower into his chair, his arms crossed over his chest. "I doubt if they keep records. Tatooine is so … lawless. And I don't think they had podracing there for who knows how long. I doubt if we'd find anything. It'll be just a big waste of time."

"We'll go see this other guy then, in person. The one from the website." Han added, trying to cheer Luke up.

"Besides, we're here and Tatooine is far away." Luke really didn't feel like talking to Han or anyone else. No, he wanted to be alone so he could mope, maybe go to sleep. Yeah, sleeping sounded like a good idea.

"So? We'll blast off in the Falcon. We'll be there in no time."

Luke frowned. Han was beginning to get on his nerves.

"Come on, Kid. What do you say?"

Luke's frown turned into an angry glare.

"Luke, you have to say something! I'm willing to risk my life here for you by going to Tatooine! Jabba the Hutt wants me, you know. That should tell you how guilty I feel for making you feel this way and I'd wish you'd say something!"

Luke snapped. "You don't really care if he's my father or not! You only care that he's an Imperial. Admit it, Han, that's the real problem here. Researching all the background isn't going to change that fact! He'll still be an Imperial Commander!"

"Well, at least you finally said something." Han nervously ran a hand through his brown hair. He realized he had a real sticky problem here and if the Alliance ever found out, they'd probably court martial him as well. Not that he'd care. He'd been a rogue before and he could always be one again. But the kid was too straight and narrow to live that way. He'd never make it. "Yeah, I guess you're right about that. But at least if we research it, we could find out IF he really is who he says he is. And that's really important."

The anger faded away, leaving Luke numb again. "I guess so."

"Don't go slipping into that emotionless state again." Han pleaded. He took the computer out of its carrying case and plugged it into a wall slot, then pushed it towards his depressed friend. "Why don't you check if the old man sent you another letter, huh?"

"What does it matter if he is? He's still an Imperial." Luke pointed out, his voice flat as he stared down at his own lap.

"Yeah, but maybe you could convince him to leave the Empire." Han reached out and turned the computer on. The screen lit up as it went through the warm up phrase. "Come on, don't act this way! I'm trying to help you here but you have to cooperate, too!"

Luke raised his blue eyes towards the computer's lit screen, curiosity piquing in him.

/I wonder if I have a letter?/

As if of their own accord, Luke reached for the controls and soon had signed into his email account. The depression vanished from his face as he found a new letter from Podracer waiting. Sitting up straighter, Luke slid closer to the screen and clicked on it. The letter appeared on his screen and he eagerly began to read.

Han watched in amazement. "Boy, he sure has you hooked."

Luke didn't even hear Han's words; he was so engrossed in the latest letter. Without warning, he leaped upward and shouted. "He IS my father! He knew my uncle's name was Owen Lars!"

"Oh, brother." Han collapsed into a chair and hung onto his head. "You really are hooked, bad!"

"Whoa! He knows Darth Vader!" Luke whispered after he had settled himself back down.

"Vader?" Han asked as he lowered his hands from his head. He stared at Luke for a long moment and then a horrified expression appeared on his face. The smuggler shook his head rapidly, his hair getting mussed. "Nah!"

Still, Han couldn't take his brown eyes off Luke and he continued to watch him, a strange expression on his face.

"He asked me to be his apprentice!" Luke shouted gleefully. "He really is a Jedi!"

"NO!" Han leaped out of his chair, alarm clearly on his face. "You can't do that, Luke!"

"But it's what I always wanted since I learned my father was a Jedi!" Luke replied, his voice sounding more like his old self now. He stared at Han in confusion. "Now what's wrong?"

"It's just that, " Han paused, wondering how to phrase the next few words. "You really don't know who this guy is. Is he asking you to go join him somewhere?"

"Well, not yet." Luke admitted. "He did say he doesn't want to leave Executor because he's worried he wouldn't be accepted here."

"So he wants you to go to Executor?" Han asked, worried. "You wouldn't do something that stupid now, would you?"

"Of course not, Han!" Luke laughed. "I just can't fly up to Executor in my X-wing and say I want to see my penpal Anakin! Can you imagine the trouble he'd get into?"

"Somehow I doubt if he'd get into trouble." Han muttered to himself.

Luke gazed into his friend's eyes with that piercing look. "Why do you say that?"

"Oh, no real reason except that he's a Commander and all." Han rubbed his chin, his dark eyes darting around the room nervously. Finally they settled on Luke again. "Are you sure that's his real rank?"

"Why? Do you think he's like a janitor or a technician?"

Han groaned and sat down heavily. "You just don't get it Kid, do you?"

"Get what?"

"Look, did he say anything about his appearance?" Han asked as he started drumming his fingers on the tabletop.

"Yeah, why?" Luke didn't see why Han all of a sudden cared what his penpal or his father looked like. Appearance shouldn't be all that important. "I always thought you were the type that wouldn't care about such a thing. That's why he doesn't want to come over here. He's worried that my friends wouldn't be able to accept him because of how he looks. He suffered a lot of injuries in the Clone Wars and he's pretty scarred up."

Han drummed his fingers faster. "That fits."

"You know I don't have the slightest idea what you're blabbing about." Luke admitted, and then went back to reading his letter.

"This is far worst than I thought!" Han muttered as he got out of his seat and started pacing the floor nervously. "How the heck am I going to get Luke out of this mess?"

"He really IS my Father, Han! He has the same last name as I do!" Luke shouted joyfully.

"This is a disaster!" Han threw his arms up in the air and started worrying harder.

"I have to write him back!" Luke cried as he eagerly punched the reply button.

"This is a catastrophe!"

Dear Anakin,

I was so depressed earlier today and then I read your letter and now I'm so happy you can't imagine it! It's crazy how my emotions are flip-flopping like that but it's true! And I'm so happy to know you're my father! I dreamed about finding you for so long and imagined it hundreds if not thousands of times. To think that we found ourselves by accident and just started writing each other. Like you said, it must be the will of the Force! Yes, my uncle's name was Owen Lars and my last name is Skywalker!

I'm on that cold snowy planet now. You can't imagine how cold it is! I mean, the word cold doesn't begin to describe it at all! I was just lucky my ship managed to land OK. Can you believe ice had formed around the cockpit during that short time I was landing? That's just crazy if you ask me! And the stuff is so slippery! I'm embarrassed to say the first thing I did when I got out of my ship was to slip on the ice and fell. I didn't get out into the snow yet, so I can't tell you what I think of it but I definitely do not like ice! And I hate the cold even more.

I told my buddy about you. I hope you're not mad. I guess he doesn't think it's such a good idea I'm writing to you, mainly because you're in the Empire. He has this thing against the Empire. Yet I think he's curious about you, too. You should see how he's pacing the floor and muttering. It's kind of funny in a way. I'm not really too sure what he's muttering about. It doesn't make much sense if you ask me. I mainly told him because I was so happy I had found my father that I wanted to share the excitement with my best friend. Well, he's a bit skeptical that you are my father but I think you can understand that. I know you are though. He'll come around. You'll see. He always does.

Have you told anyone about me?

Yes, I know the training will require a lot of hard work. I'm just not too sure how we can go about it though. I mean, if you don't want to leave Executor and I'm here, how are we going to do this? Do you have any idea?

Do you have a photograph you could send me? I'd really like to see what you look like. I know you worry about your appearance, but I promise it wont bother me, Father. I'll send you one of me. Even my friend was curious as to what you look like. I assure you he doesn't worry about that type of thing. It's really the whole Empire thing that's got him on edge. Like I told you before, his past is a bit shady so I guess he thinks this whole thing is shady, too. He doesn't understand about the Force guiding us. He doesn't believe in the Force and thinks it's a bunch of tricks.

I'd be glad to train with you! But how can we do it? To become a Jedi is my dream! But if you work on Executor and don't want to leave it, how can you train me? I certainly can't go onto Executor! What would I say? I mean, that would never work and Darth Vader would find out. Then we'd both be in trouble!

How did you manage to hide your Jedi past from him?

Of course I can accept you! You could be a Gamorian and I'd accept you! Or have Bantha breath and be as fat as a Hutt. That doesn't matter to me. What matters is that you're my father and that you care about me! I just wish we could meet so I could really get to know you, but I'm not sure if that's possible with you working on Executor. That ship isn't exactly open to visitors, you know.

Let me know if you think of something!

Love,

Your son, Luke

Luke then attached a photograph of himself to the letter and pressed the send button.

To be continued…


	13. Darth Vader

Chapter 13: Darth Vader

Darth Vader stood in his favorite spot on the bridge of Executor and stared at the stars on the main viewer. His son was somewhere out there and would soon be moving to an icy world. Just the thought of snow and ice chilled the Sith Lord's body. Cold was the one thing he had never gotten used to after all these years, most likely because of his childhood spent on oven hot Tatooine. Would his son be able to handle the cold? More importantly, did he know about things like frostbite and hypothermia?

/I should have told him about those things in my last letter./

The last thing he wanted was for his son to freeze to death on some forgotten artic world just because the Rebels had moved there. Why couldn't they have stayed on Yavin 4? But of course the Empire knew of that hideout so they had moved.

/At least I had received survival training from the Jedi Order that included artic conditions./

Would the Rebel Alliance do the same for its members? Or didn't the leaders care if a few volunteers froze to death? He hoped they had taken Luke's Tatooine background into consideration.

/Perhaps that smugger friend of his – Solo – will look after him./

Not wishing to dwell on cold anymore, his mind shifted slightly to the boy himself. How would he respond to the latest letter and his offer of an apprenticeship? Vader was sure the boy would be eager to join him, yet he might hesitate simply because he was a Rebel. Yes, that might cause a hitch in plans. He would be fearful of approaching a Commander of Executor simply because he was a Rebel. But there must be a way around that somehow…

/I could offer to meet him elsewhere, on a planet's surface./

Would his son be willing to meet him in person? Could letters actually convince the boy to go that far? And if he did decide to meet him, would he do so alone or with a bunch of Alliance members? Not that such an encounter would worry the Sith Lord. What was blaster bolts compared to the Force? Still, it would make capturing his son much harder. Better if the boy came alone to the meeting. But then, such plans were premature when he didn't even know his son's name yet.

/He will need to tell me his name first./

Yes, that alone implied his son trusted him.

/It would be nice to have someone I could trust…/

Perhaps his son would be that person. They were of the same blood and had many of the same talents, that much was clear. Maybe the Force wanted him to trust the boy and that's why they had been put into contact. Still, actually going to meet his son in person would require great trust and effort on his part. He had begun to feel he knew Farmboy already through the letters and had formed a definite attachment. And as the old Jedi Order used to say, attachments were forbidden. Oddly enough, the same rule went for the Sith. A Sith was supposed to be able to kill anyone that got in their way, to be emotionless. Everyone knew a person with no feelings made the best psychopaths because pain and suffering didn't bother them. Yet, he here was getting attached to the boy and they hadn't even met yet.

/My Master wouldn't be pleased./

Yes, his Master Palpatine. He needed to be able to train Luke without Palpatine finding out. So far his Master was unaware the boy existed and he wanted to keep it that way. Without a doubt, his son was too kind-hearted to last long under the Emperor's cruel tutelage. More than likely he would be killed and then he'd be alone in the galaxy again, the last connection to his dear Padme gone forever.

/And that I couldn't bare./

Like it or not, he was just too emotional. That had always been his problem though. Strong emotions he couldn't get a grip on no matter how hard he tried. The feelings would just build in him and before he knew it, they would explode outward. Sometimes it was anger and people would die. Other times it was lust and well, Padme learned about that all too well. In fact, his emotions were so strong that often just a simple glance was more than enough to let others know exactly what he was feeling or thinking.

/That is another reason I wear this mask./

Although he often hated the mask, sometimes he was grateful to it as well. How many times had it hid a smile or smirk on his face during critical moments? It also gave him the privilege of hiding his emotions on others. He could be standing here laughing at his bridge crewmembers but as long as he didn't make any sounds they didn't know it. The same went for the Emperor.

At the same time, the mask invoked fear in those around him. This in turn led to better work performance. They had no idea who he really was and often had no idea of what he truly was feeling. The face normally sent so many signals but the mask removed it all.

/But how will my son react to it?/

And now matter how hard he tried, Lord Vader couldn't stop thinking about that final reaction his son would have when he learned the truth and actually saw him in person.

/He will be the first person to know my true identity in so many years…/

The idea was frightening.

/I must be insane to be willing to tell someone the galaxy's biggest secret./

Nothing bad will come of it.

/I can trust him. He is my son./

He is also a Rebel though. He may tell someone else and how will you know what that person will do with the information? Vader closed his eyes and tried to imagine how the Empire and the rest of the galaxy would react if they found out that he, Lord Vader, had been a slave. There was a slim possibility that everything would fall apart. His crew may refuse to listen to him. And that may be just the beginnings of the problems. His Master may even grow so angry he may try to kill him and take a replacement as his apprentice. He certainly had replaced apprentices before.

/Palpatine is a true Sith, as cold-blooded as a reptile./

Yes, the Emperor could kill him without blinking an eye. For all Vader knew, he may even be training another already. He wouldn't put that past his Master. The man was too devious, always plotting years ahead by things he saw in Force-visions. It would be almost impossible to kill him. Yet Vader held a secret hope that with his son's help they could actually pull it off.

Still, meeting his son would take incredible bravery.

/I will not be frightened of my own son!/

Yet the thought preyed on his mind until he grew restless. Turning on his heel, Vader stormed off the bridge into the waiting turbolift. Within moments he was breezing through the familiar corridors of his beloved ship until he reached his personal quarters. The doors opened for him and he entered. He had found when he felt this odd restlessness that writing to the boy helped relieve those feelings. The Sith Lord didn't understand why this was so but it was so. He flicked on his computer with a finger and waited impatiently for it to power up. Pulling a chair up, he settled himself down and called up his email program. Perhaps if he were lucky a new letter from his son would be waiting in his mailbox.

/I wonder what he is doing now?/

Soon he was on the galaticweb and he searched through his email. There, a new letter from his son! He opened it and began to read. His machine-regulated heart skipped a beat when he read his son had fallen on the ice.

/He needs to be more careful!/

And then his heart really leaped when he read the next paragraph, a cold sweat erupting from his pores.

/WHAT?! He told that Solo about me?/

Vader had no doubt in his mind that the friend his son was so eagerly talking about was none other than Han Solo himself, conman, smuggler and space pirate. He couldn't count the number of times Solo's ship had been caught and boarded, illegal cargo removed. The man didn't have a trustworthy bone in his body. Still, the boy seemed to see something in him. He wondered if Solo had been the cause of his son's depression that had been mentioned at the beginning of the letter.

/Most likely Solo yelled at him for writing to an Imperial./

The Sith Lord could imagine that scenario easily. But then, Solo could be a threat to his plan. If the smuggler convinced his son not to write to him…

/Still, he did write to me./

Exactly how much influence did Solo have over his son? This could very well turn into a battle of wills between the two of them with Farmboy as the prize. The smuggler may be there physically, but only he had what his son desired.

/Only I can teach him how to use the Force and besides, he wants his father…/

The thought reassured Vader somewhat. Still, he exactly didn't care for this turn of events. It was done, so he had to deal with it and hope for the best.

/I wonder what Solo was muttering about?/

Vader continued to read the letter.

/A photograph? My son wants a photograph?/

He leaned back in his chair, thinking. Did he even have a photograph of himself? Truthfully, he wasn't entirely sure. He glanced back at the screen and for the first time noted that there was an attachment to the letter. He had been so eager to read news from his son that the detail had escaped his notice. Now he clicked on the download button, excitement building in his body. If this was what he thought it was, it may make up for his telling Solo about their friendship. Yes, it was an image file. Slowly the picture formed on the screen and for the first time Darth Vader found himself staring into his son's blue eyes. The eyes were remarkably like his had been so long ago. Perhaps his eyes were still that way. He had just stopped looking at himself in mirrors because his current appearance without the mask was too horrible even for his own eyes. He had been so handsome at one time…

His boy appeared to be a young man between eighteen to twenty years old with blonde shaggy hair. The hairstyle wasn't all that different from the one he had sported when he had lived all those years ago on Tatooine. Yes, it was clear this truly was his son. He couldn't tell of his built, as it was a head and neck shot. This was the most precious gift he had received and looking at it brought tears to his eyes as warmth appeared in his body.

/My son truly loves me and trusts me!/

His throat seemed to tighten as the warm emotion built inside him. He swallowed reflexively, trying to ease the odd tightness but it did little good. He clenched his eyes tightly shut but warm tears leaked out from under his lashes and slid down his cheeks. Then his nose got into the act and threatened to start dripping from his powerful emotions. With shaking hands, Vader removed his mask and helmet. He gasped for air and stumbled towards his respirator with blurred vision. Soon his hands tightened around the hose and he hooked himself up. A strangled sound escaped from his lips and he started to cry in earnest.

/My son really loves me!/

It was so clear. If the boy didn't, he never would have sent a photograph of himself. Yet he did!

A while later when his sobs had quieted down, Vader wiped his face and went back towards his computer. The photograph of his smiling son was still on the screen, the familiar blue eyes staring at him.

/I will need to send him a photograph./

Yes, he definitely needed to send a photograph. Perhaps he had one from when he was younger stashed away somewhere. That was possible. Going towards his closet, Vader opened the door and peered within. He shoved the clothing on the side and glanced at the shelves way in the back. It had been a long time since he had looked at anything in here. Truthfully, he wasn't even sure what he had. Spying a dust-covered box on the shelf, he used the Force to pull it down. Opening it, he looked within and found a pack of old photographs from his Academy days. He stared at the top photograph for a long time, unmoving. It showed him as he used to be, so handsome and alive. He was about twenty-years-old and had his short, spiky Padawan haircut with the long braid. His Master stood next to him, one arm around his shoulders. That alone was odd, a very un-Obi-Wan thing. But then, his Master had been posing for the camera. The photograph went up to their chests and stopped. Plucking it from the box, Vader took it to the computer and scanned it in, and saved it as an image file. He knew be was being a bit reckless, but then his emotions usually had that affect on him.

/I will trust him as much as he trusted me./

Of course, the photo may cause a commotion on the other end. Vader shrugged his shoulders.

/He would find out anyway sooner or later. Let him figure it out on his own./

That is, providing his son was smart enough to recognize Obi-Wan.

The problem solved for the moment, Vader settled himself back into his chair and continued to read the letter.

/Why was Solo curious as to what I look like?/

This was an unexpected development. Had the smuggler figured out who he really was? But if he did, it was clear he hadn't told Farmboy. Why wouldn't Solo tell Farmboy of his suspicions? That didn't make much sense to Vader. It was far easier for him to understand his son's thoughts and actions than the smuggler's.

/I will need to think on this matter./

And what was he to tell him about Vader? His innocent son had asked how he had hidden his powers on the Sith Lord, not realizing he was the Sith Lord.

/My son is beginning to develop a talent for asking difficult questions./

But he was glad that his son wanted to train with him and to be with him. That alone was worth everything he had gone through up until this point. It would be worth even more to him if one day he could actually hold him in his arms. He reached the end of the letter and stared at those four magical letters of his son's name.

/Luke. My son's name is Luke./

The warmth returned and he basked in it this time, enjoying it instead of crying. Perhaps he was all cried out for the moment. But it still was emotional to finally learn his son's true name after all these years.

Reaching out, Vader composed a return letter.

Dear Luke,

You have no idea how much the photograph meant to me, to finally see you at last after all these years. It was the best present I ever received, even better than my freedom from being a slave. Just looking into your blue eyes that remind me so much of my own made me cry. Yes, your father can be very emotional at times, I'm afraid. I know they say men are not supposed to cry but I admit I did.

I wasn't too sure if I even had a photograph to send you, but I managed to find one. It was taken when I was twenty-years-old, before the Clone Wars started. As you can see, we both have the same blue eyes and a similar hair color. You can also see my Padawan braid. It was the common hairstyle of an apprentice Jedi in the old days before the Empire. The man in the photograph with me is my Master.

Why were you so depressed? Did it have anything to do with you telling your friend about our letters? No, I'm not mad you told him. I just hope you can trust him. No, I haven't told anyone about our letters. I have no one to tell.

I'm not surprised your friend doesn't understand the Force. People who don't possess it usually don't. In fact, they often fear it. In the ancient past, it was often misunderstood and people who had it and tried using it were killed. They were often called awful names and accused of things they didn't do. It is something you will have to get used of, I'm afraid. That kind of reaction is quite common, especially these days.

Thank you for trusting me with your name. It means very much to me.

Please be more careful on that icy world. Extreme cold can be very deadly. Please make sure you don't get frostbite or hypothermia. I wouldn't want to loose you now that I just found you. That would be too hard to take. Also try to remember about snow blindness. When you go out into the snow and everything is white around you, you can very easily get lost and turned around. You could be very close to shelter but just not see it because of the whiteness. Then you can go in the wrong direction and get lost. It has happened to many people. Another thing to remember is that wildlife may exist on that world. Life has developed under all types of conditions, even conditions that seem too extreme to us. Make sure no predator attacks you. Never let down your guard out there, especially if you're alone. The creature, if any exists, would most likely be white to better blend in with the snowy conditions. This would make it extremely difficult to see.

I will see if I can get a new photo of myself … if you really want to see what I look like these days. I warn you it will not be a pretty sight. Do you really want to know?

As to how I hid my Force powers from Vader … well, he knows. He just doesn't do anything about it. It may sound odd to you but it's true. Perhaps it's because of my extensive injuries…

I was thinking perhaps we could meet somewhere, once we got to know each other better that is. You know, on some planet somewhere. Go out and see some sights maybe. What do you think of that idea? I think I could get away from Executor to do that. But we would really need to trust each other to do something like that. It can be quite scary going to a meeting with someone you met on the galaticweb. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that.

Things are quite here on the Executor.

Hope all is well with you, my Son. Keep warm!

Your Father,

Anakin Skywalker

Darth Vader reread his latest letter and then attached the photo. Once it was all set, he sent it on its way.

To be continued…


	14. Luke Skywalker

Chapter 14: Luke Skywalker

Luke walked through the frozen tunnels of Hoth base towards the room he had been assigned. He still couldn't understand his recent weird behavior with Han. How he had acted and felt was just crazy. It was like his father had some invisible grip on him through the computer and was causing him to do insanely stupid things. Like sending that photograph to an Imperial. What in the world had been going through his mind?

/Maybe Han really is right. I'm getting obsessed with my penpal and that can't be good./

He found the door with his number on it and keyed it open. He shivered as he hurried inside and dumped his belongings on the small cot within. He rubbed his arms briskly in a lame attempt to generate some heat but it was useless. Even his breath was condensing in the air: not a good sign. Why did it have to be so cold?

/It this cold keeps up I'm moving in with Han and Chewie!/

He stored his belongings where he wanted them, then glanced around. He wasn't too sure what he should do next. Should he go talk to Han? Maybe he should. Leaving the room, Luke made his way back towards the Millennium Falcon. Besides, he had left his computer there, Han insisting it was far safer within his ship than unattended in his quarters. Reaching the freighter, Luke hurried inside and closed the door. He allowed the delicious heat to sink into his body for a moment, then went in search of his friend.

"That you, Kid?" Han asked as he poked his head out of the cockpit. The smuggler's eyes were bloodshot and there were big dark circles under his eyes. His hair was standing at weird angles, as if he kept running his fingers through it. His white shirt was un-tucked from his black pants and the ends hung messily. Worst of all was the alcoholic stink that wafted from his breath. Yet oddly enough Han didn't act drunk.

"Yeah." Luke replied as he stood in the doorway that led into the cockpit. His eyes widened at Han's current state. "Han! What's wrong?"

"You know, Kid, there's something I got to tell you and well, I'm not sure how to say this…" the smuggler nervously shifted his weight from one foot to another and looked anywhere but at Luke.

"What is it?" Luke asked, his stomach getting a bit jittery. Han's unusual behavior was making him nervous. The guy was usually so cool and it seemed nothing fazed him much, so to see him acting this way was nerve wracking. Luke's blue eyes grew wide as a thought entered his head. "Tell me you didn't tell anyone about those letters!"

"No, It's not that." Han assured, taking a quick glance at him. He grabbed Luke by his shoulders and turned him around. Pushing gently on his back, he urged him to walk towards the little game table. "I think you better sit down for this."

Luke settled himself onto the bench behind the game table and looked up expectantly at Han. "What?"

"Luke, I know you're not going to like it and I'm really sorry, OK? Just promise me you'll hear me out until the end." Han ran a hand through his brown hair. "I thought about this all night, believe me and I kept changing my mind about it. One moment I decided I should tell you and then I thought I shouldn't. The thing is, both are bad and well, I don't know which is worst. Maybe I should just bud out of the whole thing and let you deal with it on your own, but if I did that and then something happened to you I'd feel guilty. I don't know if I could live with that."

"Is this about the Imperial I'm writing to?" Luke asked, sure that it was. What else could it be? "Han, I'm sure he is my Father. It's just this feeling I have and I can't explain it. I know it sounds crazy, but I don't think he means me any harm."

"And that's why I have to tell you." Han paced the floor and then stopped in front of the little table where Luke sat. "I know how much he means to you, Luke. I found that out yesterday. But I think there's more to his story and well, he's not telling you all of it."

"What do you mean?" Luke leaned forward. "Did you find out something about Anakin?"

"Not in the way you mean, no." Han scuffed the toe of one boot on the other, staring down at the floor. "It's just that well, I pieced things together. You know?"

"Pieced things together?" Luke stared at Han with a confused expression on his face. "Pieced what together?"

"I … maybe I shouldn't tell you. It would just break your heart." Han's shoulders slumped and he turned his back on Luke. "If I tell you, you'll just get angry. Maybe you'll even hate me."

"Hate you?" Luke jumped out of the seat and went around so he could look his friend in the face. "I could never hate you, Han. You saved my life! And you're my best friend! I appreciate you taking me under your wing and helping me out. I know I was a pain yesterday and well, I admit maybe I am too stressed about Anakin, but it's not everyday you find out your father is alive. It's hard for me to deal with the fact that he's an Imperial, too. Is that what's bothering you? Because whatever it is you can tell me."

"You're not going to like it." Han warned as he stared into Luke's blue eyes.

"Do you want me to sit down again?" Luke asked, a smile on his lips. "Han, nothing can be all that bad! I mean, we already know he's an Imperial on Executor! What could be possibly worst than that?"

"It's not pretty." Han informed as he rubbed a hand over his tired face. He reached onto a shelf and pulled a brown bottle down. Uncorking it, he took a long drink. He sent an apologetic glance Luke's way. "I need to get ready for this."

"Han, I wish you'd stop being so mysterious about this and just tell me!" Luke settled himself behind the game table again and waited, his hands resting together on top of the smooth surface.

"OK, Here goes…" Han took a deep breath and let it out. "I think your father is…"

"Is who?" Luke cried, wanting to know now more than ever.

"Darth Vader!" Han gasped.

Luke stared at Han for a long moment, shock on his face. Then he burst out laughing.

Han's mouth drooped open and he stared at Luke in utter confusion. "What are you laughing at? That's serious!"

"Han, that's just so funny!" Luke wailed with laughter, tears trailing down his face. He pounded his fist on the tabletop several times for emphasis. "Are you saying my penpal is Darth Vader?"

Han nodded.

The young Jedi laughed even harder. His stomach started to hurt and his nose dripped. He wiped at his wet face with a hand and glanced at his friend through blurred vision. After several long minutes, the laughter died down and Luke caught his breath. "Han, that's impossible!"

"Why?"

"Because … Darth Vader!" Luke rolled his blue eyes. He could imagine the Sith Lord so clearly in his mind: the black mask, helmet and clothing, the long flowing cape and the red lightsaber. He had that freaky dark aurora of power around him, that thing that sent chills down your back. How could he explain it to Han? "It's just that he's a Sith Lord! Come on, Han. Darth Vader would never write to anyone! He wouldn't want a penpal! He'd probably find the whole thing annoying or something."

"Look, I didn't want to believe it either at first. Trust me on that. But those things you said yesterday they just rolled around in my head and I put one and one together and that's what I ended up with!" Han gulped in a big breath of air and let it out.

"You're really serious?" Luke asked, seeing his friend's distress. "I'm sorry if I laughed; it's just so unreal. Why do you think he's Darth Vader?"

"You said he was badly injured, right?" Han started pacing the floor again, his hands tucked behind his back.

"Yes. He said that he was pushed into a lava hole. It left his badly scarred and injured." Luke explained. "That's why he's uncomfortable about meeting my friends or anyone. He's concerned at how they'd react to his appearance."

"Kid, people usually don't survive that sort of thing."

"I know that. But he was a Jedi!" Luke pointed out. Yet his mind was now traveling down the same path that Han's had. A cold sinking feeling filled his stomach. It wasn't pleasant.

"Yeah, he was a Jedi. And Vader has the powers of a Jedi." Han walked up to the table and leaned on it with both hands. He moved his head closer to Luke's, the alcohol blasting him in the face. "You know why Vader wears that mask? Because he needs it to breathe, that's why. At one time he was supposedly injured severely and almost died. No one knows how. Vader has no history. He just appeared one day and started bossing people around. And with those freaky powers, you bet people obeyed. Well, Kid. I think you just hit the jackpot. You actually know who Vader is and his whole background."

Luke was stunned. "That can't be true, Han. It's just crazy!"

"But the info fits. You have to admit that." Han insisted. He patted his friend on the shoulder. "I'm proud of you, Kid. You're taking it a lot better than I had hoped. I was worried you'd have some fit or something. You know, go crazy on me."

/It just can't be true…/

"But Han that would mean that Darth Vader is my father!" Luke blurted out, his eyes widening in shock.

"Now, Luke. He may not be your father at all." Han reminded his friend. "We didn't even start researching his story, remember? We need to do that."

Luke rested a hand over his heart. "No, Han. He is my father. I can feel it in here."

/It just can't be! My penpal can't be Darth Vader!/

"Look, Han, I'll prove it to you that you're wrong!" Luke reached for his computer and flipped it on. It had sat in the same place all night aboard the Falcon. "When I sent my photo to Anakin, I asked him for one. You'll see he's not Darth Vader at all!"

"WHAT?!" Han cried, shocked. "Kid, tell me you didn't do that!"

Luke shrugged his shoulders, looking embarrassed. "Ummm, I kind of did. I know it was really stupid! OK? But I wasn't myself yesterday. But Anakin trusts me with all this stuff and I want to show him he can trust me, too. Besides, he is my father."

"That was a very, very stupid thing to do!" Han slammed his fist on the table and whirled away from Luke. He stood with his back ramrod stiff, anger bubbling in him. How could he help Luke if the boy kept doing these stupid things? It was unbelievable! "Don't be surprised if that photo ends up on a Wanted poster. Now that they know what you look like…"

"Han, be reasonable. My own father isn't going to put my face on a Wanted poster!"

"You're writing to Darth Vader!" Han howled in rage, his face turning red.

"No I'm not!" Luke insisted, his voice also rising. "I'm writing to Anakin Skywalker, my father!"

"Yeah, well, maybe Anakin Skywalker IS Darth Vader!" Han shouted, waving a fist in the air. He breathed in deeply several times, letting the air rush out of his mouth. He forced himself to calm down. Yelling at Luke wouldn't do any good. "Look, Kid. I'm sorry for loosing my temper but I'm really worried about you! You're doing incredibly stupid stuff. You're not only writing to an Imperial but you sent him your photo! And who knows what you're telling him in those letters. You didn't tell him we're on Hoth now, did you?"

"I'm not that stupid!" Luke signed into his account and found a new letter from his father waiting. He grinned in triumph when he saw the little symbol next to the email saying that a photo was attached. He opened the letter but didn't read it; he wanted to see the photo first. Nervousness surged through his system as the picture downloaded into his computer. What would his father look like? Although Luke's words in his last letter had assured Anakin that his appearance truly didn't matter, Luke couldn't help but worry? Would he look really gross? Surely it couldn't be all that bad if he served on Executor as a Commander. He was sure that the Empire had some rules about that. Finally the picture formed on his screen and to Luke's surprise he saw not one man but two.

/Which one is my father?/

The longer Luke stared, one of them looked vaguely familiar but he couldn't figure out why. Had he seen him somewhere?

/That's unlikely. I spent most of my years on Tatooine./

"Well, you got a photo of him or not?" Han asked as he stood waiting, hands in his pockets.

"Yeah. Come and look."

Han walked over to the computer and stared at the photo with interest. "So, which one of them is him?"

"I don't know. Oh, wait!" Luke suddenly remembered his father had light hair like he did. He pointed to the younger man with the long braid trailing onto his shoulder. "This would be him! See? Look at his eyes. They're just like mine!"

Han stared at the photo and leaned closer to get a better look. Then he straightened and crossed his arms across his chest. "Look, that picture must be twenty years old! You have any idea who the other guy is?"

"No, not really…" Luke admitted as he continued to gaze at the photo, memorizing every detail. He had never seen a photo of his father before and now seeing him for the first time… "He does look familiar though…"

"Well, I do." Han stated.

Luke turned his head in surprise. "Who?"

"He's that crazy old man! The one that hired me to take you to Alderaan."

"Ben?"

"Yep." Han nodded, recognizing the name. "Admit it kid, your father killed Ben."

To be continued…


	15. Luke Skywalker

Chapter 15: Luke Skywalker

"That's impossible!" Luke protested wildly, a hot glare directed at Han. "He wouldn't do that! My father may be an Imperial but that doesn't make him a murderer! And he's not Darth Vader! Look at the photo! Does that look like Darth Vader to you? Huh, does it?"

"Well, that's an old photo." Han stared right back at Luke. "Ask him for a current photo, Kid. I bet he won't send one."

"Of course he will! My father has nothing to hide!" Luke said hotly. The topic of his father possibly being Darth Vader wasn't funny anymore. In fact, it was making his blood boil. The idea that his father had actually killed Ben… "Besides, he cares about me! Darth Vader is a vicious monster! He couldn't possibly write the letters that I'm receiving! You must be mistaken, Han."

"Well, I still think he's Darth Vader." Han moved closer to Luke and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Look, I know this is rough on you. No one wants to be related to that monster. But just stop and think for a minute! Didn't you say someone pushed him into that lava hole? Well, who pushed him?"

"His teacher…" Luke's blue eyes shifted from Han to the photo on the computer.

/No … it can't be!/

He closed his eyes, willing the idea away. He didn't want to believe that Ben could have done such a horrible thing to anyone, nether less to his father! How could anyone do such a thing?

"If it were me, I'd want revenge on the guy that did it…"

/I don't want to believe it!/

Luke had never dreamed that he had actually known his father's teacher, but then, hadn't Ben himself told him he was? Luke's eyes shot open as Ben's words flew back into his mind. He leaned backward, a loud puff of air escaping from his mouth. Then he glanced up at Han, the fight out of him. "Ben told me and I just didn't realize what he had been saying. He twisted it around and made it sound as if he had had two students, one of them my father and one of them Darth Vader. He then said that Darth Vader betrayed and murdered my father. But what if what you're saying is true and Vader is my father?"

/Darth Vader is my father…/

"Well, that's what I think, Kid." Han rested his hand on Luke's shoulder, trying to comfort him. He really didn't know how to help Luke with such a situation or what was the best thing to do. "Look, I never knew my parents, either. If I were to find out one of them was someone like that, I'd be shocked, too. I wish I knew what to say or do to make you feel better…"

/I'm writing letters to Darth Vader…/

No matter how Luke tried to connect the letters to Vader, he just couldn't. Vader was cold-blooded and didn't care about anyone. The man in the letters was passionate and cared deeply for people, even if he had been forced to live a bad life. How could the two be the one and the same? "Han, we must have made a mistake somewhere. I know you're convinced but if you'd just read Anakin's letters you'd see there's no way he could possibly be Darth Vader! Yes, he has the Force and he works on Executor, but that doesn't mean he's Vader!"

"So he never did any Vader-like thing?" Han asked, the hand gripping Luke's shoulder tightening.

"No! Of course not!" Luke blurted out without thinking. He wanted to protect his penpal and father from these accusations, these slurs of his character. But then the first letter popped into his mind and what had happened with the Tuskan Raiders. Coldness settled into pit of his stomach. No!

/I could just forget it and not tell Han. He'd never know…/

But the thought of lying made him feel guilty. "There was something he told me…"

Han knelt down next to Luke. "Tell me, Kid. You'll feel better."

"It was in his first letter." The young Jedi closed his eyes. "His mother had been kidnapped by the Tuskan Raiders. He went to go rescue her. But she died. He told me he killed them all. When I first read it I thought it was kind of … violent … but then I didn't know what I would have done in his place. Would I have done the same thing if I have had his training and fighting skills? I mean, I can understand why he'd do that. But that doesn't mean he's Vader, does it?"

"That's a though call, Kid." Han straightened and started pacing again. "Now say if that was Chewie and some creatures killed him, I'd probably go crazy, too. Would I try to kill them all? Probably. Anyone could turn into a killer in a situation like that…"

"But does that make him Vader?" Luke repeated, intensity in his blue eyes.

/Please say it doesn't! I don't want to be related to Vader!/

Han tossed his arms up into the air. "I don't know! We've gone around this thing so many times it's driving me crazy! Besides, I thought you said that old guy told you…"

"I just don't want to believe it." Luke admitted, his eyes downcast. "And if this crazy theory of ours is true, then what does that make Ben? I mean, my father said it was his teacher that shoved him into that lava. I don't want to believe Ben was capable of doing something like that."

"Maybe things just escalated out of control and it all happened so fast that he didn't know what he was doing anymore…" Han suggested, trying to soften the impact. "When two people get into a fight, they do crazy stuff. It's worst when you got two people that care for each other. The emotions involved are stronger. Husbands can kill the wife they love and vice versa. That's how people act when you toss things like jealousy into the picture."

Luke sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just he seems to genuinely care about me and well, I just can't picture Vader caring about anyone."

"Words are cheep, Kid." Han commented as he rubbed at his tired eyes.

Luke brought the letter to the front of the screen and started to read. Maybe he could find some piece of information in here to prove to his buddy that his father wasn't Darth Vader at all. More importantly, he needed to prove it to himself. There was now a bright desire burning within him, a quest for the truth. Like the lava that had burned his father, it sizzled within his heart and mind.

/There must be something in here! There just have to be some mistake!/

Yet fear had crept in, too. It whispered dark thoughts at the back of his mind.

/Han is right. Your father IS Darth Vader./

It would explain so many things that Luke had ignored over the past few days. He truly wanted to believe that his father had just somehow escaped the Purge that had wiped the Jedi out of existence, that for whatever reason that Vader had allowed him to live and had even given him a job on his ship, Executor. Perhaps it might have been something so simple as him having been friends with Vader or even Palpatine. Or maybe when he had been injured they had brainwashed him. Something, anything! He didn't want to think that there was only ONE person on Executor with Jedi-like powers or that only one person could explain about the Sith. He didn't want to think that there was no way a trained Jedi could hide their Force abilities from a Sith. Anakin had even admitted to holding inspections at the same time as Vader.

/I'm just deluding myself thinking he's not Vader…/

His heart sunk low as gloom settled in.

/How could this happen to me when I just found him? It's so unfair!/

Luke read the first paragraph of the letter hope springing his heart upward. Excitedly he called to his friend. "Han! Look at this! He was crying! He was so happy to get my photo that it made him cry! Now does that sound like Darth Vader to you?"

Han turned to face him. The smuggler paused for a moment, thinking and then shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, Kid. People often act different in private than they do in public. Who knows what Vader does when he's alone? He could do any number of things…"

"But crying? Come on, Han!" Luke waved his hand, insisting that Han come closer. He pointed at the monitor with a finger. "Read that! Now does that sound like Vader to you?"

Groaning, Han walked over and uneasily stood next to the game table the computer sat on. "I don't know, Kid. I feel funny reading your mail."

Luke shifted over and patted the seat next to him. "Come on, Han! You're my best friend! How can I prove it to you that he doesn't sound like Vader if you won't read it!"

Exhaling loudly, Han slid into the seat and focused his eyes on the monitor. "Just the first paragraph?"

"Read the whole thing if you want…" Luke offered. "But I only read the first paragraph so far…"

"All right." Han started to read, his eyes quickly moving up and back from left to right.

Luke rested in the seat and leaned back. He was itching to read the entire letter and find out what his father had said to him. Yet he couldn't get the idea of Darth Vader out of his head! Was it possible for a person to be so different? His father seemed caring and concerned about him. Sure, the first few letters had been a bit cool but you had to expect that. But now that they had formed a relationship and got to know each other better Anakin was letting his warm feelings out.

/A cold-blooded person wouldn't cry at seeing a photograph!/

No, it was clear that Anakin was emotional.

/Is Darth Vader emotional?/

Luke didn't think so, but then he knew almost nothing of Vader.

Han stopped reading and glanced at Luke, anger in his voice. "You told him we're on Hoth? Luke, how could you! He's giving you advice on how to stay alive here in artic conditions, blabbing on about hypothermia and snow blindness!"

"No, of course not!" Luke cried. "I just said it was a cold, icy planet! I didn't give him the name!"

"Yeah, like he can't use that information to figure it out!" Han eased out of the seat and rubbed at his haggard face. "I was up all night, my eyes are burning, I have a banging headache and now I found out you told him we're on an icy planet! I don't need to be worrying about the Imperials breathing down my neck."

"My father's not going to do us anything!" Luke insisted, wishing he could truly believe it.

/Anyway, I hope he's not…/

"Luke, it's his JOB to do something about us or did you forget?"

"Yeah, I know…" Luke hung his head sadly. Why did his father have to be on the opposite side for? Why couldn't they both be together? Why did everything have to be so difficult? It was hard enough when he had discovered Anakin was a commander on Executor and now with him maybe being the Sith Lord himself… "I just want to think he'll do the right thing."

"The right thing from whose point of view? Our right thing is far different than Palpatine's right thing!"

"Look, I'll just ask him for a current photograph, OK? Maybe that'll solve this argument as to if he's Vader or not." Luke shifted on the seat until he was in front of the computer.

"Why don't you just ask him if he's Darth Vader?" Han suggested.

"I can't do that!" Luke paused, his eyes widening as he shifted his gaze to the smuggler.

"Why not?" Han pushed. "Are you afraid of his answer, afraid he might say yes?"

"Of course I'm scared of what he might say!" Luke shouted. "What if he says he is? Then I can't pretend and hope that he's not anymore! And if he's not Vader, he'll think I'm an idiot or something! Or he may get the wrong idea about me. He may think that a rank of Commander isn't good enough for me and that I want my father to be a Lord! How will he feel then? I have to consider his feelings. He was just hurt so many times…"

"All right." Han conceded. "Go ask him for another photo. But don't you dare tell him we're on Hoth!"

"Don't worry, I won't!" Luke started to read the letter from the beginning.

Han stumbled towards the cockpit, mumbling. "I don't believe it. Luke's writing a letter to Darth Vader on MY ship and I'm letting him. I must be crazier than he is!"

Luke's heart leaped when he read that the other man in the photo was Anakin's Master.

/So Han was right. That IS Ben./

Compared to the other things he knew, the thought wasn't comforting.

After reading the entire letter through, Luke began to compose his own.

Dear Father,

Thank you for your letter and photo. It means a lot to me. I showed the photo to my friend and he says that the other man is Ben Kenobi. Is that who your Master was? He looked vaguely familiar to me but I couldn't remember where I had seen him. I'm not sure how my buddy knew. I guess it's related to his various occupations, if you know what I mean. When I met him he looked a lot older with white hair and dried-out skin from living on Tatooine. Did you know that Darth Vader killed him? How do you feel about that? Or didn't Vader tell you?

It's interesting to see you as a young man. Our eyes look the same. And our hair is similar, too, although mine is shaggier. I had no idea that Jedi apprentices had a certain hairstyle they had to wear. It's all very interesting. Ben really didn't have much time to tell me about the old Jedi Order. I will greatly appreciate anything you can tell me.

Was Ben the one that tried to kill you?

I just find that hard to understand. He seemed normal when I met him, although I admit he lied to me. He told me you were dead. My uncle had told me a similar story while I was growing up, but in that story you weren't a Jedi but a pilot. The only similarity was both said you were dead.

Thank you for the advice on surviving on this ice world. Hopefully I wont have to be here too long. I never heard of snow blindness so I'll be extra careful. I doubt if anything lives out there though; it's just so frigid! But I'll keep my eyes open just in case. I suppose you're right about life finding a way to live almost anywhere. I just hate to think of what kind of creature could live in these conditions … and what it eats.

I don't mean to be a pest, but I'd really like a current picture of how you look. Could you please send me one? I know your sensitive about your appearance, but if we're ever going to meet somewhere I'll need to know what you look like. Besides, I want to see my father just as much as you wanted to see me. I can understand how it troubles you after being so handsome. But I know that you love me and care for me. That's what's really important.

As for why I was depressed, well, my buddy got a bit upset when he found out I was writing to an Imperial. He's over that now so its all OK. Like I told you, he doesn't exactly like the Empire.

I'm keeping warm on my friend's ship. The room I was assigned here is freezing!

Hope you are doing OK.

Write back soon!

Your son,

Luke

Luke smiled; thinking his innocent question about Ben was quite clever. Pressing the button, he sent the letter on its way.

To be continued…


	16. Darth Vader

Penpals 16: Darth Vader

Author's Note: Sorry it has been so long since I updated my SW stories. But as some of you know, my cat was sick. It seemed for a while she was getting better but then she worsened. She ended up on an IV bag and several different medications, both of which I had to give her twice a day. I also had to feed her, as she was too ill to eat on her own. I was pretty much staying up around the clock caring for her the last week and after she died I didn't feel much like writing. She died holding onto my wrist with her paw. But I'm going to continue my stories now. This chapter may not be as good as the others as I need to get back into the groove of the story….

Darth Vader stood in his favorite spot on the bridge of Executor, the tall windows with their magnificent views of deep space before him. As he watched, dozens of tiny shooting stars receded from the ship until the vanished into the utter cold and blackness of space.

"The probe droids are on their way." One of the bridge crew informed him.

Yes, the probe droids. With any luck they'd find the hidden Rebel base and the pitiful Rebellion would end. The Empire would attack with their superior weapons and troops. Most likely the Walkers would be used, their enormous metal feet crushing everything underneath them to dust. The Rebels wouldn't stand a chance.

/Except Luke is there now, safely tucked away in some cavern of snow and an Imperial attack could kill him. Yet it's my duty to find the Rebel base and attempt to wipe them out. Yet I can't kill my own son now that I found him./

Conflicting orders and emotions swirled violently inside the Sith Lord. He could imagine all too clearly his naïve young son dying a horrible death under the foot of an Imperial Walker. The ground would quake from the impact tremors of the AT-ATs

Gigantic feet. Luke would loose his balance and slip on the ice. Then the sky above would darken as an immense metal foot hovered above him for a few seconds as it descended towards him. Panic and fear would fill his last moments. Perhaps he would try and scramble away, but the slick snow would impede his progress. Only a red smear on the white snow would mark his passing.

/And it would be my fault./

It would be yet another death on his hands. Of course, he would land in his shuttle to rescue the boy, but knowing his luck he would be too late.

/I'm always too late./

He had been too late to save his mother from dying at the hands of the Tuscans, too late to save Jedi Master Yaddle on the planet Mawan. What good was having the Force if it couldn't help save the ones he loved? Being the Chosen One was more of a curse than anything else.

/Yet it's my responsibility to put a stop to the Rebels./

He would just have to trust Luke to stay alive long enough in the upcoming chaos, whenever that would be. No doubt his son's friend would be there to help and keep Farmboy alive and hopefully in one piece. Solo could be both a curse and a blessing; so much of what Luke did depended on the smuggler. And what exactly did Solo know?

Vader stood perfectly still, a black silhouette against the blackness of space as he pondered the ethics of using information from Luke's letter to find the hidden base. He very much wanted to have his son safely on board Executor but the time wasn't right yet. He had yet to reveal his identity to the boy, something he was very much putting off and avoiding. Their budding relationship could so easily wither and die like a delicate blossom in Tatooine's heat. The problem was, he had no idea how Luke would take the news. People could react in so many different ways and although he felt he knew the boy somewhat, in truth he had never actually met him. He just had a vague memory of a shaggy-haired youth in light-colored clothing in the Death Star's hangar bay.

/If only I had known he was my son!/

The anguish in Luke's voice as he killed Kenobi still echoed in his ears.

/Darn Kenobi!/

Vader sighed as much as his mechanical breathing unit would allow. His former Master had always been creating enormous blunders and leaving them for him to clean up. A ghost of a smile crept across his lips as he remembered the time Obi-Wan had fallen into the nest of Gundarks. The vile and ravenous creatures had outnumbered his poor Master, surrounding him on all sides. And then he had dropped into the pit and rescued Obi-Wan. If he hadn't been there, only bits of gnawed bone would mark the Jedi's grave. Still, this situation with Luke was different than any other he had ever been in. Kenobi had grown manipulative in his old age and had arranged this mess on purpose. The old Jedi had waited just long enough for Luke to show up and see his death. Of course, the boy would see it as outright murder.

/It's hopeless./

Yes, that's what it was: a hopeless mess!

Renewed anger at Kenobi burned within him and he felt the Dark Side flow through what remained of his flesh and blood body. This relationship with his son was making him foolishly sentimental. Why, had he actually been smiling while thinking of Kenobi? That was utter idiocy!

/I must remember to be angry at Kenobi./

The boy was powerful with the Force indeed to bring about these changes in him. Someday he would make a fine apprentice, but he mustn't rush him. Yet the probes were on their assigned missions and all too soon reports would be coming in. Then he would be forced to make a decision about the privileged information he possessed. Time was running out.

Without a word to anyone, Darth Vader left the bridge and headed to his quarters, the desire for another letter burning within his chest. More and more these days his thoughts centered on Luke. His emotions were getting away from him again and if he weren't careful Palpatine would pick up on it and grow suspicious. The last thing he wanted was for his current Master to know that Luke existed.

/I wonder what he thought of the photograph I sent him?/

That thought more than anything burned within his mind as he passed through the doorway into his personal quarters, his black cape flowing behind him. And what would he do if his son wanted a more up-to-date picture? At the thought, a nameless dread started to grow within him. First it poked at his stomach crudely like an icy spear and his guts made loud protesting gurgling sounds. Then a tremor raced down his spine. He felt like he was going to be sick!

/By the Force, would I actually have to look at myself after all these years?/

The simple act of looking at himself in the mirror, something that he hadn't done since that terrible day, was terrifying. Vader knew he looked horrible. That much he had more or less accepted. But as to how horrible he really didn't know. Had the ugly marks and scars faded with age or had they grown worse? Did he look like a monster? He had grown so used to the protection the mask provided that he had presumed no one would ever see him without it. Well, of course his private physician did, but that was different.

/Perhaps he won't ask for a photo./

But he knew in his heart that the boy would. Solo would make him ask for a photo, that and his all-consuming thirst to know his father.

/Would I be able to face myself in a mirror?/

One would think that a Sith Lord would find terror and dread immensely enjoyable and normally he did, but this was different. In fact, he wasn't enjoying this at all. Not only were his guts still making their odd sounds, now a drop of sweat ran down his brow and fell into his left eye. His eye stung from the salt content and he blinked rapidly to ease the sensation. And where in the galaxy would he get a modern photo of himself?

/Don't ask for a photo, please…/

The Dark Lord paused before his computer and stared at it through the eyeholes in his mask. It was both his enemy and his salvation. His enemy because it forced him to face things about himself that he didn't want to think about and his salvation because it was his only link to his son. He reached out and stabbed a button on the computer's console rapidly as if it would burn him, then yanked his hand away. Vader attempted to clear his mind of all thoughts while the computer went through its warm-up cycles but he was unsuccessful. The matter of a photograph continued to plague both his mind and his stomach.

/I am a nervous wreck. And if I'm not more careful, I'll end up spending lots of time in the bathroom./

The whole idea was actually ridiculous. Yes, he had been vain about his appearance in his youth but that was long gone. He knew he was grotesque, so why was it so hard to look in a mirror? He had accepted it, hadn't he? He had almost everything anyone could want: money, power, fame. Yet what he had truly desired had slipped through his grasp like grains of sand. The tighter he had tried to hang onto those he had loved, the quicker they were to leave him. And for years the Dark Side had been his sole companion and he had basked in its power. Then Farmboy had come along and had changed everything.

The computer beeped its readiness.

/Luke will be appalled at my true appearance./

Vader clearly remembered his utter horror the first time he had seen how he looked after his accident.

/Accident? Like being pushed is an accident!/

He had thought the physical pain was the worst part of his injury, but it didn't come even close to the sheer anguish he felt when they had finally brought him a mirror. Of course, they hadn't wanted to. But the more the medical professionals kept refusing his request the more anxious he became. He knew his wounds had been severe; one normally didn't loose half of one's body and survive. His skull had been cracked, his hair burned off and he had suffered wounds to his face, yet he had wanted to see what he looked like. One retrospect, he probably should have listened to the advice of the doctors but patience was never one of his things. He hated just lying around in bed doing nothing so he had used a Mind Trick on some poor nurse.

Perhaps it was because he foolishly thought himself more or less healed. At least most of the mechanical parts didn't hurt. It was later that he learned of the more serious breathing problem and the constant need for a respirator.

He had killed the nurse that had brought him the mirror.

/And then I destroyed most of the medical section with the Force./

Of course, the mirror had been smashed as he hurled it against the wall. As his badly damaged face twisted in anger, lightly healed wounds opened and began to bleed. This new rush of pain only fueled his fury until he had collapsed from sheer exhaustion.

/If I can't face my own ugliness, how can Luke?/

Realizing he couldn't postpone any longer, Darth Vader signed onto the galaticweb and soon found an email from Luke. With trepidation, he opened it and began to read. As he should have expected, the old photograph of him standing with Obi-Wan had opened a Gundarks' nest of problems. Not only had his inquisitive son figured out who Kenobi was but now he was asking him questions about him!

/How do I feel about killing Kenobi? How the Force am I to answer that?!/


	17. Darth Vader

Penpals 17: Darth Vader

/How do I feel about killing Kenobi? How the Force an I to answer that?!/

Vader's first instinct was to say he felt glad that Obi-Wan was dead, but now he wasn't sure. Luke's letters were mixing him all up and he felt like one of Tatooine's famous sand storms were brewing inside his soul. Everything was spinning around rapidly and he felt confused. The truth was, he had no idea of how he felt about Kenobi's death, not any more. Darth Vader straightened his back and stood up straight, his arms crossed over his chest in a fear-inspiring position. He was a Sith and Sith killed Jedi.

/I am glad he's dead for I have had my revenge./

But was that true?

The Dark Lord of the Sith began to pace around his quarters, thinking. If he was truly glad that Obi-Wan was dead, why had he smiled when his thoughts had lingered on him earlier? Could warm feelings for his former Master still linger inside his heart?

/That is impossible! I hate him for stealing my wife and shoving me into that molten pit!/

Then, as if from nowhere, a new and strange thought wormed its way into his head.

/Could I be mistaken about him pushing me?/

Vader stopped in his tracks as if he had walked straight into a duracrete wall. Where in the galaxy had that thought come from? In all the years since his accident he had never considered another possibility other than Kenobi shoving him in. They had, after all, been engaged in a fierce lightsaber battle. Tempers had run high on both sides and things quickly escalated. One thing led to another and before they knew it there was no possibility of repairing their friendship. They had tried their hardest to kill each other that day and Obi-Wan had almost succeeded.

/No, it's not possible!/

True, they had once been close and he would have done anything to save Obi-Wan's life but those days were long gone. Things had just fallen apart between them. Kenobi had refused to accept that his young Padawan had fallen in love with a woman, a politician no less. And when he had found out they had actually gotten married he had been furious. All those years of training down the drain and wasted because the foolish boy couldn't control his lusts!

/If only Obi-Wan could have understood!/

But that other thought still nagged at him.

/Could Obi-Wan have been trying to save me?/

Vader shook his head, his loud breathing the only sound in the room. At one time it would have been the natural thing to do and Kenobi would have done it without thinking, acting on sheer instinct. But on that day…

/No, it's not possible./

Luke's letters were putting odd thoughts in his head. The boy was naïve and convinced of Kenobi's goodness. What did he know of how people could change? He was young and had never tasted the bitter taste of betrayal, the sweet taste of revenge.

/Yet if he were reaching out towards me…/

The Jedi's arms would be outstretched, the same position a person would have used for pushing.

/I don't know what to believe anymore…/

Reaching for the seals around his mask, Vader removed the black breath mask and helmet, then rubbed his tired eyes with a gloved hand. He allowed his body to fall back against the nearby wall, tilting his head backward until he could see the plain white ceiling. The wall's coolness slowly soaked into the badly scarred skin of his head and he tried to breath on his own. Every so often he attempted it but the results were always the same: a few raspy, struggled breaths and then he was forced to hook up to the respirator. Now the results were worse than ever due to his emotional state. He drew in a ragged breath and his lungs faltered, heavy iron bands squeezing his chest until dark dots swam before his eyes. With a gurgled groan, Vader hurled himself the short distance to the respirator and hooked himself up to it.

/He must have pushed me!/

For Darth Vader, Sith though he may be, didn't want to face the alternative.

/If I'm wrong, I killed him for no reason./

The Dark Side was quick to add its own two cents.

/He was a Jedi and all Jedi must die!/

A younger, more hopeful voice spoke from memory.

/He was also my friend./

Collapsing into a sitting position on his bed, Vader tried to remember exactly what had happened on that day. He had already been a Sith and apprentice to Dark Sidious after killing Dooku in a fierce fight. It hadn't been easy to defeat the master swordfighter but he had persevered and had won the right to be Sidious' apprentice. There was no doubt he had enjoyed slicing Dooku in half that day. The old man deserved it for taking his arm on Geonosis and frying him with the Force lightning. Anger had surged through his heart, making him powerful. The taste of pure power had been heady. Then he had gone seeking his former Master to get revenge. Kenobi had stolen his wife and hid her away somewhere. The rage he had felt at this abduction had been incredible. He had loved Padme and would do anything to get her back, including killing the responsible party.

He had finally caught up with the man on some distant world in the middle of a volcanic upheaval. Kenobi had been sent there by the Jedi Council to help in rescue efforts. Hot ash filled the air and steam poured forth from vents. One by one the various volcanoes were becoming active and residents had to be moved to safety. Like usual, there were problems. People who had lived near the quite volcanoes refused to believe that their volcano would erupt, even if another elsewhere were doing so. They couldn't seem to understand that a meteorite from space had set things into motion and there was no stopping it. The Seperatists had destroyed the safety device that normally stopped such things from happening and the peaceful planet hadn't been able to destroy the oncoming rock in time. Either people moved or they would die. There was no way to stop plate tectonics. The only thing that had saved them from the usual giant tsunami was the planet's lack of large bodies of water. Like all Jedi, Obi-Wan was willing to risk his life to save strangers he didn't know. He had honor, bravery and a man of good character: your perfect Jedi.

/He was a close-minded old fool!/

Vader felt better for a few seconds, then his doubt returned. He remembered the beginning of the fight well enough. They had slashed their way up the steep side of a volcano, their lightsabers flashing in the gray air. This particular volcano wasn't fully active yet, but all the signs were there. Poisonous fumes wafted from deep slits on its sides, the white smoke hot enough to burn a person's skin. Every so often the ground trembled violently beneath their feet and they had to struggle to keep their balance. Before they knew it, they had reached the caldera, the very heart of the volcano.

/We were both fools for fighting in the caldera./

Although the footing looked solid, all it would take was a misstep to fall to a fiery death. Walking on the caldera was like treading on thin ice: you couldn't tell where it was safe to step because it all looked the same. The anger had consumed both of them and the fight was the only thing on their minds. Until that fateful moment, that is…

For what seemed the millionth time, Vader pulled the very moment that haunted his nightmares to the forefront of his mind. But it solved nothing, for all he could see was a blurry image of Kenobi with his arms outstretched.

/This is useless! I can't tell if he's trying to save me or if he's pushing me!/

Vader felt as if someone had pulled the rug out from under his feet and he were falling into a deep, bottomless pit. What if his whole life as Palpatine's apprentice had been built on a lie? All he knew for certain that he and Obi-Wan had fought and tried to kill each other that fateful day. He only had Palpatine's word and a blurry memory as evidence that he had been pushed.

/Did Palpatine lie to me?/

The Emperor was the master of deceit. It would have been easy for Palpatine to convince him Kenobi had been responsible for his injuries, thus securing the deep hatred that kept him on the Dark Side.

/Obi-Wan had tried to reason with me first that day./

But the only thing his younger self had been able to think of was Padme and the fact that Kenobi refused to tell him where she was. Then his former Master had prattled on about some foolish idea that it had been Palpatine that had been trying to kill Padme all along. Of course, he hadn't believed that. Palpatine was his long-time friend and understood him far better than Kenobi had.

/Perhaps Palpatine was just better at manipulating me./

The Emperor had excelled at sweet talk and telling his younger self exactly what he craved to hear: how great he was and that he was destined to be the most powerful Jedi ever.

/Like usual, I was to eager to rush in and not think things through./

How would his life be now if he had listened to Obi-Wan that day? Would he really have been expelled from the Jedi Order just because he had gotten married? Would he have known his son since birth and had the joys of raising him, perhaps even sharing those joys with his too stiff, by-the-rules Master?

/Perhaps I could have won him over to my side if I wouldn't have lost my temper./

The more Vader thought about it, the more his accident seemed to be just that: an accident.

/I might have stepped in the wrong spot and the ground broke under my weight./

Luke could very well be right about Obi-Wan. But if that was true, he had killed an innocent man. And how was he to explain all these things to his son? The letter was still waiting on his computer, most of it still unread. And there was still the possibility the boy would want a current photo.

/What can I tell him when I'm so unsure of what really happened?/

Emotion whirled up inside him and he felt as out of control as a leaf caught in the winds of a tornado. Picking up the black mask, he stared at it for a long moment. This, more than anything, represented his injury. The overhead light caused white highlights and shiny reflections on the slick, smooth curves. He had designed it himself so long ago…long ago when he had been sure who to hate and blame for his current condition.

A tear leaked from the corner of his right eye, running down his scarred cheek until it dripped onto the mask with a soft ping. His throat tightened and soon his vision blurred, the mask becoming a black blur. He dropped it to the floor and it rolled slightly until coming to a stop near his booted feet. He hid his scarred face in his hands and cried.

Obi-Wan had been his only friend and he had killed him!

/I feel so horrible!/

The guilt chewed at him, causing him to feel miserable. A Sith wasn't suppose to feel like this. But he did.

Darth Vader wiped his face with the back of a hand, and then rose to his feet. Hauling the respirator hose with him, he walked over to the computer and settled into the chair. He wasn't sure yet what he would tell Luke, but it was time to read the rest of his son's letter.

/Perhaps it's all for the best that I learn the truth, no matter how horrible it is./

But did the same apply to Luke? Could he actually tell Luke that he, Darth Vader, was his father? The problem was, he had no idea of how to go about such a thing.

/Perhaps I could capture him and then tell him./

Yes, that way would be best. If he just informed the boy in a letter he may never write back and then where would he be?

/I must think on this more./

Vader read the rest of his son's letter, smiling at bits of it. And like he had half expected, Luke wanted a current photograph of him. How was he to do that? And more importantly, did that smuggler Solo suspect the truth of his identity? If so, there wasn't anything he could do about it now. He would just have to think of someway to take a photo of himself.

/If I'm that brave, that is./

Still, if Luke wanted it then he'd have to do it, no matter how painful it might be. At least his son was safe for the moment. Flexing his fingers, Darth Vader began to type a reply.

Dear Luke,

I was very glad to hear from you again and that you're staying warm on your friend's ship. You have no idea how much your letters mean to me and how much they're affecting me, especially your questions about Ben. I had actually cried a while ago as I thought about him.

Yes, Ben Kenobi was my teacher but I knew him by the name of Obi-Wan. He was my friend and companion for years. In fact, he was the closest thing I had ever had to a father. I had loved him dearly and had lost my arm saving him, as I had told you in a previous letter. But now I'm beginning to think that I'm the fool.

I was once so certain that he had shoved me into that pit of molten lava but now I don't know what to think. You see, my memories of that particular moment aren't all that clear. I'm beginning to think now that there's a possibility that he was reaching out to save me, not push me. I'm so confused at the moment that I don't know what to think. There is also the very real possibility that a Master Sith has messed with my mind on more than one occasion. You see, Vader isn't the only Sith I know. I know the Emperor as well. It was he who had originally told me that Ben had been responsible for my injuries. Since we had been fighting, it was very easy to believe him.

My whole current life may be based on a lie. You have no idea how that feels. I have totally ruined my life and there's no way to fix it. You're the only bright spot in it and I'm scared I'll loose you once you learn the horrible truth about me. There are so many things I haven't told you yet.

I'm sure you'll hate me then.

I haven't looked in a mirror for near to twenty years. I'm terrified of what I may see when I do. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. It's quite easy to live a life without a mirror. Over time I just got used to it. But I'll get a new photo and send it with the next letter, as I know how much it means to you. You're forcing me to face things I've been avoiding for so long…

I realize lots of my current problems are most likely my own fault. Obi-Wan had told me repeatedly to be patient but I never listened. I was too eager to rush in without thinking. That's how I lost my arm. A Sith cut it off because I was too eager to take him on instead of fighting him with my Master.

Please be patient and don't make the same mistakes I have.

As to how I feel about Ben dying? Well, I miss him and I feel responsible for his death. Truthfully, I feel horrible at the moment. You have no idea how horrible. If it weren't for my entire messed-up life, I could have still been his friend and saved him. And yes, I know Darth Vader killed him. I know it all too well. But there's nothing I can do about that now. You can't change the past. Not even a Jedi can do that.

I wish I could…

If I could, I would have been there as your father all these years. We could have lived on your mother's world of Naboo. You would have liked the Lake Country. I loved it the short time I was there. I spent my honeymoon there, you know. It's all grasslands and waterfalls and lakes … just beautiful! I loved it so much because it was so different than harsh Tatooine. And if only Obi-Wan could have accepted the fact that I was married and truly loved your mother, he could have been like a second father to you. But I think I understand his fears now. He put all those years into training me and then I went and did something like getting married. That made him a failure as a Master. I mean, I wasn't supposed to get married. No Jedi is. And since I did, the Jedi Council was probably going to kick me out. To make matters worse, I was the Chosen One. It was a big responsibility to train the Chosen One and I think Obi-Wan felt like he was under great pressure. Things just exploded then and it all went down hill. That's how I ended up the way I am now.

I miss Obi-Wan…

I wish he were here now to tell me how to straighten out this gigantic mess.

I'll send the photo with the next letter…

Please don't hate me. Remember that hate leads to the Dark Side.

Hope you are well.

Your Father,

Anakin

Darth Vader pressed the button and sent the letter on its way.

To be continued…


	18. Luke Skywalker

Penpals 18: Luke Skywalker

Luke sat in the saddle upon the tauntaun's back and tried not to shiver. Although he was dressed as warmly as could be, the intense cold still cut through all the layers right to his skin. This was, without doubt, the coldest planet in the entire galaxy. If there was a colder place, Luke hoped he would never see it. Yet he had a job to do and he wasn't about to shirk his duties for the relative comfort of the secret Rebel Base. Lives depended on him and his report. After all, he had volunteered to ride across Hoth's frozen tundra in seek of other life forms. But now the young commander was beginning to think it might have been a waste of time: nothing could survive out here.

Yet his Father's words that life would find a way to exist under the most extreme conditions flickered through his mind.

/But if there's life here, it's certainly not near this particular place./

And what a place it was. As far as the eye could see was white, white and yet more white. In all his years he had never imagined anything like it and now he was beginning to understand what Anakin had meant about snow blindness. Not only was the ground white with fresh snow from last night's storm but all the surrounding peaks and valleys were white as well. To top it off was the white sky that seemed to hang low overhead, threatening to dump more snow. It was as different from Tatooine as you could get.

It was also extremely lonely.

For mile upon mile the vast empty tundra stretched around him in all directions. If it weren't for the tauntaun and his hand-held computer with its map of Hoth's surface, one could get hopelessly lost and die out here. It would be a miserable place to die. He lifted the goggles to his eyes and peered through the lenses, slowly scanning all around him. Nothing, nothing at all except the cold and ice. If anything were alive out there they would have seen it by now. His fingers were pinching and although it was a bit early, he decided to head back towards base. The wind was beginning to pick up and it might start snowing soon. Like Tatooine's sandstorms, Hoth's snowstorms were just as deadly. Being caught out in one was almost instant death. Besides, the desire to go aboard the Falcon and check his email account for another letter was driving him mad. Every couple of minutes he found himself checking his chronometer to see how much time had elapsed since he had looked last. But instead of whizzing by, the time seemed to have halted almost completely. Perhaps it was the boring search with nothing to occupy his mind except thoughts of his father.

/I wonder if Father will send another photo…/

Luke very much wanted to see his father's photo, not only to see what the man looked like but also to prove to Han that Anakin Skywalker was not Darth Vader.

Vader. The very name sent a chill down his spine.

Just then a bright light trail lit up the sky overhead. The meteorite was the first interesting thing he had seen all day and Luke watched it until it crashed to the ground nearby. On impact there was a burst of fire, the only color in a colorless world. A few seconds later a tall column of dark smoke began to rise into the freezing air and right below it was the dark spot of the meteorite itself. The young man smiled as he imagined telling his father about the meteorite he had seen. Perhaps to more worldly travelers a meteorite was a pretty dull thing, but Hoth was only Luke's second planet to visit. Besides, he had never seen a meteorite before. Pulling his comlink off his belt, he pressed a switch and held it close to his mouth. "Echo Three to Echo Seven. Han ol' buddy, do you read me?"

Static crackled, then Han's voice could be heard. "Is that you, kid? What's up?"

"I've finished my circle and I haven't picked up any life readings." Luke informed him.

"There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser. My sentry markers are placed. I'm heading back to base."

"See you shortly." Luke replied, his blue eyes on the dark column of smoke. "A meteorite just hit the ground near here and I want to check it out. I won't be long."

Shutting the comlink off and reattaching it to his belt, Luke tightened his legs around his tauntaun and leaned forward slightly in the saddle to urge the beast forward. But instead of obeying the command, it roared in fright and became skittish. Surprised, Luke hung on to the saddle horn with one hand and patted the animal with the other. "Whoa, girl! What's wrong, huh? Is there something out there?"

Luke squinted into the blowing snow caused by a sudden strong gust of wind but saw nothing. Deciding to trust the tauntaun's instincts, he detached the life form detector from his utility belt. He was just about to turn it on when a dark shadow fell across him. Startled, Luke looked up just in time to see an immense white, fur-covered hand with black curved claws coming at him. The creature struck him aside the head and then there was darkness.

Cold.

He had thought he had been cold before, but this new cold was so much worst than anything Luke had experienced before. Slowly he opened his eyes and glanced around.

/Where am I?/

He appeared to be in a cave and hanging upside-down from the ceiling, his feet strongly secured in solid ice. Nearby the horrible fur-covered monster ate what was left of his tauntaun. The alien creature was white, its fur both protection from the cold and the perfect camouflage to sneak up on its unwary prey. For some unknown reason, spiral horns grew from its head. Most of the tauntaun was already consumed, its skeleton resting upon the snowy floor of the cave picked clean.

/Great! I'm in his cave and apparently next on the menu!/

Luke thought of how close he had come to finally seeing his father and now for it to end like this…

/It's not fair!/

His last letter to Anakin popped into his mind. He had asked his father for a current photo, promising him that how he looked wasn't all that important. By now the letter with the attached photo was probably sitting in his email box waiting to be read. What will happen when days pass and he receives no reply?

/He'll think I hate him because of his appearance!/

His father would have no way of knowing that some unknown snow beast had eaten his only son. He doubted if Han would actually write to Anakin. His buddy was a good friend and all, but he was still convinced that it was Darth Vader on the other end of the emails.

/I can't let it end like this! I need to show Han that photograph!/

Twisting around, Luke tried to reach upward towards his feet. It was excruciating hard. His body was almost completely frozen and his legs felt numb. And hanging upside-down for who knew how long wasn't exactly helpful, either.

/My lightsaber! Where's my lightsaber?/

If he had that, then he could cut himself free.

/If I don't cut my feet off in the process…/

But it would be a chance he would have to take. Turning his head, he spotted the metal handle of his Jedi weapon sticking out of a nearby pile of snow. He stretched his hand out towards it, but his arm was too short.

The Force…use the Force.

A voice seemed to whisper in his mind and Luke did as it said. He held out his hand towards the lightsaber and concentrated. He had never done anything like this before and a part of him doubted he could succeed.

/I can't mentally move an object right into my hand, can I? I mean, that's impossible!/

Luke allowed his hand to drop.

The Force…use the Force.

The voice was unusually persistent. Luke lifted his hand towards his lightsaber again and concentrated. He tried to remember what Ben had taught him, how to let the Force flow through him. He imagined the weapon in his hand, its cold metal against the flesh of his palm. The weapon moved and renewed hope flowed through his veins.

/I can do this! I know I can!/

The weapon leaped into his waiting hand and Luke instantly flicked it on, cutting himself free. He fell to the cave floor and saw the creature coming at him. It was sheer instinct and luck that allowed him to chop its arm off. Without another glance, Luke flew from the cave and out into the deadly cold of Hoth. The sky was notably darker and night was coming swiftly. Worse, the wind had picked up and was blowing steadily now. Within seconds it stole any warmth that his body had gathered from being in the cave.

Stumbling in the snow on numb feet, Luke frantically looked around. He had no idea where he was or in which direction the Rebel Base was. His fingers and face was pinching, sure signs of frostbite. The snow blew into his eyes making it difficult to see anything.

/I'm going to die out here…/

Blindly walking forward in the deep snow, Luke staggered off the edge of a cliff he hadn't even known was there. Tumbling down the snow-covered slope, he came to a stop at the bottom and then passed out

A gust of wind woke him and Luke shivered. It was fully dark now and a storm was raging around him. The young Jedi shivered uncontrollably on the flat strip of snow that was his bed. The wind howled like a demented beast and ice pellets the size of peas stung his frozen face. His foggy breath, now coming in ragged coughs, froze on his eyelashes like glass beads. His lungs burned with every breath and his throat felt raw. Even the simple act of swallowing was sheer agony.

/Father…/

He'll never meet his father now. He knew that and the thought tormented his soul. Not even the death of his Aunt and Uncle had hurt so much. It wasn't so much what he'd miss out on, but what Anakin would miss out on. His father had already been through so much pain and suffering, far more than any one person deserved and then for him to loose his son…

/I'm sorry I failed you…/

Guilt ate at him next, its ragged teeth the sharp bits of ice propelled by the wind. He should have headed in earlier, he should have paid more attention to the tauntaun's warning, he should have listened more closely to his Father's warnings, and he should have stayed in the Base…

/I had no business being out here./

What did a desert boy know about a frozen world like Hoth, anyway? Heck, he didn't even really know how to ride a tauntaun properly. A brief lesson and a few laps around the paddock didn't mean he was qualified to ride one of the beasts no matter what the Rebellion leaders said. Riding was a skill and it took time to learn, just like flying.

/I should have stuck with ships…/

Where was Anakin now? Did his father have any idea he was here lying in the snow and slowly freezing to death? His death would hurt the Rebels, yes. Han and Leia would surely miss him, as would the droids. And the others would regret the loss of his unusual powers and his ability to fly an X-wing. But Anakin would miss him the most. He could almost see his faceless father checking his email everyday, perhaps twice a day, for the letter that would never come. Amid the brewing blizzard and snow that gusted sideways, Luke cried. The tears froze on his cheeks and the mucus from his nose formed long, thin icicles that snapped off his face to disappear into the storm. The bitter air flew down his open mouth and into his lungs, a sure way to get pneumonia. But Luke didn't care; he was going to die out here anyway.

Would anyone ever find his body? Would his death always remain a mystery? Or did more creatures live on Hoth, perhaps some hungry scavenger would come upon him while he was still alive and start eating…

/He'll think I hated him, that I betrayed him like all the rest!/

The snow gathered on top of Luke like a thick blanket and sometimes he thought he felt a bit of warmth, but it never lasted long. The wind would gust and what little shelter the pile of snow had given him was blown away. As the long hours of the night slowly passed one by one, thoughts and past conversations rolled around in his head until he was delirious. The snow seemed to form figures and the wind was the howls of a starving beast-pack.

Then Han's voice came out of the wind, speaking in an odd sort of singsong. "You're writing to Darth Vader, you're writing to Darth Vader!"

/No! No, it's not true!/

Then Vader himself materialized out of the blowing snow, his long black cape flapping in the wind like a giant hideous wing. The Sith Lord approached him and pulled out his lightsaber, the very same lightsaber that had killed Ben. With a snap-hiss the long red glowing blade appeared.

"Go away!" Luke moaned, his voice hoarse. Although his body shivered from cold, sweat beaded on his forehead. "You're not my penpal, you're not! I could never write to you!"

Weak, Luke dropped his face into a pillow of snow and let it cool the burning in his head. Next when he lifted his head the ghostly figure in black was gone. The young Jedi rolled over onto his back, laughing.

/The wind blew him away! Hahahahahahahaha!/

Other deliriums came, visited and then vanished during the long hours of early morning. Finally a weak sun peeked over the horizon and the wind died down. The snow settled around him and in some spots formed huge drifts. The young man from Tatooine had beat all odds and was still alive to see the sunrise, weak that it was. Moving his frozen arms inch by inch, he forced himself by sheer willpower up onto his feet. He swayed crazily for a moment, and then the gusting wind returned and knocked him down into the snow. He was still alive and that counted for something, but unless he got moving he would die out here.

/I have to move, can't just lay here…/

Digging his fingers into the deep snow, he crawled forward bit by bit. Luke knew he was in bad shape. He was weak, trembling, had numb limbs and not only was some of his skin bright red but black as well. Leaving deep drag marks in the snow, he agonizingly crawled through deep drifts of snow, some of the snow getting down the front of his clothing to make him even colder. Exhausted, he collapsed into the snow.

/I can't…/

You must. Luke, look at me.

Luke's head felt that it weighed more than the first Death Star, yet he lifted it to look. Standing before him and apparently unaffected by the cold was Ben Kenobi. The Jedi wore the same travel-worn robes he had on Tatooine. He wanted to say something to this apparition, but he couldn't speak.

You must survive, Luke.

Luke's lips trembled. "Cold…so cold."

"You must go to the Dagobah system. There you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master, the one that taught me."

Luke stretched out his arm towards the ghostly figure. "Ben…Ben…"

"Luke, you're our only hope." Then Ben started to fade and another figure appeared, a human riding a tauntaun.

"Ben!" Luke shouted, and then passed out in the snow.

To be continued…


	19. Darth Vader

Penpals 19

Darth Vader stood on the bridge of Executor in his favorite spot next to the tall windows, exhausted. For some unknown reason he had tossed and turned most of the night and when he woke up this morning he felt terrible, as if he hadn't gotten any sleep at all. Although he couldn't look in a mirror, he knew there were dark circles under his eyes and that they were no doubt puffy from lack of sleep. And just perhaps a few new wrinkles had joined the mass of scars on his face, most likely under his eyes. Even now his eyes burned and he couldn't help yawning, glad the mask hid this from his men.

/If they knew I was standing here dead on my feet…/

The news would be scandalous. They all thought he was some fearsome super-being just because they had never seen his face. Of course, the Force added a lot to his reputation. Who wouldn't respect and fear a man that could choke someone to death while being several decks away? They depended on him to make the right decisions and choices. Their very lives rested upon his broad black-clad shoulders and it was a duty he took seriously. Yet here he was half asleep!

/Why couldn't I sleep last night?/

It had been years since he had experienced sleeping problems. And although his day had been emotional with a few upsetting revelations, he doubted if that had been what had kept him awake last night. No, it wasn't guilt over Obi-Wan's death or even Palpatine tricking him, if that was what truly had happened all those years ago. It had been something else.

/Am I worried about Luke discovering the truth?/

His letter had hinted at things, but Vader doubted if the boy was clever enough to put it all together. Yes, someday he'll have to face that, but not today, not now. The Sith Lord closed his tired eyes and wished he could massage them with a hand, but that was impossible with the mask on. Stifling yet another yawn, he yearned to head to his quarters and get some sleep. But how would that look to the men if Lord Vader were caught napping on duty? At any moment reports from the probes could come in and the hidden Rebel Base discovered. He would need to be here for that, not to mention awake. And there was always the slim chance the Emperor might contact him. It certainly wouldn't do to be caught yawning to his Master.

/Yet I'm not doing the ship any good in this state of tiredness./

It was a fact that sleepy, exhausted crew made mistakes. The mind forgets things and doesn't realize that it has done so. And in some situations, such a mistake could be deadly. He could always go to Sickbay and request a sleeping aide, but preferred not to. Drugs could affect his connection to the Force and he'd like to avoid starting rumors on the ship. Besides, he had enough physical problems the way it is without adding yet another to his too-thick medical file. The proper solution was to discover what had kept him awake and then to solve it.

And that led him right back to the beginning!

/I am getting nowhere!/

Opening his eyes, Vader stared out at the stars. He had been standing there for some time, partly drowsing, when it suddenly occurred to him. Waking up, he was confused for a few brief seconds as to where he was and then remembered he was on the bridge of his ship. Moving his helmet slightly from side to side, he peered at the bridge crew to see if anyone had noticed he had fallen asleep. But the well-trained crew was busy at their posts and no one paid him any heed at all. When he was in his spot, Admiral Ozzel saw that no one disturbed him unless it was absolutely necessary. They had probably all believed he was busy with Sith things and had no desire to draw his wrath. His unscheduled slumber had lasted only a few seconds, but it was enough to set off warning bells in his head. The behavior was inexcusable, even for him. He was not above his crew when it came to rules and proper conduct of duty.

/It is the photo…/

Still, he had better take care of the photo he had promised Luke, as that was no doubt what was disturbing his slumber. He had been avoiding the issue and putting it off, but he couldn't do that any longer. Briskly telling Admiral Piett he'd be in his quarters, Darth Vader got into the lift and left the bridge. He had thought on the matter of the photograph and had come up with several solutions. The easiest was simply to give his son a photograph of someone else and say that it was he. This idea Vader discarded almost immediately. He didn't like lying and he certainly wasn't going to start now. Just because a person was on the Dark Side didn't mean he had to be a chronic liar.

The second solution was also simple but it required getting another involved. Mainly it meant he would order someone to take a photograph of him with the mask off, perhaps a droid or even the doctor. The problem with this scenario was that the person would wonder why he wanted a photograph in the first place. Speculation would set in and before he knew it the word would be all over the ship. Of course, he could kill it in the bud by choking the photographer to death, but Vader hated waste and that would be a wasteful, unnecessary death. Worse, word could reach the Emperor's ears. The last thing he wanted was for someone to find out about his secret communications with his son.

So that left him the third way, meaning he would take the photograph himself. He had already assembled the tiny gizmo he would hook onto the computer in his quarters. Then it would take the photograph and store it in his computer, ready for his use. But there were many details he hadn't worked out yet. He was skilled at combat and command, not photography. Before the photo was snapped, he had to make certain there was nothing incriminating in the background that would scream LORD VADER to his innocent child. No doubt both his son and Captain Solo would study the picture with a magnifying glass to learn whatever they could. That meant he had to be certain his breath mask or the respirator couldn't be seen behind him.

Darth Vader walked down the long hallway of Executor and he slowly began to feel more awake. Perhaps it was the physical activity or the thoughts of his son, but he was starting to feel better. He finally reached his quarters and went inside. But now that he was there and the dreaded moment had arrived, he felt nervous. After all those years he was about to see himself again. Even his heart seemed to beat a bit faster within his chest and his pulse raced ahead, even if Vader knew that was physically impossible. A machine controlled his heartbeat and pulse and machines did not speed up do to excitement. Still, it did feel that way and a slight sensation seemed to move down his spine. Was it a thrill of anticipation or a chill of fright? The Sith Lord didn't know but he set about getting ready for his big photo shoot.

First he moved to his computer and checked the attachment he had done the previous night before falling into that restless sleep. Everything seemed fine and so he turned around to check the background behind him. Good, a blank wall that looked like so many other walls throughout Executor. Even Captain Solo wouldn't be able to learn anything from that. So what was he forgetting or had he covered anything?

/Surely the moment hasn't come so fast, has it?/

Vader tilted his helmet so he could better stare into the lens of the tiny camera hooked onto his computer. It would be the first thing to see his face in so long … and then HE would see it. His stomach started to churn a bit in nervousness but he told himself it was necessary. This wasn't the first difficult or unpleasant thing he had done in his life nor would it be the last.

/It was difficult leaving home and going with Qui-Gon…/

Yes, it had been but he had done it. Through incredible odds he had actually succeeded in catching up with the other Jedi students and had excelled in his studies. He had passed his trials and had become a full Jedi. Surely this was no harder? Besides, it would be worth it to read in Luke's next letter how pleased he was to receive the photo…

/Luke's next letter!/

Darth Vader abruptly realized that his son's next letter should be in his mailbox right now and it was something he just didn't have the power to resist. Forgetting the camera for the moment, Vader signed onto the galaticweb. As he waited to be connected to the web, he smiled at himself and his crazy behavior concerning his son.

/Some Sith you are!/

Yes, he was getting to be a terrible excuse for a Sith and a big softie. The screen changed and he was on the galaticweb. Clicking on his mailbox, he eagerly scanned through the list of new mail for a letter from his son and was fairly surprised when he didn't see one.

/Where is Luke's letter? It should be here by now…/

All their other letters had gone like clockwork and Vader had come to rely on them. Now the sudden and unexpected lack of a letter stunned him. Surely nothing had happened to Luke?

/I'm sure he is fine. The boy is just busy with the Rebels is all…/

But was that really true? A dark foreboding began to fill the room, like the icy cold of a glacier at midnight and Vader shivered. Had that been why he couldn't sleep, because Luke was in danger?

/I must not jump to conclusions. The letter is just late is all./

Darth Vader knew sometimes the galaticweb could be strange. Often mail could get held up somewhere for unknown reasons and appear in mailboxes days after it was sent. Still others seemed to vanish entirely and never reached their intended destination. Apparently somewhere out there on a web that only existed through connected computers an invisible black hole lurked. Like real black holes that sucked in everything within its reach and even light, this black hole ate emails. Had such a fate happened to his son's latest letter?

A slight smile creased his lips as he imagined his last Master instructing him for what seemed the thousandth time on patience. Obi-Wan would wave a finger at him and prattle on how important patience was to a Jedi.

/Perhaps all I need to do is wait a bit longer…/

Yes, if he waited a tad longer the letter would appear in his mailbox and all would be fine. His son was no doubt keeping warm on Solo's ship and sipping some warm drink. Perhaps they were laughing about something this very moment.

/Then why don't I believe that?/

Curse those Rebels and their secret Rebel Bases! His son could be lying dying somewhere for all he knew and he'd arrive too late to save him! Why did they have to move to a freezing planet? Didn't they realize how easy it was to freeze to death?

/If only Luke had told me where they were I could order the ship there now!/

Yes, he could and that was the beauty of it. No more waiting for permission from the Jedi Council to go somewhere. That's why his poor mother had to die in such painful misery. And here he was in charge of the galaxy's biggest ship and yet he was powerless to act save for a planet's name! Clenching his black-gloved hands into fists, Darth Vader stalked around and around his quarters in an attempt to burn the anxiety that raced inside himself.

If only he knew for certain his son WAS in danger! Darth Vader paused and tried to consider the situation rationally. Most likely he was jumping to conclusions. The stress of being a new parent was getting to him, even if technically his son was a full-grown man. He didn't like the idea of his son in danger and he realized he would have to get used to it. Still, it grated on his nerves something awful. Worse, he had discovered he was prone to worry and a vast imagination at the slightest little thing, like a missing piece of mail!

/I have no proof Luke is in danger. There was no Force-Vision./

No, just a very unusual sleepless night.

Resting a leather finger on his black mask, Vader decided upon a solution. He would sign off the net and take the photograph. Once that was done, he would sign back on and re-check his mail. If Luke's letter still hadn't arrived, he would re-access the situation. It was possible his sleepless night had been caused not by the anxiety over the photograph but because something had happened to his son.

Reaching upward with both leather-clad hands, Darth Vader carefully removed the helmet and set it gently on his bed. Next he took the black breath-mask off and laid it alongside the helmet. Reaching for the respirator hose, he hooked it onto himself so he could breath freely. Well, perhaps not as freely as everyone else but as free as he could get anyway. Then he paused, uncertain of his next move.

Yesterday he had snuck a mirror into his quarters, hiding it within the folds of his cape and keeping it there with the Force. No doubt the ones he had borrowed it from were even now perplexed as to where it had vanished to and were probably blaming each other. So were the lower and more undisciplined ranks on a ship, especially when you stuck a bunch of men into a small room with each other. But he wouldn't need the mirror for very long, that is, if he decided to use it at all.

Yet his thoughts kept drifting back to Luke and he wanted desperately to check his mail again, especially since his computer was within easy reach. Checking his mail would be useless if the letter wasn't there and it would just waste time. And if he wasn't careful, the missing letter could easily grow into another excuse not to take the photograph and put off for even longer what he had avoided for twenty years.

/I must be brave and face this challenge head-on!/

Going to his closet, Vader carefully slid the mirror off the shelf where he had placed it the night before. He was careful when he grabbed it to hold the reflective surface, the mirror, away from himself so he wouldn't see himself by accident. The backing to the blinking lights on his chest, he carried it to the blank gray wall. A nail protruded there, meant for hanging a painting. Perhaps someday he would hang a breathtaking landscape of Naboo's Lake Country there, but for now it would hold the purloined mirror. Closing his eyes, he turned the mirror around and hung it up. His stomach tossed like the waves on a stormy sea and sweat broke out on his brow, but he was determined to do this.

/For Luke…/

And then Vader opened his deep blue eyes and saw himself in the mirror.

/By the Force! Am I really that pale?!/

It surprised him that the first thing he noticed was how extremely white his skin was and not the terrible scars he had been expecting to see. Yes, there was some nasty mark on his cheek and all his hair was gone, but besides that he really didn't look as bad as he had feared. Of course, there were dark circles under his eyes just as he had feared, proof he hadn't gotten a decent sleep last night. He stared at himself for a long time, wondering who that stranger in the mirror was. It was without doubt the oddest moment in his life.

/I really need to remove the rest of the armor…/

The mirror showed him the famous black armor was all too visible. It even covered the lower part of his chin and anyone seeing the photograph was sure to recognize it. Moving away from the mirror, Darth Vader busied himself in taking the armor off. He didn't have any idea what he could wear in place of the armor. Luke thought he was a Commander on Executor so probably expected him in one of the gray outfits the officers wore. The problem was the Sith Lord didn't have any of the gray uniforms and he certainly couldn't go borrow one. Besides, they wouldn't fit him anyway. None of the bridge crew personnel could match Vader in height or width of shoulder. So what to do?

/This is an unexpected difficulty…/

Here he had been needlessly worried about how his face might look and the bigger problem turned out to be a lack of proper Imperial Clothing! If the business with Luke wasn't so serious, he might have laughed.

/I do hope he is all right…/

Wearing only his briefs, Vader went once again to his closet and examined the contents with a calculating eye. Surely he owned at least one piece of clothing that didn't scream Vader, didn't he? Annoyed at the seemingly total blackness of his closet contents, he shoved the extra sets of armor aside. There! That streak of blue! Reaching for the only non-black item he apparently owned, he pulled it out and discovered it was a soft bathrobe made of some fuzzy material. It must have lurked in his closet for so long he didn't even remember it.

/OK, so maybe the photograph wouldn't exactly pass an Imperial dress inspection…/

Shaking the dust off the robe, he pulled it on and discovered how wonderfully soft it was. The dust, of course, made him sneeze. And that made him think of Luke stuck on some frozen iceball.

/I do hope he doesn't catch a cold. And perhaps he'll like the casualness of the robe…/

Family pictures were more casual, weren't they? Not that his mother ever had enough money to waste on such frivolous things like photographs. Being slaves, it was difficult to get credits and what little they had was mostly spent on food. Watto had been nice enough to let Shmi take on a few independent jobs of her own as long as it didn't interfere with the cleaning of his house.

Finally feeling that he was ready, Vader moved in front of the tiny camera and pressed the button so it could take the picture. Almost instantly his photograph appeared on the computer screen and he carefully scrutinized the background to make sure nothing incriminating showed. Satisfied, he saved the image and signed onto the galaticweb again. A considerable amount of time had passed while he fussed with the photo and by now surely a letter waited for him. But as he searched through his mailbox the hope in his heart sunk and disappeared all together.

/Luke IS in trouble!/

Dread gripped his guts like an icy claw and Vader now knew for certain what had been disturbing his sleep. Although his connection with Luke wasn't yet as strong as the connection he had shared with Shmi or Obi-Wan, it was still powerful enough to reach him while he was unconscious in sleep. Removing the blue robe, he started to put his armor on once again. It was time to head up to the bridge and see if any probes had sent in reports yet. He HAD to find Luke before it was too late!

The mask and helmet securely in place, Vader hurried from his quarters and took the nearest lift to the bridge. The doors swooshed open before him and he entered the command center for the entire ship. Just as he headed for Admiral Ozzel, one of the bridge crew called out.

"I think we have something, Admiral." Captain Piett said. "The report we have is only a fragment, from a probe droid in the Hoth system. But it's the best lead we had in…"

"We have thousands of probe droids searching the galaxy!" Ozzel said angrily. "I want proof, not leads!"

Vader approached Piett. "You have something?"

"Yes, Sir." Piett carefully replied. "We have visuals. The system is supposed to be devoid of human forms…"

Anxious to find his son, Vader turned to study the image on the screen. It was an icy, cold world just as Luke had described in his letter. He could almost feel his son out there, somewhere, among all the snow on the screen. The Force seemed to call to him as if to say HERE! HERE!

Turning away from the monitor, Vader faced Admiral Ozzel and Captain Piett. "That's it! The Rebels are there! Set cource for the Hoth system!"

To be continued…

Author's Note: sorry if the last chapter was basically a re-write of the movie scene but one needed that to get to this chapter.


	20. Luke Skywalker

Penpals 20: Luke Skywalker

Luke opened his eyes and was confused for a moment, wondering where he was. Then he sighed in relief as he remembered he was in Sickbay on Hoth. He lazily stretched in bed, the soft material rubbing against his still-sensitive new skin. The nearby medical equipment beeped and hummed, the sounds flowing together to make a pleasant background sound that had helped him drift off to sleep. Currently he was the only patient in the facility so he had the entire room to himself and all the privacy that he could ask for. Although the bacta tank had healed his frostbite, the new skin was still tender. Han had actually found him out there in the storm and had saved his life. He had been so sure he was going to die that night, actually freeze to death without ever seeing any of his friends ever again. He had delusional, seeing things that weren't really there. Luke thought of his nightly visions of Vader and Ben, both of them standing there unaffected by the cold, snow, ice and blowing wind.

/Boy, a person's mind sure cooks up weird stuff!/

More frightening was while it had been happening; he had thought it totally real.

/Yeah, like Darth Vader really would come to this miserable ball of ice looking for me!/

But then the grin disappeared off Luke's face as his last normal conversation with Han drifted back into his mind. His best friend still thought that the sinister Sith Lord was his penpal! Why couldn't Han see that his Father was obviously a caring man who just happened to be working for the Empire? Yet he had to admit that Han had pointed out some very good reasons to prove his point, the main one being that Vader was severely wounded at one time – just like his Father was.

/I really need that photo!/

Luke's mood nose-dived as he considered once again that Han might be right. What if he really WAS writing to Darth Vader? Writing to Vader would be a lot different than writing to a common Imperial, even if that Imperial happened to be a bridge officer. For one, Vader had the power to command the entire fleet. It was also rumored that he often killed his own crew for making mistakes. He was a hard taskmaster and unforgiving of errors.

/What if I bring the Empire down on our heads?/

He knew it was possible. He had known that from the beginning.

/But Darth Vader…!/

Luke placed both hands over his eyes and moaned. He was caught in the middle of a spider's web and all wrapped up in unbreakable silk. No matter what he did it would be wrong. Besides, he really didn't want to stop writing to Anakin. Yet if the Rebel leaders caught him, he stood a good chance of being severely punished, possibly killed, for his treason! On the other hand he ran the risk of telling Anakin too much and he might actually show up one day with Executor to get him! He was in too deep to get out and he knew it. He was putting all the other Rebels in danger just to satisfy his own personal needs for a Father.

/What am I going to do?/

He had hoped that a current photo would prove to Han than Anakin isn't Vader, but now Luke was beginning to think it wouldn't work. His buddy would just say he took the mask off. Yes, that's what Han would say!

/I don't want to admit Darth Vader is my Father or my penpal./

The thought sent a cold shiver through his body and Luke pulled the warm wool blanket up to his chin. The itchy material touched his bare skin and was awful, but he'd rather suffer contact with itchy wool than a Sith as a father. The medical droid had informed him before his nap that he'd be stuck here for at least another day as he recovered from his near death. But unfortunately that left him with nothing to do than sleep and think. And he certainly had some thinking to do.

/I can't keep ignoring it. I have to consider that Vader could be my penpal./

But Luke once again got stuck on how unlikely it seemed. He just couldn't imagine Darth Vader sitting at a computer writing letters! The idea, well, it was crazy.

/I can't think it's crazy. I have to take this seriously./

Why would Vader want a penpal? Luke thought and decided that Han would say it was all a scheme to get Rebel information, but his pal seemed totally sincere. Besides, Anakin was being open and honest, telling him all sorts of personal things. Surely a Sith Lord couldn't pull such a skilled deception off? No way! It would be impossible. But what if it all started by accident and he's just as trapped in this mess as I am? After all, he had got into this mess by accident. Well, not that it was a real mess… he truly enjoyed Anakin's letters and looked forward to the next one.

/Drat!/

Luke pounded a fist onto the bed's soft yet firm mattress. It was some kind of addiction that he couldn't stop no matter how insane he knew it to be!

/But what if it IS Vader and he really thinks I'm his son?/

Now that could be a serious problem, that is, if he was writing to Vader and not Anakin.

/He might come looking for me!/

Luke imagined an Imperial Shuttle landing out in the snow near the Rebel Base. The ramp would lower and Darth Vader would stalk out. He would walk up to the big door and wrap on it. Mon Mothma would answer, shock on her face at seeing the Sith Lord. Then words would issue from the frightening black mask. "I'm looking for my son, Luke Skywalker. Is he here?"

Pulling the wool blanket up over his head, he groaned even louder. It would be terrible!

Not of course that it would happen like that. The Empire would move in with weapons blazing and superior firepower. But the shock of his friends' and comrades' faces would be the same if they ever found out.

/They'd never trust me again!/

Slowly Luke pulled the blanket off his face and stared up at the icy ceiling overhead, the ripples suddenly fascinating.

/Is that what I'm doing, breaking their trust? Am I an untrustworthy person?/

His mind drifted back to Anakin's letters and how he had secretly gotten married to Padme. That secret was what had destroyed his life. Was he doing the same thing by keeping this secret? He knew it was wrong to write to Imperials and yet he was doing it anyway. Surely it couldn't end well, could it?

/I want to believe I'm a good person and that I'm doing the right thing, that I'm helping Anakin./

/And if I'm helping Darth Vader?/

Was helping a Sith Lord a GOOD thing?

/Do I want to be helping Darth Vader?/

Luke's thoughts had definitely drifted off all the marked space-lanes into unexplored territory. It was a peculiar, unsettling feeling to be actually thinking he was helping the monster that had killed Ben. He just couldn't see how the two men could be the one and same person. They seemed too different.

He wasn't even sure how he really felt about Darth Vader. He didn't like him that was for sure. The man was scary and powerful and made those odd breathing sounds, had that deadly reputation. But what if he wouldn't have had killed Ben? How would he have felt about Vader then? Luke tried to think back to when he was still living on his Uncle's farm on Tatooine and how he had felt then.

/I had wanted to go to the Imperial Academy and become a pilot./

That had been his dream for years and years, along with the fantasy of finding his father. But back then Vader never played a part in his idol daydreams. He had barely known the Sith Lord even existed. He certainly never dreamed he'd actually see him in person and watch him cut down a friend and neighbor!

/I'm really in deep poodoo this time!/

Luke rubbed his itchy nose and considered what he knew about the Sith, which was close to nothing. They were dark Jedi who had gone to the Dark Side. The real question was what was Anakin doing on the other end with his letters? As far as Luke knew, he wasn't doing anything, well, Imperial with them. Could Darth Vader have a split personality? Han had said people might act differently in private than in person. Could Vader be such a person? Was it possible he was warm and emotional on the inside but acted cold and uncaring on the outside?

/Oh great! Like that's any better!/

If a person acted two different ways, then they'd be almost unpredictable.

/But no one would ever guess I'm writing to a Commander on Executor, either./

If Anakin was his Father, he certainly was walking in his footsteps all right. Which might not be a good thing.

/I could end up just like him!/

But how could Darth Vader be anyone's father? The idea of a woman wanting to smooch with someone in that black breath- mask… ewww! It gave Luke the willies. Although rich and powerful, he just couldn't see Vader attracting females.

/Unless it happened just like Anakin said in his letter…/

Luke closed his eyes, a pain in his chest. The idea that Han was right was too much to bear and tears leaked from under his closed eyelids. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Luke placed his bare feet on the cold, icy floor. Wrapping the wool blanket around himself, he fled from Sickbay. The gray blanket flapping over the white robe he wore, he sped down one of the many ice tunnels towards the bay where the Falcon was parked. Passer-bys gave him startled looks and a few even called after him, but he ignored them and hurried on his way. He just had to read the next letter from Anakin before the distressing thoughts that crowded his brain drove him mad.

/He's not; he's not Vader! He just can't be!/

With blurred vision and freezing feet, Luke realized exactly how much alike he and Anakin were.

/He was keeping secrets from his friend and I'm doing the same thing! I don't want to end up like he did!/

What if things escalated? If the Imperials found the secret Rebel Base and attacked, would Han think it was his fault? Would his best buddy go to the Rebel leaders and explain how he had been writing to someone on Executor, his Father no less? But how could Han think anything else? Would he and Han fight then, like Anakin had fought with Ben? Would one of them get badly injured or even die? And then the others would find out! What would Leia think if she knew?

/She'd never trust me again!/

And who could blame her? She'd say he was a double agent or something like that, a spy!

/I don't want to end up on the Dark Side!/

Luke skidded around one final corner and raced through the hangar bay right up the ramp onto the Falcon. Inside, he stopped when he saw Han talking to Leia, both their hands covered in grease

"Luke! What are you doing out of bed? Why, you're not even properly dressed! You'll catch pneumonia running around like that!". Leia protested loudly as she looked at him, a concerned expression on her face.

"I…" Luke stuttered nervously.

To be continued…


	21. Luke Skywalker

Penpals 21: Luke Skywalker

"Well?" Leia tapped her foot and waited for a reply.

"It's … complicated." Luke hesitated, unsure he really wanted to tell Princess Leia what was going on between him and Anakin. He hit the door release and the ramp closed, sealing the warmth inside the Falcon. Even though a few short minutes ago he had been worried about deceiving his friends and possibly falling to the Dark Side, actually telling Princess Leia was a big step. What if she took it the wrong way? She could be very emotional at times, strong willed and wasn't afraid of any man.

/She's probably not even scared of Darth Vader himself!/

Leia moved closer to Luke and wrapped an arm around his blanket-clad shoulders, bending her head so she could gaze into his face. "What's complicated? You're not worried about that snow beast that attacked you, are you? I'm really worried about you, Luke. You almost died out there. If Han hadn't found you in time I don't know what I would have done. You're a great pilot and the Alliance needs you. I need you. But you can't be running around like this. You'll just make yourself sick again. Now tell me what's troubling you."

Luke allowed Leia to lead him over to a seat by the gaming table. Immediately his eager eyes fell on his computer, but he quickly lowered his head and hid behind his shaggy bangs. He was confused and didn't know what was the right thing to do. He felt Leia slide into the seat next to him, her thigh touching his. Warmth from her body soaked into his leg and he realized how foolish he had been to leave Sickbay like that. He moved his hands about restlessly on the tabletop, and then shifted to look at her. "I'm sorry, Leia. Lately things have been a bit crazy for me and well, I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore."

"Tell me." She urged, her dark eyes full of concern.

"I … I don't know if I can." Luke admitted, glancing up at Han. The smuggler was standing nervously next to the gaming table

Han shrugged his shoulders. "It's your call, Kid."

"That's just great!" Luke said, his voice raising a few octaves. Sighing heavily, he turned to look at Leia. "Do you trust me, Leia?"

"Of course I do!" Leia replied automatically, confusion starting to form on her face. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, maybe I've been doing something I shouldn't have been…." Luke admitted nervously as he looked down at the tabletop again.

/Should I really tell her?/

"Been doing what?" Leia asked, truly confused now. Reaching out, she placed a hand on Luke's shoulder and leaned closer. "Luke, you can tell me anything. I promise I won't get mad."

"I don't know…" Luke slid out of the seat and started pacing the small room, his bare feet cold against the floor. He finally stopped in front of the Princess. "I want to tell you, Leia. I really do! But part of me is scared that you'll hate me afterwards and I don't think I could stand that."

Leia smiled sweetly, the corners of her red lips turning upward. "Luke, nothing you could have possibly done would warrant that! Trust me."

"No, Leia. You don't really know me. Even I don't really know me, but I'm beginning to learn." Luke ran a hand through his thick mop of hair.

/This is a lot harder than I thought./

"Han, do you know what he's talking about?" Leia asked as she shifted her gaze from Luke to the smuggler.

"Yeah, but I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone." Han fidgeted and glanced towards the tiny kitchen on the Falcon. This was the last place he wanted to be; yet he needed to stand by Luke in case things took a bad turn. "Look, I'll go get us all some caf. Be back in a minute."

"Luke, I can't help you unless you tell me what's troubling you!" Leia said after Han had left to get the caf. "Please, I'm your friend and I want to help you."

"Well, I have a friend too…." Luke admitted, still unsure how much he could trust Leia with.

/What if I tell her and she runs to the Alliance leaders? What will happen to me?/

The image of a cellblock flashed through his mind and he grimaced. He didn't want to end locked up in a cell just because he wanted to know his father. It would be unfair. Not that the galaxy was fair…

"And is your friend part of this mysterious problem?" Leia asked gently, realizing that she'd have to pry every little piece of information from him. It was like prying teeth from the gums!

"Yes…"

Confused, Leia slumped back in her seat as she considered various scenarios that might involve a friend. "Have one of the Rogues been doing something they're not supposed to be doing and you accidentally found out?"

"No, nothing like that…"

"Are you in love with someone?" she asked, knowing that could stir up all sorts of confusion.

"No. Well, maybe I sort of like someone but that's not the problem."

"Then what IS the problem?" she asked, aspirated.

"I want to help my friend but I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing." Luke pulled the wool blanket tighter around him and eagerly accepted the cup of hot chocolate Han offered. Taking a sip, he allowed the warmth to soak into his hands as the delicious heat slid down into his stomach. "It's just very confusing. I care about you and Han and all the other Rebels and I just don't want to see you get hurt because of me."

"Luke!" Leia smiled broadly, humor in her voice. "Nothing you do could possibly hurt us!"

Han grunted but stayed on his feet.

Shifting her gaze from Han back to Luke, she held her cup of caf. "Just who is this mysterious friend of yours?"

"My father." Luke replied before he could chicken out. He didn't like keeping secrets.

"Your father? I thought you said he was dead?" Leia's face expressed total confusion.

"That's what I meant when I said you don't really know me! Don't you see, Leia? I've been writing to him all this time, since I blew up the Death Star and I want to help him! But I'm not sure if helping him is the right thing to do because of who he is or who he might be. Oh, I don't know what I'm talking about! But I'm scared, Leia! More scared than I've ever been! Even more scared than when I almost died out there in that snowstorm."

Leia gazed at him perplexed. "What are you so scared of?"

"That I'll end up just like him!" Luke almost shouted, his emotions boiling within. "I want to do what's right, but I don't know what that is anymore."

She just stared at him, shocked at the depth of feeling he was expressing. "I still really don't understand. But helping a person isn't wrong. How can it be?"

"But what if the person you're helping is evil? Is it good to help evil?" Luke asked as he stepped up to the table where Leia was sitting. Reaching out, he placed his cup of hot chocolate on the tabletop and gripped both her hands in his. "Please, Leia. I need to know! You're wise and always know the right thing to do. So tell me."

"Evil?" Leia blinked at him, puzzled. "I thought you said this was your Father…"

"It is, Leia."

"Why would your father be evil?" she asked.

Luke pulled away from her and walked around in a circle. "He just made some bad decisions. I think he wanted two different things and those two things didn't agree with each other. He started keeping secrets from his friends, just like I've been doing! And when they found out, there was a fight and he ended up where he is now. I don't want the same thing to happen to me. He's all alone, Leia, without anyone he can talk to or trust. I want to keep writing to him yet I don't want to place any of you in danger! Just like him, I want two different things and it's making me crazy!"

Leia slid out of her seat and went over to Luke, wrapping him tightly in a hug. "We'll help your Father, Luke. And I'm sure he's not evil. What ever gave you that idea? Just because he's lonely doesn't make him evil. Where is he?"

Luke mumbled something. This was the part he had dreaded, the part where Leia's sympathy would disappear and the wildcat would take her place.

"Luke, I couldn't understand what you said. You have to speak up." Leia gazed into his face and brushed the bangs away from his eyes. "Tell me. I promise I won't get mad."

"He's on Executor…"

"Executor?" Leia's mouth dropped open, his answer the last thing she had been expecting. Then realization dawned in her eyes. "You mean the Imperials captured him?"

"No, he works there. On the Bridge." Luke nervously backed away from her, uncertainty in his eyes. "You hate me now, don't you?"

"No! Of course I don't! I'm just shocked and well, confused." She admitted as she glanced at Han and saw him nod. "So your father is an Imperial? How did you find out though?"

"Well, I've been writing to him and well, we just clicked. I think the Force meant us to find each other…"

Leia couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Let me get this straight. You've been writing to an Imperial that just happens to work on the Bridge of Executor ever since you blew up the Death Star? Is that what you're saying?"

Luke nodded.

Leia took a deep breath and stumbled backward a bit, sitting down heavily at the table. "I got to sit down. You're right, Luke. I never expected anything like this."

"You're angry, aren't you?" he asked, worry clear on his face. "I didn't tell him any Rebel stuff, if that's what you're worried about. I just want to know if it's wrong to want to help him. He's had a very bad life and I think he trusts me. I know maybe I should stop writing him, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm the only friend he has and I find it hard to believe that he is evil, yet…." Luke's voice dropped off, not knowing if he should say anymore.

/Maybe I already said too much./

"He IS my father. I'm sure of it!" Luke placed a hand over his heart. "I feel it in here."

Leia sighed, not having the slightest idea of what to do. "Luke, you're right. This is confusing. Maybe it'll help if I knew his name."

Luke gazed uncertainly at her.

/Well, I told her all the rest./

"Anakin, Anakin Skywalker. But Han has another idea and well, that's what's really brothering me."

Han scuffed his boot tip on the deck and then glanced up at Leia. "I think Luke's been writing letters to Darth Vader."

To be continued…


	22. Luke Skywalker

Penpals 22: Luke Skywalker

"Darth Vader?!" Leia's mouth dropped open and she almost dropped her cup of caf. "You can't be serious! I met him and he's a cruel, cold-blooded monster! He was there on the bridge of the Death Star when they blew up Alderaan!"

"But he's not like that in the letters!" Luke promised, sincerity in his voice. He knelt down in front of the Princess and gripped her hand again. Oddly, he felt perfectly serene now as if through some magic he had found his Jedi calm. Perhaps just letting the secret out had helped enormously. "Please, Leia. Help me decide what to do in this situation, but don't make a decision based on prejudice. I want your wisdom and not your anger. I know you have issues with Vader and I don't blame you. I have some issues with him myself. I watched him kill Ben remember? But Anakin has become a friend to me, just like you and Han."

Leia glanced from Luke to Han and back to Luke again. "This is just such a shock. I mean, I never dreamed that Vader would write to anyone. Are you sure it's Darth Vader?"

"All the facts seem to point towards him." Han admitted as he sipped his caf and leaned against a nearby wall. "We're currently waiting for a more modern photo. The one he sent was like twenty years old, but he was with the old man in it. He was just a kid himself in that picture, no more than twenty-years-old."

"He seems so sincere in his letters, Leia." Luke continued, compassion in his blue eyes.

"Luke, Vader is Palpatine's right hand man! The Emperor has him on a leash, a very short, tight leash! Exactly what sort of stuff has he been saying to you?" Leia asked, concern in her voice. She squeezed Luke's hand, worry on her face. Now the shock had started to fade and she found herself facing a serious problem. "Luke, if you've really been writing to Darth Vader, why, he could be lying to you! Everything he told you could be made up to work on your sympathies! He's a master of deceit! Why do you think he's a Sith? He didn't get that way by helping old ladies across the street! He was mean and vicious and a foul creature!"

"No, Leia. That's not how he became a Sith." Luke replied sadly as he gazed into her soft brown eyes. "He watched his mother die, my grandmother, after she had been kidnapped and tortured by the Tuscan Raiders. He loved Grandmother dearly but the Jedi Order wouldn't let him go to her when he dreamed she was in danger. All contact with family is forbidden. Marriage is forbidden. Even having friends and caring for them is forbidden. He arrived too late and she died in his arms. Then he lost control and killed all the Sandpeople. Could you imagine that, Leia, if you had arrived too late to save your mother?"

Leia was silent.

"And there's more. He fell in love with my mother and they married in secret. But when the Jedi Order found out they were angry. He just wanted to have a career and a family, Leia. Then he and Obi-Wan got into a fight and he fell into some lava. That's how he got seriously injured. They had kidnapped his wife and hid her somewhere…"

"Well…" Leia started, unsure of exactly what to say to Luke's revelations. "I don't know what to tell you. I just always thought Vader was power hungry like Palpatine. But if what you're saying is true he may be very different from the Emperor. That is, if this story he told you is true."

"I don't see why he would lie to me." Luke said.

"Luke," Leia smiled at him. "You're innocent. I could lie to you and as long as I spoke nicely and smiled at you, you'd believe it! You have to realize that others aren't like you. They're ruthless…"

"But why would he lie?" Luke asked, convinced he had to sway Leia to his side of things. He wasn't very good at debate, but he certainly was going to try. "He hasn't asked me for any Rebel secrets or anything like that! He seems to really care about me and how I'm doing. He even admitted that he cried when he saw the photo I had sent him."

"You sent him a PHOTO? Luke, are you nuts? You can't go sending photos to the Imperials!" Leia leaped out of her seat so suddenly she knocked Luke onto the floor in the process. She started pacing the room nervously, all sorts of things passing through her mind. There were so many things the Imperials could do with photos, not one of them good.

"But Anakin hasn't done anything with the photo! He hasn't even told anyone we've been writing each other!" Luke explained, his voice calm compared to Leia's outburst. He climbed to his bare feet; unfazed by being knocked down. This was the fiery Leia he knew, the wildcat. "I feel I can trust him!"

"So you feel you can trust Darth Vader? You just admitted he killed Ben Kenobi! Luke, are you hearing what you're saying?" Leia asked as she gripped him by the upper arms and clung tightly to him. "Luke, I'm really concerned for you. This relationship you have with Vader is wrecking your life! Can't you see that? How do you know he hasn't been messing with your mind, too? He's a Sith and there's no telling what he can or can't do! Why, I heard he can stop laser blasts with his bare hand!"

Luke sighed. The conversation with Leia was becoming an uphill battle just as he had feared and it was caused by her hatred for Vader. "No, Leia. I don't trust Vader but I do trust Anakin."

"But Han thinks they're the same person." Leia pointed out as she continued to cling to him.

"Yes, I know and I thought about that a lot in Sickbay, trust me on that." Luke pulled out of Leia's grasp and drank more of his hot chocolate. "I want Anakin to be my father but not Vader, yet like Han said I'm beginning to fear they're one and the same. Truthfully, I'm not sure what to think about that. Yet I think I may be really reaching him, Leia. This could be a golden opportunity for the Alliance!"

Confusion crossed Leia's pretty face. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you admit that my special powers are of great value to the Alliance, don't you?" Luke asked.

"Yes, of course." Leia replied matter-of-factly.

"Well, I've had almost no training. In the old days Jedi used to train since they were just babies. Think of what great significance a fully trained Jedi could mean to us, to the Rebellion. Why, he'd be worth a hundred times more than I am. And he's a full Jedi."

Leia laughed, shaking her head. "This is crazy! You're talking about Darth Vader for Force's sake! He's not going to join the Alliance any more than you'll join the Empire!"

"The Kid has a point, though…" Han admitted as he stepped forward and tossed an arm casually around Luke's shoulders. "This Kid might win us the War yet and by accident to boot!"

"What do you mean?" Leia asked.

"Well, Vader apparently values Luke here." Han said, a crooked smile on his face. "I read his letters to the Kid and well, I got to admit there seems to be a lot of truth in what Luke says. That is, presuming what Anakin has been writing is on the level. But if it is, why, Luke could have Vader on a leash. The guy seems to care an awful lot about his family and he thinks Luke here is his son. We could use that to our advantage."

"Wait a minute!" Luke yanked himself free of the smuggler's grasp. "I'm not going to use Father to get Imperial information! I want to help him!"

"And what better way to get him to help than getting him to work for the Rebellion?" Han asked as ideas circulated around his head. "I'm sure he could do lots of damage to the Empire from where he is."

"And get him killed? No! I want to save him, not ask him to be a double agent or something!" Luke cried, horrified at the way things had started to go. This isn't what he had expected at all. He had mainly just wanted Leia's approval to keep writing to his penpal, that's all. He watched as Leia moved over to Han.

"Is Luke really affecting Vader so much?" Leia asked the smuggler.

"Yeah, I think he is." Han answered, his dark eyes on Luke. "It's making the Kid a nervous wreck but he's getting through to his penpal. That is, if what he's writing Luke is true…"

Leia stood frozen, one hand on her chin as she considered the possibilities. It was risky, but then just being in the Rebellion was risky. Her mind decided, she turned to the young Jedi. "Can I read his letters?"

"If you want to…" Luke slid into a seat at the gaming table and turned his computer on. "Maybe it's better if you did read them, Leia. You'll see how lonely and troubled he is! And then you'll want to help him, too!"

Leia squeezed into the seat next to Luke and patiently waited as his computer booted and for the letters to appear on his screen. Unlike Han, the Princess had no qualms about reading someone else's mail. This was clearly part of her duty as a leader of the Alliance. Once the program was ready and the letters waiting, Luke pushed the computer in front of her and she started to read. She started with the first letter and worked her way through all of them. Her brown eyes were glued to the screen and she seemed fascinated. Emotions flickered over her face, all of them too fast for Luke to recognize. When she was finished, she leaned back in her seat with her hands folded on her lap.

"Well? What did you think?" Luke asked her eagerly.

"He certainly is emotional." Leia admitted. "If that's Vader, then I don't know him at all."

"But do you think I'm getting through to him?" Luke asked as he reached for the computer, and then hesitated. "You're done with this, right, because I want to go check the galaticweb for a new letter. The old ones I stored here in my computer…"

Leia abruptly sat up straight and gripped Luke by his arm. "How often have you been sending him a letter?"

"Huh? Oh, about every day. Why?" Luke asked as he pulled the computer in front of himself.

"And when was the last time you sent him a letter?" Leia asked, worry in her voice and eyes.

"Oh, before I was attacked by that snow creature. That's why I'm so anxious to check my mail! It was all of I could think about in Sickbay!"

"That's what's worrying me!" Leia gripped Luke's arm tighter. "You two are so much alike! What if he's reacting the same way as you are? Why, if he really IS Darth Vader he could be on his way here right now! Han found an Imperial Probe Droid out there while you were stuck in the bacta tank. If he's worried and concerned about you, he has the power to move the entire Imperial Fleet here!"

Luke's eyes widened in shock as Leia's words sunk in. "You think I should send him a letter?"

"YES! Send him one right now so he knows you're OK!!" Leia ordered, her voice rising in panic. Normally she was calm in intense situations, but this one was anything but normal.

Luke stared at the Princess for a moment, surprised that she was actually ordering him to write Anakin a letter. Even if Han had found an Imperial Probe Droid, Luke didn't see how Anakin could know they were on Hoth. There were lots of cold, frozen world out there and for him to pick THIS one… "Leia, I'm sure you're over-reacting. There's no way he could know we're here!"

"He knew his mother was dying, didn't he? Now write that letter or I'll have you thrown in the brig!"

"All right!" Luke signed onto the galaticweb as fast as he could and went immediately to his mailbox. As he had suspected, a letter he hadn't yet read waited for him. Since speed was of the essence, he didn't open it but clicked for a new letter form and put Anakin's address in the appropriate box. Then he started to type.

Dear Father,

Sorry this is late. I didn't read your letter yet but I will do so in a moment. I want to send this now to reassure you I'm OK. I almost died the other day. I was out in the snowy wilderness riding on my mount when a creature attacked me. It was covered in white fur so I didn't see it until it was upon me. It was some wild, meat-eating snow monster. When I woke up, I was hanging upside-down in the thing's cave and discovered it had eaten my mount. I had my lightsaber with me and I just managed to free myself in time. Then it was coming at me and I loped its arm off. There was a lot of blood, more blood than I had ever seen. I ran out into the storm.

That night I almost froze to death. You cannot imagine how cold it was. The wind was blowing snow and ice. For long periods of time I was delirious and even saw people talking to me. I heard their voices as well. It was very, very strange. The strangest thing is while it was happening I thought it was real. Ben was one of my visitors. The other was Darth Vader, although I don't know why I would see him. Do you?

I really thought I was going to die. But then my friend showed up and he rescued me! After that, I had to spend a long time in a bacta tank and then in a hospital bed. I'm still supposed to be in Sickbay but I snuck out to send you this letter. Please be assured I WILL read the letter you sent as soon as I send this one on its way. I know you must be worried about me.

Your Son,

Luke

Clicking on the send button, Luke sent his letter on its way.

To be continued…

(I'll try to get the next chapter up tomorrow.)


	23. Luke Skywalker

Penpals 23: Luke Skywalker

"There! I sent him a letter! Are you happy now?" Luke asked as he turned slightly in his seat to glance at Leia. "I still think it's a silly idea! Even if he IS Darth Vader, he's not going to move the whole fleet over here just because of ME! I mean, do you know how dumb that sounds?"

Leia gripped Luke's hand and held it. "Luke, you're not a moisture farmer any more. You're used to being unimportant and ignored, but you've changed. You're a hero of the Alliance now. I know you may not feel like one but you are. You're special. That's why you're reaching your penpal, whoever he really is. And he may really move the entire fleet if he thinks you're in danger! Han risked his life to save you. I would, too. A lot of people here would. I have to presume that your pal feels the same way."

Luke stared at her. "So you're saying that Anakin may come out here to save me."

"Yes." Leia stated.

"So he's not evil then?" Luke asked, wanting Leia to answer his original question. "I mean, him coming here to rescue me … that would be a good thing, right?"

"It's complicated!" Leia sighed.

"Luke, no matter how you cut it Anakin is still an Imperial." Han rested his hands on the game table's top and leaned forward closer to Luke, a half-grin on his face. But the smile didn't touch his dark eyes those were completely serious. "If he rescues you, you just might end up in the detention block. Don't forget how we met Leia."

"But I still want to help him!" Luke cried. "And I'm sure he wouldn't lock me in a cell! He cares about me. You said so yourself!"

"Yes, I did." Leia agreed. "But what about me? Your penpal doesn't care about me and I'm a known Rebel. They had me on the execution list before. What do you think your penpal were to do if he caught me? Do you really think he'd let me go just because you asked him to?"

Luke grew silent, the full weight of the problem settling on his shoulders. The little he knew about the Empire suggested they were very rule-oriented. He would like to imagine that Anakin would let his friends go, but he knew that was highly unlikely. "No, I guess not."

"Yeah, and if he did he'd a heck of a time explaining it to his superiors." Han commented. "Kid, you just got yourself stuck smack dab in the middle of a mess."

'I know…" Luke hung his head and twisted his hands together nervously. He could imagine Anakin all by himself and so lonely, stuck on that monster of a ship. Strange how a person could be surrounded by people and yet be apart. He had lost his faith in others and it was up to him to restore that faith. Lifting his head, he stared Princess Leia in the eye. "I want to help him, whether he's an Imperial or not. He has the full Jedi training and that's of great value to me. I need someone to teach me so I can become a Jedi and he's the only one available! And if I have to leave Hoth, well, then I will!"

"Luke, we're not asking you to leave!" Leia quickly said, surprise on her face. "But I am worried about you. How do I know leaving is your idea and not Vader's?"

Luke smiled. "He's not inside my head, Leia!"

"But how are we to know he's not?" she asked, concerned. "Do you even know what a Sith can do?"

"No, not really." Luke admitted.

"Look, Kid, I'm sorry about what I said earlier." Han said as he straightened up and put his hands on his belt. "I know that pal means a lot to you and well, that was just a dumb idea. OK? I was scared Leia wouldn't want you writing to him and well, that seemed like a good reason to me for you to continue your correspondence. But are you really serious about helping him? I mean, would you want to help him even if he IS Darth Vader?"

Luke paused before he answered. "If he's the one writing me the letters, yes."

Leia's mouth dropped open. "You'd really want to help that … monster?!"

"Everyone should have an opportunity to be redeemed, Leia." Luke replied calmly. The dark image of Vader with that scary mask and those breathing sounds still gave him the willies, but he was willing to overlook it for now. The Jedi of the Old Republic used to live and study in a temple and Luke supposed that made them priests of a sort. And wasn't it the job of a priest to help redeem people, to help them start a new life? "I'm sure you've done things in your life that you regret as well. Don't hold a grudge against him. If we can help him, we should. I can't become a Jedi by myself. Besides, he's my father. I can't stand the thought of him being alone. Besides, we shouldn't judge a person by how they look. It's his costume that really inspires fear in people. It's what's deep inside that really counts and I think he's proved somewhat that he's changing!"

Luke clicked on the new letter that was waiting in his mailbox and began to read. He had promised Anakin that he'd read it and he would. Besides, he really wanted to see what his father looked like these days.

Leia watched him and shook her head. "I don't believe this! He's really going to help Vader!"

"Yeah, I guess so…" Han stated as he stood there uncertainly.

Luke's eyes locked on one particular line of the letter and he read it out loud so his friends could hear. "You're the only bright spot in it and I'm scared I'll loose you once you learn the horrible truth about me. There are so many things I haven't told you yet. I'm sure you'll hate me then."

The three companions were quiet for a long time as the ominous words sunk into their heads. They glanced at each other nervously, neither of the three wanting to be the one to break the silence and saying what they were all thinking in their heads. They had been guessing that Anakin was Darth Vader, but that sentence almost proved that he was.

Finally Luke broke the silence himself. "See? That's why I can't give up on him! He's relying on me, practically asking for help the only way he knows how! We just can't abandon him to the wolves! And listen to this: You can't change the past. Not even a Jedi can do that. I wish I could…"

"Now if that's not a cry for help, then what is it?" Luke glanced from Han to Leia, determination in his pale blue eyes. "Are you just going to sit around and let the Emperor continue messing with his mind or are we going to do something to help?"

Han raised his arms out to the sides, a blank expression on his face. "What do you expect us to do? I mean, it's Darth Vader! I just can't fly over to Executor and offer to take him on the Falcon!"

"Oooo, I don't know!" Luke cried, frustration eating at his insides. He was beginning to get nervous and jumpy now. He didn't want to be sitting here but out rescuing Anakin from the evil Empire.

/I have to do something!/

He turned to Leia and stared at her.

"Why are you looking at me for? I don't even like him! Besides, he's your friend!" Leia protested as she slid out of the seat and backed away from Luke. She stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes and then sighed loudly, her hands slapping against her thighs. "All right! I'll try to think of something, but I'm not making any promises! And I think you need to be supervised in these communications with Vader. I admit he may be changing and feeling regret, but it all still could be a hoax. And even if he's being honest, well, he's apparently unpredictable. What if you say something that angers him? Will he turn on you like he turned on Ben? I think you should consider that, too, Luke. Don't go rushing into this."

"Yeah," Han agreed as he placed a warm hand on Luke's shoulder. "It reminds me of the advice they give to people that want to get a nexu. You may feel sorry for the poor nexu that was abused by his previous owner and want to adopt him out of pity, but it's a bad idea. That nexu makes a very bad pet and most likely will be violent. It could turn on you without warning."

"Han, we're talking about a person here, not a pet!" Luke protested loudly, outraged.

"Yeah, but Vader may be like that abused nexu and very dangerous. I just want you to know what you're taking on, Kid. It's not going to be a picnic." Han explained to the younger man. "You just can't take him under your wing and all his problems will disappear. It doesn't work that way."

"I know…" Luke stated.

"Do you? I don't think you do." Han said as he turned around and headed for the cockpit, the empty caf cup in his hand. He returned a moment later with the cup steaming. "I think you're just trying to avoid an argument. Your Uncle pushed you around a lot and you learned to agree with the other person to avoid a fight. Well, I'm not sure that'll work very well on Vader. You get him here and you better learn to hold your own or he'll be turning you into a Sith. You have to learn to stand up for yourself and not be such an easy pushover."

"I'm not a pushover!" Luke protested wildly. "A Jedi is supposed to be a peace-maker, anyway!"

"Call it what you want, Kid, but if you want to deal with Vader you better get a solid titanium backbone." The smuggler leaned against the wall and sipped his caf.

Luke sighed and slunk down in his chair, his legs stretched out before him. Sooner or later he knew he'd have to face his penpal in person and if it WAS Vader, well, then Han might be right again. He'd have to rely on Vader to train him as a Jedi and that would include an awful lot of trust.

/Can I really trust a Sith to train me, even an ex-Sith?/

Was it even possible to cure a person of being a Sith? He knew so little and was just going by instinct. What if what he wanted was impossible? He could still be chasing after an imaginary dream and just be too stupid to realize it.

/I could end up a Sith myself…/

Yes, that certainly was possible.

/But I have to try!/

Clicking the button, Luke prepared to send Anakin another letter.

Dear Father,

I am replying to the letter you sent. You should have received my previous letter and know that I am OK. Like I said, I had gotten attacked by some snow beast and almost froze to death. I should have been more careful, but I wasn't. The wind was blowing the snow around and it was so hard to see. Plus I had been watching a meteor that had fallen to the snow nearby. I had never seen one before. I know you must have seen tons but it was my first one. I guess I allowed it to distract me. And it was just so cold I really didn't see how anything could live out there. But you were right and I was wrong.

Are you saying the Emperor is a Sith, too? I thought he was just, well, the Emperor! You know, a politician. Do you really know him? He looks like he's really old. I saw him a few times on the holonews…

That sounds like the Ben I knew. I wouldn't want to think that he'd be capable of pushing you like that. And that must be a horrible feeling to think your whole life may be based on a lie. But it's never too late to start over. I'm here and I'll help you any way I can. I would still like to train as a Jedi and you can be my teacher. Why don't we meet somewhere? Do you think that could be possible? Of course, you can send me the photo first so I'll know you when we meet. There are a lot of worlds out there and I'm sure the Emperor doesn't control all of them.

I would have liked to see Naboo. But perhaps we could do that someday. We could go there together and you could point out the sights and tell me more about Mother. Or would that be too painful for you?

I once was certain my whole life would be spent as a moisture farmer. I felt trapped, as my Uncle needed my help and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He kept promising me that I could leave next year, but next year never came. He always wanted one more year. I was stuck in a rut and I wasn't really happy. But then they were both killed and suddenly I was free. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think I would have had the guts to leave on my own, the way my friends did. It takes a lot of guts to step out of the familiar life you're in for the unknown. And if you're unhappy where you are, well, you have to be brave and just change your life. You can have a new life with me as your student, but you have to leave your old life behind. I think we both know you can't train me on Executor. There would be just no way to explain my presence. And I'm sure Vader would notice. Like you say, he's a Sith.

I could never hate you. Please don't think that way. I'm so happy that I found you.

I don't blame you for getting married. I don't see how the Council could expect people to live like that. People are not droids! Why, this one droid I have is very emotional! He's scared of so many things and has a big motor mouth that's always running! You should see him! I swear, they act just like humans do!

No truth could be so horrible that you'll loose me. You're my Father and I care about you!

Please write soon!!

Your loving son,

Luke

Luke clicked the button and sent the letter on its way.


	24. Darth Vader

I will try to get back into the swing of this story; sorry if this chapter is not as good as the previous ones.

Penpals 24: Darth Vader

Darth Vader nervously stood on the bridge of the Executor as the massive Star Destroyer and the rest of the Imperial Fleet rushed towards the ice planet of Hoth. To all outer appearances he was as calm as ever; an unmoving figure untouched by the gale force winds of a hurricane. Nothing seemed to bother the Sith Lord, except failure. The crew of Executor well knew his dislike of failure or sloppy work. To displease the Dark Lord usually meant death and those who served under him did their utmost best to keep him well satisfied. But now doubt gnawed at his mind.

/Am I doing the right thing/

He very much wanted to see Luke alive but fear nipped at his heals like hounds from the darkest depths of Tartarus. It was all fine and good to go charging to the boy's rescue, but what if the rescue itself resulted in Luke's death?

/I could not live with that on top of everything else. To loose him when I had just found him…/

The possibility of Luke dying in an Imperial attack was high. Confusion reigned during battles. People running this way and that, blaster bolts going astray, screaming, and clouds of smoke, fiery explosions, buildings caving in; why the list was almost endless. To top that off, the boy was basically young and inexperienced.

/If he is not dead already…/

Vader gazed out at the streaks of hyperspace that flew past his window, his heart heavy. It was a possibility he really didn't want to face or even think about, but face it he must. Every living thing must some day die, even the very stars themselves. Nothing was eternal except for perhaps the Force itself. But with the Jedi extinguished from the galaxy even the mighty Force would fade from memory until it, too, would be forgotten. Galaxies would turn to dust and collapse inward on itself compacting harder and tighter until another Big Boom would vibrate throughout the universe bringing new life. But would that new universe have the Force? It was a question no one could answer and Vader didn't feel like pondering it at the moment as more pressing things weighed him down. The fact was that his son was the last of the Jedi. Well, Luke truly wasn't a Jedi yet. In fact, he wasn't even close to being one. But he carried the Force in his blood and had the desire to learn. And more importantly, he wanted to learn from his father, Anakin Skywalker.

/Surely it couldn't all end so soon, could it/

But Vader knew many young lives have been snuffed out during the course of history. Not everyone lived to old age and these days living until you're old and gray was becoming increasingly rare. And it was clear something was wrong at Luke's end, on Hoth. And he felt certain that Hoth was indeed where the boy was.

/But surely that means he's alive./

Hope blossomed in his mechanical heart for a brief second, then faded and died. He still faced the same problem! Even if the boy had survived whatever calamity had befallen him, Vader didn't want to risk his only son's life in an Imperial attack. The very idea caused a slight shudder to pass through his tall frame. The Sith Lord turned slightly to peer at the bridge crew around him to see if anyone noticed the unaccustomed tremor, but all eyes were glued to their councils. A sense of satisfaction filled him momentarily at the sight of his crew. They were well trained, yet required supervision. If left to their own devices the ship would blunder and no doubt come to a hideous end and that would be a great waste.

/There must be something I can do…/

What good was his rank and position if it couldn't save the one he loved?

/I just need to figure out how…/

The privilege of command gave him total control of not only Executor but also the entire Fleet. At the slightest wave of his black-gloved finger, crew dashed to do whatever he wished. The power of command suited him well. His years of podracing and then Jedi training had honed his instincts until he could make snap decisions in mere seconds. Mostly he relied on his instincts and for the most part his instincts were right. And he had never abused the authority given him by the Emperor. Lesser men might have but not him. He had always been loyal to his Master. But then he had been well satisfied with his job and rank.

/I was born to command./

And that was true.

/So why can't I think of a way to save Luke/

Staring out at the passing star streaks once more, Vader ran the various facts through his lightning-quick mind. Luke and his Rebel companions were on Hoth. The Imperial fleet was rushing towards Hoth at the very moment. If the fleet followed standard Imperial procedures and attacked the Rebel base, Luke could be killed, as the other Imperials didn't know his importance. To everyone else he would be just another Rebel.

/I certainly can't tell them Luke is my son./

No, that would be foolhardy. Not only would word leak back to the Emperor but to other ears as well. There were people out there that resented the Sith Lord for various reasons. Some envied his high rank and the fact that he had Palpatine's ear. Others sought revenge for numerous reasons; everything from death of family members to imagined slights. Then there were the usual sorts of crazies that simply desired to kill famous people and really didn't care who he was just as long as their own name got onto the holonews channels. Yes, there were some real sickos out there and the last thing he wanted was to announce his relationship to the poor boy.

/I could say he is important to the Empire…/

Vader considered the possibility seriously. Yes, that route might work. He would have to make it quite clear to the crew that Skywalker was not to be injured. But that led to another problem. His crew would have no idea where Skywalker was in the Rebel base and he could get shot by accident. The image of finding Luke's bleeding body under a pile of wreckage was all too clear.

/Drat boy! Why did he have to hook up with the Rebellion/

Yet if it weren't for the Rebellion he never would have discovered that he even had a son.

/The Force works in mysterious ways…/

If only he could magically know where Luke was! Then they could attack the Rebel's hideout without him needlessly worrying of the boy's safety. Vader thought back to the countless times he had led attacks on various planets throughout his career in the Empire. Never had worry for someone on the surface clouded his mind like it did now. He felt pulled in two directions at once; an unsettling feeling for sure. Parts of him wanted to get the nerve wrenching waiting over while the other half wished that the ship could stay in hyperspace forever and never reach Hoth.

/Is this what fatherhood is like/

He had always dreamed of being a father and having a family but until now he never really understood what it really was. He had imagined closeness and warmth, changing of diapers and playful smiles. But this constant worry and tearing at his heart; it was unbearable.

/I would rather be the one in deadly peril, not Luke/

And that was true. Vader knew he had the training and experience not to mention the Force to survive almost anything.

/Please let him live/

Vader was unsure who the silent plea was being sent to; perhaps the Force itself. Did some mysterious all-powerful beings really exist and did they set one up with a destiny as some believed? He had never really considered the theory seriously. In his youth he had heard more than enough about being the Chosen One and how important that was. It was enough to drive him mad!

/Dumb fools! Didn't even know what I was supposed to do…/

Bring balance to the Force. Huh! A lot the Council knew. They knew so much that not one of them could say for sure exactly what that meant. Prophecies were a lot of foolishness.

Vader blinked his weary eyes behind the mask, forcing his mind to return to the task at hand. This was no time to get caught up in the past and a lost age. Yes, he could tell his crew how important Skywalker was. But then what?

/What will I do after I catch him/

IF he caught him, that is. Vader knew in all likelihood the Rebels would see the fleet come out of hyperspace and attempt to make a run for it.

/I must make note to tell Admiral Ozzel not to emerge too close to the planet./

Yes, if they emerged outside the Hoth system perhaps they'd have a chance.

/I could stop the fleet outside the Hoth System…./

That might work quite well. Then they could sneak in like a lion hiding among the tall grass until they were almost atop the prey. With a swift attack the victory would be won. The only sounds as Vader considered the plan was his loud mechanical breathing and the small chirps of the bridge machinery as they did their tasks. If luck was with them Luke would be captured uninjured and then he'd be safe…

/Safe according to who/

Darth Vader produced an especially loud and raspy breath as he imagined his son locked in a security cell aboard Executor. Most likely the boy would be frightened and possibly feel betrayed, a feeling that Vader remembered all too well.

/He may hate me…/

That would truly be ironic. Here he would race half way across the galaxy to save Luke and the boy would hate him for it!

/I always did have bad luck…/

But what alternative did he have? He certainly couldn't sit back and do nothing, could he? His poor son may be out there dying in that frozen wasteland!

/Obi-Wan would tell me to have patience…/

But patience wasn't always the right move. Indecision can kill just as easily as waiting too long.

/Padme would never forgive me if I let our only child freeze to death./

His beautiful Padme: she certainly wouldn't be sitting on her duff while their child was in danger oh no! She would be rushing to the rescue with a big blaster in her hand.

Yet she wouldn't want him locked in a cell, either.

/Aaahhhh! This is driving me mad/

Vader knew there was part of this problem he was forgetting; a very important part.

/He does not know I am Vader. Do I really want him to find out while he's locked in a cell/

Darth Vader considered the matter as he turned to survey his bridge crew. Everyone was busy at their stations, the work going smoothly without any hitches. The whole thing rested on how much Luke knew or suspected. If the boy suspected his true identity the revelation would go much smoother. But if he truly had no idea, well, it would be a very nasty shock. At best he'd accept it rather quickly. At worst he'd have a fit and refuse to believe the truth at all…

/I have no idea how the boy will really react…/

And what will happen to him afterward?

/What will I DO with Luke once I have him/

Vader's plans hadn't reached that far yet and for a moment he experienced a total loss of words. He was being driven by his simple desire to have his son with him and by his side; as he had been driven to marry Padme in secret all those years ago. That had turned out to be a disaster.

/I must not be blinded by my desire as I was before./

Lust could be a dangerous and deadly thing; whether it was lust for a woman, food or even the companionship of a son. The fact that Luke was listed as the enemy of the Empire would be a threat to his continued survival once he was caught.

/I can't let the Empire kill Luke/

No, that he couldn't allow. But he was Lord Vader was he not?

/I will take the boy into my personal custody./

Yes, that would be much better. With time spent together they could grow close and he could start training him. If need be, records could be falsified and who would dare say otherwise? Vader ruled Executor with the Force and the crew didn't dare disobey. They were loyal to him all the way down to the last man. It was a sheer privilege to serve aboard the fleet's flagship and only the best of the best got a berth aboard her. Palpatine would never need to know…

A thin smile lifted the very edges of Vader's pale lips under the mask. His plan for rescuing Luke was coming into focus. His mask focused on two gray uniformed officers down in the command pit. "Admiral Ozzel."

The man turned and quickly hurried over to the Sith Lord. He gazed fearfully up at the black expressionless breath mask. "Yes, My Lord?"

"Make certain the fleet emerges from hyperspace outside the Hoth System." Vader instructed in his firm voice. "I want no mistakes this time."

"Understood, My Lord!" Ozzel replied as he nodded.

"Make certain of it, Admiral. Then have the fleet wait SILENTLY until I return to the bridge. There are to be no unauthorized communications. Is that clear?"

"Very clear, My Lord!"

"Good." Lord Vader turned on his heel and left the bridge, his black cape flowing out from behind him. He entered the lift and emerged a short time later on the deck that housed his personal quarters. He knew there was enough time left to check his email one final time before they reached the Hoth System. Perhaps Luke had survived whatever ordeal had kept him from replying and had now recovered enough to send a new message. The irony of what he was doing hadn't escaped him. He knew his place was on the bridge when the ship was going into battle; yet his crew was competent enough to follow the simple instructions he had given them.

/And if I do receive an email/

Vader marched down the long hallway towards his quarters with purpose, his footfalls loud on the metal decking. He was not one given to double guessing, yet it seemed to plague him this day. Would he still attack Hoth if Luke had sent a new message and he knew the boy was well? Things were so much simpler before he had started the friendship over the galaticweb; before he had become addicted to Farmboy's letters. His mind was awhirl like the accretion disk of a super massive black hole as it spun burning star matter into oblivion. Whether he liked it or not, the boy was changing him and he couldn't go back to the emotionless being he had been for so many years of his adult life. Luke had very effectively wrapped his sandblasted fingers around his heartstrings and was tugging mercilessly. Where this would all end he had no idea but he hoped they could be together someday somewhere.

Finally reaching his quarters, he went inside and saw he had left his computer on from earlier in the day when he had been taking that photo. He noticed the chronometer on the computer's screen way at the bottom and momentary shock went through him. Had so little time passed? What had felt like endless hour upon endless hour had in reality been only a few hours? How time seemed to slow down and almost stop was a total mystery to the Sith Lord, even if he was accustomed to time running slow while he used the Force in combat or podracing. Black-gloved fingers flying across the keyboard, he signed onto the galaticweb and nervously clicked on his email box. Sweat beaded on his brow and his heart once more seemed to speed up, although he knew that was physically impossible. Finally the contents of his mailbox loaded and he scanned to the very bottom.

There! Two letters from his son!

/Luke is alive/

Happiness and joy spread throughout his battered body as he gazed at his son's email address in his mailbox. Then cold dread replaced the joy as he realized that thanks to him the entire fleet was posed to attack!

/Luke could be killed and it will be my fault! What have I done/

To be continued…

Well, hope this chapter was OK. I'll try to get the next chapter (also with Vader) up tomorrow.


	25. Darth Vader

Penpals 25: Darth Vader

/What am I going to do?./

Luke was alive and here he had the fleet posed to attack the Rebels hideout. He certainly couldn't send the fleet back to where it had been. No, it was part of his job to wipe out the Rebellion. The Sith Lord took a large mouthful of air and forced himself to calm down. Luke was playing havoc with his emotions and that wasn't good.

/I will read the letters./

Yes, that was a good idea. Pulling out the chair, the Sith Lord settled himself down before his computer and clicked on the first letter. He was a bit anxious to discover if he had been right; that his son had in fact been in danger and needed rescuing.

/Or am I flying off my rocker and imagining things?./

Slowly the words formed on the screen and he leaned forward eagerly to see what his son had written. Then his heart practically leaped up into his throat as a cold sweat covered his body. The three words 'I almost died' reverted and repeated in his mind over and over.

/My son almost died!./

How could the Rebellion be so careless with the boy's life? Didn't the leaders know any better than to send a boy from a desert planet alone out into artic conditions! That was sheer foolishness! It was irresponsible! It was, it was … horrible!

/Those Rebel scum! How dare they treat my son that way!./

Anger flowed through his body as he imagined the leaders of the Rebellion sitting in a warm room with a hot drink chatting among themselves while his poor innocent boy froze to death outside! It was the carelessness and lack of respect he had come to expect from the ragtag bunch of criminals. They lured the young adventure seekers in with false promises, saying they were fighting villainy or doing it for the common good. Huh! It was nothing more than propaganda polished so it appeared shiny and clean. The simple truth was the Rebellion was a group of criminals. They were nothing more than power-hungry terrorists that enjoyed attacking the government and blowing things up. They didn't care how many innocent lives they ruined or lost, as there were always more eager young men hot for adventure and thrills in space.

/They tricked my son into joining them!./

If they really cared about the members in their group, they would have given the boy proper training. But they hadn't even bothered. The anger surged through Vader's body and he felt his power grow until it seethed in the room like an angry thundercloud. It affected the crew on nearby decks as the Dark Side flowed out from Lord Vader's quarters. Crewmembers grew anxious and uneasy as they nervously glanced about, unsure why they felt that way. An artic chill seemed to settle over the entire ship and even the bridge crew was affected by it. Admiral Ozzel fidgeted and Piett kept glancing fearfully at the turbolift door, frightened that at any moment Vader would stride in and kill someone. Yes, Vader was furious at the Rebellion so being so careless with their personnel. They seemed to lack the basic understanding of command: that the life and death of those under your command was your responsibility. They had practically boasted their deliberate ignorance in his face, laughing. Heat gushed through him until he was certain that the wires of his mechanical parts would melt into slag. His heart pounded rapidly within his chest, mechanical or not. His black-gloved hands tightened into fists and a red haze danced before his eyes.

/I'll kill those Rebel fools!./

Yes, they deserved to die for what they had put his poor boy through. Now it was perfectly clear that he had been right to move the fleet here. There was no way his son could remain with the band of outlaws and have his life risked so carelessly. The Rebels didn't really care for him, not really.

/Not the way I care for him. He is my son!./

The red hazed slowly faded and Vader blinked his eyes to help clear away the last traces. Slowly ever so slowly he unclenched his fists. He needed to read the rest of the first letter to see what else had happened to his wayward child.

/Soon you will be with me, Luke./

Vader read about the snow beast, his anger growing again. What right did the Rebellion have to send Luke out looking for life in such an environment? What good would it do the Rebellion to know that a snow beast exists? Nothing!

/My son would have died for nothing/

The thought made his blood boil within his veins.

/At least his friend saved him…./

A slightly warm feeling filled Vader's heart as he thought of the smuggler and he mentally forgave some of the man's past indiscretions. Although Solo may be a smuggler, he was obviously a good friend of his son. Vader had no doubt in his mind that the smuggler had risked his own life to save Luke's. Yes, Solo will live. He had just guaranteed a place for himself in the Empire. But the others…

No, Vader cared nothing of the other Rebels as they had not cared one bit for Luke.

Scrolling down the page, Vader read more of Luke's letter. It was interesting that Luke had seen Vader in his delusional state.

/Does he know the truth about me?./

Still angry, Vader wasn't in the mood for philosophizing about it. He quickly clicked the letter closed and opened the second. He started to read the first paragraph, shaking his helmet sadly when he saw something as simple as a meteorite had distracted the boy and had allowed a snow beast to attack him.

/That is inexcusable!./

Luke was too honest and simple yet, too lacking in training to be traveling around with those blast Rebels! He was still a boy at heart, amazed at the strangeness of a new world around him. That much was very clear. Why else would he gawk openmouthed at a stupid meteorite?

/And his inattention had almost cost him his life!./

Yes, Luke needed to be brought under his protective wing, taught the proper way of how to be alert and watchful of things around him. With proper Jedi training, Luke would have sensed the snow beast approaching before it was even near. The Force was far better at detecting life forms than relying on the natural senses of his mount; which is no doubt what he had been doing. The Force was the best radar in the entire galaxy and the boy definitely needed to learn how to use it correctly.

/I will not loose my son through carelessness/

The poor boy didn't even know the Emperor was a Sith! What in the galaxy do they teach in school these days? Vader fumed but continued to read. A bolt of pleasure zipped through him when he read that Luke wanted to meet him somewhere so they could begin his training. Yes, they would meet very soon!

/Let us meet on Hoth, my Son./

It was practically an invitation and one Vader very much planned on accepting. He had thought to drag the letters out longer until he felt Luke was ready to be told the truth, but now it was clear things would have to be rushed. Luke would just have to accept the fact of who he really was. The boy wished to be with his father and his father was a Sith Lord. And that certainly was better than associating with a gang of terrorists!

/Those fools have filled his head with nonsense!./

If he had learned one thing about his son, it was how loving and helpful he was. In this very letter he had showed his kindness for a stranger whom he had never met, a stranger who was supposed to be the 'enemy', yet he was willing to forget about sides in the war and be friends – just because he cared. He was generous and the Rebellion fiends were taking advantage of that! And the worst thing was, the boy didn't even know they were doing it! One of the next paragraphs proved just that point. Luke had wanted to leave the moisture farm but kept staying because he hadn't wanted to hurt his Uncle's feelings. Vader shook his fist at the invisible Rebel leaders who would reap an award at the boy's loss.

Vader sighed. Why couldn't Luke see they were the rule breakers and the wrong side to be on? Couldn't he see they were attacking the government? Didn't he understand the Empire existed for the common person's benefit? True, Palpatine had gone off course a bit lately but still…the Empire represented the law! The stormtroopers were there to protect the innocent and put criminal scum in jail!

/I will need to save Luke myself before he gets in too deep with those felons…/

In truth, the war was nothing more than a struggle for power. Many of the leaders of the Rebellion were sore politicians who couldn't accept they were now powerless. So they obtained weapons and started blowing up government installations, creating false reasons. The lies they spouted attracted followers and the movement grew until it had escalated into a full fledge war. But the real losers were the poor saps that believed the lies the leaders spread and actually thought the government was corrupt.

/Ah, how sweet. He wants me to be happy…/

And it was another example of how young his son really was.

/I will be happy when you are safe here with me…/

Yes, Luke would be safe on Executor. In time the crew would grow to accept him. The Dark Lord was certain of it. The ship, after all, was filled with young men. What would be one more? A bit of a hair cut and a proper uniform and the boy would fit right in. Of course, that was much later after they had gotten to know each other and he knew for certain Luke wouldn't do anything stupid. Youths were always doing the most stupid things for the most insane reasons. Still, Vader felt sure Luke could adjust to a new life in the Empire.

/And then we can rule the galaxy together…/

It would be wonderful!

/Palpatine will have to go…./

Yes, the man was old and senile. His dream for law and order had decayed into something else. It was regrettable.

/I am the one holding this Empire together…./

Vader had now reached the end of Luke's second letter and he considered what kind of reply he should send. Flexing his black clad fingers, Vader began to type a reply.

Dear Luke,

This may sound hard for you to believe, but I sensed you were in peril these last few days. It was not just the lack of your letters, although that did concern me, but my sleep had been disturbed as well. I did not exactly have nightmares as I did when my mother was in danger, but slept restlessly. Upon waking in the morning, I felt groggy with burning eyes and was practically asleep on my feet. Inexcusable behavior for an Officer, yes, I know. But you have grown to be the most important person in my life and I fear loosing you. I cannot describe the powerful emotion that swept through me when I saw two new letters from your email address! It was pure undulated joy, something I have never experienced before. And then I read of your encounter with that snow beast. I admit I'm angry that the people you travel with have been so careless about your safety. You do not belong in an artic environment! You could have died and for what? What do you gain by learning these snow creatures exist? Nothing!

You will be pleased to hear that I now have a modern photo for you. Taking that photo has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life and I have done it for you. I am sending it with this letter. I hope you can accept my awful appearance. And yes, I have finally faced myself in a mirror. It was very hard to do, but I did it for you. Please remember that. Truthfully, I'm glad that it's over. My appearance was not as bad as I feared, but I fear you may think it utterly horrible. People put so much on how they look…

Yes, the Emperor is really a Sith. And yes, I know him. I knew him since I was a child and freshly brought to Coruscant. He had always treated me kindly, but that does not mean he hasn't lied to me. He is a master at manipulation. I know he may seem harmless and look like an old man, but that's what he wants you to think. It's how he got to be Emperor, you know. He fooled everyone into thinking he was innocent and doing stuff for the common good while he had dreamed of power in secret. Does that surprise you? People can do that, you know. You think you know someone and you really don't. Please remember that.

I'm very grateful that your friend saved you. Please tell him for me, will you?

Yes, I would very much like to meet you! I'm sure I can get away from the ship for some time. It would be like a dream come true to finally see you with my own eyes, to hear your voice! You have no idea what that means to me. I'm very much looking forward to it.

Have you ever considered leaving the group you are with? It does not seem very safe where you are and although you are OK now, I worry about your continued safety. Would you do that for me? You told me to be brave and change my life so that I may be happy, about leaving the Empire. Are you willing to do the same?

Hoping to see you very soon,

Your Father,

Anakin

Darth Vader read over his letter, and then hit the button that sent it on its way. Shutting down his computer, the Sith Lord stretched his legs and headed out of his room for the bridge. It was time to get rid of those Rebels once and for all! He would inform the crew that Skywalker was to be captured alive as was Solo. The man had earned his life that much was clear and he intended to keep his word. Within a few short hours Luke would be safe within his grasp and then the real training could begin.

To be continued…

Hope that was OK.


	26. Luke Skywalker

Penpals 26: Luke Skywalker

"Well, I sent him a second letter." Luke informed Han and Leia as he stretched his arms out before himself. "But I really don't think he's really going to come here. I mean, there's just no way he could possibly know which planet we're on! There must be hundreds of icy planets in the galaxy!"

"You don't know the resources the Empire has, Kid." Han commented from where he leaned against the wall of the Falcon, the caf cup in his hand. "They're scouring the galaxy for us and even the slightest bit of information can give them the edge they need to track us down. Besides, Vader has the Force. You seem to believe in it, even if I don't. Surely you must admit that it gives Vader a big advantage."

"But you can't use the Force that way!" Luke protested wildly.

"Kid, you don't really know what Vader can or can't do. You're brand new at this Force business. I was there when that old man gave you your first lesson or did you forget?" Han moved away from the wall and slowly walked over to Luke. He placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder and gazed down at him in concern. "I know you want to do the right thing by helping Vader and that's admirable. Heck, in some ways that makes you braver than I am and that's saying a lot."

"Or foolish." Luke hung his head, his shaggy hair falling into his eyes. He felt incredibly stupid.

"Helping people is never foolish, Luke. Don't think that way." Han smiled at him and slid into the seat next to Luke at the gaming table. "Blowing up the Death Star like we did; that was foolish. But guess what? We did it! Sometimes the really crazy plans work the best. So maybe in a way helping Vader that way could be seen as a bit foolhardy because the Empire would never suspect such a thing! But if you're really getting through to him, you could actually succeed! But at the same time, I want you to be careful. All right?"

"Yes, I'll be careful." Luke promised. It was still hard for him to think of Vader as his father, but each letter seemed to point more and more towards that.

"I mean it, Kid!" Han warned. "Just remember Vader is far more advanced in this Force stuff and you have no clear idea what he can really do. I don't want to see you getting hurt."

"And I don't want to see you get hurt, either." Leia agreed as she gazed at the young would-be Jedi. "You have far more compassion that I do. I doubt if I could ever bring myself to helping that monster. Yet you watched him kill Ben and you still want to help him. That's noble, although I'm sure a lot of people here wouldn't understand it at all."

"I appreciate what you're doing Leia, really I do." Luke stared down at the game table and nervously twisted his hands together. "I know what I'm doing could be considered treason. That thought has preyed on my mind a lot. But he is my father and I just can't leave him trapped like he is. I just have to help him!"

"Well, you better help yourself first." Leia held out her hand to Luke. "Let's get you back to bed. The doctor will no doubt be worried that his patient has vanished. I wish you would think more before doing stuff. Running around like this, why, you're just asking to get sick!"

Luke sighed but stood up from the Falcon's game table. "I'm sorry."

/I really am acting stupid…/

A blanket wrapped over his shoulders, Luke followed Leia towards the door to the Falcon. She was so smart, brave and levelheaded and he wished he could be more like her. The Princess never lost her cool and wouldn't be caught dead rushing around the icy corridors in a pair of thin pajamas covered by a blanket. Luke glanced down at his bare feet and frowned. He really was getting careless! His eyes traveled upward again and fell on Leia's spectacular hairdo. Her long braids were carefully wrapped around her head and it was a total mystery as to what made them stay that way instead of collapsing down her back.

/Even in the middle of a firefight she has perfect hair and I'm a total mess!./

Why couldn't he be more like her? Leia would never be caught writing letters to Imperials. The guilt started to eat at his insides again even though he had purged his secret to his two friends. Would it never go away?

/I caused a huge mess./

Reaching out, Luke gripped Leia's arm near the elbow. "I'm really sorry for creating this mess. I know it must create problems for you, things I probably can't even fathom."

"Luke," Leia turned and held his hand, her brown eyes warm. "You don't have to apologize! You're doing a noble thing and I'm sure the old Jedi Order would be proud of you."

"Really?" Luke gazed into her eyes, a slight warm feeling pushing the guilt away. "I don't feel noble. I feel all mixed up and confused. Worried and guilty."

"But that is what makes you such a good person!" Leia explained as she gripped his hand tighter. "And it's why you're so special, Luke! A real hero doesn't care for himself. He's self-sacrificing and helps others. And it's good that you have a conscience. People who don't have one, well, they do horrible things. It would kill me if that would ever happen to you."

"Do you think Vader has a conscience?" Luke asked.

"By his letters I would say he probably does." Leia thought back to what she had read.

"But if he has one, how can he do such terrible things?" Luke asked, his mind whirling like one of Tatooine's famous sandstorms. He certainly knew his conscience loved to beat him for the slightest thing. Even blowing up the Death Star had eaten away at him afterward. All those people died because of him; their lives snuffed out from a single shot from his X-wing. It hadn't mattered that they were going to kill all the Rebels and at the time he had been in the cockpit it hadn't bothered him. It was only later when he was alone in bed; the medal laying upon his chest in the quite of night that he had started thinking. It had occurred to him that most of the people aboard probably didn't really hate the Rebel Alliance at all. They were just people doing a job so they could support a family back home from wherever they had come from.

/Maybe I think too much…/

"That's hard to answer." Leia sighed and glanced at her chronometer. She really belonged in the command center, not on the Falcon discussing Vader's conscience. "Maybe his conscience wasn't working for a long time and you woke it up. Or maybe he doesn't see anything wrong with a lot of the things he does. He does seem to believe that the Empire is right about lots of things and that could be a problem later down the road. You do have different viewpoints, right?"

"I guess…" Luke shrugged. At the moment he really didn't know what to believe.

"Luke! You do know what the Empire is doing is wrong, right?" Leia stated, new concern appearing in her dark eyes. "Think of how they blew up Alderaan! They've done many other atrocious things as well, awful things that would make you sick!"

"Yes." Luke sighed. He felt tired and emotionally drained, yet he couldn't help thinking of the good things Anakin had told him about in one of the letters. Like opening schools and creating a police force to lock up dangerous criminals. Surely those were good, weren't they? But Han was a smuggler, wasn't he? Didn't he owe Jabba all that money for loosing a cargo of illegal substances? Luke wasn't positive but he was pretty sure it had been drugs and not the kind you got from a doctor. Yet Luke was positive Han wasn't a bad person. The man had just risked his own neck to save him out there in that artic wilderness. Yet it was clearly wrong to sell or use illegal drugs as they wrecked lives. So who was right in the long run? Was the Empire right for keeping dealers off the street or was the Rebels right as some smugglers were actually good people?

/I'm so confused/

"I'm just tired." Luke finally said, one hand to his suddenly aching head. A faint pounded had started just behind his eyes and the would-be Jedi winced in pain. The pounding reminded him of the large feet of banthas stomping on the hard desert terrain.

/The last thing I need is a herd of banthas in my head/

Leia hugged Luke and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek. "Let's get you back to bed. You're not fully healed yet."

Luke obediently followed Leia down the ramp of the Falcon and back towards the medical ward. The bright light reflecting off the ice walls pained his eyes and he squinted in an effort to stop his headache from getting worst. The Princess kept a firm grip on his wrist and gently led the way. The curious or surprised glances from the other Rebels embarrassed him and he felt his face grow hot even though he was freezing.

/I don't know what's worst: that they see I'm practically holding hands with Leia or that I'm dressed this way…/

Both were enough to make him blush. And he still didn't find the courage to tell the Princess that he liked her.

/But she did kiss me/

Yes, she had given him a little peck on the cheek.

/But she only did it to make me feel better/

Luke knew that was most likely true. The Princess couldn't love him. Why, she was a Princess!

/I bet she has to marry some Prince…/

His blue eyes focused on the woman who walked slightly in front of him, her hot hand gripping his wrist firmly. What was Leia going to do after she dropped him off at the Medical Ward? Even through his pounding headache the answer was obvious: she'd head to the Command Center. It was where she spent most of her time doing all the mysterious things that needed to be done so the base could operate smoothly, whatever those things were. Then a new horrible thought wormed its way into his aching head.

/Will she tell anyone/

His stomach leaped and his headache increased in intensity.

/She promised she wouldn't! I trust her/

But did he really? A little itty-bitty voice way at the back of his mind was convinced that she would tell someone, that it would be her duty to tell. Leia wasn't like Han. The smuggler was easy-going and carefree in many ways. He went wherever he wanted to when he wanted to, as long as the Falcon cooperated, that is. He wasn't as concerned with rules as much as the Princess was. Wasn't that why he smuggled stuff for Jabba? He was more than willing to look the other way or say he had a blind eye. Why, he even blasted people to death right in a public bar and didn't care who witnessed it! But the Princess, she was a stickler for rules. Her clothes were always neat and clean, her personal appearance always well groomed with not a single hair out of place. She grew up in an aristocrat family and even served on the Senate! Surely if there was anyone rule oriented it was her! Surely she couldn't just keep such an important thing to herself, could she?

/I'm doomed/

Luke moaned loudly and partly collapsed against one of the ice walls, his free hand clutching at his head.

"Luke!" Leia hurried to him and threw his arm over her shoulder. "We better get you into bed!"

He leaned on her slim shoulder and staggered the last few feet to the medical ward. He eagerly crawled back into his bed and tried to get warm. The bed felt cold and he shivered under the thick wooly blanket. He gazed up at her beautiful but concerned face. "I feel terrible!"

"Now stay in bed!" She ordered him firmly. "I don't want you getting out of that bed until the doctor releases you! Is that understood?"

"Yes." He moaned, the banthas now jumping up and down in even greater numbers within his poor skull. Their feet were squishing his brain matter to poodoo. What he needed was a nice long nap….

"Now get some rest! And stop worrying!" Leia watched him for a few more minutes, then left.

Luke closed his tired eyes and tried to follow her orders. The droid doctor came over and did a few things, Luke ignoring it as best he could. He never cared much for the poking and prodding those doctors did. Most of it usually required pain of some sort and he didn't like pain. No, pain was bad. The bed grew warm and he sleepily closed his eyes. The banthas grew tired of being in his brain and went back to Tatooine where they belonged. Time ceased to mean anything as he drifted off to sleep.

"What…?" Luke groaned some time later as some annoying person kept shaking him. He tried to roll over and drift back to sleep, his soft pillow clutched in both hands. "Go away…"

"You must wake up!" The droid doctor insisted and shook him again.

"Now what do you want?" Luke asked, annoyed as he opened his eyes to glare at the stupid machine. As his body woke up more and more things began to register. For one, his bed was shaking and it wasn't from the droid! The klaxon wailed out in the nearby hall, its loud and insistent cry threatening to bring his headache back. He heard a distant thud from somewhere in the base and then felt a tremor race through his bed. Voices shouted in the hall and the patter of running feet joined it. Luke's blue eyes flew open as wide as possible, his mouth gaping open as he stared up at the droid. "We're not under attack, are we? Tell me we're not!"

"The Empire is here. You must dress at once and go to your X-Wing!" The droid instructed.

"Oh no!" Luke cried in horror as he threw the blanket off and leaped out of bed. His clothes waited on the nearby table, including his blaster, lightsaber and orange flight suit. Without wasting time, he quickly pulled the various pieces of clothing on.

/What have I done/

He tugged on his shirt and his fingers fumbled with the small buttons. It can't be because of me, it just can't be!

/But it IS my fault/

No it's not!

/But Leia said Anakin would get worried and would come looking for me and now he's here/

The distant thuds grew louder and not so distant anymore. Luke struggled with the orange flight suit, one foot refusing to cooperate, as it grew tangled in the long pant leg. "Come on! Come on! I got to get out of here!"

Smoke started to billow in through the open door and he glanced that way, worried.

/Leia will say it's my fault! She'll hate me/

His foot finally popped through and he quickly pulled the flight suit the rest of the way up, shoving his arms through it roughly. It took only a few seconds to seal it. He snatched his weapons from the table and hurriedly attached them to his waist, checking to make sure both were secure. The last thing he wanted was to loose his lightsaber through carelessness!

/She's really going to kill me for this! I'll end up in the brig for sure/

Luke rushed through the doorway and dashed down the long smoky corridor towards the hangar bay. He knew the ground crew would have his X-wing prepared and ready to take off. His boots almost slid out from underneath him as he hit a wet spot, the smooth ice drenched with liquid from a busted pipe overhead. He pin wheeled his arms madly and slid across the surface but managed to prevent taking a spill.

/Oh, this is my entire fault! I never should have started writing to Anakin/

Once past the wet spot, he hurried on his way. The corridor was empty of personnel and Luke hoped that meant most have already evacuated the base and had gotten away safely. The closer he got to the hangar bay, the worst the damage was. In several spots he was forced to leap over blocks of fallen ice but there was nothing he couldn't manage.

/I hope Leia and Han are OK/

"IMPERIAL TROOPS HAVE INTERED THE BASE! REPEAT: IMPERIAL TROOPS HAVE INTERED THE BASE!"

"Great, that's just great!" Luke murmured as he raced through the now empty hangar base. He spotted his X-wing outside and scrambled towards it madly like a demon out of Tartarus was hot on his trail.

/And to think I trusted him/

Luke reached his fighter and heard R2 beeping excitedly from within the back part where the droid sat. "Yes, yes I'm coming!"

He scrambled up the ladder and jumped into the cockpit. The top closed and he prepared the little ship to take off.

/If only I can escape before he catches me/

The thought shocked him and he paused, his hand halfway to a control.

/I thought you wanted to meet him/

Luke shook his head, confused.

/Maybe I'm not as ready as I thought I was/

The would-be Jedi shook his head sadly and pushed the button.

/You got everyone into a huge disaster and now you discover you're a coward too boot/

Groaning, Luke made his X-wing shoot up into the sky as he escaped his would-be rescuer.

Back down in the Hoth Base, a frantic Han Solo clawed at the wall of ice that separated him from Leia. When he had heard the Command Center had been attacked, he had raced there right away. He had tried to see her off safely to the last transport but a collapsed ceiling prevented that. So he had ordered the ship to take off. He would get Leia out on the Falcon. And that plan had been going fine until another blast from the ATATs had knocked down yet another ceiling, this one separating him from Leia!

"Just go!" Leia's muffled voice floated to him from the wall. "Get out before they catch you, too!"

"I won't leave you!" Han swore. He pulled the blaster off his belt and stepped back a few paces, then fired at the solid hunk of ice. He had no idea how thick it may be or if the blaster would do anything at all. It might make matters worse. The blasting might knock more ceiling down and either one of them could get crushed. For all he knew, it might be like trying to melt an iceberg with the flame from a tiny match.

"You have to!" Leia shouted at him. "You have to go take care of Luke!"

"Luke started this mess!" Han shouted angrily as he stopped blasting to study the results. Nothing! It did absolutely nothing!

"And he can finish it! Now GO!" Leia ordered sternly.

Swearing in a dozen exotic languages and feeling like a total heel, Han dashed to the Falcon and took off. A gaping wound existed in his side, mentally at least. He hated leaving Leia behind but there had been nothing he could have done. He just couldn't get through all that ice! If he was feeling this bad, the Kid must be feeling even worst.

Princess Leia stood with her back to the ice blocking the tunnel. Within moments stormtroopers appeared, Darth Vader right behind him. She smiled grimly. This time her captivity would be quite different…

"Princess. We meet again." Vader said as he stopped before her in the ice tunnel.

To be continued…


	27. Vader

Sorry for the delay. Those of you who read "Pranks" know I have had technical difficulties this last week: an early morning thunderstorm fried my phone and had damaged my modem wire. It took longer than expected to get the proper wire. The first 2 I had bought hadn't worked. Luckily the modem itself wasn't damaged.

Penpals 27: Darth Vader

Lord Vader stalked behind the group of elite stormtroopers as they hurried through the icy tunnels of the Rebel Base on Hoth. The walls glistened around him and the floor was slick, which only caused the black char marks to stand out so much more. He easily stepped over icy rubble or moved larger chunks with a single flick of his wrist. Although the attack had proceeded as he had planned; most of the Rebels had escaped. Normally this would infuriate him to no end, for the Dark Lord hated failure yet his mind was set only on one thing: Luke.

The boy was here. He could sense him up ahead somewhere through a fledging Force link…

/My Son…/

Vader's doubt and fears about attacking the Rebel Base faded, his worries unfounded. The boy had survived the attack and even now was just up ahead somewhere. And if he were quick enough, they'd finally be together. The Sith Lord concentrated on the impossibly thin mist-like link between the two of them, ethereal and more fragile than glass. With time the bond would grow in strength and solidity, but that required them to spend time together. Concentrating, he reached out and tried to sense what Luke was feeling without much success. He would have to be satisfied to know his son was alive and hopefully well.

/Luke…/

Then the connection to Luke seemed to stretch out like an impossibly long rubber band and slowly faded. And no matter how he searched with the Force he couldn't sense the boy on Hoth…

/No! Luke!./

Vader increased his pace and followed the stormtroopers around a corner. One of the Rebel's hanger bays was just ahead and until a few seconds ago it had been where Luke had been. No doubt the foolish boy had escaped in his X-wing!

/And after all the trouble I had gone through to rescue him! I will not fail/

Lord Vader noticed the stormtroopers had stopped, their blasters held at the ready. The tunnel ahead was blocked by a huge chunk of fallen ceiling and a woman stood there calmly, her gaze locked right on his mask. A slight smile creased his lips under his breath mask. The mission hadn't been a total failure after all. "Princess. We meet again."

"Lord Vader. Late again?" Leia scoffed as she boldly stared at his mask totally unafraid. Her hands rested on her curved hips. "Or should I call you Anakin?"

/WHAT/

Shock rolled through Vader's body as the words of the Princess sunk into his brain. Intense heat surged through his system followed quickly by icy chills. Surely she hadn't just called him Anakin, had she?

/It can't be…./

No, the Princess couldn't possibly know his real identity…it was impossible! Only Luke and Solo knew, that much he was certain of. It was one of the truly rare moments in his life when he didn't have the slightest idea of what to do and Lord Vader always knew what to do. It was one of the reasons why he was in charge of the Imperial Fleet. A mark of a good commander was the snap ability to make quick decisions and he excelled at it. But this ….

/Princess Leia cannot know who I am…/

Yet she did. Another moment passed and he watched as a triumphant grin spread across her face. She held her head proudly, regally almost, her chin pointing slightly up towards the icy ceiling. He could see the victorious glint in her brown eyes as she had bested him.

/That blabbermouth Luke must have told her!./

An unfamiliar sense of uneasiness stabbed at the remains of his flesh-and-blood guts. Many of his body parts had been replaced but his guts were still the original ones and now they felt uneasy. A sharp pain flashed through them and it took all of his Jedi training not to flinch in front of his prisoner. He had trusted Luke not to tell too many people about his real identity, as he had told no one about Luke. And he had kept his word. True, he knew the boy had told Solo but now he was beginning to wonder how many other Rebels knew Lord Vader had once been a mere slave boy? What would such knowledge do to his reputation? He knew it had been a risk to tell his son, but he really had expected the boy to have better judgment than this!

/Does the entire blasted Rebel fleet know…./

"If you're looking for Luke, he's long gone by now." Leia calmly stated.

"But I have you, Princess." Vader tilted his mask to stare down at her. She was short and with her hair twined up on top of her head like that, for a brief second she reminded him of Padme. But then, he had been thinking of the past a lot these days since he had started writing to his son. Still, it was painful to see even a slight resemblance of his beloved wife after all these years. He had truly loved her and then he had lost her forever to the cold grip of death. Still, his heart pounded rapidly in his chest as the ghost stood before his breath mask and his footing felt unsteady and he feared that at any moment he would tumble to the floor in an untidy heap.

/Padme…./

Reality gripped him again and he knew the woman in front of him was not his deceased wife but that annoying Rebel traitor. Still, the resemblance gnawed at him like a determined dog working at a bone. Why did his mind's eye insist on seeing his beloved in the turncoat? He took a moment to study her, noticing her stance was that of a warrior. Yes, she possessed the same fighting spirit his beloved Padme had possessed and the hair yes that was it. Padme had always favored odd hairstyles that seemed to defy the laws of gravity and although the coil of braids were simple it was still enough to trigger the memory of the more elaborate coifs. She was also his only link to Luke and no memory was about to get in his way of finding the boy. "And I intend to keep you this time. There will be no miraculous escape this time, Princess."

Vader motioned with a black-gloved hand towards one of the troopers. "Cuff her."

"Yes, My Lord." The trooper stepped forward and locked the cuffs around her wrists.

"And now, Princess, you will accompany me to my shuttle." Vader motioned again and the troopers gripped the prisoner by her elbows, pushing her forward. They moved past Vader and he trailed behind them once again, his eyes locked on his unexpected prize. True, she wasn't Luke but with any luck she was enough to draw the boy to him again. Still, uneasiness twined through his guts again. What exactly did the Princess know about him? She obviously knew his name and that he was Luke's father but was that the extent of her knowledge? Had Luke let it slip accidentally in a moment of weakness, possibly while he was still recovering from his deathly ordeal? His annoyance at his son faded. The boy couldn't be blamed for what came out of his mouth while he was dying or in a state of delusions.

/Yet I never told him I was Vader…./

The cold realization gripped him tightly like talons ripping his remaining flesh.

/Luke knows who I am/

Yes, if the Princess knew than that meant his son must know as well. Was that why the he was so quick to escape? Did Luke hate him now? His son surely must for why else did he flee?

/I have screwed it all up again!./

A dark depression settled on Vader's heart as he continued to follow the stormtroopers and Princess Leia back towards the Imperial shuttle. No matter how hard he tried to do things the right way, they always turned out all wrong. Why? Why couldn't things go right for a change? Why must he be cursed to always loose the ones he loved and always arrive to late to save them? He had desperately wanted to save his mother only to have her die in his arms. Then he had failed again when he had lost control of his temper and killed the entire tribe of Tuscan Raiders. They had deserved to die, yes, but deep in his heart he knew his actions of that day had been wrong. Instead of learning from his mistakes, he had let fear rule him and that had resulted in Padme's death and the entire Jedi Order. He hadn't meant to do harm, really.

/I just wanted to save her…/

But it had backfired terribly and she had died anyway, killed by the very actions he had taken to save her.

/I'll never see Luke now…/

The curse of the Chosen One was still on his head working it's evil sorcery!

/Yes, Luke must hate me now that he knows the truth./

If the boy had really loved him he would have stayed and welcomed him with open arms. But he had discovered the awful truth about his father.

/I am a monster…/

Yes, he was a monster. Vader stared down at his black-gloved hand, the same hand he had used to kill innocent Jedi with. Well, technically it wasn't the same hand. His flesh, blood and bone hand he had lost long ago on that fateful day he really didn't want to think about. But symbolically it was the same; it was attached to the pitiful remains of his badly scarred body. Why couldn't he have died that day? Why must he be given hope and then have it snatched away before his eyes, to see his son fleeing from the hated murderer of the Jedi Order? For it was clear that how Luke must think now. Why else…

Vader's thoughts froze mid sentence.

/He fled because you were shooting at him!./

He felt like such an idiot. Of course Luke would flee an attack. What else could he possibly do?

/He'll never trust me now…/

Like his former owner, he had gambled and lost. All his hopes had ridden on catching Luke once and for all and now it was all ruined! And like the Princess had remarked, he had been late again! How could he be the fastest Podracer to ever live and yet be so slow? It was infuriating! And if he tried sending the boy another letter, he feared his mail would go unanswered. Now that Luke knew the truth that he was writing to Darth Vader, a Sith Lord….Surely the boy would not want to write to Darth Vader, would he?

He blinked his eyes rapidly, clearing the film of moisture that threatened to leak from them. The last thing he could afford at this moment was one of his uncontrollable crying fits. How in the galaxy did Luke do this to him? He felt like a puppet on a string, his emotions swinging this way and that with a flick of the boy's finger. He had always been emotional, sure, but he had never been this bad. Was this the price he was paying for all those unemotional years as Lord Vader? And was he still Lord Vader? Or was he now Anakin Skywalker again? He had been signing his letters with his former name but the black armor said he was still Vader. The thought shocked him to his morrow and he paused in the hall for a few moments, the loud echoes of his breathing bouncing off the ice walls and echoing down the long blast-damaged corridor.

/Who am I really?./

What was in a name anyway? Anakin had always been the reckless Jedi in love, the Podracer, the one who longed for a family he couldn't have. He had leaped out of airspeeders in the pursuit of criminals and had enjoyed every second of free falling through Coruscant's traffic. He had played pranks on both Obi-Wan and Watto. But perhaps most importantly than all, he had believed anything was possible: a slave gaining freedom and a Jedi a wife. Anakin had always had hope. Vader, however, had lost hope. He body was ruined beyond saving, his wife dead and the Order destroyed by his own hand. He had built his own trap and had become ensnared without possible escape.

Until now.

So who existed within the black armor, Anakin or Vader? It was an odd thought for the Sith Lord and he considered it, his breath loud and raspy. Did he wish to go back to being Anakin Skywalker? He had thought that person had been burned away beyond doubt, his ashes left to mingle on that volcanic wasteland. Yet he couldn't possibly be the same Anakin that had existed before. That Anakin had been perfect of body and a bit naïve. Yes, he had been naïve as hard as it was for him to admit. He had always thought himself street smart. But there had been someone smarter and more devious than him playing the game. And like an awe struck country boy visiting the city for the first time, he had walked right smack into it.

Was the situation salvageable? Could he regain Luke's trust?

/I could try…/

Do or do not. There is no try.

Yoda's words from his days as a Youngling leaped into his mind and he smiled weakly. Perhaps he did have a bit of hope after all. Maybe he was being too negative. Hadn't Obi-Wan said that about a billion times? Perhaps he could focus on the positive…but what was the positive?

/Luke is alive. I caught Princess Leia. Perhaps I do have hope./

And why had Leia really called him Anakin? Had she been flaunting her knowledge of his past as he had originally thought or had she meant something else by it? Could it be a gesture that she was willing to overlook and forget his past deeds, to actually say that he WAS Anakin now and not Vader?

Vader shook his helmet, confused. His mind felt befuddled, as if someone had packed it full of cotton and had forgotten to tell him. The Princess hated him! Surely she wasn't trying to send him some secret message, was she? The idea was absurd!

/I am going crazy. This business with Luke is driving me insane./

Yes, that was it. If he kept this double guessing up he'd end up in a nice padded cell sucking on his mechanical thumb. It would be utterly horrible!

/I must get a grip./

He allowed the machine relegating his heartbeat and breathing do its job and he felt more himself with each passing second. It was becoming clear that chasing Luke across the galaxy wouldn't get him anywhere. The boy would always be one step ahead of him for the simple reason that he wasn't cursed.

/At least he was spared that and I'm grateful./

Yes, he wouldn't wish that curse on anyone. But by constantly chasing Luke would he pass the curse along? His poor mother and Padme certainly had fallen due to it. Would Luke suffer the same fate if he kept pursuing him? The last thing he wanted was his son to die…

/I may kill him yet without meaning too…/

Vader hung his head sadly at the thought, the chin of his mask resting on his chest plate. This position caused a pain in his neck but the Sith Lord ignored it. He and pain were old companions.

/He may live a longer life without me…/

Yes, that was doubtlessly true. Luke would fly off with his friends and no doubt continue to go around blowing up more Imperial installations. He would forget about the letters and his deceiving father who had turned out to be a hideous monster in disguise. Perhaps he would enjoy blowing up Imperial stuff even more than knowing that his father was the famous Lord Vader. It would give him a sadistic thrill and every stormtrooper he shot down he could pretend it wore a black breath mask…

/Luke is not like that…/

The letters pointed that out clearly. Luke had said countless time that he had loved him and had cared about him. Still, it hurt that his devoted son had run off rather than meet him. And that was what was really bothering him. He had looked forward to finally seeing Luke face to mask. And now that might never happen.

/Perhaps I should let him go…./

What good could he really do for the boy? He could offer endless wealth and Jedi training, but at what cost? He may end up corrupting him as he himself had been corrupted. Had he not been generous as well when he had lived back on Tatooine? Had he not flown in the podrace with no thought of himself, just to help the stranded travelers that had entered Watto's shop one day? Where had that boy gone? When had he become so corrupted? Did living with the Jedi somehow change him? Surely it all couldn't have been Palpatine's fault, even if the man had been a Sith Lord. He remembered how out-of-place he felt when he had first arrived at the Temple and had started living there. The others had all known each other since they were infants and he had been a stranger; an unheard of thing at the Temple. The Temple never accepted strangers. He had been dressed funny and had a strange accent. Vader clearly remembered how hard he had worked to give himself a Coruscant accent just so he could fit in among his new classmates. They didn't understand him or his past life. How could they? They had grown up in the Jedi crèche and he had had a mother. He might as well been from another universe…

Yet the desire for a family still burned within his chest, even though it might corrupt the boy.

/How could I possibly let him go now that I found him?./

He just wasn't strong enough to do that.

/But I can't catch him either./

That much was true.

/I must have faith that he still loves me and that somehow he will come to me…/

Faith. It had never helped him before. Why should it help him now?

It was sheer madness.

/Perhaps if I believe…/

Vader tilted his mask upward and stared for a moment up at the icy ceiling, unseeing. Perhaps if he focused on the positive his luck would change. In control once again, Vader started down the corridor after the departed stormtroopers and their prisoner. In short order, he reached the shuttle and walked up the ramp. The stormtroopers already had the Princess secure in a seat in the back and he sat next to her. The troopers saluted him smartly and made way to take off for the Executor. He was alone in the compartment with her, the guards stationed up front in the cockpit. With Lord Vader sitting next to the Rebel, they certainly weren't needed to guard her. She was, after all, just an unarmed cuffed female.

/But so was Padme in the Geonosis arena and look at what she did to that Nexu!./

Yes, the poor nexu had gotten kicked and knocked down from that helpless female! And if he wasn't mistaken, the Princess had the same spark of fire his beloved did.

/I miss her…./

Perhaps Lord Vader had been washed away with all the recent tears and Anakin was back again, a much richer, wiser Anakin. But was he back for good or would Lord Vader rise yet again? Could they both exist together or was that impossible?

He became aware of eyes watching him and he turned to see it was Princess Leia. He had expected to see hate on her face or possibly fear and if not that, then smug disdain. But what he found there was something else entirely. It was hard to say exactly what it was. Over the years Lord Vader didn't see that many facial expressions any more. No, it was always fear and terror that greeted him these days. And if it wasn't that then it was open hatred with prisoners boldly spitting on his boots, revulsion clear in their eyes. But this looked like something akin to curiosity.

/Surely she is not curious about me…/

No one had ever been openly curious about him and probably for good reason. Vader presumed the crew secretly wondered what he looked like under the mask but that was different. It was idle in nature. But the Princess was bold if nothing else. If anyone would dare to ask him something it would be her and he began to dread her question, whatever it might be. Her gaze on him intensified and her eyes flickered slightly this way and that.

"Are you Anakin Skywalker?"

His heart skipped a beat and before he knew what he was doing he found himself answering her. "Yes, yes I am Anakin Skywalker."

To be continued…

Hope that was good!


	28. Lord Vader

Penpals 28: Darth Vader

/Why did I tell her that?./

Vader pondered the question why he had told the Princess that he really was Anakin Skywalker and realized he simply did not know. It had just flown out of his mouth before he had had a chance to think. It had been incredibly stupid of him really but since he had started corresponding with Luke stupid things had become quite common. It was an excuse, yes, but that's all he had at the moment. He watched her face and saw surprise there. Apparently she had expected him to lie.

"You're really Anakin Skywalker, Luke's father?" The Princess stared at him, her mouth open in disbelief. Her eyes narrowed as they focused on his black breath mask. "You're the one sending him letters?"

"Yes." Vader replied, his voice loud in the empty back compartment of his private shuttle. He had no fear of the few stormtroopers overhearing the conversation. For one, the back part was soundproof. Second, he could easily alter their memories or even Force-choke them if need be. Troopers were easily replaced. His son was not. "I have been writing Luke letters. I was not aware he told you."

Her face gazed up at him, perplexed. Her mouth hung open partway and there was a crease on her forehead between her eyes, her brow raised. Her bafflement was so powerful that it was even broadcast through the Force, although that was no doubt an accident and since she didn't possess the Force she wasn't even aware he could feel her emotions. "Why? Why would you write him letters? If you think you're going to trick him into joining you…"

"He is my son." Vader simply replied.

Truthfully he was as equally shocked as she was but for different reasons. To tell someone in letters how he felt was one thing, but to confess his deepest secrets and desires to a _Rebel_ of all people…

/What is wrong with me? I should not be telling her these things…/

No, he shouldn't. The Princess was a dangerous enemy and he had chased after her for more time than he cared to recount. She was crafty, vile and treacherous: a worthy opponent. He thought of her father, Bail Organa, for a long moment and idly wondered how the man ever ended up with such a daughter as this. He had known the man during his Jedi days at the Temple and had thought him quite the simpleton. He had been honest and caring; quite rare personality traits for a politician. His wife was even worse, if one could believe that. Yet somehow they had ended up with the most sneaky, crooked and bold daughter ever. It was quite the mystery. Perhaps if he had spare time he'd try to unravel it. It would be interesting to see what made the Princess tick.

Worse, she still reminded him of his deer sweet Padme and he was quite unsure why. Was it just the hair as he had suspected earlier or was there more? Perhaps its all the time spent on Executor surrounded by men. He supposed then when faced with a woman of similar age and hair color, eyes and so forth, the woman would remind him of Padme. Still, he wished it weren't so painful.

"What do you want with Luke?" She asked as she broke into his mental thoughts with her voice.

"He is my family." Vader stated simply. "I want to be with him. Does that surprise you?"

His loud mechanical breathing echoed through the tiny compartment as the Princess gawked at him, apparently at a loss for words.

"I have always wanted a family but was never allowed to have one." Vader admitted, his machine-amplified voice managing to sound sad somehow instead of frightening. "My mother was taken from me by the Tuscan Raiders, my wife died in childbirth and I had thought my child had died with her. I had lost all hope of ever achieving my dream. Then one day Luke writes me and I realize with shock he truly is my son. He not only carries my last name but the Force as well. The fact that my old Master was with him also proves his genetic heritage."

/How could I tell her that? I must be insane/

Yes, he must be. If she ever escaped like she had the last time…

/She is my only connection to Luke. The boy cares for her and will come./

He was sure that much was true. This was most likely the female Luke had mentioned in his letter, the one he had a crush on. It was something he could relate to. Had he not fallen in love with Padme?

/There I go again/

What in Force sake was wrong with him? He hadn't thought of his dearly departed wife for almost two whole decades and now her spirit wouldn't leave him alone! She seemed to be hovering around him somewhere, perhaps inside his very brain. He had no idea really what happened to people after they died. Heck, he still didn't understand Obi-Wan's disappearing trick. He had pondered that for so long directly afterward that his brain ached and it had almost driven him insane. Finally he had to admit defeat and shrug it off. Still, it was disturbing. He had never believed in ghosts or an afterlife. In all his years of seeing death he had never witnessed one thing to say that there was any truth in the myriad of stories that people told.

Until now.

/Is Padme lingering here with me? Is that why I can't get her out of my mind?./

"You really care about him, don't you?"

Startled at the sound of her voice, Vader tilted his head to see her better. The Princess was proving to be quite unpredictable today. Now she had compassion written on her face, her big brown eyes sad. They seemed to quiver ever so slightly, to glisten with a very fine layer of liquid.

/It is my imagination. A Rebel would not care for me./

No, Rebels would be all too happy to slice him with his own lightsaber or to blast him through the chest with a red energy bolt. They had proven that over and over. What did they care for the rules of the Empire? They only wanted to grab power for themselves and didn't care what innocents were hurt in the process. They had proven that over and over. The only one who had ever showed remorse was his son. Luke had made it clear that killing all the people on the Death Star had torn him up greatly inside. It had bothered him so much that his sleep was greatly disturbed and he had sought out the help of a total stranger on the intergalactic web.

Yet the Princess seemed to care. Is that why Luke befriended with her? Because she was so much like him? Was it possible? Or was it all his imagination?

"Why would it concern you if I care or not? You are a Rebel and I'm your enemy. Is that not true?"

Vader leaned back in his seat and patiently waited to see what she would say. Then the real Princess would be revealed. She would be ugly, twisted and uncaring. She would scoff in his face and say that she didn't care. How could she? How could she possibly care after what he had done? The woman must surely hate his guts! He had held her while Grand Moff Tarkin blew up her home world! And unlike him, the Princess had cared about her homeworld. It was precious to her and that suggested she had had a nice childhood there. She had grown up as royalty, been pampered and catered to. She never had to struggle for every crumb or been owned as a slave. Most likely she only had a very vague idea of what slavery even was. It no doubt was a super clean version where slaves wore nice neat collars around their neck like some pampered pet. But it was dirty, gritty and rough. You were starved, beat, called names and abused; all without legal recourse. Many slaves died from matters who were too cruel. Those were the lucky ones as in death they were finally free.

"Yes, you are my enemy but it doesn't have to be that way." Leia said with her own voice, the one she used to talk to Luke and not the dignified voice she used with the Senate. "Don't you see? Luke is my best friend and I care about him more than you can ever know. And he cares about you greatly! So we both care about him so we have something in common! I'm beginning to think that you're both very much alike."

"I should hope not. I've had nothing but bad luck." Vader admitted to his captive.

"You care a lot about people, don't you?" Leia gazed at the expressionless breath mask wishing she could see his face to gauge his mood the way she would Luke, but that was impossible. Her brown eyes dropped to the black clad glove that rested on the chair's armrest next to her. Ever so slowly and before she could chicken out, Leia gently placed her manacled hands on top of his hand. She had no idea how he might react to such a thing; for all she knew it might get her killed. But just like Luke, he was obviously hurting and in pain. If someone had told her this yesterday she would have called him or her insane. But there it was right before her. The proof that Han had guessed the identity of Luke's mysterious penpal correctly was coming out of Vader's black mask. "You tried to save them, you tried to do the right thing. Just like you tried to save Luke now, didn't you?"

Astonishment swept through him and he didn't know what shocked him more, the gentle words that came from her mouth or the feel of her weight resting on his hand. And how could she know he had come racing here to save Luke?

"How did you know?" He finally asked.

"Because you've done it before." Leia replied gently, her hands still resting atop his glove. "I really didn't believe you were his father before but now I do. I had thought perhaps it was some trick but you're telling me the truth, you really do care about him. And I'm sure he's fine. Last I saw him he was recovering from his encounter with that snow beast."

"You've read the letters I sent him?" Vader asked. It was the only thing that made sense. How else would she know of his failed rescue attempts? Sure, he had mentioned the Tuscans had killed his mother but he had not said how he had tried to save her.

"Look, I didn't want to read the letters but Luke asked me to." She explained as she shifted slightly in her seat so she could look at him better. "He was all mixed up and confused, OK? He wants to help you but you're in the Empire and well that confuses him. And then Han guessed who you really were and well, that added to the confusion."

A red-hot bolt shot through him at those words.

"Luke knows who I am?" He asked, his voice sounding odd even to his own ears. So many emotions flooded his body that he didn't know what he was feeling. Fear that his son would reject him, relief that the boy finally knew the truth, hope of acceptance…

"Yes, Luke knows. Or he strongly suspects I should say. And he decided that he's going to help you anyway even if you are Lord Vader."

/Luke knows! He knows/

Pure joy of acceptance flooded him and at that moment he owed the Princess a huge dept of gratitude. It was without doubt the happiest moment in his life; except for perhaps the day he married Padme. But in some ways this joy was much stronger than his wedding day. That had been soiled with the knowledge that he was breaking the rules of the Order, that the Clone Wars had started and that the War was partly his fault. If he had only listened to his Master instead of charging forward so recklessly at Dooku… And that was yet another thing to nag at his mind: the loss of his arm. How he had wished he could once again hold her with both arms instead of one. Although he could use the arm, it had no sensations at all. He couldn't feel the smoothness of her skin with it or the softness of her hair. And its appearance had bothered him more than a bit. In the back of his mind he had always wondered if the arm's skeletal appearance had bothered her. Did it feel cold against her delicate skin? Surely it must have felt bizarre to say the least; as if she had married a droid instead of another human being. Self-doubt ate at him and he worried about a thousand things. If he were out in the hot sun too long would his mechanical hand burn her tender skin? Did it secretly disgust her and she simply never mentioned it? Did she see him as less of a man because of it?

So the fact that Luke knew and loved him anyway was purely the happiest moment of his mixed up life. He felt his throat tighten painfully and he desperately tried to swallow the sudden lump that existed there. The last thing he could afford to do was to start crying while on the shuttle. His breathing was bad enough the way it is; he didn't need tears and mucus gumming up his nose. It was OK if he were in his private quarters as there he could remove the mask and hook himself up to the respirator; but here…

He swallowed several more times and desperately repeated the calming exercises that Obi-Wan had taught him all those years ago. He blinked his eyes rapidly, wet tears leaking down the curved surfaces of his cheekbones. Slowly ever so slowly he felt his emotions coming back under control and he breathed a sigh of relief. It would be extremely embarrassing to imagine him dying because his nose had gotten clogged with mucus and he had been unable to clear it due to the mask.

When he glanced at his prisoner he saw her staring at him with big round, concerned eyes.

"Are you all right?"

"It has been over twenty years since anyone has asked me that…"

Shock and horror mingled on her face. "Why, that's terrible!"

Yes, it was terrible, wasn't it? Why had that never occurred to him before? Had he really been so caught up in duty and regulations that he had forgotten common decency? It seemed almost impossible but it was true.

/And it took the compassion of a Rebel prisoner to show me the truth and to open my eyes../

The comm. buzzed on the wall and Vader depressed the button with a finger. "Yes, Commander?"

"We have arrived on Executor, My Lord."

To be continued…


	29. Luke Among the Stars

Penpals 29

Author's Note: I've been getting requests to continue this story so here is another chapter. Hope it's as good as the other ones were… I'll try to get another chapter of this and "Wish Upon a Droid" up soon. Please be aware I'm trying to update 8 stories in two fandoms. Crazy, I know…

Chapter 29: Luke Skywalker

Luke sat nestled with his X-Wing, his mind and body still in a state of shock. Somehow he had managed to slip past the Empire's fleet of Star Destroyers with what had seemed like ease, but the scary thing was he didn't _remember_ doing it. The last thing he did remember was climbing up into the ship with Artoo beeping at him in a mild state of panic. He must have buckled his harness and taken off, because he was now floating out in space somewhere.

/What have I done?./

He would have preferred not to answer his own question, for he knew all too well exactly what he had done.

/You've single-handedly destroyed the Rebellion, that's what!./

No! Luke shook his helmeted head in denial as the harness pressed painfully against his shoulders. He hadn't meant to hurt anyone! He cared about his friends that had lived in Echo Base and even those he didn't know. The thought that even one person had died in that artic wasteland because of him, it was too much to stand. Letting his head droop forward, he beat on the control panel with his fists uncaring what controls he may hit or trigger. Hot tears burned his eyes and he allowed them to leak down his face unheeded. What did it matter if the canopy sprung open and the air rushed out into the cold vacuum of space? He had _betrayed his friends_!

Artoo whistled in worry and words flashed across the computer screen but Luke didn't even see them through his blurred vision.

"It's … its all my fault!" Luke cried as mucus dripped out of his nose and ran over his lips. His body shook with each loud sob and he weakly slammed his fist against the controls again. But even in his sad state the Force was with him and nothing disastrous happened. "I … I just wanted my father! Is that so wrong?"

/YES!./

Luke weakly shook his head, his eyes tightly closed. His eyelashes were glued to his cheeks, wet from all the tears that had run out of his eyes. His bright orange flight suit was getting damp but it didn't matter at the moment. The large gaping hole where his hear used to be was far more important.

/He's an Imperial! He's Vader! You knew that!./

Yes, he had known that Anakin was an Imperial and Han had guessed he was Vader. But none of that had mattered at the moment. His father had lived an awful life where everything had gone horribly wrong right from the beginning and he had wanted to help the man. Helping people was never wrong or so he had thought. Eveb Leia had agreed with that, hadn't she?

/But how many people are now dead because of you? How many innocent lives were snuffed out in their prime because of your infantile need for a father?./

The young Jedi knew the answer all too well.

/Too many./

He remembered the shaking and rattling as the ATATs attacked the base, the sickening loud _crack_ as ice broke and fell to the ground with an echoing boom. He saw again in his mind the angry red laser blasts that flew past him, some missing by mere inches. Hw many of his fellows were unlucky? How many got crushed under tons of ice or burned by the blasts that had missed him? How many had perished in the battle with the ATATs, their fighter craft either blown up or stepped upon? And for a brief moment, he was _there_, trapped in a broken craft as he struggled with a stuck harness as a giant metal foot slowly descended directly at him. It blocked out the weak sunlight until it was the only thing visible. His world turned metallic gray and then darkened into charcoal gray as it grew closer and closer. He screamed and fought the harness but to no avail. Then the transparent canopy smashed and it was over…

An icy chill revenant of Hoth ran down his spine and he shivered. Was that what he had forced some poor Rebels to go through? Their last moments of life would have been horrible. Were their lives worth it to save one man, a man who had already done so much evil in the galaxy? Would they have given their lives so freely if they had known he had brought the Empire done on their heads?

/They would have dragged me outside and fed me to another ice monster themselves!./

The Rebels hated Vader far more than they hated the Emperor. The Sith Lord was more visible. He was the one in charge of the Imperial Fleet and the one they often tangled with. It was he that the younger rowdy men used as a target for their dart game. They took pleasure in shooting the sharp metal points through the image of his hated black breath mast or through his chest. They shouted rude words at him, challenging the image to a duel while all the time knowing they were quite safe. They hated the sounds he made as he breathed, hated the mask that breathed fear into every nerve of their bodies. They would never forget the worlds he had attacked with the Fleet, the worlds bombarded from orbit that had somehow denied Imperial Law. The Stormtroopers were also a constant reminder of Vader, for they too wore masks. And perhaps most of all they hated him for the power he held, both the Force and that he was in charge of the Empire. He seemed untouchable. Simply raising a hand blocked laser blasts and that created fear for no one understood how he did it. People feared what they didn't understand.

Hopelessness settled over Luke as the tears dried up and slowly vanished.

/It's impossible!./

How could he have ever thought it would work? His comrades hated his father. They'd crucify him if they ever got their hands on him. The dart game was evidence of that.

Snuffling, Luke took his gloves off and wiped at his aching eyes. He had thought once he had confessed his sins to someone that he'd be free of the emotional roller coaster but it wasn't to be sure. Not only did he have more blood on his hands now but he had a new worry as well. How could he and his father ever be together in this cold-hearted world?

/I guess I must be growing up…/

Maybe he was, but he didn't like it. Were the Rebels he had just cried over any better than the Empire they fought? Had they no pity, no compassion? When a man was lying broken and bleeding, would they beat him more? Or would they find forgiveness in their heart and help him to his feet, patch his wounds? Was this what Anakin had tried to tell him in the letters about the Rebels? He had called them petty criminals that sought power and used a humanitarian excuse to draw followers to them. Could he be right?

/They'll never accept Father with open arms…/

In fact, they'd be all too eager to lope off his head with his own lightsaber.

/I don't know what I'm going to do…/

What could he do? He wanted to help Anakin but how could he when his fellow Rebels were all so close-minded. Didn't they feel the things he did? Didn't they feel guilt for taking a life or did the idea excite them? They all cheered him and called him a hero, but he knew he wasn't a hero. If anything, he felt like a mass-murderer! Why did they exalt bloodshed and explosions? Yes, he realized some people had to die but did they even try another way? What was the battle really about? Who had started it and when?

/Why am I so different then they are?./

He was sure they didn't feel like he did. Even Han seemed emotionless when it came to taking a life. He acted as if he were simply squishing a worthless bug; a mere insect. But even insects had the right to live, didn't they? Tatooine had possessed much insect life and he once remembered finding a huge hive of some many-legged bug. It had been one of the rare peaceful moments he had spent with his uncle. His uncle had explained to him how all the insects in the hive lived in harmony with each other, each one with a job to do. No one was more important than another, except for the queen. All the others worked so they could feed her and keep her alive and she in turn laid eggs to produce more workers. He remembered how Bed had told him that life created the Force. Surely that meant each living creature, no matter how big or small, deserved to live in peace? All life was precious. So how could his fellow men be so callous with it? This was no video game they were playing to rake up points; the casualties were real.

Were people on Tatooine different than other places in the galaxy? Were they the only ones in the big galaxy that still had old-fashioned values? Had no one ever taught the others right and wrong? Or did the Alliance just attract the wrong kind of person? Is that why he felt so left out and different?

Was the Empire any different? Did the people there care for one another or were they just like the Alliance, simply with a different uniform? Anakin had told him what the Old Republic had been like with everything for the rich and criminals free to do whatever they pleased. Palpatine had put a stop to that. Surely that was a good thing, wasn't it?

/But how can a Sith Lord do a good thing?./

There were just too many different viewpoints with the truth existing somewhere in between the two, no doubt. And no matter who was right or wrong, he still needed to find a way to help Anakin.

But how? Where could he and his father exist together without either being in danger from the other side? Moaning, Luke closed his tired eyes and rubbed at them. He wasn't even too sure where he was or where he was supposed to go. Was the Alliance supposed to meet somewhere, some secret new base?

/I really screwed everything up!./

He had wanted to meet his father for years and then when the opportunity presented itself, he had run!

/I'm such a coward/

Self-doubt began to gnaw at his mind. Was he really cut out for this Jedi stuff? Did he have what it took inside him? And what _was_ required to be a Jedi anyway? Anakin had never really gotten a chance to explain it in any detail. So far he only had a vague idea of some dashing young man running around with a lightsaber. When Ben had presented him with the ancient weapon back on Tatooine, it had been very exciting. Part of him had thrilled at the old hermit's offer. He had _wanted_ to race off to the stars and become a hero. But that image had mainly been based on exciting stories he had read or from watching holodramas. He hadn't considered the matter seriously. In truth, he had been more of a kid playing with a stick pretending he was fighting a fierce fiend over the fate of the galaxy; except his stick had been a real lightsaber. But was he really hero material?

/Maybe I'm not cut out for this hero stuff…./

All heroes had bravery and courage. Luke knew he had those. He had successfully stormed the Death Star, rescued a real Princess and then destroyed the evil super-weapon.

/And that's when I fell apart…./

He was too softhearted. Were Jedi supposed to be softhearted and compassionate? If they were, how did they live with themselves afterward? How did they get rid of the guilt of taking a life? Or had they all grown coldhearted over time?

/I don't think I want to be like Han…./

No, the smuggler blasted people to death without blinking an eye. Oh, he loved his friend dearly; that much was certain. But he hoped he wouldn't end up so callous. When had the galaxy grown so dark that no one cared for anyone anymore? Or had it always been that way? And more importantly, was there any way to fix it?

/Do I really want to take that on? How can I be thinking of saving the galaxy when I can't even save my father?./

Yes, the idea was ridiculous.

Luke leaned back in the seat of his X-wing and stared out at the sight before him. The stars glowed brightly, each a slightly different tint. Here there was no interference from an atmosphere and so they shone steadily. It was a planet's atmosphere that caused the twinkling affect one saw. They were, he had to admit, beautiful. Staring upward through the thin material that kept his life intact, he felt almost weightless. It was like staring into eternity. It was also quite humbling. A mortal's life was like a bright fleck of sand compared to the cosmos. Did the stars even know or care about the battle being waged between the two forces? Most likely not. No matter what happened they'd keep burning until they died in the glory of a supernova; with a few fated to become black holes.

Sighing, he sat up and glanced at his controls. He couldn't just sit here and feel sorry for himself. He had to do something. The problem was, he didn't know what to do. Too much hatred existed on both sides for peace to ever exist. Was peace even possible?

/Who am I fooling? I'm just one man! I can't stop a war!./

The thought shocked Luke to his very core and he sat frozen in place, only his loud breath hissing within the confined space of his cockpit.

/Where had that thought come from?./

He had no idea and that scared him. Surely he couldn't be actually thinking of trying to stop the war, could he? That would be sheer madness! Both sides would crucify him! The Empire would want his head on a plate for blowing up their precious Death Star and the Alliance would want the same for bring the Empire down on them.

/I'm doomed no matter what I do!./

Could he even go back to the Alliance now? Did Leia tell anyone or was his secret still a secret? He had no way of knowing and just traipsing in hoping for the best was foolhardy. He could very well end up in a cell for treason and how would that help anyone? It certainly wouldn't help Anakin!

Everything seemed like such a big tangled mess, like a box of knotted yarn. You could pull on this piece or that strand but in the long run you got nowhere at all. The Rebels would refuse to see Anakin as nothing but the enemy and he was sure the Empire felt the same way. Then a memory flashed before his eyes. Once again he was in his Uncle's garage seeing the recording for the first time. Princess Leia's voice rung out loud and clear: "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You are my only hope."

With Ben dead, did that mean _he_ was the galaxy's only hope?

/But what can I do? Even if I have the Force…./

What would a Jedi have done, a _real_ Jedi? Luke pondered it for a moment and decided they would have tried to kill the Sith. But Vader was a Sith and he didn't want to kill Vader but to save him…

And Anakin had mentioned a prophecy. What was that all about? Was the prophecy the thing that had destroyed his father's life? Oh, Luke knew Anakin had said it was his emotions that had run away with him, but surely that prophecy had something to do with it as well? Who had spoken it, anyway? How did the Jedi know it was true? When it came down to it, a prophecy was nothing but words and to most people words were cheep. They lied and said untruths, twisting everything around until up was down and down was up. Too many people only cared about themselves.

The whole galaxy was corrupt.

Had the Jedi been corrupt as well? Did the galaxy want them all to die out? How could his father come to be without having a father himself? Was that even possible? Luke didn't know and he doubted if even the Jedi of old knew the answer to that. But what if Anakin really didn't have a father? Could it be he was _meant_ to fall to the Dark Side? Did some invisible force really control people's lives? He had never really thought of it before, but sitting here among the stars had put him into a certain state of mind and he pondered the existence of Fate. Was Fate even now playing with his life string as she weaved a tangled web of threads? Would he and Anakin ever be together or was that just a hopeless dream?

/I want that dream to become reality…/

It was what he had always wanted. Oddly enough, it was what Anakin had always wanted, too. Surely that could be no coincidence? But was it enough to save an entire galaxy?

/It'll have to be…/

Just then Luke's comm. squawked loudly and he knew he was no longer alone.

"Hey, Kid!" Han's voice called. "You're really hard to find, you know that? Anyway, we have got to talk. I'm afraid I have bad news for you."

"Bad news?" Cold dread crept into Luke's heart.

"Leia was caught by the Imperials. There was nothing I could do about it, but maybe you can."

To be continued…


	30. Luke Writes a Letter

Penpals 30

"Leia? Wait, what do you mean she was captured by the Imperials?" Luke said frantically, his blue eyes widening in panic. "Why didn't you try to save her?"

"Calm down, Kid." Han's voice came over the comm. as the Falcon moved into sight. The big freighter hovered before the much smaller X-wing, beat and battered. "I did everything I could to reach her, all right? But the ceiling caved in and my blaster couldn't cut through the ice…"

Luke's voice butted in. "And you just _left_ her there? We just rescued her not that long ago!"

"I _know_ that!" Han's voice sounded irritated and gruff. "Look, Luke, I did everything that I could, OK? I would have stayed as well but Leia told me to get out, to find you. She said you could write Vader another letter…"

Luke groaned loudly and allowed his helmeted head to sink back against the padded seat of his fighter ship. Reaching up, he ran a tired hand across his face. This was great, just great! Just because he had blown up the Death Star and had accidentally starting writing letters so someone on Executor, they now expected him to do another miracle: to convince Darth Vader to release Leia! He felt the heavy weight of responsibility pile on his shoulders and he groaned louder, his fingers massaging his closed eyelids. It was impossible!

Static crackled over the open comm. and then Han's voice came again, his tone questioning and worried. "Luke, are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here…" Luke half-heartedly replied. He knew what his friend wanted, but doubt of his own ability gnawed at his insides like gnawing rodents. "I … I don't think I can do what you want me to do…"

"Look, all you have to do is write him a letter! You've been doing that for a while now!"

"Yeah, I know I have. But this is different." Luke imagined sitting before the computer screen on the Falcon, the empty letterform before him. How could he possibly ask his Father to let Leia go? He would be asking the older man to break Imperial rules for him. What if he were to get in more trouble? Surely someone would report it?

/But I can't leave Leia there, either…/

No, he couldn't. It was _his_ fault that she had been captured in the first place! He remembered finding her sitting inside the cell on the Death Star. The room had been empty and barren except for the cold, hard metal bunk. And she had said they had tortured her. What was happening to Leia now? Was she being tortured on Executor? Were they sticking more sharp needles into her tender skin or using electricity?

/No! Father wouldn't do that anymore!./

But how could he know for sure? If Vader really _was_ his father, then his father was a Sith. Sith were supposed to be bad and evil. They were _supposed_ to enjoy torturing people, weren't they? He could almost see Vader's dark shape closing in on the Princess, some unknown torture device in his hand…

No! Luke shook his head roughly to force the image away. His father wouldn't _do_ such a thing!

/But Father said that the Rebels were petty criminals, terrorists…/

Did he really have enough control over the man to convince him to release Leia, even if he did ask? Such a request would mean that Anakin needed to trust him, didn't it? And everyone in the past had betrayed him. Why should Anakin listen to his plea to let Leia go? What would he get in return? What did he have to offer the Sith Lord?

/Only myself…/

But could he really _do_ that? Could he just go up to Executor and hand himself over? The idea was frightening and Luke could feel his heart rate increase, as did his breathing. The last time he had seen that hulking dark figure was in the landing bay on the now destroyed Death Star. Ben had engaged Vader in a lightsaber duel, scarifying his own life so he and the others could escape. He remembered that terrible moment, the red blade slicing through Ben's body as if it weren't there and then it wasn't. The dark brown robe fell to the floor and the Sith Lord had stamped his boot on it, probably just as confused as he was. Luke remembered screaming in shock and horror, then someone had hauled him into the ship and they had blasted out of there.

/How can I do it? How can I face him again, even if he is my father?./

A shiver ran down Luke's spine and he finally admitted he was more than a little fearful of Vader. It was one thing to think his penpal _may_ be the Sith Lord, but to actually go _face_ him…

/I don't know if I can do that…./

An image of Leia flashed before his blue eyes and Luke hung his head. Scared or not, he would _have_ to go face him. This was his entire fault and if anything ever happened to the Princess, well, he'd never forgive himself! The thought of her death hanging on his head, it was too much to bear. She was always so much in control, so brave and beautiful.

/She would be a far better Jedi than I could ever be…/

Leia always knew the right thing to do. She didn't waste her time moping about or worrying about dumb stuff. No, she just ran out and did whatever needed to be done. Why couldn't he be more like that? Why did he have to second and third guess everything? Where was his self-confidence? Everyone else thought he was some hero. Why couldn't he see the hero in himself? Sighing again, Luke noticed his comm. was squawking loudly, Han's voice in a panic.

"LUKE! Answer me!"

"Yeah, I'm here." The young Jedi answered. He felt guilty for not answering the smuggler right away, but it was just a small guilt; nothing compared to how he had betrayed the Alliance. "I was just thinking, is all…"

"You think too much, Kid. That's your problem." Han's voice replied. "Look, there's a nice quiet planet near here. Why don't we go there and you can come aboard, send your buddy Vader a letter…"

"All right." Luke agreed without a fuss, feeling as if he didn't have a choice. What else could he do? And the sooner he sent him a letter; the better off it would be for Leia. But what if it didn't work? What if his father no longer trusted him? _Had_ his father ever trusted him in the first place? If so, why had he attacked the Hoth base? Didn't Anakin care about his safety? Had he been trying to _kill_ him? Surely a rescue effort wouldn't involve ATATs and deadly laser barrage?

/Did he do all that just because I was sick after the ice creature attack? Is he that unstable?./

A new worry nipped at his mind as he expertly piloted his small craft towards the blue and green world Han had found. Within a short time he had landed in a green valley surrounded by towering cliffs on all sides. As far as he could tell, there were no other life forms around. But then, that's what he had thought out on the ice sheets of Hoth…

/If only I hadn't checked out that stupid meteorite!./

That had been when his real problems had started or so it seemed. He had gotten attacked, almost eaten, suffered hypothermia and almost froze to death and to top it all off the base had been attacked because he hadn't written his pal a letter! Shaking his head in utter misery, he popped open the canopy of his fighter and breathed in the delightedly fresh air. Although he hadn't noticed it, the air within his ship had started to grown stale and the brisk wind helped revive him. Removing his helmet, he enjoyed the sensation of wind whipping through his sandy locks of hair. It felt delicious and he considered just sitting here for some time to enjoy it. But then his blue eyes fell on the dark hull of the Falcon and he knew he had to get moving. The ramp was already lowing and Han's figure appeared. The smuggler moved down the ramp with his usual swagger, his weapons riding low on his hips. Sighing again, Luke tossed his helmet within his ship and heaved himself up out of the seat. Getting to his feet, he stepped out onto the wing and then leaped to the soft grass, his knees bending slightly to ease the impact.

"You look terrible, Kid." Han remarked as he placed a comforting hand on the Jedi's shoulder. "Your eyes are all red and puffy."

"It's … it's all my fault!" Luke admitted, his voice breaking. "I … I was crying earlier. I didn't mean for the Base to get attacked. You believe me, don't you, Han?"

"Luke, this _isn't_ your fault!" Han gripped him by both shoulders tightly and attempted to look into his red-rimmed eyes. "Now you get that idea out of your head because it isn't true! The Empire's _always_ searches for the Rebel Bases! You know that. It's all they ever do. Who knows how many probe droids they got scattered across the galaxy, how many ships?"

"But if I hadn't been writing to my father…" Luke glanced up hopefully at the older man. He really wanted to believe the other's comforting words but deep down in his heart he knew it wasn't true. Han had warned him not to say too much to the Imperial and he hadn't listened. He had been too naïve and stupid. He had presumed the galaxy too big for even a brief description of the current base to be helpful. How was he to know that was all they had needed?

"This would have happened anyway." Han told him. Pulling one hand away, he led the younger into the ship. "Look, I feel bad for leaving Leia like that, too! OK? I would have rather stayed and blasted those Imperials, even if it would have cost me my life. Better to go out in a blaze of glory, huh?"

Luke shrugged. He had enough death and didn't want to imagine Han dying in a shootout with stormtroopers. It was too painful to contemplate. He boots clomped loudly on the metal deck and Luke paused to run a hand through his shaggy hair. The gaming table with his computer was within sight and he dreaded going anywhere near it. It was almost as if he was _running_ from his father now that he had found him. But that was just crazy.

"Han, I feel as if I don't know what I'm doing anymore…" Luke walked the few remaining steps to the game table and plopped down heavily into the seat, leaning back against the nearby wall. "I've wanted my father my whole life and now that I found him, I ran! The mere idea of going to meet him, it … it scares me."

The smuggler watched Luke with an uneasy expression on his face. Nervously he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, wanting to comfort him but unsure how. The Kid's father was Darth Vader, for crying out loud! It was a fate he wouldn't push on his worst enemy and yet the poor Kid got stuck with it. The fact was clearing tearing him up inside. "Look, Luke. You don't have to go _meet_ him. You just have to write him a letter."

"I know, Han." Luke raised his head off the wall and stared the smuggler in the face. "And I also know no matter what I write, he's not just going to hand her over. Even I'm not that foolish. He's going to want something in return and that something is going to be me."

"Hey! Wait a minute here!" Han exclaimed, his voice loud in the empty room. "You're not going to hand yourself over to Vader! That's too risky and I can't allow it! Do you know how much your worth to the Alliance? You're their hero! You got those magic powers!"

Luke gazed calmly at his older friend. "I thought you didn't believe in the Force?"

"I don't, but the Alliance does. Do you realize what they'd _do_ to me if I allow you to do some risky stunk like that? They'd put a price on my head, that's what! Like it isn't bad enough with Jabba after me…" Han grimaced at the thought and then rushed up to the gaming table. Gripping Luke's hand, he held it in both of his hands. "You're the _hero_, Luke. The whole Alliance looks up to you. I know you said you don't feel like a hero, but it's true. And that plan, it's too risky…"

"But so was the one where we rescued Leia…"

"That was sheer idiocy!" Han agreed as he remembered racing down long glistening hallways with packs of stormtroopers after him. "We're lucky we didn't get ourselves killed. I still can't believe I even did that. But that was different, Kid. We were already _inside_ the Death Star and didn't have much to loose."

"But I just can't leave Leia!" Luke exclaimed as he yanked his hand away from the smuggler. Sliding out of the seat and pushing his way past Han, he stood in the middle of the floor. Turning, he stared the other defiantly in the eyes. "You keep calling me a hero. Well, isn't that what hero's _do_? They risk their life to save someone else's! I can't hide out here like a coward when I caused this mess! And whether you like it or not, I think my plan is our only option. Believe me, I don't like it any more than you do. I'm not even sure I can trust Anakin after what happened on Hoth. You keep claiming he's Vader, but I'm not sure he is."

Luke hung his head for a moment, going silent. "I … I feel it in my gut though, that he's Vader, I mean. I keep hoping that maybe he isn't but I've pretty much accepted that he is. Well, mentally that is. It's the part of facing him I'm worried about…"

"No one would ask you to do that, not even the Alliance!"

"But it _is_ my job, Han." Luke raised his head again and removed his lightsaber from his belt. He turned the silver handled weapon over in his hands, examining it. "This is proof that it's my job to face him. He's a Sith and it was the duty of a Jedi to kill Sith. Yet I don't want to kill him. I want to save him. My father made this lightsaber, you know. It's the only thing I have from him…"

Han sighed and spun around in a circle, aspirated. He felt like throwing his arms up in the air and giving up, walking away. Yet he couldn't do that, either. "Luke, you _can't_ hand yourself over to Vader! He'll kill you! You barely know how to use that thing! That old man tried to fight Vader and you saw what happened to him! And he was _trained_ in the Jedi nonsense! What do you think you could possibly do that he couldn't?"

"I can reach his heart." Luke simply stated. "I'm sure he loves me. I just wish I knew why he had attacked Hoth…"

"Well, why don't you _ask_ him?" Han grinned and pointed at the computer. The cocky grin was back on the smuggler's face. "And why you're at it, you can ask him about Leia, too!"

"I guess you're right." Luke hooked his lightsaber on his belt and headed back towards the waiting computer. He still was unsure of what he would write to his father or how he could possibly ask him to let Leia go. Heck, he still didn't even know how to bring up the topic that Anakin may be Darth Vader! Surely he couldn't just ask him, could he? Why did everything have to be so complicated?

/It's this dumb war!./

Back when he had lived on Tatooine with his Uncle, the Rebellion had sounded exciting but now he knew it wasn't. It just caused lots of problems for everyone involved.

/If I hadn't got mixed up in the Rebellion, I probably could have just gone and met my Father!./

Yes, he could have. The thought was staggering and Luke was thankful that he was already seated. Feeling ashamed of his thoughts, he lowered his eyes towards the keyboard so Han couldn't see what was running through his mind. He didn't want his friend to know of the scandalous ideas he was having, to know he was second thinking his choices. Not that he could really do anything about it, now. No, it was too late. He was involved in the Rebellion up to his eyebrows and was known as a central figure in the recent victory against the Empire. And his friend was probably right; the Empire no doubt had his name by now. They could have easily backtracked the path of the Falcon to his desert homeworld and then to the burned farm. Suddenly those worried exchanges between his Aunt and Uncle made sense. Had they known his father was Vader? Is that why Owen had been so persistent in keeping him on the farm for season after season?

/I'm sorry, Uncle. I had no idea you were protecting me from a horrible truth…./

If he had known his father had been Vader, would he have run off to join the Empire? He didn't know. The thoughts in his head were too far mixed up. Both sides seem to have valid points…

Reaching out, Luke turned the computer on and patiently waited for it to run through its cycle. When it was ready, he signed onto the galaticweb and looked at his email. Had Anakin sent him another letter? Yes, there was a letter waiting that he hadn't read yet! And better yet, there was the icon that said a photo was attached!

/I'll finally get to see my Father!./

Excitement raced through his body at the thought followed just as quickly by dread. He couldn't help remembering what Anakin had told him of his injuries and he felt ashamed that he was frightened to look at the photo. What if it was really bad? Most of his life had been spent on the moisture farm and he had never really seen anyone seriously injured. He knew deep inside that looks weren't as important as what was inside a person, but the thought of seeing something like that still made him slightly nervous. But surely it couldn't be too bad, could it?

/It's why Vader wears that mask…/

Yes. That made sense. Then a new, even more startling idea sunk into his brain.

/I'm going to be the first person to see Vader _without_ the mask…/

Luke's mind went blank at the thought and his hand froze on the computer's controls.

/He must really trust me…/

Then his heart sunk.

/He trusts me and I failed him! I ran away!./

Why did he have to be such a coward? Why couldn't he have stayed and faced his father like a man?

/I could have cut Leia free with my lightsaber!./

Yes, his lightsaber could have cut effortlessly through that wall of ice, no matter how thick it was! Then she could have climbed through the opening and escaped on the Falcon with Han! Why hadn't he thought of that before? Instead he had raced through the almost deserted base like a baby unable to tie his own shoes and jumping at his own shadow. But he wouldn't be a coward now. No, he'd be brave and look at the photo his father had sent him. His hand moving the controls, he clicked on the letter to open it. Without reading the text, he moved to the bottom of the email form and downloaded the attached image. His stomach bubbling nervously as if a dogfight of snub-nosed fighters were going on with it, he waited for the image to form. The process seemed to take forever and his palms grew sweaty. Restlessly he wiped them on his pant legs, his blue eyes never leaving the screen.

/I'm going to see my father…./

The thought repeated itself over and over in his head until it became one long garbled sentence. Finally the picture formed and Luke stared at it wide-eyed. A slight puff of air escaped his partly open mouth as he stared at the man who had fathered him. It wasn't as bad as he had feared and that was a relief. No hideous burns were visible, well, not that he could see anyway. Mainly Anakin's skin was just incredibly white and pale, like a sheet of old hardcopy. What had they called the stuff, paper?

/White as fog or the ice on Hoth…/

Dark circles marred the skin under Anakin's immensely blue eyes, proving how little sleep he had gotten recently.

/He has my eyes!./

But those dark circles were troubling. Had he done that to his father? Had Anakin been so worried that he had rushed the entire Imperial fleet to Hoth to go searching for his missing son? He knew Leia had mentioned the possibility, but he had scoffed at the idea, as it had seemed ridiculous at the time.

/Am I really that important to him?./

Luke shook his head, sure it couldn't be.

/I'm a nobody!./

No, he had _been_ nobody but no longer. He was a hero now or so everyone kept telling him. Even Vader seemed to think him important, it seemed.

/Vader. Anakin _has_ to be Vader!./

The pasty skin proved that. No one had skin that pale. It was skin that was never touched by the sun in recent years, skin that had been hidden under a black breath mask. This was no bridge officer he was seeing, no Imperial Commander from the bridge. The idea settled into his mind as he continued to stare at the photo with unblinking eyes.

/My father really _is_ Darth Vader!./

There could be no other explanation, not after seeing the photo.

"He really is Darth Vader…" Luke whispered to the room, his voice surprisingly steady. "My father really is Darth Vader…"

Han stood nervously nearby. "I'm sorry, Luke…"

"No, it's all right." Luke admitted as he finally tore his gaze from the photo to look at Han. Gratitude filled his eyes and he reached out to take the smuggler's hand. "You helped prepare me for this and I'm grateful. I know I didn't want to believe it at first but I've accepted it now. If you hadn't figured it out before, I'd probably be in a state of shock now."

"It's what friends do." Han replied, his dark eyes flickering towards the computer screen. He wasn't one for reading other people's mail but he was curious if Vader had admitted he was Vader. Pulling his hand free of Luke's grasp, he moved back slightly. "Did he tell you?"

"No, he sent a photo and it's very obvious." Luke returned his eyes to the photo before him, to the man that was his father. "He's suffering, Han. It's clear he was worried to death about me. Look at those dark circles under his eyes! And his skin is so white, like he hasn't had that awful mask off for years! I have to help him, Han, I just have to!"

Through Luke's letters, Han was beginning to get a new perspective of Darth Vader. A year ago he would have laughed at anyone that suggested the Sith Lord was suffering, as he had always been a firm believer that the people under Vader suffered. The man ruled the Empire with an iron fist or so it had seemed. But it appeared now that the man did possess a heart somewhere within his badly injured body. And he apparently worried about his offspring like most other fathers across the galaxy.

"He looks sad…" Luke commented as he continued to study the photograph. But perhaps he was reading too much into the photo. Maybe it was the knowledge he had from the letters that made him think Anakin appeared sad. Yes, that could very well be. "I wish I knew what I could _do_ to straighten out this mess!"

Han watched Luke stare at the photograph, slightly nervous and worried. "You're still not thinking of meeting him, are you? Don't let that photo fool you, Kid. No matter how sad he looks or how badly injured, he's still the same man that sliced Ben in half without hesitation. You best remember that."

"I know." Luke closed his eyes for a moment, resting them. "I just don't see any alternative, do you?"

"We could ask him to meet us somewhere neutral." Han suggested. "Ask him to bring Leia with him. It's far better than you going out to that monster ship of his."

"That is one possibility. But he's likely to bring Executor with him, you know." Luke pointed out as he opened his blue eyes again and saved the photo on his computer. Now only the letter remained on his screen and he had to read it. He started to read it and surprise flowed through his body.

/He _knew_ I was in danger? He _sensed_ it? How could he when we never met/

Eager to know more, Luke read on. Once again guilt for being so careless while out on the tauntaun returned, doubled by the fact it had caused his poor father more pain. Anakin had it bad enough the way it was and he didn't want to add to the misery; yet he had. So far, he was becoming a sorry excuse for a son. And could Anakin be right about the Alliance? They never really did bother to give him any artic training. Had it been a slip on their part or was his father right that they didn't care? He would like to think they did care. They had supplied him with cold weather gear, but that had been necessary. Their armed forces would be useless if they were all frozen corpses! Could it really have hurt to hold some classes on artic survival techniques and so forth? Surely it couldn't take too much time, could it? Whether he liked it or not, but Vader had made a very valid point. And he _had_ almost frozen to death out there. If it wouldn't have been for Han…

/I would have died…./

Yes, he would have died long before any of the Rebels had shown up in their flying vehicles.

/If I'm really so important as they claim, why didn't more of them come looking?./

It was a point he had never thought of before and it left him slightly troubled. There were _hundreds_ of Rebels. Surely out of all their numbers a few more would have come looking? And why didn't they think up the possibility that something like that might happen in advance? Shouldn't they have a rescue plan ready, just in case? Why didn't the tauntaun riders have tracking devices on themselves? Why did the pilots have to rely on life form readings to find lost team members? The more he thought about it, the more spur of the moment the entire operation seemed and he frowned. There were so many possibilities; so many things could go wrong for the tauntaun patrols that he had never considered before until now: a sick animal, falling into a deep snow crevice, a meteorite striking too close…

/Maybe the Alliance only wants me to _think_ I'm important to them…./

Luke turned his thoughts to the shiny medallion they had presented him as an award in a special ceremony. They had proclaimed him a hero and thanked the Fates they had a Jedi among them once again. But when it came down to it, was the medal really worth anything? Surely a search party on Hoth would have far more meaning than a worthless medal?

/Maybe Father is right about a few things…/

Maybe the Alliance wasn't all it pretended to be and Luke pondered that for a moment, and then shrugged. He wouldn't make any decisions now. Leia had to come first and he still needed to rescue her somehow. He read through the part where Anakin told him the Emperor was a Sith Master and he was unsure what to think of that. He really didn't know anything about the man. Coruscant and the center of the Empire was just too remote for a boy growing up on a moisture farm, especially one who was far more interested in speeding through a canyon than reading about boring politics.

Politics.

/Will father expect me to get involved in politics?./

If Vader was his father, then it may be a safe bet and Luke was sure he didn't like it. All politicians seem to do was making long dull speeches while wearing expensive clothes. They made promises they never intended to keep and that went against his morale grain. He wanted to _help_ people. But then, maybe he was getting way ahead of himself. He couldn't allow himself to get sidetracked now when people's safety depended on him. He'd worry about that if it ever came to pass.

/I'd never make a good politician anyway; I'm just a Farmboy at heart./

Luke reached the end of Anakin's letter and prepared to reply.

/If only I can figure out what to say!./

Yes, this very well may be the toughest letter he had ever written and his stomached bubbled uneasily. Swallowing the uncomfortable lump that had somehow gotten into his throat, he started to type.

Dear Father,

Thank you so much for the photograph you were kind enough to send. I'm truly sorry my urge to see you has caused so much pain and suffering. That never was my intent. If I could erase all the pain from your life, I would. I know you may think you look horrible, but you don't. I could never think your pale skin horrible. It's a testimony to all you have suffered through in your life; things no one should suffer through. But we do have the same blue eyes. I can't describe the emotion I felt when I realized our eyes are the same. I'm not that gifted with words, I'm afraid. I'm just a simple country boy, you know.

I'm beginning to think maybe you are right about the Rebels. They do seem to be unprepared for things. I never really thought I could die out there in the frozen wilderness. Maybe they don't care about their members. I really don't know. I'm afraid I really don't know the leaders of the group. I'm just a lowly fighter pilot…

Umm… I'm unsure how to say this, but did you come looking for me or something? Because the Base I was at got attacked by the Empire. I was still recovering in the hospital area and the medical droid woke me up. Everything was shaking and hunks of ice were falling down. I sort of panicked and ran to my ship. I'm a coward….

I do want to meet you, really I do. But everything was falling apart and well, like I said, I'm a coward. I guess I wouldn't make a very good Jedi, would I? I was thinking that earlier, to be truthful. I don't even know what's required to be a real Jedi or if I have what it takes. What if I'm no good at it? I don't even know how to use this lightsaber really…

So, was that you? Or was it just a coincidence?

Oh, by the way. What did you mean that you could 'sense' I was in danger? I'm afraid I don't understand. We never even met really. I know you mentioned dreams about your mother, but surely that's different? I mean, you knew her so that's understandable that you had a connection there.

There are a few more unpleasant things I feel I must say. Please don't take them the wrong way. I don't mean to offend you. I'm just not sure how to say them. I guess I should just say them…

Are you Darth Vader? My friend, the one I told you about, thinks you are. Your pale skin seems to support that theory. Whether you are or not, your still my father and I want to be with you. I just wish I knew how to help you more. You look very sad in the photo and I wish I could make you happy somehow…

The second thing: the Empire took one of my friends captive. Her name is Princess Leia. If at all possible, I'd like her back. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but she's really important to me. Please don't hurt her? She helped me a while ago when I was all mixed up and confused about writing to an Imperial. She stayed up all night with worry when I was stuck outside with that ice monster, so she's not really as bad as she seems. At times she can be very bossy though. Actually, I wish I could be more like her. She's always calm (except when she argues with my other friend) and knows what to do. Yet her hair seems to stay in place, even during the middle of a firefight. I always feel so clumsy and awkward compared to her sophistication.

She actually held my hand the other day (blushes). Don't tell anyone that, OK?

I suppose you can't just release her. I don't know, maybe you can. I mean, what do I know? But I'd be willing to do an exchange for her. Me for her, I mean.

I was also thinking she'd make a much better Jedi than I would. She's so confident and I'm always second-guessing myself. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Too bad she doesn't have the Force. Or does she? I mean I never knew I had it until Ben told me. Even then it was hard for me to believe. So how do you know if someone has it?

I'm sorry I ran away on Hoth. It just seemed the best thing to do at the time.

So, are you really Darth Vader?

No matter who you are, you're my FATHER and I LOVE you!

Still hoping we can meet soon,

Your Son,

Luke

After rereading his letter, Luke sent it on its way. If all went well, maybe he could save the Princess a second time.

To be continued…


	31. Vader and Leia

Penpals 31: Darth Vader

Darth Vader marched down the long glistening hallway of _Executor_ towards the detention deck, Princess Leia beside him. Although her hands were manacled together, she still acted regally like a member of the Senate. Her chin was held high and not a strand of hair from her elaborate coif was out of place. The more he watched her walk beside him; the more and more he was reminded of Padme. The Princess had that same fiery spirit that just wouldn't quit no matter what. Although Padme's beauty had first attracted him, it was her fire that had kept him captivated like no other. He had been willing to do _anything_ for her, no matter the cost and he had done exactly that. She had been his world and he had lost her. It had been more than he could stand and his fall to the Dark Side had been complete. But these last few days have been brighter, more filled with hope. And now he felt that Padme herself was here, somewhere, invisible just beyond the next turn in the long hall…

/Why can't I stop thinking of her?./

She used to haunt his dreams at night and now she haunted him during the days in this look-alike. Funny how he had never noticed the similarities before…

Still, he mustn't forget that Leia Organa was a Rebel. Although her words in the shuttle had been kind and she had seemed like a caring person, she was still one of the leaders of the Alliance. She would have to answer his questions on Alliance procedure, why his son almost died on that desolate waste called Hoth. And no matter what wild excuses he came up with, it was still sheer foolishness and carelessness to send a boy from a desert world out into the artic wilderness. Yes, he would make her see the light, make her see the error of her ways. Perhaps if he were lucky she might even switch sides. That would be good, as Luke would be with him soon.

/Luke cares about this one./

The stormtroopers that accompanied them clanked loudly but the Sith Lord ignored the noise. Yes, it was clear that for whatever reasons Luke had become close friends with the Princess. If he were to ever truly gain his son's trust, then he'd have to leave Leia Organa alone, unharmed. To do otherwise would be to court disaster. And the last thing he wanted was to loose his son over a woman. His mind went back to the ill-fated Death Star and the rumors he had heard after the _Falcon_ had escaped the docking bay. There had been talk of a dashing young man in white swinging over the deep pit, a beautiful woman in his grasp. He had no doubt that had been his son playing the hero. Not only was his son honest, kind and helpful, he was apparently also attracted to fairy-tale type ideas. The thought of rescuing a real princess had no doubt fueled his brain cells, attracted him to go running off to space.

/But this will work in my favor…/

Yes, Luke will come running to rescue the fair maiden once again. He was sure of it.

/And then I will be with my son at last!./

Anticipation of the meeting burned within him and he could hardly wait. When he had felt Luke's presence on Hoth fade and disappear, it had crushed him. To be so close and to fail, it had been unbearable. The desire to have his son with him burned like his need for air or water. But soon that need would be quenched, he was sure of it. The lift was just up ahead and he watched her enter it, black-and-white armored troopers on both sides. Although she was unarmed, they were taking no chances. She had escaped once before and now she was just too valuable.

/She will be my key to Luke…/

Vader joined them in the lift and he watched the flashes of white light that signaled other decks passing. Soon the doors opened again and he stalked out, gray uniformed officers rising at the sight of him. He ignored their polite greetings and instead marched directly to the plain cell that would be the Princess' new home.

She passed him without a fuss and entered it, her head still held high. Walking to the very back, she turned around and faced him. "Look, you don't have to do this. Can't you see it's wrong what Palpatine is doing?"

Vader entered the cell and dismissed the guards with a wave of his hand. He wanted to be alone with the Princess. Knowing her, she'd bring up more sordid details from his past and the last thing he wanted was for stormtroopers to know he used to be a slave. Besides, with the Force on his side he could easily handle her on his own. It wasn't like she was a threat. Still, he didn't want the entire ship to know his past or that he was exchanging personal letters with a Rebel, especially if that Rebel was his son. That could be bothersome to explain, especially if word got back to his Master. Holding himself perfectly straight, he answered her in his mechanical voice. "Palpatine, whether you like it or not, is the rightful government. Do you deny the acts of terrorism you have committed?"

"Acts of terrorism? Are you blind?" Leia cried, a look of pure anguish on her face. "Your so called government is wrongfully enslaving alien races just because they're not human! Surely you can't think it's correct to do that?"

"Do you think it any more correct to send a desert-born boy into the artic tundra?" Vader demanded to know as he stepped closer. His tall figure hulked over her menacingly, her head reaching only to his shoulder. Although he knew he couldn't harm her, that did mean he couldn't use other tactics. He knew the Princess was slightly scared of him, her fear filling the room like a sour smell for those with the ability to sniff it out. Her brown eyes widened but she stubbornly held her ground, refusing to back away from him. She had guts indeed and he admired it. "I do not appreciate that my son almost died because of poor planning on the part of the Alliance. Do not think I will treat such an act lightly. As of now, he is the most important thing in my life and I will have him at my side."

"Luke is more important to me than you can ever know!" Leia shot back at him, her eyes narrowed and her hands tightened into fists. "If you wouldn't be chasing us across the entire galaxy, we wouldn't have to hide on horrible worlds like Hoth!"

"And if you wouldn't be doing illegal activities…" Vader replied smoothly, unaffected by her anger.

"Look, we do the best we can!" Leia replied as she tried to rake in her anger. Insulting Vader or getting into a fight with him now wasn't the best thing to do. In fact, it would hurt her cause further. But if she could maybe influence him somehow, get him to see things from her point of view; he could be a huge help to the Rebellion. She knew Luke certainly had gained his ear. Could she do the same? "Luke wasn't out there alone. For one, he volunteered to ride patrol. He's an adult and can make his own choices. We supplied him with cold weather gear and he even had a special tent on his tauntaun. If for whatever reason he couldn't return to base, he could have set the tent up and spent the night within it. How could we have known that a dangerous ice creature was living out there? There's no local food for it to feed on, so the existence of a predator was unexpected."

The Sith Lord's breath was loud in the small cell. He had been unaware that the Rebels had given Luke a tent. Still, that didn't make up for the lack of survival training the boy should have received. He still could have died out there. "That is not an excuse for the lack of proper training. One does not go into that sort of situation unprepared and not knowing the basics of survival under those conditions."

Leia sighed loudly. It was clear to her Anakin was still upset about the near lost of his son. From the letters she knew he was emotional and could swing quickly in either direction. Nor could she allow bad memories or his hulking figure intimidate her, as he was trying to do. Pushing her uneasiness away, she reached out and gently placed a hand on his armor-clad arm. "I know you're upset about Luke almost dying. I was, too! No one knew those things were out there. As far as we knew, nothing lived out there at all. But Luke was victorious! He not only managed to pull his lightsaber from the ice using that magical power he possesses, but he cut the arm off that thing! It's probably dead by now…"

"Luke did that?" Vader asked, surprise in his voice.

/My son is developing his powers!./

Pride swelled through him and a weak smile broke out from underneath his mask. His son was slowly learning to harness his powers, even without instruction from anyone. It was the most glorious news he had heard in a long time.

"Yes, he did." Leia's feelings eased and she grew slightly more relaxed. Apparently the Sith Lord enjoyed hearing about his son and at the moment, she was his only source of information. His black, angled visage wasn't as scary as it had been a moment before and she begun to see a bit of what Luke saw in this powerful man. "I don't really understand it, but from what Luke told me, his lightsaber was stuck in some ice. It was out of his reach. So he just … reached out mentally, I guess. Then it was in his hand. I'm sure you understand it better than I do."

"Impressive." Vader replied. "Luke has had no real training to do such a feat…."

/Yes, Luke will be a most powerful Jedi…./

"I stayed up all night when he was out there. I wanted to keep the doors open but the others wouldn't hear of it. Han went out and got him…" Leia said, her face sad as she remembered that horrible night. "It was the longest night of my life…"

"I did not sleep well either that night." Vader admitted. She had just confirmed what he had expected all along, that his son's other friend was the smuggler, Han Solo. Then his mind drifted back to the recent attack of Hoth and he grew worried. What if his rash actions had alienated his son forever? "I … do you think I have scared Luke off? I just wanted to rescue him, not cause him to flee!"

Leia couldn't help but hide a smile. The two men were so similar, both second guessing their actions and worrying about stuff. Also, both tended to run off and do things without thinking first! It was uncanny how alike the two really were. Her hand still on his arm, she patted his armor. "Oh, I think Luke will be back."

"Are you sure?" He asked, uncertainty in his voice.

The smile broke out. "Yes, I'm sure! In fact, I bet he already wrote you a letter…."

/A letter! Poodoo! I forgot to check my mail!./

Without another word, Vader rushed out of the cell and strode to the lift as fast as possible. He needed to go check his mail!

To be continued…

Sorry so short! I'll update really soon!


	32. Vader Writes a Letter

Penpals 32

Darth Vader reached his quarters in record time, having used short cuts that only he knew, the countless hours he spent patrolling every inch of the ship coming in handy. Droids and startled crew were forced to leap out of his way less they be knocked down. Not that he was running, no. Sith Lords did not run. It was unseeingly for someone of his rank and station to be seen running down the corridor like a common ruffian. So he had strode in his usual ground-eating march, his legs moving swiftly. Upon reaching his quarters he hurried in and went immediately to his computer, the image of a letter burning in his mind. He hoped that Princess Leia was correct in her assessment of the situation, that he hadn't scared the boy off with his rash actions. If he had…

/I don't want to think about that…/

No, the idea of loosing Luke before he had properly met him, that was too terrible to even contemplate. Reaching out with a black-gloved hand, Vader switched the computer on. He tapped his boot impatiently on the floor as the machine went through its warm up cycle. The cycle was taking longer than usual for some odd reason and anxiety started to grow in him. His foot tapped the hard metal deck faster and his hands clenched into fists.

/What is taking it so long? Drat stupid thing!./

Didn't the computer know how important this was, that he might have lost his son forever and he just had to know? His breathing grew faster and more raged, his heart rate soaring. Leaning forward, he peered at the monitor closely to see if it had finished yet. To his dismay, he realized the thing had stopped running! In fact, the computer had frozen up on him!

/Noooooo!./

Anger rapidly built within him like a volcano ready to blow its top and crew all over the ship glanced around uneasily, although they had no idea why. The Dark Side reigned and he felt like smashing the stubborn computer into a pile of broken bits. His hand tightened into a fist and he raised it high overhead, his vision turning completely red. His whole body, even the mechanical droid parts, felt as hot as a supernova as anger bubbled through his veins, his muscles quivering with his uncontrolled rage. Inside the mask, his nostrils flared wildly, like an animal. Just before he brought his fist swinging down on top of the monitor, a new thought popped into his head and he stalled his hand, pausing in consideration.

/But if I smash it, I'll never be able to get online!./

Breathing loudly, the Sith Lord got down on his hands and knees, his long cape trailing on the floor. With great difficulty due to the helmet and mask, he crawled under the table his computer sat on and yanked the plug out of the wall. Waiting a moment, he stuck it back in and backed up. Climbing to his feet, he wasted no time pushing the button to turn the machine on again. Just because he hadn't done maintenance on for a while it had crashed on him! This had happened to him a few times before when he had let things slide due to more pressing invents, but never at such an important moment. Luckily, his computer was designed to start back up in its original mode. As he hadn't been writing any report, no information would be lost from pulling the plug. Still, one would think that this day and age people would have the know-how to build a computer that didn't act this way!

The Sith Lord sighed loudly, the rush of hot air bouncing off the inside of his mask and rushing across the skin of his face. It was his bad luck again, the Curse of the Chosen One! Would it never go away? Things always failed him at the wrong moment or he arrived a few minutes too late. Glancing at the monitor, he sighed again when he saw the green line slowly moving across the screen, indicating that the system was checking the computer for errors.

/That will take forever!./

Vader began to pace his quarters, his long cloak trailing out behind him. His path followed the contour of the room and every time he passed the computer he glanced at it hopefully, his heart sinking when it wasn't ready yet. After what must have been dozens of laps around the room, the machine was finally ready and he called up the appropriate program. Within seconds he was on the Galaticweb checking his email. He rapidly scanned down the list checking for one particular email address and when he saw it, his heart leaped for joy.

/YES!./

His son had sent him another letter! Without the slightest hesitation, Vader clicked it open and started to read eagerly, his eyes scanning the long lines of text. Tears came to his eyes when he saw how sorrowful Luke had been about his suffering about the photograph. Blinking rapidly in a vain effort to push them back, his vision blurred. He still couldn't believe how caring Luke was, how innocent, helpful and kind. How did he ever end up with such a loving child when he himself was so bad? All the little things touched Luke's heart and his feelings were expressed so clearly in his letters. It was just so enduring and touching, to know the boy cared so much about him. Why had he worried so much about his appearance, that his scarred visage would bother the boy? The letter made it very clear it hadn't.

/I should have known such things wouldn't be important to Luke…/

Luke simply wanted his father and nothing else mattered to him; not even the fact that he was an Imperial. The boy wanted to help people and do good in the galaxy.

/Just like I did all those years ago…/

Leaning back in the chair he sat in before the computer, Vader remembered the long forgotten dream he once had. He had wanted to run off to be a Jedi, to free all the slaves and to visit every star in the galaxy. Well, he had accomplished two of those dreams. Being a Sith Lord and working for the Empire had brought him to hundreds of worlds if not thousands. Perhaps it wasn't every single one but it was as close as anyone ever got. And he had been a Jedi. That only left freeing the slaves…

But in many ways he himself was still a slave and in fact he had never stopped being one. If it wasn't to Watto then it was to the Jedi Order or to the Empire. He had called people Master his entire life. And now he was a slave to his own badly ruined body, being forced to wear this dreaded suit of armor. Reaching up, he carefully removed the mask and helmet so he could wipe his eyes dry. Once his vision was clear again, he leaned forward once more and continued to read. A bout of fatherly pride and satisfaction swept through him when he saw Luke had admitted that he might be right about the Rebels. A smile swept across his face, the unaccustomed expression painfully stretching the scars on his face. This he ignored, as it was of no importance. He'd gladly suffer more pain for his newfound son. His eyes reached the third paragraph and he paused.

/So Luke has asked me about the attack on Hoth…/

The boy suspected that he was behind it or involved, anyway. How should he answer such a question? Doubt chewed at his mind and the smile soon changed into a frown. His heart pounded quickly within his repaired ribcage and Vader was undecided on how he should reply. He could tell him the truth that he had tried to rescue him from the Rebels…

/But one does not generally stage a rescue that involves shooting with ATATs…./

That fact alone may prove a tad difficult to explain, even if it were the truth. Would Luke believe him? Or would the boy grow more distant because of the attack? He had been so sure that he would manage to catch his son that he never planned ahead. He was growing sloppy and there was no excuse for it at all. His carelessness may very well alienate the boy for good. Rereading the paragraph, Vader noted Luke's tone of voice didn't sound angry and he sighed with relief. In fact, the boy seemed very unsure of himself as if he was almost scared to ask the question.

/This must be more awkward for Luke than I thought…/

According to what Leia had told him, writing to an Imperial was taking its toll on Luke. This was something that Vader could understand all too well. He too had been in such a situation long ago and it had torn him apart in the end. It was how he had ended up on the Dark Side. Everyone had wanted different things from him and he had grown confused, being pulled in too many directions at once. Palpatine had asked things of him, so had the Jedi and then Padme…

/I must make sure Luke does not suffer like I had…./

It was clear he needed to get the boy and quickly, before the duel nature of his unusual predicament tore him apart. One couldn't be on both sides at once. Either you were loyal to the Empire or you were a Rebel. There was no middle ground. It was as simple as that. Thinking about the attack on Hoth, Vader quickly decided that the truth was the best policy. He had gone there to rescue the boy and he didn't want to start lying to him now. That would be extremely foolish. He wanted Luke to trust him and how could you trust someone that lies? The simple fact is you can't.

/And if Luke ever catches me in a lie then I'll loose him for sure…/

So the truth it would be.

That decided, Vader moved on to the next paragraph but then paused; his eyes on the last sentence of the third paragraph.

/Why does Luke think he is a coward?./

That was another subject he'd have to deal with apparently. Running was an ingrained survival instinct and nothing to be ashamed of. Didn't he know that? And if the building was collapsing as he had claimed then fleering was the only practical choice. Even with a lightsaber you can't fight a building falling on your head. If you were foolish enough to stay, well, you risked being crushed to death. Even the Force could do only so much in such a situation and with Luke being untrained…

/This is the Lars' fault!./

Luke's real problem was a severe lack of confidence. No doubt his Uncle had browbeat him so many times that he was unsure of himself and questioned everything he did. And by the letter, he was also afraid to ask questions; worried he may write the wrong thing or upset someone. It was good to think of others, yes, but when it went too far it could cripple you as well. Vader had never suffered this problem but that didn't mean he didn't understand it. Scanning downward, his jaw literally dropped open.

/Luke thinks he won't be a good Jedi?./

The idea was shocking and Vader just starred at the monitor in a slightly dazed state.

/How can this be? He's the son of the Chosen One!./

Then the answer materialized in his mind and he ground his teeth together, his hand forming a fist. This was Luke's lack of self-confidence again showing itself! His teeth ground together fiercely and he slammed his fist onto the table, the keyboard bouncing wildly.

/That drat Owen! If he weren't dead I'd kill him myself!./

It was painfully obvious that Owen had bossed Luke around so much that now the boy lacked all initiative and his opinion of himself was at an all time low, even with all the achievements he had done recently. His comrades called him a hero and he dismissed it. He fought a snow beast and won, chopping its arm off according to Princess Leia. He was one of the best fighter pilots in the galaxy and he described himself as just a 'lowly fighter pilot'. And now he even doubted he had the skill to become a Jedi!

/What a problem this is…./

The Sith Lord massaged his temples, which were starting to ache something awful. How could he convince the boy that he would be a great and powerful Jedi? And would he even believe the words or just think he was saying it because he was his father? Perhaps he just didn't want to deal with the deaths he would have to face? Command wasn't for everyone but then he wasn't asking Luke to command a Star Destroyer but to be a Jedi. Death was something he'd run into no matter where he went. It was one of the constants in the galaxy and it visited everyone. Even stars themselves died. Nothing-escaped death. Of course, this was a problem best dealt with in person and Vader hoped once he stared to train Luke that his self-confidence would emerge. A lot of Luke's problems were also caused by a lack of knowledge of the Force, as the very next paragraph showed.

Reading further, an icy cold shot through his body as his eyes fell on a few words.

/A few more unpleasant things, what does he mean by that?./

Quickly reading on, Vader broke out into a laugh when he learned the truth of Luke's 'unpleasant' questions.

/So you were worried to ask me if I'm Darth Vader, were you?./

A chuckle escaped his mouth, the sound strange to his ears from so many years of not laughing. It was almost like his body had forgotten how to make the sound and it came out grated and rough. Relief swept through him and in truth he was immensely glad that Luke had somehow worked up enough guts to ask that question. It freed him the trouble of trying to figure out how to tell the boy the awful truth.

/So, Solo has proven his worthiness to me once again…/

It was clear that the smuggler was the one who had figured it out. Left to his own devices, he could write Luke letters for years and the boy would never even dream of the truth. The young man was far too naïve for his own good, yet Vader couldn't help but love him for it as well. It was his innocence that made him so endearing and why so many others risked their own neck for him, Solo and the Princess included.

/I will just tell him the truth, that I am Vader…/

Would the answer shock Luke? The Sith Lord had no idea.

/I just hope it won't scare him away…/

Reading further, he got to the paragraph about the Princess. It came as no surprise that Luke wanted his friend back. That had been his plan all along and he had hoped that it would work. A smug feeling of satisfaction flowed through him when he read that Luke would be willing to do an exchange. He had hoped for something along these lines and here it was staring him in the face. Then he continued to read, his eyes halting, backing up and rereading again.

/He blushes at holding hands with a girl…./

Vader sighed and shook his head sadly. Luke was turning out to be a hopeless case, like a droid that needed a complete overhaul. In retrospect, he supposed he shouldn't be surprised, not really. Girls went with self-confidence and with Luke's lack of it he was sure to be girlfriend-less.

/And I suppose the Lars' farm wasn't exactly the best place to meet a girl…/

No, Luke just was like a young teenager with zero experience blushing at the slightest thing. Knowing the boy, he probably thought the handholding had been very scandalous. But the fact that he admitted it in the letter showed his trust and this pleased the Sith Lord. Pleasant warmth flowed through him and he closed his eyes for a moment, basking in it. Only Luke's letters could make him feel this way and he exalted in the rare warm feeling.

/Of course, by the time I was Luke's age I was married already../

Had he told Luke that? Not that it was really important. The age he married at was immaterial really. They were two different people advancing at different rates. The important thing now was to boost the boy's feeling of worth and he vowed to do that the best he could. Everyone should feel good about himself or herself no matter who they were and Luke was a good, honest person so he deserved it the most.

Reading on, Vader's jaw dropped open once again. The ideas that came out of Luke's head was amazing and he was forced to reread the statement three times to make sure he had read it right.

/Leia a Jedi, how absurd!./

It was one of the wildest things he had ever heard in his entire life! No, it wasn't because she was a woman as the Jedi Order had plenty of female Jedi. It was her status as a Rebel. Was Luke serious? Of course he was serious. He just didn't know how outrageous it sounded is all. He saw the Princess as his best friend and he admired her regal upbringing. She was everything he was not or so he thought. The letter made it very clear why he admired her and Vader supposed that it was just natural that he would think she would make an excellent Jedi.

/As if I were to train one of the most troublesome Alliance members as a Jedi!./

Vader rolled his eyes and was about to mark it off as one of Luke's harebrained ideas but for some unknown reason the thought refused to leave him alone. The thing is, he could picture her easily with a lightsaber and he had no clear idea why. He certainly didn't _want_ her with a lightsaber! She was enough trouble the way it was, wasn't she?

/But she was nice to me earlier…./

The Princess had turned out to be far different than he had always thought her to be. Before she had been a constant pain in his side but now, now she was more of a friend. She had held his hand and had shown him compassion; even though he had held her while her home world of Alderaan had been blown to bits. That couldn't have been easy for her. She had hated him before with an all-consuming passion very similar to the Dark Side that ruled him but she had released it somehow. Why? The Sith Lord considered that for a moment and came upon a simple answer.

/She grew to know me through the letters I had written to Luke…/

Nor had her feelings been an act. The Princess had meant what she had said. So perhaps they were no longer enemies anymore? Vader certainly knew he couldn't harm her or Luke would never forgive him. But if the Princess wasn't his enemy, than what exactly were they? They weren't exactly friends…

/This is troubling…../

Shaking his head to rid his mind of the troubling thought, he massaged at his forehead again. With all the trouble he had with Luke, he didn't need more on his plate.

/She is your prisoner and nothing more!./

Firming his mouth into a grim line, Vader leaned back in his chair and stared at the screen.

/But she looks so much like Padme…./

Vader growled in frustration and leaped out of his chair. His mind refused to leave him alone and kept thinking up thoughts he didn't want to hear. So what if she looked like Padme? His beloved was dead long ago and nothing would change that! He would do anything to have her back but it just wasn't possible! Dead was dead for all time and he would have to accept that. He didn't understand why her ghost has been haunting him recently. She had never haunted him before. Stopping in the middle of the room, he sighed and released the built up tension. He felt it drain out of him and he allowed his shoulders to slump in defeat. Tilting his head backward, he gazed up at the plain ceiling. "What do you want? Why are you haunting me like this? Are you even here or am I driving myself crazy?"

He felt incredibly stupid talking to an empty room and he was incredibly glad no one knew what he was doing. If they did, they would haul him away for being a loony. A weak smile crept across his lips, the edges turning upward ever so slightly. He knew he could always claim it was Sith business and no one would be the wiser. The common crew knew nothing of the Force and that lack of knowledge could allow him to get away with lots.

/That and they're terrified I'd kill them…/

Could it be that Luke was right? Did the Princess have the Force? The test was simple enough and would only take minutes to do. He wouldn't even have to tell her what he was searching for but say it was a routine medical exam. And if she did have the Force, then what would he do?

/I will deal with that when and if it proves to be true…./

Feeling better, Vader returned to his chair in front of the computer and seated himself. He had reached the end of his son's letter, his heart soaring at the warm loving words that ended the letter.

/How could I have ever doubted that he loved me?./

Sometimes it amazed the Sith Lord how incredibly stupid he could really be. Flexing his droid fingers, he prepared to write a reply.

Dear Luke,

I'm very happy to hear from you again and to know that you are well. I have something awful to admit to you and I hope you will not take it the wrong way. I realize that the chances of you doing that are very high. You see, that was me that attacked your Rebel Base on Hoth. I am ashamed to admit that I panicked when I didn't hear from you and sensed you were in danger. I didn't know what I should do. I was torn between doing nothing and hoped that you were all right or going out and searching. I choose the later. My main goal was to find you and rescue you from whatever danger you were in.

But I failed miserably at that.

Still, I'm thrilled that you're safe and well.

You are NOT a coward for running, Luke. Never think that. Every living species has an instinct for danger. It is more commonly called the Fight or Flight instinct. Since the building was collapsing, you choose flight. You cannot fight a falling building and win, Luke. That would just be stupid. Your lightsaber would not really help you in such a situation. And although I'm disappointed we did not meet on Hoth, I'm pleased you are well and look forward to our upcoming meeting.

Where do you wish to meet?

Do not be hesitant to ask me anything, Luke. I appreciate you are concerned with hurting my feelings but be assured that will not happen. Yes, I'm Darth Vader. Does that shock you? Actually, I'm pleased your friend Solo figured it out as I was worrying on how I would tell you this. The last thing I want to do is scare you away. I know my reputation can be a bit intimidating, but don't let that stop you. I very much want to be your Father and have a relationship with you. But I can't do that if my image frightens you. I am extremely skilled in the Force and I'd be pleased to teach you. But perhaps you wouldn't want a Sith as your teacher…

I have your friend, the Princess. Be assured she is safe and unharmed. We had a very interesting little chat a while ago and she told me how you defeated the snow creature. I'm very impressed! You managed to pull your lightsaber free of the ice without being taught how to do it. That's a big achievement, Luke. You will be a great Jedi someday! Do not let your Uncle's words tell you otherwise. I know it must be difficult to see yourself as someone important after being just a moisture farmer for so long, but you ARE important. You are my SON. And you WILL be a Jedi.

I am surprised at the amount of compassion your friend Leia has shown me. Perhaps she is not as bad as I thought her to be. I am finding I must reevaluate her. And yes, I will test her for the Force. As of late she has been reminding me of my late wife, Padme, and I don't know why. She does look somewhat like her with the hairdo but I never noticed it before…

One can be tested for the Force with a simple blood test. Just a bit of blood is needed and the answer is available within moments. I will, of course, let you know the results of the test. I must admit without you asking me if she had the Force I wouldn't have thought of testing her. Perhaps I will have two apprentices to train… an unheard of thing in the old Jedi Order.

You do not need to be scared of girls, Luke. They can twist us in a knot, yes, but more often then not they will be happy to go out with you. It was a nerve-wracking experience for me to work up the courage to kiss your mother for the first time, believe me! I was half afraid that she'd sock me in the face or something! But she didn't. The only thing that really held her back was that rule the Jedi had. She didn't want to encourage me to break it, but it was far too late for that. I was already head over heals in love with her. And even if a girl does tell you no, its not the end of the world. There are plenty more girls out there and you will find one that's right for you. Yes, it may take time bit I'm confident you'll find her someday.

You asked how I could sense you were in danger. Well, Jedi can stretch their feelings outward and feel things. They can also form bonds with people. And since I care so much for you, is it really a surprise I can sense when you're in danger? Once you begin your training you'll understand this much better. I know it must be hard to understand as you grew up with no knowledge of the Force.

Once again I'm very sorry for my rash actions on Hoth. I never meant to scare you or hurt you. I just wanted to save you. I know it must sound incredibly stupid: trying to save you by attacking the building you were in, but it's true. I guess I just didn't think it through enough. Like you, I panicked and acted rashly. I'm just grateful you weren't killed or seriously harmed by my impulsive actions.

Oh, and tell your friend Solo that I'm eternally grateful for him saving you from freezing to death and he has earned a place in the Empire should he ever wish it. All his past indiscretions shall be erased from his record.

Looking forward to our meeting!

Love,

Anakin

Satisfied with the letter, Vader pressed the button and sent it on it way.

To be continued…


End file.
